Darkness all around me, alone in this darkness, no I am not alone, he is here, lurking in the deepest recess of my broken soul. Ice cold hands tracing my body, his warm breath in my ear. Never a word he speaks, but he is always there, I can always feel him. He frightens me, and soothes me, he is my creator and my destroyer.
They tell me its been almost a year, almost a year since my brothers and I did as his whispers told us, find mother, we sought, and failed, and now I am the only one left. They tell my brother's body protected me, covered and shielded me from the brunt of the blast. He always wanted to be the hero, to protect someone, to prove he wasn't a big baby. They also tell me my other brother was killed, he communed with mother and was struck down by the great hero. And so I am alone, alone with him in my own darkness. The explosion seared my eyes, and even with their medicine and magic I still cannot see, green eyes covered in a milky white haze. But what does it matter to me? I have no reason to see, no reason to live, but they won't let me die. The bastards who tried to kill me now want me to live? What sort of sick twisted joke is that? And they say I'm the one disturbed.
They tell me to sleep now, that it is night, they pierce my arm with a sharp needle as they do every night, they want me to sleep better they say, but I know they fear me still, think that I too could become Him. When I try to sleep I feel him closer to me, he touches my skin, tracing along the lines of my body like an artist to a sculpture. Then soft caresses become violent, he strikes at me, but I am powerless to stop him. He is angry, angry for my failure, how imperfect his creation is. This is my life now, darkness and the cold reminder of how I failed the only task I had been created for.
They tell me sometimes that I trash in my sleep, that I must have terrible nightmares. They could never understand, and I can't tell them that He is within me, just below the surface. I'm forced to live a life I have no will to live, trapped in a prison, for my own good they say, no its for their safety, I know what they think. I can hear them talk just outside my room, bickering, arguing about what to do with me. Kill me, I want to say, end this nightmare so maybe I can find peace with my brothers. I can almost hear Him chuckle at that thought, he would never let me end it, I have tried and He forces me to live on, if only for his own sick pleasure, reminding me how useless I am.
My nightmare will never end, it will always be the same, the darkness and Him...