A/N: I'm laughing out loud as I write this A/N, because once again a humorous conversation on twitter has led me to the inspiration for a story. Actually, I was jokingly teasing GloryMorgan on twitter about a package she got, and my mind ran away with itself. That's what happens when I tweet before I have coffee. LOL

Should I really give you any clues about this? I'm not sure I should, because I think it'll become apparent in the first few paragraphs. It'll be interesting, though, I can tell you that, and there will be some of you who will no doubt be compelled to feed your cigarette addictions (or even take up the habit).

Humour, sex, drama, and all of that good stuff. Maybe a bit of angst along the way, too... Who knows.

Alright then, on with the show...

Disclaimer: I do not own skins. But I'd buy it lunch if it wanted me to. Any and all typos are a complete lie, I swear, just like the cake.

(Naomi POV)

"Campbell!" I heard my boss call from behind me as I walked down the hallway. I cringed as I turned around to face him.

"Yes?" I asked. Thank Christ I was wearing a bathrobe, lecherous fucker never missed a chance to leer at my tits. Don't get me wrong. They're nice perky tits, and I'm proud of them, but I definitely don't swing that way, and he knows it, but still...he never misses a chance for a perv. Fucker.

"The testing schedule is halted for today. Sophia quit."

"What? When?" I asked shocked. I'd just had drinks with her last night, and ok, we went back to mine and shagged each other stupid, again, but she never mentioned anything. Hmm...perhaps it was because we didn't really do that much in the way of talking, and she spent the evening mostly with her face between my legs?

"This morning. Apparently she got a job in Paris. She emailed her notice in, effective immediately." He said.

"Christ!" I muttered. "So what happens in the meantime?"

"We are interviewing for her replacement now. We should be done by this afternoon. Until then, I believe you still have some appraisals to write?"

I groaned and rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I suppose I do." I said. "Alright, I'll be in my office, then. Whenever you find someone, just send her to me so I can at least meet her before I have to bloody work with her, yeah?"

"Of course. Your appraisals are due by five." He said, as he turned and left.

Fucking typical.

Well, if you hadn't guessed it from what my boss said, my last name is Campbell, and my first name, unfortunately, is Naomi. Spare me the jokes about shoes and telephones, I've heard more than a dozen, all of them unfunny. Sophia was one of the best people I've worked with, at least in my line of work, which, let's face it, isn't for everybody.

Oh, I guess I should explain my job, no?

Alright then, you asked for it. I work as a senior product tester for Thrust Industries. Sounds pretty normal, no? It would be, except for the fact that Thrust Industries is the number one sex toy manufacturer for the lesbian market in the UK. And by product tester... Well, I suppose you can fill in the blanks on that one for yourself. It's a dirty job, but someone has got to do it. Pun intended. How does one become product tester for a sex toy company, I hear you asking? Well, it goes like this... You're hanging out with your best friend one day, sharing a couple of spliffs and a bottle of vodka between you, moaning about how you're unemployed and you don't know what your next step is. Your best friend has a copy of a lesbian themed edition of Hustler open on her lap and is reading through the classified ads.

"Honestly, Eff, I dunno why you read that shit."

"I like the articles." She replied.

"It's porn, how can it have readable articles in it?" I scoffed. "It's all tits and bush, for fuck's sake. Not even that, it's porn aimed at males, so naturally all the girls in it are as bare as the day they forced themselves out of their mothers' twats."

"Charming. I'm reading the classifieds, anyway. They've got job ads in here." She deadpanned, perusing the page that was open in front of her.

"Seriously, Eff? Job ads from a porno? Jesus." I muttered.

"Naoms, you haven't worked in three months. Do you really want to have to move back to Gina's?"

"God no. I love her, but she drives me mental." I replied.

"Exactly. What's the worst thing that could happen?"

"Erm... I could end up as somebody's gimp in some creepy hardcore bondage porno?"

Effy smirked. "And a sexy gimp you would make, too." She said.

"OI!" I laughed, nudging her, as I took another swig of vodka.

"Here, look... There's an ad for a product tester. Good conditions, regular work, decent pay and benefits."

I looked at the ad as she held it out to me. "It doesn't say what sort of products, though."

"Really... What's the worst it could be? C'mon, Naoms, what have you got to lose?"

I rolled my eyes. "Besides my dignity?"

Effy reached for her phone and dialled the number from the ad. "Oh, good afternoon... I'm enquiring about the ad in Hustler." She said, as I watched her in disbelief. "Mmhmm. Uh huh... I see. Sure, I can come in for an interview, name your time." My jaw dropped as I realised she was actually serious. "Tomorrow at two would be perfect. My name? Naomi Campbell."

"EFF!" I exclaimed. Effy waved me off as another smirk crossed her lips.

"And the address?" She asked, reaching for a pen. She scribbled down the address on the corner of the magazine page. "Alright, see you then." She said, ending the call in her phone. "Naomi, trust me. You want this job." She said, that ever annoying smirk of her firmly in place. She stood up and shook her hair out. "I have to go."

"Wha...aren't you even going to tell me what sort of products they test?"

She grinned. "Nope." She said, as she walked to the door. "2pm tomorrow. That address. Let me know how it went." She said, as she opened the door and floated out, closing it behind her.

"Bitch!" I yelled, to no avail.

The next day, I ended up in front of a large building, with "TI" in large golden letters above the door. I went inside, and was greeted at the front office by a perky looking blonde girl.

"Hiya! Welcome to Thrust Industries! I'm Panda, how can I help you?"

"Uh..." I said, stepping up to the desk. Thrust Industries? What the actual fuck? I cleared my throat and found my voice. "I'm here for an interview at 2pm."

"Whizzer! Can I ask your name?" She asked, cheerily. Was she on MDMA, or what?

"Naomi Campbell."

She stared at me. "Flippin' 'eck, you don't look much like her!"

"Yeah yeah, that's because I'm not THE Naomi Campbell. I'm just unlucky enough to have the same name as her."

"Super! Well, I'll let Mr Dover know you are here. Take a seat, I'm sure he won't be long."

I took a seat on one of the plush couches that lined the wall, spotting the magazines on the coffee table. Hustler. Playboy. Sex Toy Monthly? What had Effy got me into?

"Miss Campbell?" The voice startled me, and I stood up, faced with a tallish, grey haired man who looked to be in his fifties. He held out his hand, which I took and shook, out of politeness. "Ben Dover, I'll be conducting your interview. Come on through." He said, ushering me to the door. Was he kidding with that name? Poor bastard. He led me to an office, and took a seat behind a large black desk. Overcompensating for something, perhaps?

"So, I trust you know about the position?" He asked, ruffling through some papers.

"Erm... Not exactly. A friend sort of dobbed me in for it. I believe it's product testing of some kind?" I said.

He looked up at me and smiled. "That's correct, but the products we test are... Well... A little bit different than your average household items, I guess. But still our customers demand satisfaction, and by testing our products, we make sure that they will... Perform to expectations."

"I see. Can I ask what products you actually test?" I asked.

"Sex toys." He said, matter-of-factly.

My eyes went wide. "Sorry, I'm not sure I heard you right... I could have sworn you said sex toys."

"I did." He nodded. "Specifically, sex toys with a female market in mind."

"Oh." I said, stunned.

"Allow me to explain the position. We here at Thrust Industries pride ourselves on quality. As such, we require competent product testers to test and grade our products to gauge how...satisfying they are. There's only so much we can tell from the usual run-of-the-mill product testing. We go one step further and test for the pleasurable aspect of it as well. Granted it's not a position for everyone, if you will excuse the pun, but I'll tell you now, if you do take the position, you will be well rewarded."

"I bet." I muttered.

He smiled at me. "Like I said, excuse the puns. We will teach you the criteria involved in our testing and appraisals. In terms of pay, it's £60 an hour, plus benefits. Four weeks holiday every year, plus sick pay. You also get a free product of your own choosing when we release our new lines every January."

My eyes went wide. "£60 per hour?"

"Correct." He replied. "Will you take the job?"

I mulled it over for a moment. "Before I say yes... Would I be allowed to see how exactly the testing is done?"

"Of course." He said, with a smile. "I wouldn't expect you to take the position without first seeing what you'll be in for." He stood up. "If you'll follow me..."

By the time I'd left an hour later, Mr Dover had explained exactly what they do, in great, graphic detail. And by graphic, I mean like a museum exhibit that doubled as a brightly lit live sex show. It was a bit uncomfortable to begin with, but by the end of the tour (and what a tour!), I was sold. Mostly by the fact that he assured me I didn't have to work with men, which was a relief. I might have dabbled in cock once or twice as a teenager, but, however fumble-worthy those adventures had been, I was clearly a muff muncher, not a cock cruncher.

"So?" Mr Dover asked, as he led me out of the testing area. "Is this a position you could be interested in?"

I didn't really have a choice. Rent was due, and mum, for all her love of me, was getting fed up with me borrowing cash from her, and I had no desire to move back into Casa de Campbell.

"Yes." I said, finally. I really hoped I wouldn't regret it.

"Excellent. You start Monday. The first day will mostly be paperwork and introductions, but after that, we will get you sorted with the training." He said, beaming.

That was two years ago. Admittedly I was naïve when I started here, but I quickly learned that it was just like any other job. It could have been worse... It could very well have been something as cheap as porn, or god forbid prostitution, but we actually served a proper purpose. Have you ever had a sex toy that made you come better than your own fingers? It's thanks to people like me that things like that are possible. I was nervous at first, but after the first couple of weeks, I got less self conscious about being naked most of the time at work, quickly learning to separate the difference between my job and my personal life of casual sex with randoms. After all, I didn't feel right having a partner with the job I had, somehow.

It was well after four by the time I got done with my appraisals. I'd just finished one on a rather fantastic strap-on that was very pleasurable on both ends, thank you very much, when a knock came on my door.

"Come in!" I called, clicking save on my document. The door opened, and I looked up to see a petite woman with shoulder length red hair come in. The colour of her hair was not the usual gingery red you see, but a deep cherry colour, definitely not natural, but beautiful all the same. She had brown eyes, a cute as hell nose, as well as the rest of her face. Simply put, she was fucking gorgeous.

"Uh...hi." She said, the husky tone of her voice meeting my ears. Honestly, I think it melted something inside of me, because it made me go all gooey.

I cleared my throat. "Yes?"

She came into the office and the door shut behind her. She eyed me warily, unsure of herself, it seemed. "Uhm...I'm Emily. Mr Dover said I was to come and see you?"

Then it clicked. "Ah. You're Sophia's replacement." I said. She nodded. "Well, Emily... Have a seat." I said, gesturing to the chair on the other side of the desk. "I expect he's told you what we do here?" Again, she nodded. "And you're ok with that?"

"I guess so. I've really got no other choice at the moment." She shrugged. "But I'm not a prude or anything... It's just... A lot to take in." She said, with a shy smile. Why did I find that so bloody cute?

I laughed. "Yeah, it's a bit in your face, isn't it?"

"Just slightly." Emily grinned. "But at least it's an all female testing crew."

I nodded. "Precisely why I took the job."

"How long have you been here? Mr Dover told me you were a senior tester, I can't assume that's a job you just walk into..."

"No, you're right, it's not." I replied. "I've been here two years. And I was just as nervous as you on my first day. Can I make a suggestion?" Emily nodded. "Treat it like any other job, yeah? When you clock out at the end of the day, go home and forget about it as best you can. You'll quickly learn to detach yourself, and it's ok to do that. We provide a public service here, strange as it may be, but it's just another job. You'll get over the novelty of it soon enough."

"How long did it take you?" Emily asked.

I peered at her. "Couple of weeks." I shrugged. "It's also not a job many people will understand, so if you need to talk about anything related to it, let me know and I'll see what I can do." I explained. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

"I don't see why not, we will be working together after all." Emily replied.

I gave her a smile. "True." I said. "Do you have a partner?"

Emily blushed, and it was totally adorable. "Yeah, I do."

"Do they know you are here?"

"No." She shook her head. "She doesn't. She thinks I'm going for an office job."

"I see." I nodded. "She wouldn't...approve?"

"Probably not." She shrugged.

"Jealous type?"

"I guess you could say that."

I smirked. "Alright. Listen, it's nearly five, so I'll see you tomorrow, I suppose. If you can be in my office around nine, we can go through the product schedule for the day."

"Ok. See you tomorrow, then." She said, as she stood up, reaching for my hand. I held mine out and took hers, shaking it firmly, and trying not to think about exactly how soft her hand felt in mine.

"Take care, Emily." I said, leaning back in my chair and watching as she went out the door, closing it behind her. I didn't realise I'd sat there for a few very long minutes, thinking about the conversation I'd just had, when my mobile rang in my desk. Shaking myself out of my thoughts, I opened the drawer and pulled out my phone, answering it. "Hello?"

"Naoms... Work is over, yeah? Come and meet me at the bloody bar already!" Effy said.

"Uh... Right, right... I'm on my way. Be there in ten."

"Maaaagic." She said, and I could hear the smirk in her voice. I ended the call and grabbed my bag and my scarf off the coat hook, looping it around my neck, and leaving the office, heading out of the building and into the late afternoon.

A/N#2: So, that's the end of the first chapter.

Thoughts? Yay? Nay?

Reviews welcome, let me know what you think.

:-D

~GN~ xo