Disclaimer: Don't own the young riders :(
A/N: This story was written for the Different Path Challenge at the Ranch. I hope you enjoy it.
Prologue
Louise McCloud stood before the cracked mirror in her room. She looked at the woman she had become. She was no longer that frightened little girl that Wick's used. She was no longer that little girl masquerading as a boy to protect herself and to get work. She was no longer the Pony Express rider known as Lou. She was no longer a sister to five mismatched brothers, nor the sweetheart of the one known as Kid. She was no longer the fighter she had been when she rode with the boys. She was no longer the respectable… well as respectable as she could be… woman who had married the Kid. She was no longer Louise, the big sister to two young siblings in an orphanage. She was no longer a woman Lou wanted to know. She was no longer herself.
Lou sighed before picking up the announcement of a wagon train that would be leaving the next day. She had read this announcement every day for the past four months. She had prepared for this trip. The only problem, she was alone. They'd never let a single woman on the train. A spark of her old fire flashed in her eyes as she knew what had to be done. She had to get out of this city. There were too many bad memories. There were too many people, too many strange men who just wanted to use her.
Lou turned to her closet and pulled out her old Express trunk. Inside she found all the letters she had from her siblings, a picture that Ike had drawn of them all before he was killed, a pair of fancy gloves that Cody had given her for Christmas that first year, the dress Jimmy had bought her that one time, a couple of books that Noah had given her, a tennis racket from one of Teaspoon's games, lots of letters from Emma, the earrings Rachel had given her to wear at her wedding that seemed like a lifetime ago, and one single dried wildflower pressed between a kerchief that had belonged to Buck. She never did know why he had given that to her, but she had kept it when Kid forced them to leave without saying goodbye. Pushing aside the memories and trinkets, Lou reached into the bottom of her trunk and pulled out a worn pair of long johns, trousers, a button down shirt, vest, and her gun belt. She took the hat that had been lying on top of everything out as well. She moved some things aside to find where her gun was wrapped in cloth.
She stood up and put all those things on her bed before returning to the trunk and closing it. She knew she would probably end up dumping that trunk on the trail to lighten the load but she couldn't leave it where she was, she just couldn't. So she grabbed the end of the trunk and dragged it down the back stairs, thankful that nobody was about to question her. After storing the trunk in the wagon she had purchased, that the livery owner was guarding for her, she returned to her room.
Lou found herself standing in front of her cracked mirror again as she pulled the pins from her hair releasing the abundant chestnut waves. She had half of a thought of wishing her 'brothers' could have seen her like this, like a woman and not just one of the boys. Lou laughed at herself for the thought before grabbing the pair of scissors laying on the vanity. She grabbed a handful of hair and took a deep breath. She could do this, she had done it before. She had to do this. Bringing the scissors to her hair Lou fought to keep her eyes open as she cut her hair off, well more like hacked it off. By the time she was done, her hair was shorter than it had ever been, even when she had first started riding for the Express. Lou had to bite back a sob as she looked at herself.
Turning away from the mirror, Lou walked to her bed and the clothing laid out on it. It had been a long time since she had worn men's clothes, in fact she wasn't even sure they'd still fit, she had a bit more up top than she used to. Frowning slightly, Lou discarded the dress she was wearing, thankful to be out of it. At one time she had worn a dress very similar to it and it had been fun. It had been nice to be recognized as a woman and thought pretty. But the newness had quickly worn off when she had to wear dresses like it all the time. Lou then discarded her undergarments and grabbed the worn pink long johns. After slipping them on she realized she could not button them all the way up. It was as she feared; her chest had gotten too big. And to think at one time she had been envious of Rachel, now she understood why Rachel didn't like hers sometimes.
Lou walked over to her closet again and pulled out a bed sheet. Using the scissors she made herself some bindings. It took a couple of tries before she got the bindings tight enough to hide her curvier figure. Once she had the bindings tight enough she finished buttoning her long johns. Then she put on the shirt and trousers. She slipped the vest on and placed her hat on her head. She looked at her gun belt briefly before picking it up and putting it on her waist. The moment the gun was in the holster, Lou for once in the past ten years felt like herself. She smiled as she looked into the mirror. She could finally recognize her image staring back at her. She tipped her hat to her reflection before she grabbed the bag of money that was hidden under her mattress and stuffed it inside her shirt.
Lou took one last look around the room that had been her home for the past three years. She was leaving almost everything; the only things coming with her were a few of her plain dresses packed away in her wagon already for when she got to Oregon and her Express trunk. Her wagon was loaded with all the food supplies she would need for the journey and everything she would need to start fresh in a new land. Maybe she really could just start all over once she got there. With a determined set to her jaw, Lou marched out of the room and down the back stairs. She was leaving this blasted town.
AN: Thanks to Kristina and Anita for prereading and helping me make this story better, Thanks to Shauna for beta'ing. And Don't worry I have not forgotton about my other story, I'll get back to it as soon as RL slows down a little.