Author's note: I wrote this back when the arrival of a female Wade Wilson is announced. This was my prediction of what I think she'd do to him. This is issue 1 of a 6 part mini. Also I wore in pink type and there are references to fan fictions by a man named str8upevl with Spidey and DP in bed together (not as it sounds) so...yeah...just so you know. I hope you enjoy. :)

2 for 1 Disaster

Our story begins with Deadpool, aka Wade Wilson at a bar in Canada, getting a kick out of luring girls near a kiss, and letting them freak out when they see his face. It stung a little a couple years back, but now it's just plain funny to him. All the while, Deadpool was thinking -

"Hold it! Who is writing this? Oh great, another wanna-be writer! First str8up-lame, now I'm a character for a kid. Look, since you're new I'll warn you once and only once, DON'T WRITE MY LIFE!"

Hey, listen, it's not like following me will get you killed, and at least I won't put you in bed with Spidey, UNLESS YOU MAKE ME MAD!

"Whoa-ho-ho, kid got a temper. Someone's used to being in control! Yeah, you look so tough in your pink type. Not! I don't wanna slice and ice a kid, 'specially not a girl, there's a line there, so just lay back and let me take over. I've got something you don't here and that's experience. Well, and weapons. And a sense of humor. and - "

Fine! I'm out!

"Finally, now where was I..." Oh yeah. All the while I was wondering why these people were staring at me. Was it my looks? Me trying to freak out the lesser ladies? Or was it me talking out loud to a voice they can't hear? Either way I got my can kicked outta there faster than my "writer" gets mood swings. Cruddy place anyways.

So I decide to head out and see if anyone got a job for me. As a mercenary I mean. None of those jobs that tank cuz they expect you to be nice to all the customers, or kick you out because some scars peel off in the food you're serving while you sneak some chimichangas. Their own fault. I told'em I needed to keep my mask on. Before I could get too far, this van that looked like it came straight out of a Men in Black movie smothered me in smoke before I could pull a gun. Soon I'm out cold.

"Bea? That you, honey? Outlaw?"

"No, you imbosile!"

"God? Haven't heard you call me that since I thought Wolverine was there during a Christmas special and I almost blew the church to bits! How've you been?"

"I'm not God, but I'll take that as a compliment for your sake."

I finally got enough sight to see where I am. I'm tied to a table and...Oh God...I'm back at Weapon X! Wait a minute, he's an old dude, really fat, with a yellow eye? Yuck, I don't even wanna know how it got that way! Who is this guy?

He is a new hired scientist for Weapon X.

And you couldn't use any of the other characters because...

I don't read your comics, at least not many of the Weapon X ones. I'm doing the best I can here!

You are really starting to annoy me, know that?

"So, you gettin paid to do this or is it all part of the thrill of meeting me?" Here it comes, lines like that always get brainiacs to spill their guts. Brace for monologging folks!

"You have no idea what trouble you've caused Wilson! Every plan Weapon X has ever had, you've managed to screw up!"

"Oh, and it wasn't easy, let me tell ya - "

"Shut up! We've figured out how to make you behave! You're insane but it was because of something seriously wrong that happened to you. Not gonna ask. But why not have a Wade Wilson that'll think? That'll follow directions! You need to be...cloned."

"Cloned? Oh, that already happened in an arc with Nick Fury and Skrulls. Besides, remember what happened to Spider-Man? I am so not going down that road!

You have no choice!

Oh Brittany95 if you mess this up for me...oh man... so that Dr. Girl Repellant stuck me in a giant oven with lights and -

Cloning chamber!

Whatever! So Dr. Girl Repellant stuck me in a "Cloning Chamber" and all these light scan me. Apparently no more needles needed here, cuz still strapped to this stupid thing, annoyingly out of reach of all my weapons, I was able to see my finished clone. But nothing prepared me for what I saw.

"Whoa! I'm a chick!"