Epiphany

There were very few people who could claim to have truly broken Magnus Bane's heart. Camille was one of them and so was Samuel, his first love. Alexander was another one and probably the worst heartbreak yet. Usually, when a lover left Magnus, or died of old age, the warlock was quick to get back to work, see his friends, travel and, basically, to do everything to keep his mind off his pain, until it recedes and he could think about his lost love with joy and tenderness instead of bitterness. But this time, Magnus couldn't do it. Every time he tried to summon a demon, prepare a potion or accomplish any sort of magic for his clients, really, he found himself unable to do it. After his breakup with Alec, he simply laid in bed for days at end, watching reruns of Gilligan's Island and eating Chinese takeout. He kind of felt like Bridget Jones by doing so, but the blue eyes of the shadowhunter who betrayed him haunted him day and night, especially in his sleep. During those times, Magnus could still hear Alec's voice as he asked him to give him another chance, when he said that what he did was a mistake. Magnus almost forgave him, right on the spot. He knew he could have. He could have told him to stay and brought him home and kissed him senseless. But he left anyway. Because in that moment, he realized that even though he loved Alec more than he ever loved anyone in his entire life, there were some things he couldn't forget that easily. And so he left, with a last declaration of love as the only goodbye the love of his life would ever get.

So here Magnus was, munching on a mouthful of noodles and morosely watching Gilligan and his friends try to escape their deserted island when his best friend and free psychiatrist found him.

- Seriously Magnus, just get out of that disgusting apartment. It smells like rotting Chinese takeout and bad attitude in here.

- Hello to you too, Catarina.

His blue-skinned friend only sighed, leaning on the doorstep of his apartment.

- Seriously, Magnus. This is getting out of hand. You need to go out, take your mind off things and enjoy yourself. I've never seen you so miserable and frankly, it's freaking me out a bit.

- Thank you so much Cat, I feel so much better now that you made me remember how pathetic I am, moping around eating takeout and watching TV all day, all of that over a stupid shadowhunter who lied to me and thought about killing me.

The doctor sighed over the bitterness lacing Magnus' voice. She already knew about what happened between the two lovers and it saddened her, as she understood what led Alec to Camille, Magnus' immortal and beautiful ex-girlfriend. She understood that Alec didn't mean any harm and wouldn't intentionally hurt Magnus, ever, but she also understood Magnus' anger and had to admit that Alec did act reprehensibly.

- Up.

- What?

Magnus looked over at her blue eyes, visibly confused.

- I said up. We're going out tonight.

- I really don't want to, honey. What if you came back tomorrow, maybe then we could…

- No way, Magnus. You will get up and you will go out with me. We'll just go at that small restaurant a few blocks away, the food is delicious and it will let you breath some fresh air instead of ‟moping around" as you put it so nicely.

Her best friend kept on looking at her, trying to buy his freedom with his kicked puppy expression, to no avail. He finally sighed before leaving the couch, walking toward his bedroom slowly.

- Take a shower, Magnus, you stink! And put on something nice, there's no way I am letting you leave the house in jeans and one of your ex's ratty sweaters!

Half an hour later, Magnus emerged from his bedroom, washed and dressed appropriately, even though he lacked his usual flashy style. His face was makeup-free, his hair styled simply and his clothes very simple, all in shades of black and dark blues. Catarina bit her lip but said nothing, appreciating the effort Magnus had put into his clothing. He smiled sadly at her and she silently took his arm, squeezing it lightly to express her gratitude. They left the apartment still bathed in a comfortable silence, absorbed in their thoughts.

They arrived quickly at the restaurant, a cozy place that opened a few months prior. Catarina loved the ambiance there, always calm and comforting in a way, helping her relax between two shifts at the hospital. The waiters were friendly and jazz music always floated through the air. That night, though, Catarina flinched slightly when she noticed that the vast majority of the customers were made of couples staring lovingly at each other and stealing small bites of food from each other's plates. Magnus looked at her sadly, a resigned expression on his face, as if he had already accepted the fact that life was going to harass him with its irony. She shot him an apological smile and followed their waiter to the table he'd prepared for them in the far corner of the room, giving them a full view of the entire restaurant. And that's when Catarina saw them. She froze in the spot, muttering a few curses, confused at what she was seeing. Magnus stopped beside her, clearly worried. He scanned the room in search of any potential danger, despite Catarina's desperate attempts to get him to immediately leave the restaurant, to no avail.

- Seriously, Magnus, I think we should maybe just get out. You may have been right, even though it pains me to admit it. You need to rest for now. We'll just go out tomorrow…

- What are you talking about, Cat? It was a good idea to force me out, I kind of feel better already, I even…

And that's when he noticed Alec, sitting in the corner. Alec, who looked just as beautiful as the last time Magnus saw him. Alec, with his bright blue eyes and too long black hair. Alec who smiled and laughed and seemed happy, as though he didn't break up with the guy he claimed was the love of his life, a few weeks ago. Alec, who was now sitting in that romantic restaurant with another guy. Magnus' heart felt like it suddenly froze in his chest, and then plummeted to the ground. The guy was attractive, that was for sure. His chestnut hair curled slightly on his forehead, he had a strong jaw, but full lips opened on a blinding smile. And even at this distance, Magnus could see his blue-green eyes staring lovingly at Alec, who blushed a little. They seemed friendly enough, Magnus noticed, even if Alec seemed a little bit shy. They were sitting close, too close to only be friends, and even if that wasn't an evident clue at their relationship status, the arm curled around Alexander's waist was proof enough. Is this what being strangled feels like?, wondered Magnus. He really felt as if he couldn't breathe, like his lungs were about to explode like his heart already did. The warlock could almost hear the sound of his hope of ever getting back together with the shadowhunter shatter brutally. If it wasn't for Catarina's strong grip on his arm, he probably would have fell on the ground as his legs gave up underneath him. His vision was so blurry, that he didn't see Alec turn his head and notice him. His blue-skinned friend practically had to drag him outside, as he clung to her desperately, as if she was a life-line. As if she was the only one who could hold him together. As if she was his Alexander.

Alec didn't really want to be here. He didn't want to pretend he was happy. He didn't want to smile and laugh and act as if he couldn't hear his heart being crushed against his ribs at its every beating. And most of all, he didn't want to look at Elijah and reflect the love he saw in his eyes. Granted, every second of what they were doing was an act and Alec was more than aware of Tobias, Elijah real-life boyfriend, burning a hole in the back of his head with his eyes, watching his every move. The guy was protective as hell, and Alec had to admit than even though he could probably take him in a fight, his glare was enough to, kind of, intimidate him. Tobias didn't like the plan. Alec didn't like the plan. Jace and Isabelle clearly didn't like the plan, if the vehement protests they had made all day about it were anything to go by. Elijah liked the plan, though, even if he was the only one. The guy always liked the dangerous ideas that could put him in danger or cause him physical pain. He was a lot like Jace on this point, and just like for the golden-haired shadowhunter, it drove his entire family and all his loved ones crazy. So yeah, nobody liked the plan except him. After all, everything to please him was there: demons seeking mundane couples to torture and kill, a fake identity to maintain to catch said demons and an opportunity to make his boyfriend jealous, which would apparently give him some quality time with him later, as he told Alec earlier. The black-haired shadowhunter had to admit that he was himself relieved by the mission, since it gave him an opportunity to stop thinking about Magnus. He hoped that this could help him take his mind off everything that happened between them, even if so far, it wasn't a success. Every heartbeat felt like his last and every breath made him feel like he was swallowing sharp rocks. The pain was unbelievable. He tried to smile anyway at a joke Elijah said, hoping he seemed more joyful than he actually felt, but seeing Elijah smile sadly at him and curl his arm around his waist, he probably didn't. He was about to apologize and make up an excuse for his attitude in case the demons were listening when he froze. His heart, which had seemed to be about to freeze in his chest ever since he last saw Magnus suddenly combusted as his eyes landed on the warlock, who seemed about to pass out in Catarina's arms, with a horribly broken look in his eyes. The nurse quickly dragged him outside, leaving a confused Alec behind. Elijah was talking to him, maybe asking him what was wrong, but in this moment, Alec couldn't care less about him, or his jealous boyfriend, or the demons who might be watching them, or anything in the whole world beside Magnus. He bolted from his chair and ran outside.

When Alec burst through the door, Catarina and Magnus were already turning the corner leading to the alley next to the restaurant, Magnus still heavily relying on his best friend. Alec quickly followed them and joined the alley just in time to hear the end of their conversation. Stunned by what he heard, he simply stayed there, frozen in place, unnoticed by the two warlocks.

- … Can't do this anymore, Catarina. It was bad enough to think I had broken his heart, but now he moved on and I just… I just can't stand it.

- Magnus, you don't know what's going on there, maybe they're not… together. Alec loved you so much, it would be surprising of him to throw himself at anybody so soon after your breakup.

- You don't know that. Have you seen this guy? He's a shadowhunter, he's good-looking and he was undressing Alec with his eyes. He's clearly interested and Alec too.

- Magnus…

- Just think about it, Cat. They could grow old together. This guy doesn't have hundreds of years' worth of history that he's dragging with him. He's not an immortal downworlder, he's a shadowhunter. They could have a wedding in gold. Everything that Alec deserves, this guy can give it to him.

Alec didn't even know what he was feeling anymore. He thought that he had gone through the entire range of emotions a broken heart could handle, but hearing Magnus, who was usually so confident and cocky and composed sound so… sad and self-deprecating… it was too much for him to bear. He had to do something, or he would never forgive himself

- What if I don't want that?

Both Magnus and Catarina whirled around to face the newcomer, took by surprise. Magnus looked at Alec like he just got struck by lightning, frozen in place and an expression looking almost like panic on his face. Alec himself suddenly felt almost as shy as the day they first met, or the day of their first date, which seemed like a lifetime ago. They had been through so much since then, so much time as passed. So many nights curled on the couch or in each other's arms, so many laughs, kisses, and tears. So many nights crying in a cold and empty bed. For a moment, Alec thought about running away. Going back inside the restaurant and pretending that he never saw Magnus, that he never knew him. He wondered if he could ever move on from him and if he even wanted to. The answer came to him quickly: no. He didn't. He chose Magnus. He chose the fights and the screams and the pain, but also the inside jokes, the dreams and memories they shared. He chose the incredible love story he never wanted to end, no matter how much it hurt him in the past and would hurt him in the future. He chose Magnus. So he stayed right where he was and looked deeply into Magnus' eyes.

- What if I don't want whatever you think I deserve? What if I want you instead?

- But… the shadowhunter with you…

The warlock couldn't seem to be able to finish his sentence. He didn't seem to want to either. He rather looked like he was bracing himself for terrible news, as if he expected Alec to tell him that the stunning young man sitting with him that evening was indeed his new and improved boyfriend. Alec felt like his already fragile heart was ripping in half all over again and berated himself once again about his visits to Camille. What a mess they'd both made of everything!

- Is a good friend of mine and nothing more. Besides, he already has a boyfriend who would kill me if I ever dared to look at him for too long. Elijah and I were on a mission tonight, attracting demons targeting mundane couples. I didn't expect you to barge in and see us, though. I'm sorry about that.

- So… you're not… dating him or anything? He really is just a friend?

-Magnus looked dumbfounded at the news, like it seemed impossible to him that Alec really was standing here, trying to win him back. He seemed like someone who expected to be awakening from a dream at any given moment.

- Of course he is, Magnus. By the angel, you think I would move on so quickly from our relationship? I thought I had made it clear that I wanted you back the second you left, with the phone calls and everything.

- I destroyed my phones a couple of days ago, darling. I didn't receive any of these calls.

- You… you destroyed your… phone? Alec said disbelievingly.

Catarina slowly backed up against the wall, trying to make herself invisible, but still staying in case something went wrong between the two former lovers. However, by the way the warlock and the shadowhunter were looking at each other, she was pretty sure they could manage it on their own at that point.

- Alec, I'm sorry for the scene I made. It's just… seeing you with that boy made me fear that you'd already moved on. I thought you had found someone else and in all my years, I rarely felt as devastated as I felt in that moment.

- I'm sorry too Magnus. Not just about Elijah, but also about seeing Camille, thinking about shortening your life, which I never seriously considered, I swear, about everything I did and say. I was stupid and insecure and I really should've handled the situation better.

- I am as fault as much as you are, Alexander. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you were trivial or temporary. You were right in what you said, the past does matter. My history made me who I am today and I should've talked to you about it despises the fact that I'm not proud of it, sometimes. I did some bad things, Alexander. I haven't always been honorable or brave and I feared that it might drive you away.

Alec looked up at him and suddenly felt the urge to kiss the warlock, a surge of love and happiness coursing through his body. He was vaguely aware of Catarina leaving the alley they were in, but didn't even glance at her, his eyes captivated by Magnus' cat-like ones. He walked quickly to Magnus, determination making him bolder than he usually was. He slowly took Magnus's face in between his hands and brought it closer to his own, pressing his lips chastely over his (hopefully) boyfriend's. He then pulled away for a second.

- Nothing you ever did in the past could drive me away, Magnus. I love you. I love you so much and I'm here to stay, if you want me.

Magnus didn't even answer, simply kissing him again, with more force this time. He felt like his heart was slowly knitting all its pieces back together and that he could finally breathe after weeks of agony. His skin seemed to tingle everywhere Alexander touched it and he sighed against the shadowhunter's lips. Home. I'm finally home.

- Please, don't leave. Don't leave me again, because I can't take it. I can't pretend like I can live without you anymore, Alexander. I need you now, the way I've always needed and always will need you. Please, stay.

- So please don't ever ask me to… Don't ever ask me to leave and never come back again, I won't be able to this time.

- I promise.

They smiled lovingly at each other for a moment. Alec thought he could stay here forever, his eyes locked with his boyfriend. At the word, Alec had to resist the urge to squeal. He still had his dignity, after all. Or some piece of it, lying somewhere, at least. Trying to conceal his grin, he brought Magnus' face closer to his, planning on kissing him again and again and again, now that he could finally do it, but they were suddenly interrupted by a loud and obnoxious throat-clearing. They both parted quickly, turning to face the newcomer, who turned out to be a smirking Elijah. Alec simply stood frozen, his mouth agape. Magnus looked a bit murderous, but after a moment, he managed to hide his emotion behind a mask of cold anger. Elijah paled a little, but kept his smile in place, which impressed Alec a bit. You could say a lot about the guy, but Ely definitely had some balls.

- Alec, we kind of need you inside right now. A very suspicious-looking man just entered and I think it might be the Eidolon demon we're looking for. He's spotted another couple, though, so we should go back inside and pretend to be in love for a while. Hopefully, we'll attract its attention instead of them.

Alec turned toward Magnus sadly and smiled, rearranging his tie and running a hand through his hair to try controlling it. It was clearly useless.

- I… I kinda have to go? But can I stop by your place when we're done? I think we need to talk about a few things, so…

- Okay. I'll wait for you.

Alec nodded before turning around, walking toward Elijah who took his hand and dragged him toward the door. Magnus gritted his teeth. He really didn't like the guy.

- Alec!

The blue-eyed Nephilim turned around and looked at him curiously, waiting.

- Be careful, okay?

- Promise.