Just something I cooked up in my head. My rendition of Rangiku's thoughts on Gin after everything has settled at the end of the winter war. Enjoy and don't forget Chey no own Bleach, Tite Kubo does…sowwy. (Q-Q)

Like The Wind

Gin/Ran one-shot

Would it ever become easier? Would the days continue to pass in a mixture of emotions ranging from deep ebbing sadness that flowed like the ocean massive and rolling, to anger that resembles a stream of water breaking to pass the rocks and reconnecting once through, to guilt that was like raindrops falling into your palm where, if they fell quickly enough, they would pool and run out of the small bowl, and finally to longing that was like the wind always present and always there no matter what I did and what I thought about. Did he know any of this when he finally looked at me again…did he have any reason to do anything. I half wonder if he was insane and trying to push me to the brink of insanity to prove that he was nothing but the Rukongai scum we were always labeled as.

Then there were moments, few and far between, where he became this being of true beauty and amazing glory and was looking at me with such love and devotion that his betrayal almost felt like a dream. Oh how I wished it was a dream and that I'd wake up in the middle of the night wrapped in his arms and pulled flush to his chest as the cool breeze blew through his open window and across the sheet that covered our bare bodies like normal but that wasn't right because it wasn't a dream and it did happen.

I missed everything about his presence; I missed the way he smelt, like the coldest of streams with the softest scent of flowers which was odd but comforting. I miss the way that his overly fake smile would fade once he enter his own room and it would instead be replaced by a soft linger smile. I miss the way his lips would ghost across my skin both claiming me as his and yet loving me as my own person. I miss the way his icy blue eyes would open just for me and gaze into mine showing me everything and nothing in that simple gaze. I miss the way his figners would tighten on my hips when I awoke after a nightmare and the way his top hand would pull the sheet closer to us before we fell asleep whether it was after making love or simply after changing into sleeping garments. I miss the way his figners would run through my hair calming me whenever I freaked out. What I miss most of all though was his tender voice calling out my name as if to show to all the world that he indeed did love me and that I was undoubtedly his in every way imaginable and that we both knew that. All of these things I miss…all of these memories, that only come to me when I've drank a little too much or when I'm lying along in the dark wrapping tightly in his haori, are like the wind a steady blowing that is always there but just loses strength here and there. Was it the memories that lost their strength or was it me, I could never tell.

It doesn't matter what everyone say about us. Every day I hear the same thing, although from different people, it's better off this way but is it really better. Is it better to feel like my heart has been torn from my chest every night while I plaster a smile on my face during the day than to feel happy and alive in those moments I shared with him? Was it truly better to be wrapped in his haori instead of his arms at night covered by the sheet that didn't keep me warm without the warmth of his body pressed tightly to mine? Who were these people to think that I was better off without the man that had long been a part of my life before any of them even entered it. Gin had saved my life on more than one occasion. Hell the last time I ever saw him he protected me. Would these tears ever stop…would they stop leaving a frozen trail on my face from the breeze blowing through the window that I couldn't bear to close simply out of habit? I knew he was dead, of that I was purely and hyper aware, but I still thought of the times he would slip through it and wrap his arms around me stating that he couldn't sleep without me by his side. How had he slept in Las Noches or were all those times just lies? Would Gin lie to me…no never.

I know why he betrayed us…only I know why. In his own twisted way Gin was trying to save me. Gin always said he just wanted to stop my tears. I can still remember that look and those final moments that I could hear everything from him and yet nothing at all. Those thoughts, or were they words, still hung heavily in my mind.

'…You cried out to me 'I love you' would I still be able to say 'I love you' the same way I do today…Rangiku.'

'But I failed…and in the end I couldn't retrieve what was taken from you, Rangiku.'

'I'm glad I apologized.'

I shudder softly at the near perfect replica my mind had conjured of his voice. Was he really so tied to me that I could remember every detail of him including the many different tones of his voice? Was I pathetic for being like this? I see their pity and I guess I understand it…I was the lover left behind. Momo thinks she knows how I feel but she wasn't Aizen's lover in every sense of the word. Gin and I we've been together from the very beginning but I guess everything comes to as end. In Gin's words one is always stronger than another and one always moves forward while the other loses pace and ends up facing certain death. No matter how much you want to grip their hand for all eternity that won't happen…you'll only get a short amount of time holding to one another before your figners slowly slip from their hand and you either fall behind or shoot forward.

I doesn't matter I still love him despite his betrayal, despite how many people fell to his hand, despite every tear I cried for him…I still love him because every moment I spent with him he acted like himself. He trusted me enough to show himself completely and entirely to me without fear of rejection. He understood that in turn I would do the same only for him…always for him and him alone. Despite everything I have been through because of him I still miss him. I always thought it was funny the things we remember, that we had tucked away so that they didn't lose their brilliance from too much handling, when we are left in the darkness without too much sun but in truth it is the memories that we are left with when someone, who was as much a part of our soul as our own zanpakuto, moves on leaving us with nothing but those drifting memories. What's funny is they never lose their brilliance because that brilliance was given to them simply because they were with the one person we would surely die for. Sure they drift like the wind, easily and effortlessly, but they seem to come at the one moment you need them most.

I suppose that's why we live on when our other half leaves us. I suppose that why we fight twice as hard so that was may live a life fit for both of us. We carry that person with us throughout everything we do because they had become woven to our soul in a way that was so undeniable that even other could see right through us and see that person standing where we stand. If my person had to be anybody I am glad that it was…no it is Ichimaru Gin.

I'm glad that he's like the wind because Gin has always been free to come and go as he pleased and he has given me the same choice. Sure enough we would find our way back to one another somehow so I guess it won't be too long before I find him again. The wind transcends space, time, dimensions and Gin is the wind. So I am positive that the wind and I will meet again but until then I will calm my frozen tears with those brilliant memories of him and remember the warmth of his touch when it is freezing. I will surely keep the window open because the wind visits each night but instead I will sleep under blankets and not sheets.