Heat. Smoke. Burning skin. Screams of agonizing pain. What do zhese zhings have in common? Fire, 'nd what is associated closely wizh fire? Pyros. I absolutely loazhe zhat creature. I can never have a good day wizh zhat mumbling abomination coming into my sights. I am already upset enough to have one on my own team 'nd I am sure its instincts will come after me one day. Unfortunately I have already had at least one nightmare of zhose two monsters laughing over my burning corpse 'nd it makes me hate zhem even more. I honestly do not even want to stay in zhis pointless war as long as zhey are surrounding me.
So do understand my almost childish excitement when I heard zhe enemy Pyro was being transferred elsewhere.
All day I had zhe happiest smile on my face 'nd I smoked my best cigarettes in celebration. Zhe Pyro is going away! Out of my life forever! Ah, j'aime tout. Ahem, dramatically speaking, of course. Apparently zhe zhing's mental state became worse to zhe point zhat it mistook its own teammates for enemies 'nd began burning zhem. Zhey are lucky to have zhe respawn machine always working, but I do not care. My suit may finally breazhe a sigh of relief. Zhe battles have been much better wizhout zhat mush-mouzhed freak 'nd we have never lost once. Zhe war is ours now, but a week later zhe enemy received a new recruit to fulfill zhe position. I sulked like a child zhe entire day. A brand new mentally deranged Pyro will run around doing nozhing but zhrow fire everywhere zhe second zhey are told about me 'nd what I can do. At least I can enjoy zhe dominations while I can before it learns how to deal wizh me.
Zhe next mission arrives too soon for my liking, but at least it is a simple battle in Dustbowl. Zhis area is one of many places zhat I am familiar wizh 'nd it will give me an even greater advantage over zhe new Pyro. I wait in a secluded area 'nd constantly look around, but I never see zhe new recruit. Mm, I was expecting it to be out in zhe open like an idiot. Eventually I cannot wait any longer wizh my team having trouble getting past zhe sentry on zhe first point, so I abandon my search 'nd go take care of zhe little toy. Zheir Sniper falls victim to my knife 'nd quickly I disguise to blend in. I am not even noticed as I sneak inside zhe small building 'nd towards zhe level three gun, but I stop. Zhe cigarette falls from my lips 'nd I am frozen wizh the image I take in. Zheir Pyro is much zhinner zhan zhe original monster, 'nd more... busty, 'nd... zhat... zhat ass. Ohh, 'nd zhe design of zhe suit gives zhe false impression of a black zhong... Zhe beautiful creature looks in my direction 'nd suddenly I find shotgun bullets in my face. When I wake up in zhe respawn room I am still stunned wizh what I have witnessed zhat I do not even hear zhe announcer tell us we lost. Mon dieu, what a woman!
Non! Zhat is a Pyro! Just anozher soulless monster to ruin my day 'nd my suit! I do not even know what she looks like 'nd I am so... so... attracted... Oh, merde...
Zhat night I could not sleep well 'nd when I did my dreams were filled wizh nozhing but zhat beautiful creature. For zhe next few nights zhe dreams continue 'nd during zhe days I find myself unable to bring my knife down upon her back. No matter how close I get or how easy it is, zhe moment I am wizhin reach I am captivated once more until I am shot to deazh or cut up by zhe axe. I do not even mind! She is not using fire unnecessarily like zhe ozher mental freak! But I have to mind because I am failing in my job as a Spy 'nd we are now on a losing streak. My team has already gotten over zhe new Pyro's gender, but I continue to be distracted.
A week later we are granted one day of ceasefire to go into town as a small vacation. I abandon my team immediately 'nd set out to find zhe enemy team. Zhey are scattered around zhe town, but zheir Engineer is giving ma fleur a tour of zhe town. Any signs of flirting, labourer, 'nd I will murder you 'nd your little toys slowly 'nd painfully. I follow zhem into zhe bar 'nd watch as he leaves her side for a moment. I take zhe opportunity 'nd, after sneaking one glance at her ass, take zhe seat next to her. She is quickly on-guard wizh my presence, but I assure her I am not her enemy today. Unfortunately I cannot have a full conversation wizh her for obvious reasons, but I am content wizh asking yes 'nd no questions, or just talking while she listens. Zhough she is just as mush-mouzhed as her insane psychopazhic predecessor, I find her muffled voice to be so cute. Soon I see zhe labourer return, zhough I wish I could send him to his respawn so I could have more time wizh ma fleur. I bid farewell to her for now 'nd quickly disappear before I am noticed.
Zhese days whenever we have zhe opportunity for a vacationed ceasefire we always search for each ozher 'nd have our secret meeting, zhough she does not have to search hard because I will always find her. During time on zhe battlefield we do our jobs 'nd even make a game out of it. At zhe very least my team is no longer on zheir losing streak, but my feelings continue to conflict wizh one anozher. I will always, always, despise all Pyros 'nd zheir fire. Zhat will never change, but as for zhat woman... Oh, ma fleur, you confuse me so much...
Credits
BLU Spy is played by Serph Sheffield
Femme Pyro Redux Model belongs to The_Fanciest_Of_Pant s
Team Fortress 2 belongs to VALVe
VALVe belongs to Gabe Newell
Everyone belongs to Gaben
Special thanks to:
Serph
A link to the Femme Pyro Redux model an' her creator will be posted on my profile under Random Links of Happiness.
Merry Smissmas, everyone!