Edge stood in the living room of his Florida home. Staring out the window, he watched as the sun set across the lake. His mind telling him that he should go pack for the week of house shows ahead, yet his heart tugged at him, to make peace with the past. He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose, he willed himself to get it together. He couldn't let the past haunt him forever. She wouldn't want it that way. He walked over to the end table and picked up a framed photo. It was one of them together at the local carnival they attended on the last Fourth of July. The fireworks in the background didn't compare to the beauty of her. Just as he was about to be engulfed in a flood of heartbreaking memories, he heard the jingle of tags on Bubble Gum's collar. The huge Golden Retriever padded into the room and came to a stop at Edge's feet. Bubble Gum looked up at him with huge, sad, brown eyes and whined.
"I know girl. I miss her too." He told the dog, as he petted her head. Bubble Gum's tail thumped loudly against the floor, filling the otherwise quiet house. Edge walked into the kitchen, as Bubble Gum followed closely behind. He smiled reassuringly at the sweet natured dog and sat down at the kitchen table.
Flash Back
"Good morning! And Happy Birthday!" She said with a kiss, as she slid out from under the cover.
"Thanks sweetheart. Hey, where are you going?" Edge asked, with disappointment evident in his voice.
"I'll be right back sweetie. I just need to go check on your Birthday present."
Edge groaned. "Babe, all I want is you. Now get back in here!"
He got no response, as he heard the backdoor open and close; then open and close again. "Happy Birthday!" She sang, as the Golden Retriever puppy, complete with red bow, bounded onto the bed.
"What is this?" He asked, as playfully cupped the dog's head in his hands.
"Well, I saw her at the mall, and I couldn't resist. I know you need a pet of your own, since I already have a houseful. And besides, she kind of looks like you."
Edge laughed. "Gee thanks. I don't quite know how to take that one."
"Well, you both have beautiful blonde hair. That's what I meant." She laughed and pulled him in for a kiss.
"Thanks baby! I love her, almost as much as I love you."
End Flash Back
Edge got up from the table and went over to the cabinet, and removed a bag of dog food. Bubble Gum lazily strolled over and sniffed the bag and walked away. "I guess even she knows what tomorrow is." He felt closed in, trapped, as the past played like a movie in his mind. He left the bag sitting on the floor and walked over to the desk. Pulling open a drawer, he removed a pen and paper. His breathing was labored, his mouth dry, as he glanced around at all the mementoes of her. A note, written to him one day, when she went out shopping with friends, various snapshots; of her, her and him, her and Bubble Gum, her and friends, family. There was even a ponytail holder, that still held strands of her hair. Edge dropped to his knees, it was too much for him to take. Clutching the rubber band in his hands, he let out an exasperated yell. Bubble Gum ran over, whining and licked his face repeatedly. He threw an arm around the dog and held her.
"At least I still have you, right?"
She gave him one last lick on the cheek, before she turned and walked to the door.
A cool breeze blew in off the lake, interrupting an otherwise sweltering Summer night. The moon shone brightly, reflecting off the calm waters. Edge walked out onto the dock, that jutted out into the water. Bubble Gum followed. He pulled up a chair, not just any chair, her chair. She use to sit in that chair for hours at a time, taking in the sun, sipping ice tea or margarita's, while he mowed the lawn. Edge mindlessly smiled at the memory. It would be six months tomorrow. Six months, since she had been gone, yet he could still feel her presence. Fireflies blinked all around, as he recalled the many nights they had sat on this very dock, laughing and talking the night away. He carefully sat down in the chair, letting his mind trail off into the open doors of the past.
Flash Back
"Babe why do you have to fish? I mean, think of those poor defenseless fish. They think they are getting a nice worm dinner, only to be caught on a gory hook, to be your dinner. That's so cruel."
Edge gave her a huge smile. "AW, when you put it like that, I almost want to quit." He laid the pole down, securing it, so that if he did get a bite, hopefully it wouldn't pull his favorite rod into the water.
"Well, you should quit! If you want fish, they sell them at the market, you know." She cringed and wrinkled her nose. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly against him. She was so adorable when she was standing up for her animal rights.
"Fishing is a sport, and I, my dear, am a sportsman." He planted a kiss on top of her head.
"This is not a sport! It's murder!" She pouted playfully.
"OK, you win!" He fell into the chair, pulling her down into his lap. She giggled and tried to squirm free, as he made fish lips and tried kissing her all over the face. He loved her laugh and the way her face lit up when she smiled.
"You take my breath away. I don't know how I have lived this long without you."
She smiled and kissed him tenderly on the lips. "I love you Edge."
End Flash Back
He wanted nothing more, than to hold her again, tell her all the plans he had for them. He'd give anything for one last kiss. He picked up the paper, pen poised in his hand, he stared blankly at the paper. What could he possibly say? There were no words that could make things right, she was gone. The past was the past. But he had to get things off his chest, free his soul of the torture. He needed to say the things he never got to say. By the light of the moon, he poured his heart out, as he wrote.
Dear Nidia,
If I would have only known, what I know now. If only I was given a warning, a sign. I could have said all this in person. It's been six months since you left my life. I can't seem to let go. I'm not entirely sure I want to. It's so damn hard waking up without you by my side. As I write this letter, I can almost feel you beside me, I swear I smell your perfume. I guess I really never knew love, until I knew you. You brought light where there was only darkness, hope where there was despair, love where there was none and passion where there was numbness. You taught me there was life outside of wrestling. Before you, the business was all I knew. I ate, slept, dreamed of my career, until you came along. I can't thank you enough for teaching me all that you did. Everyday was special, an adventure. And I hold onto each memory, but it's not enough to fill the void in my heart. Why did this have to happen Nidia? I can't see tomorrow knowing that today, it's all gone. My heart aches for you. I need you so badly. My life without you is empty, painfully empty. I can't bear the thought of going on without you...but I know that's what you would want. I love you with all that I am. You will forever be in my heart. The times we spent together, I will carry for eternity, deep in my soul.
Love, Edge
He carefully folded the paper and placed it in an envelope, tucking it safely away. Tomorrow he would take it to her and finally make peace with the past. Sorrow overcame him, becoming to much to endure. He kicked off his shoes and removed his clothes, diving headfirst into the water. He swam lap after lap, until his body gave way to fatigue. He struggled to pull himself up onto the dock. For a brief moment, he considered giving up and letting himself sink to the bottom. Bubble Gum started barking, snapping him into reality. He pulled himself out of the water and collapsed on the deck. He lay on his back looking up at the stars. How many countless nights had they lay under the same blanket of stars? He couldn't control his emotions any longer. He curled up into the fetal position, sobbing like a dying child.
The sun peaked up over the horizon, rousing Edge from a somber sleep. He felt almost like he had a hangover. He sat up, gazing around at his surroundings. Bubble Gum lay protectively beside him. He couldn't believe he had passed out on the dock. Still clad in only his underwear, he scratched a mosquito bite on his leg. He pulled on his pants and slipped into his shoes. "Hey girl, why didn't you wake me?" He questioned Bubble Gum, as he patted her head. Looking up at the clear blue sky, he felt refreshed, like a weight had been lifted from him. For the first time in months, he felt like living. He actually felt like he had a reason to wake up in the morning. Grabbing his shirt and the letter, he ran to the house, with Bubble Gum in tow. Once inside, he rummaged through his closet for clothes and quickly got dressed. He had to get the letter to her, while he still had the strength and courage. He had to close this chapter of his life. The pain that was once so unbearable, that he couldn't breathe at times, was now only a dull ache. He knew that time would eventually heal his emotional wounds. He was content with that. Right now, he just needed to go to her and say his peace.
"I'm here sweetheart. It's been six, long, grueling months. I have so many questions that have no answers, and probably never will. I just don't understand why you had to leave? I guess God had bigger plans for you. I've finally come to terms with your departure, it wasn't easy. I know my life will never be the same without you. And that I still have a ways to go before my heart completely heals." He wiped the tears from his eyes. "Damn Nidia, you know I have never really been good at expressing my feelings with words. There's nothing I can really say, Is there? Well, I wrote this letter, I tried anyway." He grinned, tears still spilling down his face. He pulled the letter from his pocket and gently unfolded it. The rustling trees and chirping birds seem to come to an abrupt stop, as if God were shushing the world, so that he could read the letter. He dropped to his knees and read the letter aloud. He tenderly traced a hand over her name engraved in the headstone. Nidia Guenard. "I love you so much. My life will never be complete without you, my soul mate. But deep down, I know that you will always be with me, always be a part of me. My beautiful guardian angel." His body shook, as he sobbed quietly. He cried until there wasn't a tear left in him. He arranged the bouquet of Lily's in the holder and smoothed a hand down the length of the grave. He leaned over and placed a lingering kiss on her headstone. As he stood to leave, he noticed a pair of Morning Doves perched on a tree branch. It was as if they were watching over her. He knew then, that things would be ok, as she was surely watching over him the same way.