Disclaimer: I do not own anything having to do with Hana Kimi except for the manga I bought honestly. I do not own the characters, the original story manga plot, or anything else there in. This is purely for entertainment value. Nothing else. This is the only time you will see this disclaimer. The disclaimer is implied in the continuing chapters.

A/N:The title for this story was taken from a yaoi manga short by Makato Tateno called Sinsemillia. I just really loved that line in the story. It made me think of the title for this story almost immediately. I even made a poster for this story too. LOL. If you can't tell this story has already taken on a life of its own in my mind. This is going to be an angsty fic. I should warn you in advance. This is going to be a roller coaster ride. It's basically an excuse to work out my own frustrations on these poor characters. Things aren't gonna be perfect for these two for a while, but I hope that you all will stick with me as the story spins itself out. I do have a clear goal in mind as to where it's going. Big thanks to Deathnotebliss who has graciously offered to be my beta for any stories I write. She's awesome! So welcome aboard the ride everyone! Hope you enjoy.

Here's the link for the poster: www . mediaminer fanart / view . php / 198632 Make sure you take all the spaces out of it.

Warnings: Spoilers for all chapters of the manga. There will be gay sex. This is a strong yaoi story. If you don't like that, please turn back now. I don't want flames because you didn't read this warning. This is a sequel fic. If you have not read The Odd Couple that I previously wrote then you will have a hard time following this story. I urge you to go back and read that first. Thanks!

Ok, now! On to the story…

P.S.- No re-edited for better reading.

No Cure For Love

By: MyDirtyLittleSecret

Prologue

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it feels like
And right now there's a steel knife
In my windpipe
I can't breathe

-Love the Way You Lie By: Eminem

Sometimes life doesn't always work out the way you want it to. Nakatsu had learned this the hard way. He was 28 years old. He had enough life experience now to know that particular fact first hand. It wasn't that his life was horrible. Not by any means. He had a lot to be proud of from his life thus far. He'd won a gold medal in his first Olympics in Greece and a bronze in his second Olympics in Beijing. He'd won the World Cup twice in a row for the Japanese team, which had only happened twice for two countries since FIFA started. He was considered the best professional soccer player in the world; certainly the best in Japan. He had more money than he knew what to do with. He promoted high school soccer country wide through funding, talks, and tours. He should be completely happy. He was living his dream.

But he wasn't happy.

He'd lost the person that had meant more to him than his dreams. He'd lost the man he loved.

Kagurazaka Makato.

They had dated since senior year of high school. They'd gone to college together. All the major sports events of their early careers they had attended to support each other. The first Olympics Nakatsu had been to he'd had Zak beside him. They'd won medals together like they had promised back in high school. They had lived together for a little over 4 years. Sano had shared the apartment with them all through college along with his girlfriend, Mizuki. Soon as Sano graduated, he had moved out and into his own place. The last year of living together, they had been completely alone in that apartment. They'd been riding a high, built on their beliefs in their dreams and their love for each other. For 5 years they had been together. Nakatsu didn't regret a day of it. Oh, how he ached for those days. He'd give anything to have them back. Those golden years had ended so abruptly. Much faster than either could have comprehended.

Kagurazaka had been in an arranged engagement before the two had even started dating. Nakatsu had wanted them to be together as long as possible before Zak's family started to interfere. They had ignored the issue like they hoped it would make the problem go away. They knew eventually Zak would be forced to get married. They had done nothing to prepare or to tried to stop the engagement. So Nakatsu had been blindsided the day Zak came home to their apartment (shortly after he'd turned 22) to tell the blond he was being forced to marry by the end of the year. Less than 3 months away. At first, it seemed ridiculous. It was like a bad joke.

In those three months, Zak had done all he could to get out of the marriage. He'd even gone as far to go to his intended bride's father to offer to pay him off. If he didn't, his family would lose the land and the temple that they owned. Keiko (his bride)'s father held the deed to the land and the rights to the temple. He would not hand them over until the marriage was completed and Zak had lived with his daughter at least 10 years. It was a shady business deal which really held no benefits for the Kagurazaka family except the rights to their own property back. The temple was all his family had. He owed it to them to help keep it in the family any way he could. He'd fought, ranted, and raved right up to the night before his wedding, but in the end he was forced to agree.

Nakatsu's lovely dream of living with Zak had burst. A vision of a lifetime together was destroyed. The blond remembered their last night together vividly. Their love making had been so desperate, needy, and passionate. Their sorrow had been written in every kiss, touch, and second that slipped by. They'd stayed up all night making love. They had barely talked. They really hadn't needed to. Everything had already been said. The sweet ache of their passionate night had stayed with Nakatsu for days afterwards. A bitter reminder. Neither had cried that night. They refused to in front of each other—but it was so hard not to. In the morning, they parted ways with soft goodbyes, choked I love you's, and fierce kisses.

Kagurazaka had paused in the doorway of the apartment to look back and say, "I'll come back to you. I swear. So please wait."

It was probably the cruelest thing he could have said. Nakatsu had left the door open for some time after Zak had left. He couldn't bear to close it. He simply stood there staring at it. Finally, he walked over and slowly pushed it shut. It latched with a finality that made him cringe. Soon as the latch clicked into place, he could no longer hold back the tears. He wept. Reality finally struck. For weeks, he could barely make himself function. He slipped into a bitter, dark depression. Yet, somehow with the help of Sano, Mizuki, and Kayashima (whom he reconnected with during that time) he'd crawled his way out of it. He'd picked himself up and forced himself to carry on. For a while, he'd had a relationship with Kayashima. It had been doomed not to last though. Nakatsu loved Zak to much to let go. He couldn't stop himself from waiting like he'd been told to. Kayashima had offered him a gentle love and an understanding heart. The blond just couldn't give it back. He felt terrible for doing that to one of his best friends, but his heart only wanted Zak.

He'd forced himself to get back into soccer training. His team was preparing for the FIFA World Cup. It had always been his ultimate goal. He couldn't lose sight of that dream. Not after so much effort and time put into soccer. He'd gone to the World Cup in Germany. The media said he had played like a man who had something to prove. In a way, they were right. He'd proved to himself that he could succeed without Zak. He didn't mean he let go of his love though. It only meant that he could learn to live without him despite everything in him that screamed in protest of it.

He waited.

He didn't know how not to. He continued to hope for the day the man he loved would come back to him. Yet, it was a small hope. He continued his life regardless. He watched Kagurazaka from afar. He only saw the other man in headlines when he won or lost competitions. He saw the headline when Zak and his wife had their daughter, Harumi. He'd cried for hours that night.

The next Olympics brought them back together again for the first time in 3 years. They'd smiled and chatted, pretending like nothing had ever happened. They pretended like they couldn't read the want and deep ache for each other in the other's eyes. Seeing each other though was so painfully difficult. The media said they were both off their game and that they could have done so much better. They both had only walked away with bronze medals from that Olympics. And the media speculated that they had gotten into a fight during the Olympics, which had ruined their mind set, and they had a falling out. The two didn't see each other again for a long time.

Kagurazaka retired from competitive high jumping and took a job coaching at a university. Nakatsu stopped seeing his name in the headlines. In a way, it was a relief. Nakatsu made it to another World Cup and won. During all that time, he'd become a spokesman for supporting high school soccer. It made him happy to foster the love of the game in the next generation. He did tours, commercials, funded money to schools, and did talks at high schools. He was even an announcer for Japan college soccer championship.

The years had passed by fast. He had been content, but never truly happy. He couldn't keep a steady relationship. He never had a hard time getting laid, but sex was just sex. His mother kept hounding him to finally settle down and get married. She wanted grandchildren. She nagged him until he just couldn't take it anymore. He wished he could have filmed her reaction when he told her he was gay. She had been dumb struck. It had been one of the few times he'd ever seen her speechless. Then she'd refused to believe him. They had gotten into an all out shouting match over it. The fight had ended when he'd yelled that 'yes, I do take it up the ass and enjoy it! And I'll keep doing it til I die!' They had not talked about it ever again. In fact, they'd barely talked since then.

A brief, fiery relationship with a reporter had ended badly when the guy leaked to the media that Nakatsu was gay. Apparently, that had been all the reporter really wanted from the beginning. That had soured Nakatsu from even wanting to try having relationships again. The whole thing had turned into a fiasco. The media had bitten into that story like a dog to raw steak. They hounded him for months, trying to get the truth out of him. It got to the point that he couldn't even leave his apartment without being harassed. He finally gave in and had a press conference to end the constant harassment. He admitted to being gay. The questions had come quick and sharp after that. He'd done his best to answer as briefly and politely as possible. No, he was not in a relationship at this time. It was none of their business which sexual position he preferred. No, it didn't affect his relationships with his team members on the Japanese team. Yes, he had been gay since high school. Yes, his friends had known and supported him. And that no, he never been in a sexual relationship with Kagurazaka at any time in their years of friendship. (It had hurt to say that aloud.) No, his sexual preference had not been what had ended their friendship; they had merely drifted apart. And that was that. He would take no more questions on the subject whenever it was brought up.

Somehow, his reputation stayed intact. His life suffered little repercussion once the media got done stalking him. The upside to the whole thing was that he could now date in the open if he wanted, which he didn't. It was easier than ever to get laid. His life settled into a steady tempo, that he enjoyed.

But still he was not happy.

Still he waited and hoped.

And after the last World Cup, he did not know what he wanted to do. He decided to take a step back from professional soccer playing for a while. He needed to assess what he wanted in life now.

It was during this time that he was given a job offer…

/

Kagurazaka Makato had learned to live with his marriage. He did not think he would ever love his wife. She was not the person he truly wanted. It was hard not to resent her for the situation he would be stuck in for the next ten years. She knew that. However, Zak did his best to like her. They had become friends to a certain point. They had known each other growing up in the same neighborhood, but they had never really been close. They had learned to enjoy each other's company. They had sex, because they had no one else and they couldn't cheat. The sex was good, but never mind shattering like he knew it could be with the man he loved. Sometimes he wondered if he could get away with being with Nakatsu too, but he knew eventually he'd get caught. A scandal would destroy their families.

Thoughts like that were erased though when his wife became pregnant. When he realized he was going to be a father, the idea of leaving Keiko was no longer possible. He had more honor than that. He loved his beautiful little girl from the moment she was born. Harumi was the love of his life for the next several years. He couldn't image a life without her in it. Most days he was content, but he was not truly happy. He watched his daughter grow every day with the joy only a parent could know. He practiced high jumping and continued to go to competitions. He threw himself into his training when he was not at home. He didn't want to have any spare time to think.

He avoided anything that might mention Nakatsu's name. Just seeing his name made it hard for him to breathe and his chest hurt with such a deep ache he thought he might pass out. He missed the blond for what seemed like every moment of every day. Nakatsu was like a ghost haunting his steps. It was horrible to think it, but each day he counted down the time until his daughter's eighteenth birthday. He could divorce then without worry. He knew his little girl would be able to take care of herself then. He prayed every day that Nakatsu would wait, as selfish as that was to hope.

Seeing the blond at the next Olympics had been like having someone drive a stake through his chest. He'd been lucky to win bronze. His mind had been in so much turmoil he'd barely been able to concentrate. He'd only won third, because the American in rank ahead of him had been disqualified on his last jump. Whenever he saw Nakatsu, even just a glimpse, his eyes followed him like a starving man gazing at a mirage of a feast. The man he loved was so close and yet he could do nothing. They had spoken to each other, but it had been short and awkward. They had both tried so hard to pretend like the tension and buried feelings were not right there beneath the surface of every word they spoke. When the Olympics were over, they parted ways again.

Zak retired from high jumping after that Olympics when he blew out his knee during a training exercise. He was told by his doctor that he would never be able to jump again. It took surgery and a few months to of recovery before he could even think about what he wanted to do with his life now. He was immediately offered positions as a coach all around the country at different colleges soon as he was physically sound. He settled for the second most famous athletic college in Japan- M University. Keiko wasn't happy to move, but Zak really didn't care. It seemed like life was finally starting to settle back into what he had come to think of as normal now.

He remembered opening the paper one morning as he drank his coffee and choking so hard it had scared Keiko and Harumi. He knew he'd dropped his coffee cup. The hot liquid that spilled across his hand didn't even hurt. His eyes were locked on a picture of the man he loved with his arm around another guy on the front page of the newspaper. He wanted to weep. It felt like someone was tearing his heart out. He finally managed to look at the headline above the picture and cringed.

'STAR SOCCER PLAYER'S SECRET GAY LIFE EXPOSED!'

His fingers clenched around the paper, crumbling it ruthlessly. He flung it away from himself and stood up from the table so fast it tipped his chair over. The look on his wife's face as he stormed out of the room had been one of pure astonishment. She had come to him later with that hateful paper in hand. "You two used to be close friends. Are you upset that you found out he was gay through a newspaper?"

He laughed bitterly. "No."

"You'd known…?"

He hadn't answered. He could feel her watching him—scrutinizing. She wasn't a dumb woman. He heard her gasp a moment later as she finally figured it out for herself.

"Were you two-? I mean, I know you really love someone else, but is it-?" She stopped abruptly.

He glanced over at her to see her staring at him wide eyed. She looked like she was staring at a fish with two heads. "Yes," was all he said.

The paper fluttered to the floor. He heard her leave with a slam of the door. They didn't talk about it again, but that day changed their relationship. She became cold and distant. He hardly spoke more than 5 sentences to her on any given day. He had been forced to sleep in the guest bedroom. In her mind apparently liking men ranked him up there with people like rapists. It'd hurt him that she distained him more than he would have thought. Maybe he'd never loved her, but he did like her and valued her friendship. Apparently those things didn't include trust or forgiveness on her part though. They drifted apart to the point that Harumi noticed. It began to upset her. He remembered the conversation he had with his daughter about it.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, baby?"

"Do you not love Mommy?"

What was he supposed to say to an almost 5 year old with a question like that? He looked down into those earnest eyes trying to figure out what to say. Should he lie or be honest? He'd always endeavored to be honest with her. He'd hated being lied to as a child. He'd always thought just because he was little didn't mean he wouldn't understand. "No." He'd answered after a debate filled moment. He watched her expression crumble like he'd physically hurt her. He wished he'd lied as he cringed at her reaction. He pulled her into a tight hug.

"You love me, Daddy?"

"Yes, baby. So very much."

"Why not Mommy? I thought mommys and daddys loved each other." She sniffled.

"Not always," he replied gently. "Your mom and I had an arranged marriage. We were never in love."

"You love someone else?" She wiped her nose on her sleeve.

He closed his eyes and hugged her a little harder. "Yes, I do. Very much."

"Was it the man in the paper?"

Zak froze.

"I know about that, Daddy."

"Oh," he said stupidly.

"You gonna leave us?"

"No, baby."

"Not for him?"

He was silent for a moment. He would not tell her he was waiting for her to grow up so he could leave without repercussions. She was to young to have something like that told to her. "No," he answered with finality that she couldn't question.

She hugged him back hard. "I love you, Daddy." He smiled. She continued. "I want you happy. You're not happy."

He swallowed down the sudden urge to cry as the sweet words stabbed a hole into the aching wound of longing in his chest. He felt torn open and revealed in a way he had not experienced in a long time. He felt horribly vulnerable. His daughter said nothing else as he struggled to remember how to breathe past the pain in his chest.

After that life seemed to continue on in its slightly altered way. He still slept alone unless Harumi crawled in to sleep beside him. He didn't speak to his wife. He did his coaching job with as much passion as he could muster these days. He did enjoy helping young athletes reach their full potential. A year slipped by before he realized it.

Then one day he was sitting in the living room staring out the window watching his daughter playing in the front yard with her friends. He remembered his wife walking into the room, but staying close to the doorway. Neither one said anything for several minutes.

"I haven't been feeling well lately," she'd finally broken the silence.

He turned his head to look at her. "Are you pregnant?"

She scowled. "No."

"Oh," he didn't realize until a moment later that he'd accidentally implied she'd cheated on him. "I'm sorry."

"It's alright," she shrugged it off.

Another long silence. Zak turned back to the window.

"I have cancer."

His head whipped around to look at her in shock. "What!?"

"It's Lymphoma."

"Is it curable?"

"There's about a 50/50 chance of that."

"Fuck," he sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "When do you start treatment?"

"Next week."

"Have you told Harumi yet?"

"No. I will tonight. I wanted to make sure I told you first."

He wanted to get up and hold her. He wanted to tell her he was sorry. He wanted to let her cry on his shoulder. He didn't do any of those things, because he didn't know if she would let him. She had been shunning his touch for so long. Why would she want it now? "Keiko," he lifted a hand as if to offer something, but not sure what. To his surprise, she came over. She sat in his lap, put her head on his shoulder, and sobbed. He pressed his cheek against her hair and held her tight.

Life after that became a parody of itself. Their time was taken up by treatments, hospital stays, and the slow decline of her health. Harumi and Zak watched as she slipped away a little more each day. Eventually, one morning, she was gone. It seemed like it happened so agonizingly slowly yet way to fast. She was suddenly not in his life anymore. He didn't know what to do. He realized he'd come to love her over the last few months. They'd been closer than they ever had in those few months than they had been during their entire marriage. They'd talked of everything—even his past relationship with Nakatsu. He had been with her through the worst moments of her treatments. He'd held her at night when she'd been in agony. He'd found his friend again in their quiet moments together. Now she wasn't there anymore. It was just him and Harumi. She needed her mommy. She was to young to have such tragedy in her life already. Zak wished he could take the hurt away from her. Somehow, he felt it was all his fault that this had happened. He should have been a better husband. He should have learned to love her sooner. Had his callous behavior led to her bad health? His guilt began to eat at him.

He had to stop coaching for a while. He needed some time to grieve and to try to put his life back in order. He didn't know what to do with himself. It was like he couldn't remember how to laugh or smile anymore. He hadn't been happy in so long that he didn't know if knew how to anymore. He knew his behavior was hurting Harumi. He needed help. He needed a distraction—a purpose back in his life. Thinking of going back to Nakatsu made him cringe inside. He wanted to so badly, but then the guilt of Keiko's death would overcome him. She'd have hated him if he'd left her for Nakatsu.

Somehow 6 months passed by before he was forced to realize he needed to go back to work. He couldn't afford not to anymore. He didn't want to go back to his old job though. He needed a change of pace. He needed a way to break out of this depression and guilt that was threatening to suffocate his life. He began to send out his resume to several colleges again, hoping one of them would bite. He finally got a reply…

/