CHAPTER ONE
"Was the audition a flop? Fuck. I'm so sorry. Thanks for your time anyways."
I walked off the stage as Mrs. Waffles took off her clear glasses and stared hard at me. What a terrible experience that was. I knew I'd never try out for another school play again.
In the hallway by my locker, a really hot girl came up to me and shoved her boobies in my face. I didn't want them there at all but she was being a bitch and there was nothing I could really do about it.
"Do these turn you on, huh? Do these insane, mega boobies turn you on or what?" She said.
"You're not my fucking girlfriend. Go back to your football playing lover boys, you slut." I replied.
It was then that she got really pissed off. The only thing that I could do at this time to get this bitch away was to cast a spell on her. The power of lava burned on my hand as I cast my spell. Soon her hair was burning as I held my hand right by her shitty face.
"Burn my sweet bitch. It's time to die," I said as the lava melted her face off.
At the girl's funeral, the principal said I couldn't cast lava spells anymore despite the fact that I was a wizard. He was such a douche that day because I didn't mean to kill the girl with the boobs, I was just messing around. The other students really didn't care that she died. They were just laughing. I was too embarrassed to mention my resurrection spell that could bring her back from the dead.
All of a sudden a Unicorn Man floated down from the sky and gave me a book with magical properties.
"Hey, you can use the spells in this book to do whatever you want, whenever you want. Think of it as a small favor from The Magical Unicorn People, okay?" He told me.
Everyone looked at me with amazement. This was greater than any Christmas present I've ever received and they all knew it. Now I could use any type of magic I wanted and nothing could stand in my way.
"But please Pedro, don't use any lava spells. We don't want any more dead kids." The principal said.
"I could actually bring her back to life if I wanted dude, but seriously, now that I have this book you can just shut your pie hole. Clearly I'm meant for greater things than all of you." I declared.
This was the moment when they all knew I was fucking evil but there was no going back. The problem was that I knew actions spoke louder than words, so if I wanted to stay evil I'd have to make them all suffer terrible pain with my spells. I didn't want to hurt my friends or anything so I decided that being good and fighting the evil people instead was probably my best option.
"Hey Pedro, you can't just say things like that. Don't be such a drama queen," said my best friend Carl.
Carl was there for me when my dad died and he gave me lots of marijuana, so he was a pretty cool guy.
"Okay I changed my mind. I'm a good guy now but I'll need some training. Who here can also do magic?"
I asked excitedly.
About half of the other kids at the funeral raised their hands and I knew that I was in business. We built a new school together. After we built it, the regular high school went out of business because mine was basically better in every way. I became The Professor of Magic Class and hired some other teachers just for fun. Those teachers complied with my wishes but had free will to teach their students during classes.
One day in Magic Class a girl named Patricia raised her hand with a question about potions. I gave her a book about potions and she was on her way to becoming my sidekick. On that day; I taught my students about how to cast the best spells and how to defeat the craziest monsters.
It was then when the demons attacked. Black demons were coming out of other students' bodies and they wanted Patricia to die. Patricia threw her potions book at a demon but it didn't work. The book went right through the demon and Patricia became very sad.
"Patricia! Books are for reading! Not for throwing!" I said angrily, but it was too late.
Once the demons went inside Patricia's body she was a goner. Patricia exploded into several thousand pieces that immediately vanished into The Underworld.
All of the other students looked at me and were whispering things like "What the fuck?"
The demons were gone now but I knew that wouldn't last for long. Those black demons were the kind that fed off of children's souls without warning. They did this because they knew that the innocence of children was the one virtue adults valued most in the entire world.
"Listen students. We have to prepare ourselves for the next demon attack. They could come back on any day, at any time, with any intention. Patricia's grades were really good and they knew she was the most precious child in my school. Now you're all going to have to fail your classes on purpose so that the demons don't think you're smart." I said.
"But we also have to learn how to defeat the demons in secret, right? Just teach us how to defeat the demons, but don't grade us on it. They won't be able to tell which of us is the smartest." A boy said.
The class cheered and pumped their fists in the air after hearing his amazing recommendation. I knew then that everything would be all right if we worked together.
The other teachers and I had a meeting. We discussed the demons and other evil things lurking around the world that we would have to stop together. Still, fighting the demons off for good wouldn't be an easy task.
"If we can contact The Unicorn People and get more magical books, maybe we'll find a spell that could destroy the demons forever," said Mrs. Pancakes.
"That's an Interesting idea Mrs. Pancakes." I said. "I'm so glad that you're teaching kids in my school. I think I know how to contact them to get what we want, but you're all going to have to trust me."
It was clear by their facial expressions that they were ready to do whatever I asked of them. We threw a party and the whole student body was invited along with the teachers from my old school, even though they were fired. Drugs and alcohol weren't allowed at the party though, because to tell you the truth, we really only wanted to deal with one type of demon. It was the greatest night of our lives.