Behind the Scenes

Craig Manning and Ashley Kerwin sat on the couch, a music video blaring on the TV and an assortment of junk food spread out on the coffee table. Once arriving at Craig's Ashley was quick to empty her backpack and was prepared to start rehearsing the scene they were required to perform for Ms. Kwan's English class. Craig, however, had immediately headed into the kitchen and returned with a variety of plastic bags in his arms. Then he went for the remote control. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "My brain needs a rest and my stomach needs food after school."

Ashley tossed her copy of The Taming of the Shrew onto the coffee table and picked up a bag of chips. She glanced over another. "Do you eat anything that isn't artificially colored orange?"

"Do you want me to get you something else?" Craig immediately offered.

Ashley opened the Doritos bag. "No, it's okay. My mom was just never the type to let me pig out after school. But it's fun to eat everyone else's junk food."

"Oh no, she didn't make you eat rabbit food?!" Craig protested.

"Hey, it wasn't so bad. I guess I was just the type of kid who didn't crave candy," Ashley said.

Craig shook his head and went for the Oreo cookies. "I'm really sorry about the store brand Oreos," Craig said with a smile. "Joey should know that you can't buy store brand Oreos."

Ashley smiled. "He had nacho cheese Doritos though, so he's not all that bad. He knows his junk food."

Craig made another attempt to appreciate the cookies. "Nope sorry, he doesn't get a pass on this one. There must be a special recipe that only the real Oreo company knows about."

"There probably is. Oreos themselves are kind of weird. They don't really have a cookie taste. I mean, it's kind of like chocolate but it's not. And I don't even know what that white stuff is supposed to be. It's like a cookie but not. It's sort of a fake cookie."

"You are an odd one, Ashley Kerwin," Craig joked.

"Don't get me started on that residue it leaves in your mouth."

"So if I were to kiss you right now you'd taste like an Oreo cookie but not a cookie cause it really doesn't taste like a cookie?" Craig said with a smile. He expected her to cringe at his lame line. He wasn't even sure where that came from, other than he couldn't help but stare at her mouth while she talked and smiled. He watched Ashley's cheeks burn and couldn't help but feel a little satisfied. He watched her smile slowly fade and quickly looked away. "I shouldn't have said that. I never think. I'm sorry. I'm such a jerk, you are Jimmy's girlfriend."

Ashley reached for her book, "Well, we should get back to work."

"Ah well, at least now he has a reason to kick my butt in gym class tomorrow. Not that it didn't happen on a regular basis. I'm the guy who runs into walls and trips over his own feet…he's the football star," Craig said.

"Yeah, I saw you the other day, you were pretty bad," Ashley said with a smirk and was a little pleased that this time he blushed. "Joking."

"Yeah…right. I have a feeling that by the end of my high school career, I'll need at least a year of therapy to overcome the humiliation that is gym class," Craig said, his tone more light hearted this time. He hoped it wasn't obvious that he was a little insecure of jock Jimmy. Of course Ashley would want to date him. He was popular and athletic, isn't that what the girls liked?

"And I'll need five more years to overcome the humiliation that is high school," Ashley joked, in an attempt to ease her nervousness about whether Jimmy liked what he saw in her this year. She wasn't the queen bee anymore. She wasn't sure what she was.

Craig reached for his copy of the book and his notebook. "We better ace this or we'll be in therapy for the rest of our lives to reverse the trauma that an enraged Kwan will inflict on us," he said and shuddered dramatically.

"Don't worry, kid, you are with me."

"Oh that's right, teacher's pet."

"I am not. I think she treats everyone fairly. She's one of my favorite teachers."

"Whatever. It's okay for you to be the teacher's pet…you deserve it with that awesome poem you wrote last semester," Craig praised and noticed that her smile grew. He really couldn't help but want to make her smile. "It happens to other people. You say how sad, you say poor thing. But when it's you it's something else. It's everything.' What was the name of that again?"

"Uh, Poor Thing. Yeah, I was in band with a few friends and we did another version of it. Got an honorable mention in a contest."

"Wow, that's awesome!"

"I can't believe you remember that poem," Ashley mumbled in disbelief.

Craig shrugged in response. "Sometimes it gets a little too dark but I like the stuff you write. That one seemed really…honest."

"So the direction we're taking this play adaptation doesn't freak you out?"

"Actually, I did some planning last night. Couldn't sleep so I started just…writing and planning out some ideas of how I'd like Petruchio to be," Craig said and turned the pages quickly, excited to show Ashley his plans. "Crap," he mumbled as he flipped through the pages again. "I think it's in my science notebook. Up in my room. Be right back."

"That's a great place for your English assignment, Craig," Ashley called out with a smile as the curly haired boy raced up the stairs. Ashley fidgeted some while she waited, feeling a bit awkward being alone in her new friend's house. She absentmindly looked around the room, studying the curtains that clashed with the overstuffed armchair and children's toys piled up in the corner of the room. Her eyes stayed on the group of framed photos that sat on the mantle. She smiled at recent one of Craig and his little stepsister playing in the park.

"I know it's here!" she heard Craig yell from upstairs.

Ashley glanced over the coffee table, considering going over her notes from English class today. Her eyes stayed on Craig's notebook. She bit her lip and glanced at the stairs. She didn't really know Craig. Well, she knew him from school. She knew he'd have a camera around his neck. They'd talk in between classes and shared a study hall, so she knew what books he'd be reading or if he was stressing about passing a math test that week. She knew he struggled with math and science and made an attempt to help him out every once in awhile. She recalled how she'd once gone looking for a library book and found Craig sitting in a back aisle on the floor, several books stacked around him.

She'd just stood there for a moment, her eyes moving over the thick book that was resting in his lap. It was an art book. Ashley moved closer, curious.

"Hey," she finally greeted softly. "Homework?"

Craig looked up, startled out of his thoughts. "Ah, no. Well, I guess it's sort of for my photography club but…" he trailed off, feeling a little like a nerd. Who else hung out in the library after the lunch bell rang? He was surprised when she sat down next to him and reached for one.

"The Americans," she mumbled and began to flip through the pages. She glanced over at Craig and saw him watching her, his gaze unblinking.

Then he broke into a small smile and leaned into her some. He tapped his finger on the open book in Ashley's lap, "Robert Frank. He's one of my favorites. People usually just take pictures to make themselves look better or to like create this happy memory. He was much more cynical, much more real. It was just how things were, not all pretty." Craig looked over and saw that she was watching him. Suddenly he feared it was weird that he liked this kind of stuff. So he looked down and quickly added, "But uh, you know it'd be cool to take photographs of my favorite rock bands too."

"Do you mostly take pictures of people or…" Ashley asked, remembering how he'd almost always have a camera on him.

Craig glanced up from the image and into her pale blue eyes. She wanted to know more about him? He looked down, a bit embarrassed. His eyes skimmed over the image in the book as he spoke, "Yeah. I mean, it started with just wanting to take a picture to remember someone. Like my stepsister when I couldn't see her everyday. Or my mom, man I miss her. But lately…I just want it to be more of what we see every day, but don't really see. Ah, I'm not making sense. Anyway…I don't know if I'll ever be as good as this guy here but hey, I can try right?"

Ashley slowly smiled, "Maybe sometime you'd want to show me your photos?" She noticed that Craig was slightly hesitant to answer.

"Sure!" he'd said and then blushed some, realizing how excited he sounded. His gaze locked into Ashley's now. Normally he had a hard time looking people in the eyes; he guessed it stemmed from being raised by a temperamental father who had a tendency to get violent. He shook that off and felt his smile widen. He felt really comfortable with this girl, like she was a close friend.

"There you are," a male voice interrupted.

Craig and Ashley both looked up, feeling startled. "Hey Jimmy," Ashley greeted. She glanced over at Craig and he echoed a greeting as well.

"Didn't you hear the lunch bell?" Jimmy questioned, keeping his gaze on Ashley.

Ashley quickly handed the photography book over to Craig. She glanced over his face briefly and saw that his smile had since faded and he seemed very observant, like he was waiting for something. Ashley smiled up at Jimmy, "Yeah, I was just looking for something." Jimmy extended his hand to her and helped her up off the floor. Once she was standing, she said, "I'll see you later, Craig. You said you wanted to sign that GM foods petition right? I'll see you after school?"

"Sure. After my photography club," Craig agreed. "See you…guys…later."

"Later Craig," Ashley said and left Craig sitting in the library book aisle. She had tried to ignore the excitement that she felt fading and the guilt that was settling in her stomach. She wanted to sit there with Craig, with their brown bag lunches and photography books on the floor beside them. She wanted to know more about him.

She kept fighting that urge to know more. A part of her was surprised she wanted to know more. It wasn't that she didn't think Craig was interesting or that he'd made a terrible first impression on her. It was more of the fact that she was surprised how quickly she was becoming intrigued by him. She should be happy with Jimmy and wanting to know what Jimmy thought of the newest movie release they'd checked out at the theater. Not what Craig would think. Ashley stopped herself. What was she doing? Of course she could wonder what Craig thought. He was a friend, friends talk about this kind of stuff. Why would she feel bad about this?

So she reached for his notebook, despite the guilt that was starting to creep in, and started to flip through the pages. The schedule of photography club meetings, notes from English (what messy handwriting he had), a grocery sized list of bands that he wanted to check out, and whoa, what was this? Craig was writing poetry? Then she realized there were notes in the margins about how he imagined the tempo and other aspects of the song. She turned the page, anxious for more. She found it hard to even concentrate on what the song was about. She didn't know he was a musician.

"Found it!" Ashley heard Craig yell. She quickly tossed the notebook back on the table, feeling bad for being a snoop.

"Normally I'm like messy organized," Craig explained as he walked down the stairs. "I know where everything is if it's in…like…organized messy piles on the floor. But Joey made me clean my room so his newest girlfriend would be more impressed with the house or something. Now I don't know where anything is."

Ashley smiled and hoped she didn't look guilty. She shouldn't have looked through his personal things. And she knew she shouldn't be thinking that his messy curls were adorable and his tall lean frame was attractive. "Well, I should be going home soon."

"Oh no, not after I did all that searching. I battled the mothballs under the bed for this, Ash."

As he sank down next to her on the couch, she noticed the top button on his shirt was missing. Then she realized she'd been noticing this stuff for awhile. She remembered what he was wearing yesterday and if he'd smiled. She knew that the first few weeks of school, he'd sometimes looked like he was smiling to smile…not really smiling. Right now, it looked like he really was happy.

"You can stay for dinner tonight, if you want. I can't guarantee that it won't be burnt to a crisp and stuck to the pan, but you could stay," Craig offered. "We could keep working on this."

Ashley smiled, feeling warm all of a sudden. "Why not? I mean, we have to get this project done. I'll go call my mom."

Joey looked at Craig and smirked before he took the casserole dish out of the oven.

"What?" Craig demanded.

"So that is the Ashley girl?" Joey teased as he recalled the many times Craig had brought up his classmate.

"Yep, that's Ashley," Craig said and tried to ignore that he could feel his cheeks burning. He avoided his stepfather's gaze and continued to set the table. "We're working on a school project tonight. That's it."

Joey shook his head with a smile, "I know what's going on. You might be able to fool her but you can't fool me. You are a stud like your step dad."

Craig rolled his eyes. "Whatever. We're friends. She's Jimmy's girlfriend actually."

"Uh oh. Take it from someone who knows, friends are never just friends."

Craig glanced up at the ceiling once he heard the sound of running water. "Joey! Just…don't. Just be cool," Craig couldn't help but warn. He could hear Ashley on the stairs now.

Joey smiled as he recalled the torture a teen could feel when it came to their parents. "I can't tell you how much you've made me feel like family right now," he said with a pat on the back.

"I hope you don't mind," Craig said as he flicked on a few lights in the garage. "I think this is as close to privacy that we're going to get. If we stayed in the house I'm sure Angie would have had to be a part of everything we do and nothing would get done."

Ashley glanced around at the boxes and tools before resting her eyes on Craig. "She adores you," she stated with a smile and watched Craig's eyes light up.

"She's the rocking-est five year old in the hemisphere. And I adore her…but man is she a ball of energy. Sometimes I get tired just watching her," Craig said as he rummaged around in a plastic bag. He pulled out a dress shirt, tie, suit coat, and a pair of glasses. For a moment, he could have sworn that he smelled his father on them. That mix of hospital and the scent of the home they once shared. Craig shook the feeling off. These items came from a thrift store, not his father. "Uh, I thought this might be what a modern day Petruchio would wear," Craig explained as he pulled the suit coat over his black t-shirt and left it unbuttoned.

Ashley nodded, "Business man type? Well to do?"

"Yeah. Used to getting his way. I don't think he knew any different," Craig mumbled. "Anyway. Ready?"

"Yep. Don't be afraid to get dramatic," Ashley encouraged as she fastened the apron strings, sealing her into a housewife type role. She watched as Craig hesitated a bit before putting on the glasses. She looked down when she saw him flinch some. "I'll wait for you to start."

Craig waited a few moments, collecting himself. He nodded at his partner before he launched into the dialogue.

"Kate in sooth you scape not so!" Craig strongly stated as he grabbed Ashley's wrists.

"I chafe you, if I tarry. Let me go!" Ashley cried out.

Craig felt his heart speed up as he watched Ashley jerk away from him and drop down to the floor. He felt a little numb and wanted to say something, anything just so they could stop this. But instead of stopping, he continued. He dropped down beside her and gripped her arm.

"Nay. Thou must be married to no man but me," Craig said and grabbed Ashley's throat, just as they had discussed before. He feared his grip was too tight.

"For I am born to tame you Kate and bring you from a wild Kate to a Kate conformable as other household Kates. I must and will have Katherine to my wife," Craig spoke next to her ear in a harsh tone. After delivering his line, he found he was hesitant to let her go. While Ashley dismissed it as Craig being in character, Craig was nearly panicked. He felt like he was frozen and when he let her go it was like time had spent itself up unnaturally. He was losing it, he knew it.

"Oh no. No," Craig mumbled and backed away from Ashley. He quickly turned away from her, not wanting her to see that he had tears in his eyes.

Ashley stood up slowly and stared at him with bewilderment in her eyes. "Craig? What's wrong?"

"I don't want to be like him. Every once in awhile I can feel myself turning into him. I mean, he was my dad so I must have a part of him inside me right?"

Ashley slowly began to put the pieces together. Craig lived with his stepfather, not with his dad whom she knew was still alive. She recalled Craig working hard to craft Petruchio on his own; his want to add physical abusiveness to the scene. He seemed to have bitter insight into Petruchio's harsh and controlling nature. "I think there are a lot of things that make up who we are," Ashley decided on saying. She knew that the best thing she could possibly do was be here for him.

"I didn't mean to hurt you," Craig declared.

"You didn't hurt me, Craig. I'm fine," Ashley tried. She held out her hand, but pulled away from his shoulder at the last second. She didn't know how to comfort him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," Craig rambled, embarrassed. He was frantic to explain. He didn't want her to think he was crazy. "It's just that…Petruchio, or any outdated guy like that…he's just like him in a way. My dad was always that way towards my mom. There was this way that a wife should be and if she had to be that. And he's always talked about her like he owns her. He talks that way about me too. We had to watch everything we said around him, Ash. It's like we were his employees or something," Craig couldn't resist rambling.

"He sounds like a very difficult person to live with."

"I didn't mean to do this…to talk about this," Craig said as he turned around to face Ashley.

"You obviously needed some kind of emotional release. We don't have to do the scene the way we originally planned."

"So you think that's all it is? It's a release? I'm not thinking about being like him right?"

"I don't think so. It's just a way to deal with how he was," Ashley reassured.

Craig was silent for a few moments. "I don't want you to see me like how I saw him. I would never hurt you."

"I know you won't hurt me, Craig. I trust you."

Craig pulled the suit coat off, anxious for the memories to be gone. "Uh, can we practice again tomorrow?"

"Sure. That's fine. So uh…just hang out for the rest of the night?"

Craig arrived early at the spot they agreed on rehearsing at. Maybe their idea was a mistake. He tried to say the lines again.

"For I am born to tame you Kate and…" Craig tried, unsure of how much he wanted to get into character. He turned around at the sound of movement.

"Hey. Sorry I'm late" Ashley greeted and watched Craig turn. She tried to ignore his eyes moving up and down her figure. She didn't enjoy his gaze, just like she hadn't been enjoying the looks she'd been receiving all day.

"And you are...?" Craig couldn't help but question once he saw Ashley in purple blouse, glittery make-up, and a beaded necklace instead of her usual dark clothing and make-up.

"Late. Sorry," Ashley apologized in a curt tone. Man was she tired of all this. "Can we start?"

" Yeah, sure," Craig agreed. "Good morrow Kate, for that's your name I hear."

"Wait," Ashley interrupted.

"What? Not strong enough?"

"No, it's just the way Petruchio wants to change Kate…isn't it out of love?" Ashley had to ask.

"That's what he claims. So?"

"Well so we're making him into a villain. What if we're wrong?"

"Ash, the guy's a sexist pig and abusive."

"I know. I read the play, but…" She didn't know how to describe what was going through her head.

"But nothing. Even if he wasn't, he'd still be a jerk."

"Why?"

"Because if he really loved Kate, he wouldn't want to change her. He'd love her for who she is," Craig said, his gaze locked into Ashley's. She couldn't break away from him, feeling safe and lost in this moment. Craig seemed to see all of her or at least he wanted to try.

Things seemed to fall into place after that moment and it took only several more readings of their scene until they both felt confident. Ashley felt old insecurities appear once she saw the front of the school.

"Do you think I'm stupid for…" Ashley trailed off. She gestured to her clothes, "this."

Craig looked at her quizzically but didn't stop walking.

"Well, you noticed," Ashley prompted.

"I did. I always notice you, Ash."

"I know it's silly for wanting to feel like what I'm wearing is what makes me me. All day people have been looking at me."

"Ash, it doesn't matter what they are thinking about what you are wearing or doing. It's about how you feel. If you feel like you are more you in black or…a pink frilly dress then so be it. We all do things to try to define ourselves."

"I don't really know who I am."

"That's alright too. Who does?" Craig said as they stopped on the front steps of Degrassi. He gave her a small smile while he looked into her eyes.

"Hey, Ashley!" a voice called out.

Ashley broke the locked gaze she had with Craig and watched Jimmy wave from the door. "Well, I'll see you in class," Ashley said to Craig.

"We're going to do awesome. Kwan's going to regret pairing us, remember?" Craig called out. He watched her turn around.

"We do work pretty well as a team, don't we?"

Ashley swallowed hard once she heard the applause following Jimmy and Hazel's performance. She could hear a few students still giggling at the scene. She glanced at the back of Craig's head before shifting her gaze onto the stage.

"Why football?" Ms. Kwan asked the two performers.

"Well, we thought adding a modern twist would make it funnier," Jimmy explained.

"Petruchio's a manly man. Making him a football player seemed perfect," Hazel chimed in.

"And he makes Kate into the perfect wife for him, his own cheerleader," Jimmy said with romantic intentions and looked over at Ashley, who couldn't help but shift her eyes away.

She couldn't help but feel like she could never live up to what Jimmy wanted her to be. She wasn't entirely sure who that was or who she herself wanted to be. She only knew that she wouldn't feel safe with Jimmy while she found that out. It wasn't completely his fault. Or hers really; they just started drifting. She'd been feeling that drift almost once they started up again.

Yesterday she'd sat down for lunch in the caf next to Craig as if it was what she did everyday. When Jimmy joined them, she'd noticed hurt on his face when she just couldn't stop responding to what Craig was saying. She quickly changed the subject and forced herself to focus on Jimmy, her boyfriend (this was her boyfriend she kept telling herself), but she could see Craig out of the corner of her eye. He looked misplaced and sad. She'd witnessed the same discouragement when she'd told him the picture he was snapping of her was for Jimmy (Craig wanted her, all of her, she heard herself whisper deep inside her head).

It wasn't that she thought that her and Craig's lunchtime conversation was more important or interesting or deep. Or that Jimmy didn't have anything valuable to say about it. Jimmy was a great guy, she knew that. He would make someone a great boyfriend. It wasn't either of their faults when they grew impatient of each other or expected the other to be a certain way. She knew that she thought too much about things, it was silly at times. The thing was that Craig made it seem like it was okay to be this way, it was okay to be unsure about everything. She sought comfort in that…the way he'd just let things be a mess and try to make his way around the best he could. It was inspiring. He made her think, made her stop, and just act. She felt alive when she was around him.

She was thinking too much again, she knew this. Her heart was pounding. She assumed it was pre-performance jitters. She stared at the back of Craig's head, wishing he'd turn around. She felt some kind of warmth as she recalled how she felt like they'd been friends for years. Why is it that she felt so secure and so scared at the same time? She watched Craig turn around and smile softly at her.

"…Okay Ashley and Craig," Ms. Kwan said and signaled for them to take their places on the stage. Ashley quickly snapped out of her daze.

"Are you ready?" Craig asked, his expression warm.

Ashley nodded and found it strange that it was easy to speak, "Yeah. For real."

Ashley wasn't sure what would follow this performance. She wasn't even sure if their intentions and the subtle messages they were sending out would be received as they intended. She wasn't sure if it was right to air their most personal thoughts in public like this. She was sure of one thing, she was thinking of her and Craig as "we" now. He was part of her life. She wasn't sure how much, but he was here now. Deep down, she couldn't wait to see how far they could take it.