Hey guys, it's been a while, hasn't it? Sorry, btw. I decided to try a new fandom recently - well, today - so this is what I came up with. The writing style is new too, so let's hope it works out okay! Enjoy!
BP
Crushes
It isn't until their second year and they all turn seventeen that the questions Kuroko had been expecting for the past get asked.
"Na, Tetsu." Aomine nudges his arm playfully with his elbow when they're having a small break from their weekly game of street basketball. "Do you like anyone?" Kuroko pretends to be oblivious, playing with the basketball in his hand, spinning it.
"I like all of my friends and teammates, Aomine-kun." He gives Aomine's frustrated and resigned expression a small smile. "And, of course, basketball and vanilla milkshakes." His taller friend groans.
"Tetsu, I didn't mean it like that!" Kuroko just tilts his head in false curiosity.
"Oi, Kuroko. Have you ever thought about anyone in that way?" Kagami asks one day, red painting his cheeks from the embarrassing question. Inwardly sighing, Kuroko stares at him blankly.
"In what way, Kagami-kun?" Kagami eyes him carefully.
"You know, I can never tell when you're pulling my legs when you look like that." The tealette tilts his head.
"Kagami-kun, this is my face. I always 'look' like this. Also, my hands are nowhere near your legs." He keeps his expression complete deadpan as he pulls off a downgraded jazz hands. "See?" Kagami, much like he expected, drops the subject of Kuroko's romantic life and face-palms, groaning.
"It's an expression! And I know that's your face, you moron."
"Kuroko, if you wish to romantically pursue someone, we will all be behind you one hundred percent!" Kuroko stumbles and misses the pass he'd been preparing, the ball going out of bounds instead of into Fukuda's hands. The first years laugh behind their hands, but stop and straighten when Kuroko lowers his hands, blank expression in place.
"Kiyoshi-senpai." He says, tone completely calm, compared to the air around him. The first and second years take a collective step back. The third years are unaffected. "Could you possibly not blurt out things like that in the middle of a game?" Kiyoshi laughs, a hand rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.
"Ah, gomen, gomen. But the thought came into my head, so I just said it." Hyuuga slaps the back of his head.
"D'aho! Of course we would, but it doesn't need to be said, especially during practice!" Hyuuga adjusts his glasses and looks sideways at Kuroko, giving him a nod, which elicits a smile, and stalks off to the court. "Why have you stopped playing? Play!" He yells, leaving everyone scrambling to comply.
Kise bounces around him for twenty minutes at the next GoM 'meeting'. They played basketball for two hours before they stopped to have lunch in the nearest park.
"Kurokocchi!" He whines, and Kuroko inwardly sighs as he tries to remove Kise's arms from himself. "Why don't you love me?" Kuroko closes his eyes in irritation. Kise gasps dramatically and loudly exclaims "Do you love someone else?" while flinging himself away from the tealette. Everyone stops ignoring Kise at that moment and turns to the two, curiosity painting their features. Well, Murasakibara seems to be more interested in his snacks, but Kuroko knows he's listening, and he despairs when he sees the same curiosity in even Akashi's eyes. He sighs aloud this time.
"I don't know." Kise and Aomine look confused.
"How can you not know if you like someone like that?" Kuroko frowns, looking away at Aomine's question. After a moment, he asks, "Do you find anyone hot?" Confusion ripples through the tealette.
"Hot?" He looks back at them all and frowns a little deeper. "I suppose I think a few people are aesthetically pleasing." He shrugs. "I don't really understand the hype about it." Midorima and Akashi look at Kuroko closely before exchanging glances. Midorima clears his throat, pushing his glasses up his nose.
"Kuroko, are you sexually attracted to anyone? I believe that is what Kise and Aomine are doing a poor job of asking." The two immediately protest at the insinuation that they can't ask a simple question. Kuroko thinks for a moment, even though he already knows the answer.
"No." Aomine gapes.
"What about Satsuki? She was always flinging herself on you. Surely you felt something then." Kuroko quietly shakes his head. "Is she not pretty enough or something?" The tealette narrows his eyes.
"Personally, I don't believe you should be talking about Momoi-san in that way. It sounds like you're trying to sell her off based on her sexual appeal." He bites, furious on the absent woman's behalf. Aomine jolts back in surprise and fear. "And yes, she is pretty, but I don't like her like that." He pauses, calming down a little. "She knows that and respects it." He says firmly. The 'and if you're a good friend, you will also' is left unsaid, but Aomine appears to understand as he lowers his gaze and mutters a 'sorry'. Kuroko nods.
Kise jumps in, a little shaky from Kuroko's sudden show of temper, but trying to sort-of lighten the mood. "Then what about romantically? Do you have a crush on anyone?" Kuroko looks confused.
"I'm… not quite sure what a crush is, to be honest." Everyone stares at him in surprise. "What?" He asks, shifting back a little in self-consciousness.
"How can you not know what a crush is?" Kise and Aomine ask in unison. It's an innocent question, but it hits Kuroko hard. Anger and hurt bubbles in him at the insensitivity. Instead of making him out to be abnormal, they could at least ask what he felt that was closest to a crush, or what he understood it to be.
He keeps his voice low, controlled and calm. "Because I haven't ever felt whatever nonsense the media spouts about how crushes are supposed to feel like and it doesn't really help when people like you ask that instead of explaining – as if crushes are meant to be felt by everyone and anyone who doesn't isn't normal." He stands and collects his bag, sending a vicious look to Kise and Aomine, who suddenly look quite guilty. He sighs wearily, pushing his anger down, knowing that it's mostly frustration at himself anyway. "My apologies for snapping at you. I'll see you all in two weeks." He says, giving a short bow and leaving.
He doesn't go home just yet. Instead, he wanders the park a little before sitting down on an empty bench in a quieter area of the park. He runs his hand through his hair, feeling ridiculously tired. Resting back against the bench, Kuroko tilts his head to the sky, one hand unconsciously resting on his chest where he could feel his heart beating steadily.
He blinks when the sky is suddenly obscured by crimson. "Kuroko." He turns, taking in Akashi's small smile.
"Akashi-kun." Kuroko nods his head in a small bow. "How can I help you?" Akashi sits next to him and carefully doesn't look at him.
"I'm sorry about Aomine and Kise." Kuroko shakes his head, smiling a little.
"It's fine, you don't have to apologise for them. I overreacted." The smile turns bitter. "I should know better. I was frustrated because people have been asking a lot of questions recently, and I've been avoiding answering them because… well…" He trails, not sure how to explain his fear that everyone won't treat him the same because of his identity, or that they will think he's a freak. He also doesn't know how to explain that he knows, logically, that it's irrational, but that he can't stop the fear from choking him every time he wants to tell them.
"Kuroko, would you mind telling me what you identify as?" Akashi turns his head a little in his direction, a gentle look in his eyes. Kuroko looks away.
"Romantically or sexually?" Akashi smiles at the petulant mutter.
"Both?" He asks hopefully.
"….. I'm a quasi-romantic asexual." Akashi blinks while Kuroko looks at him through his lashes, gauging his reaction. After a couple of seconds, Akashi smiles, a little amused.
"That's quite complicated for you. I can see why you're frustrated." Kuroko looks at him fully in the face.
"Why do you know what that is?" Kuroko cringes when the question comes out more accusing than he wanted it to. It was supposed to be a simple question. Akashi laughs softly, not offended in the least, knowing exactly what is going through Kuroko's head.
"Well, I'm a demi-sexual myself." He shrugs nonchalantly. "I was curious, so I looked everything else up as well. It helps to be well informed about things like that so that no one is offended." His eyes twinkle in mirth.
"And you are absolute." Kuroko quips and Akashi is startled into laughter, sounding much less refined than his usual chuckles and snickers behind his hand.
"That's right." He finally agrees amusedly. "I am absolute." Kuroko blinks in surprise at the hint of orange in Akashi's left eye as he used the 'boku' pronoun. Then he smiles as the orange fades.
"Ah. So he's still there?" Akashi nods, looking a little apprehensive. Kuroko smiles wider as his eyes soften affectionately, surprising Akashi. "Good."
"… Good?" The redhead asks tentatively. Kuroko scoots a little closer, bumping his shoulder with Akashi's playfully, and nods.
"Un. He's a part of you, isn't he?" Akashi's eyes grow wide. "Then I accept him fully. Akashi-kun is Akashi-kun, after all."
"But… I hurt you. Incredibly so." Akashi looked away, the orange tint to his eye returning. "I toyed with your childhood friends' team and did so with no remorse." Kuroko kept quiet, just watching Akashi, knowing that he had to get it off his chest, or the lingering feelings from it would fester. "I didn't care that you weren't enjoying basketball anymore, nor did I care that the team was falling apart. I didn't care when Daiki hurt you so badly on the night we met, and instead only made it worse." Akashi's left eye was fully golden now, but instead of the cold look Kuroko was used to with this persona, there was sadness and guilt. "I just watched as you shattered like so much glass after that championship and offered no comfort." Kuroko blinks.
"You were…" Akashi nods.
"Yes. I saw you fall apart after the game, and I just watched." Akashi's eyes were looking rather shiny at this point. "At the time I thought you were weak, pathetic. What was there to be upset about if we won? Then when you quit the club and told me that you weren't going to run away anymore, I was amused." Akashi smiles, his eyes wide, something insane lingering in them. "I thought it was interesting. What could you possibly do? With your style of basketball, where you have to have a strong basketball player to shadow? But then you started winning. Winning against Ryouta, Shintarou, Daiki and Atsushi. I was impressed, but then my game with Shintarou only cemented to me that the others had grown weak." He sighs, the smile leaving his face, coldness glinting in his eyes once more. "My intention at our game was to utterly destroy your team, much like I destroyed your friend just a few months before." Akashi shrugs, looking uncomfortable to Kuroko, who continued to listen calmly. "I was… proud, I suppose, when you didn't break again, and instead inspired your team, asking to be put in. And I must admit, I was incredibly impressed when you developed your own version of the Emperor Eye. I look forward to seeing how you use it in the future." Akashi stands, and Kuroko unconsciously follows him, and is subsequently shocked when Akashi bows to him at a perfect ninety-degree angle. "I deeply apologise for intentionally causing you pain. I understand if you wouldn't want to be close to me once again because of what happened –" Akashi pauses when Kuroko gently grasps his shoulders and pulls him up, his heterochromatic eyes glinting confusedly. "Tetsuya?"
"Bakashi-kun." Kuroko says as he steps even closer and pulls the surprised Akashi into a hug, something no one had ever dared to since his mother died. "I forgave you. A long time ago." He feels Akashi's rise and cradle his shoulders and hugs the redhead tighter. "How could I not? You're my friend, and you gave me so many new ones, whether you recognise it or not." Akashi lowers his head, resting it on top of Kuroko's.
"I did so many horrible things –" He cuts off with a yelp when Kuroko gives him a rough jab in the ribs and he suddenly sympathises with Daiki when he used to complain how 'Tetsu's jabs really hurt! He might look weak, but he's got a lot of strength in those tiny arms of his!'.
"Bakashi-kun." Kuroko huffs, much to Akashi's bemusement over the repeated insult. "The only horrible thing I can think of that you did was trying to deprive me of my vanilla milkshakes." Akashi blinks and then laughs.
"Tetsuya, they are bad for you." He continues the old argument and winces when Kuroko pinches his side.
"I don't care." He grumbles. "I like my daily milkshake." Shaking his head, Akashi sighs, his left eye returning to red.
"Fine, Kuroko. I won't restrict you again." He pulls away from the hug. He smiles at the tealette. "How about we go and get one now?" Kuroko blinks, face impassive.
"That would be nice." Akashi knows that is an understatement when he can see the sparkles surrounding Kuroko and he chuckles.
"Come then," He says, grabbing Kuroko's hand and tugging him along.
Akashi cannot stop his amused smile as he watches Kuroko drink his milkshake as they sit in one of the booths at Maji Burger. Akashi has a cup of tea in front of him, but he's barely touched it, too busy watching the happy air Kuroko excludes like a visible aura as he drinks with a completely blank face. He found it funny in Teiko and, if anything, it has become funnier because Kuroko has mastered his emotionless mask.
He doesn't realise that he's been staring at Kuroko for a long time, until Kuroko sets down his empty cup with a slightly disappointed look and fixes him with a curious look.
"Akashi-kun?" Akashi blinks.
"Yes, Kuroko?" Kuroko looks away quickly before his gaze meets his.
"What is a crush?" Akashi leans back in his seat, pondering this.
"It's what I would call an obsession. You think about that person a lot, start trying to get their approval and attention. You feel good when they pay attention to you and bad when they don't like what you've done or when you've upset them." Kuroko frowns. "What?"
"But that sounds like friendship." Akashi nodded.
"It sort of is when you know the person, except for the fact that crushes are a bit more extreme in that they are the one person you treasure above all others, and from what I hear, if you don't have enough self-confidence, crushes can tear you apart." Kuroko tilts his head in silent question. "Say that your crush appears to like their partner to be outgoing and talkative." The tealette scrunches his face a little in distaste, making Akashi chuckle. "If you have a big enough crush in that person, most people will try to become more outgoing and talkative, even if they're not."
"That seems counter-productive."
"Hm?" Akashi hums curiously at Kuroko's objection.
"Surely, if you are looking to spend… the rest of your life together?" Kuroko looks at Akashi for approval and when he nods, he continues, "You would want someone who would accept you for how you are, not who you pretend to be. It sounds exhausting to change yourself and pretend for the sake of another person all the time. What if the other person doesn't like you in that way?" Akashi nods.
"Exactly. Most crushes that adolescents go through are either unrequited, or not enough to build a strong relationship. It's why people also call crushes infatuations." Kuroko nods, a thoughtful look on his face.
"In that case, I don't believe I've ever had a crush, and by how irrational it seems to be, I don't think I want one." Akashi half-smiled.
"Fair enough." But Kuroko wasn't done yet.
"Taking away the parts where I want to change who I am to meet someone else's standards, it does sound familiar to something I have felt before." He says slowly, thoughtfully. Akashi leans forward, almost fascinated.
"About who?" Kuroko blinks, staring at him.
"You." Akashi almost chokes. "What? By your own definition, a crush is when you think about that person a lot and try to get their approval and attention. I felt that when we were in Teiko and I joined the basketball team. Even when you did change, it didn't change the fact I wanted your attention and approval. I felt good when you acknowledged my efforts, and felt bad when I disappointed you." The tealette nods decisively and looks at him with a triumphant glint in his eyes. "Akashi-kun. It appears I have a crush on you." Akashi does choke now, eyes wide in surprise as his cheeks flare red. He coughs to clear his throat, reluctantly amused.
"Leave it to you to be blunt, Kuroko." He says when he's finished coughing, a blush still tinting his skin. "You just come out with the embarrassing things." Kuroko blinks.
"If I don't say them, how are you supposed to know? Crushes are often unrequited, and I don't mind if you don't feel the same way for me, Akashi-kun." He smiles, something placid and tranquil about him. "It's enough that I told you. If you don't want a relationship with me, then I don't mind. I like being friends with you." He reaches for his drink, and frowns sadly. "I don't like being without vanilla milkshake though." He stands. "I'll be back in a moment, Akashi-kun. I need another milkshake. My throat isn't used to talking so much." As he ambles off, Akashi stares at his back, not sure what to feel.
Please, please, please let me know what you think. I don't usually write in the present tense, so this was a little difficult for me, especially as this is anew fandom for me. Even though this story says it's complete, I am willing to do a second chapter/sequel, if you want me to. For now though, I'm content with it. I'll hopefully be uploading more for this fandom and my Foxy!Naruto series soon ;)
BP