Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha or any of its characters, they belong to Rumiko Takahashi. I own only the tears I shed for them.
Running Errands
by Kanketsu-Hen
I wake up to the shrill sound of the alarm clock, snapping out of a dream I can't quite remember, and I don't think I want to. Sunbeams are pressing against my eyelids, making my face warm, and my willpower forces them open. I hit the top button on the alarm clock and it goes silent, a light buzz still in my ears.
With a groan, I look around my room and back to the wide-opened window, tilt my head a little and wonder if I had forgotten it that way, or if someone else had just opened it.
"InuYasha?" The first name comes to mind, my heart racing in anticipation. This name always finds its way up there, sneaking through every thought, in every movie I watch, during my classes and in every other guy I end up rejecting simply for not being him.
The half-demon with a short fuse who runs after Kikyou every time he has a chance, making me wonder where I truly stand in his life; but who also has opened up to me and revealed parts of himself that no one else knows, and who tries to comfort me, in his own way, whenever I'm upset.
Something inside of me withers. It couldn't have been InuYasha. The fight we had yesterday will certainly give us a few days apart from each other. It has followed the pattern: he ran to her and came back, searched for me and hell eventually broke loose in the middle of his attempt to apologize, if that's what he was going to do. I ignored his explanation and jumped into the magic well, not even saying goodbye to my friends.
Ignoring him was childish, I acknowledge that, such as using the command that makes him hit the ground, but those were the only resources I could use. The other ones would be to face him and eventually start crying, and I don't want to cry anymore. Not in front of him. Not because of her.
Being angry is better than being heart-broken. Yelling is better than crying. Running away is better than showing vulnerability. Silence is better than dialogue.
When did I become this girl?
It was shocking enough when I caught myself wishing Kikyou's death, and now this. I know I'm not perfect. I'm reminded of that constantly. I don't like everybody and I can be stubborn sometimes, but I've never wished anybody's death before.
"Don't be so hard on yourself. You're only human, Kagome," Mama would say. But what kind of miko am I if I keep allowing my heart to darken during situations like this? Shouldn't I always be controlled, wise and in peace with myself and the others? It's such a heavy burden sometimes I think I'm not strong enough to bare it. And being constantly informed that I'm not like Kikyou makes it even worse.
I feel like sometimes I have to apologize for being me and not her.
Memories of last night flash through my mind and I feel exhausted. I'm not willing to go through that kind of fight again. I'm wasting my energies, which have become quite precious to me, due to all my obligations in this world and the other. I don't intend to give InuYasha an ultimatum, because I'm afraid he would leave me for good, and it wouldn't be fair or wise from me, but I can't put up with this anymore.
I try to shake him off my mind and ignore the hollow feeling inside my chest. I have a lot to do and I must focus on that. I'll forget about InuYasha, and hope I come up with a solution to our problems tomorrow.
The wind blows my curtain, its shadow dancing along the floor as the mixed scent of flowers invades my bedroom. A small smile touches my lips. Mama wanted to have a flower garden, so she hired Houjou-kun and his friends to prepare the soil and do everything else necessary to setting up a proper garden. How they knew how to do it remains a mystery to me.
The area delimited in front of our house isn't exactly large, so Mama will have to restrict her gardening to flowers only, and she doesn't need more than that, but it receives a lot of sunlight and it was just enough for all the seeds she had chosen to grow. I couldn't help but smile while she was telling me about this, amazed at how she managed to convince four teenagers to work on a garden, after school, under the sun.
Of course the paying was fair, after all, it was still my mom. She would offer them snacks in the end, and they would chat for at least an hour, always counting on my grandpa's stories, whose veracity I'm now forced to admit, and Souta's videogames, which never seemed appealing to me, but most boys tend to like them. I guess Houjou-kun and his friends provided Souta with a type of company I'm not able to, specially now. It sounded like they had a lot of fun.
"We mostly talked about you, obviously. And Houjou-san would bring some new medicine for your made-up diseases, along with surprising knowledge on each subject," she told me, as the first buds were starting to rise.
Because of me, more lies eventually had to be told. I'm not lying in bed, unable to receive any visits anymore. Now I have a cousin who is a young but experienced doctor and who has demanded that I spent sometime with him and his family so I can receive proper care, and come home completely recovered. Houjou-kun seemed satisfied with the explanation.
"He looked genuinely worried. I think he likes you, Kagome," she continued, and I didn't know how to respond, since I'm sure she knows there's something between InuYasha and me. What it is, exactly, I don't know. Maybe she does.
Lately I've been thinking I shouldn't completely shut the door on Houjou-kun, maybe keep it half-opened, in case things don't work out with InuYasha – which right now seems like a pretty accurate prevision. But maybe he has given up on me, with every right, considering how many times I've ditched him and failed to appear on our dates. Also, planning something like this isn't like me. I'm not this kind of person. Wonder if I would suffer less if I were.
My heart aches the most when I think this is probably what InuYasha is doing to me: Keeping me close, in case he doesn't end up with Kikyou. I know he is not a bad person, in fact, he is one of the best I've even known, but being abandoned makes you have doubts. Maybe he has doubts, too.
Deciding I can't afford to waste anymore time, I get up, trying to push both boys's memories away, luckily finding a strong ally in my detailed and memorized to-do list. I mentally go through every item, in chronological order.
The first one really cheers me up: 1. Fill up the bathtub and soak in there until I almost melt.
Knowing there's no one else at home, I slip off my pyjamas and walk to the bathroom, speeding up my pace as a slight embarrassment blushes my cheeks. I mentally scold myself. I'm not in Sengoku Jidai anymore, there's no way Miroku or InuYasha will try to take a peek, so there's no reason to worry.
I rush to get there anyway.
The bath is delicious. I hold my breath and let myself sink into the water. I allow a muffled gasp to skip my lips as water enters my mouth and blends with the tears that, apparently, weren't done with me last night. This is my last moment of weakness, I think. I replace the images of our last fight with the next items on my list. I can't think of him. I have errands to run.
2. Tidy up my bedroom. Easy enough. Mama cleaned it up a couple of days ago, before she went off on a trip with Souta and grandpa to visit some relatives in a city nearby. So, I only need to make the bed and pick up the sheets of paper spread by the wind. I pout as I remember I never actually closed the window.
Number 3 is to have breakfast while copying Yuka's notes from last week. We had to arrange some sort of deal so she could lend them to me, and I don't know what she will have me do yet, and I can't worry about it right now.
Mama didn't know I was coming back sooner, so there's a chance she didn't go grocery shopping before the trip. I may have to do it, or just eat somewhere else. I think of a few locations, most involving fast-food, and release the guilt when I notice I've lost a considerable amount of weight in my trips to the past.
Before I reach number 4, my lungs beg for air and I rise, advised by my stomach that I should move faster and go get food. I obey, and within a few more minutes I'm already heading back to the bedroom, a second towel wrapped around my head, keeping my hair from dropping water all over the corridor.
When I get there, I'm not attacked by a gust of wind as I expected. A sudden fear creeps along my spine as I notice the window is now shut. My family is out of town and none of my friends has the keys to my house, so it has to be someone else.
The first thing in mind is that there is an enemy here, someone or something that'll hurt me. I'm so stressed from all that's been going on, I don't even think why would they bother messing up with my window in the first place. Maybe another youkai escaped the well and is looking for the Shikon no Kakera in my possession.
No one is here and I have to defend myself, causing the least amount of damage possible to my belongings. I look for my bow and set of arrows, and mutter in frustration when I can't find them. I didn't bring them with me, they must be at Kaede-obaa-chan's.
Holding the towel tight to my body, I shiver as I feel a presence behind me. From the shadow on the floor, it looks human. A burglar? A rapist? I'm so used to dealing with youkai I actually forgot that crimes were timeless, and the present is certainly not free from them. I'm also used to always having someone around to protect me.
When InuYasha was fighting, Miroku-sama, Sango-chan and Kirara, and even little Shippou-chan would be there for me, and I would be there for them. Thinking of my friends brings me pain now, because my constant fighting with InuYasha eventually drives us apart too, when I run back to the present and leave them there.
The feeling of loneliness and fear stabs my heart, my mind racing. I turn around and my body goes tense, then relaxed, and tense again as fear is replaced by anger, and what I didn't expect to be my first word of the day comes out of my mouth:
"Osuwari!"
A/N: Okay, what do you guys think? I was planning on writing one-shot fanfics only for a while, but I thought I'd explore this in two chapters or three. Let's see how it goes.