Hi everyone! So I wasn't planning to write a fanfic about anything quite like this one, just in light of recent events - meaning life - I needed somewhere to get down all of the emotion I'd been feeling so this is it! The content/theme is a bit of a weird one... I've read one other DH one about an issue quite like this, so it's not a popular topic to write about but oh well. C'est la vie !
I don't know quite how long I'm going to make this yet or really what's gonna happen, so just bear with me.
There's a trigger warning on this so read at your own risk. And it's rated T for the content (non-sexual, though)
This first paragraph was just me rambling on and on but I think it works!
I hope you really enjoy this and leave a review!
Bree Van de Kamp had just finished shaving her legs and had her razor in her hand. She looked at it, carefully, as if examining it. She broke apart the top part and removed the long, thin, sharp metal blade from within it. She twiddled it around in her fingers for a couple of minutes. Her heart was pounding in her chest as she worked up the nerve to do what she wanted to. She thought of the phone call she had received a mere 12 hours ago from her ex-husband, Orson. He'd implied by saying that that was the last time she'd ever hear from him that he was going to end his life, and Bree blamed herself for that. If she'd never had that affair with Karl, they all wouldn't have been in that house when the plane crashed, and Orson wouldn't have wound up paralysed and despised her, and created his obsession with her, and her actions out in the woods when he'd seen because of his obsession. If she hadn't done any of that, they'd both still be happy, and alive.Bree griped the razor blade tight in her fist and almost dropped it as the sharp corners had dug into her palm. She went back to holding it with her fingertips. Her heart was pounding as she decided to go through with her 'plan'. She made one small cut midway up her left forearm. She winced at the sudden rush of pain, but within seconds it was gone. She found herself longing for more, the sense of pain that she felt with her act numbed the emotional pain she was feeling in her life. She had been sitting in the bath tub at the time, and half an hour later she still remained where she was, the water had turned cold and she had quite a few sore, red marks on her forearm, the water was also a light shade of red, just light enough that she could still her her hand underneath the 15 inch deep water. She'd confined her impulse to her left arm, but with the sudden and overpowering addiction to the pain, she'd winded up with 27 roughly 2 cm long crimson gashes on her arm. She looked down at her arm and she realised what it was she had actually just done. Her face crumpled as she fought back the tears, she knew she was alone but for the sake of her emotional state, she didn't want to cry.
She realised that the time was now 9:46 AM and that she had brunch at Lynette's house at 11:00 AM and she needed to get ready, so she pulled out the plug that was keeping the blood stained water in sight and she stood up, she ran the shower quickly to rinse off the blood from her skin and then went off to her bedroom to get dressed.
"Bree!" Lynette welcomed as she opened the door to her red headed best friend.
"Lynette, hi!" Bree replied, plastering her usual fake smile on her face.
"Come on in! We're all here, we're just chatting." She smiled pleasantly as she entered her friend's house and took a seat at her friend's dining table. The five of them - Bree, Lynette, Gaby, Susan and Renee - sat at Lynette's table for a good hour gossiping about various neighbourhood gossip before Lynette decided that it was probably time to eat. Lynette got up and received the plates of food that Tom had just dished up and headed for her front door.
"Lynette? Where are you going?" Renee asked.
"Oh! Sorry, I thought I'd told you guys." Lynette said, laughing. "It's a beautiful day, so I thought we could eat on the porch." The girls all agreed that it was a good idea and began helping to take out various items of food. Bree tugged on her sleeves to hide the marks on her arm. It was 82 degrees outside and she was already breaking into a light sweat. But like the others, she picked up two plates of food and took them outside.
They all took a various selection of the food items that were on offer and began eating whilst continuing their earlier gossiping session.
"God, it's so hot out here!" Gaby exclaimed, looking out onto the lane and then back at the girls.
"I know right!" Renee agreed. "Hey, Bree," Bree looked up from her plate to Renee's face.
"Yeah?" She asked. Wondering what Renee wanted.
"It's what, 81, 82 degrees out here, how are you wearing that sweater?" At that moment, all 4 of the other girls turned to face Bree, waiting to hear her answer.
"I, uh, I guess I just don't feel the heat like you all do." She replied.
"That's not true," Susan said laughing - in a joking manner, "you're always the first one of us to comment on how hot it is, you're always the one without a cardigan or a sweater on." Bree had think of a decent and believable lie, and quickly.
"I, uh, I guess you're right, actually." She replied, laughing. "I'm sorry girls, I'll be right back, I need to use the bathroom." She said, she got up rather hastily and made her way inside and up the stairs to the bathroom. She didn't even bother locking the door, she just walked over to the sink and gripped onto the sides as she took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. Her arm was stinging and she began thinking that her friends would notice. She rolled up her sleeve to reveal her recently mutilated arm. She ran the tap and ran her arm underneath it, the mix of the cold water and the overheated puffy skin created a nice and somewhat peaceful moment. She felt a lump form in her throat as the realisation of what she had done earlier sunk in. She failed to choke back the sob that escaped from her throat. She clasped her right hand over her mouth in fear that more would escape and someone in the house would hear.
Unluckily for her, Renee had come up looking for the redhead as thought needed by the other girls when she'd disappeared for almost 10 minutes. Renee had just reached the top of the stairs when she heard Bree's single sob coming from down the hall.
Bree had kept her hand over her mouth but she still couldn't prevent the small sobs from escaping her. Upon hearing the first sob, Renee had walked towards the bathroom and had pressed her ear up against the door. She could just hear Bree's muffled sobs through the wooden door and decided that after the last time Bree had locked herself in a room she was about to try and kill herself, she decided to intervene.
Bree had moved to a position on the floor between the sink and the bathtub. She had her face pressed tightly into her body with her knees up and she faced the wall. She had her arms over her head pulling her head down onto her knees. She was still sobbing and she knew that she couldn't stay there forever but for now, she was too much of a mess to go back outside and face her friends. She was sobbing so much now, that she didn't even hear Renee at the door.
"Bree?" Renee had called out. "Are you in there?" She knew that answer but by asking, she would have given Bree a few extra seconds to compose herself. But as she received no answer and could hear the sobs, she yelled out, "I'm coming in, Bree." She twisted the doorknob and was surprised to find that the door swung open. Upon her first glance, Renee didn't see Bree, it was thanks to the sound of her cries that Renee looked down and saw her friend curled up so tightly in a ball with her back towards her. If it wasn't for her red hair, she would never have known that woman was Bree. Bree had realised by the sudden blast of cooler air made by the door swinging open that someone else was there, but she was in too much of a state to look up and see who it was so she buried her head further down and as much as she tried to contain her sobs, they came even harder than before. Bree didn't realise how much emotion she had built up inside of her until then.
Renee was taken aback by the scene in front of her, just as she was that night when she found Bree in that motel room with her gun. She reacted quickly though, she knelt down beside Bree and placed a supportive hand on her back. Bree jumped upon feeling the touch of Renee's hand but was way too embarrassed, humiliated and distraught to turn around and face her. Renee could feel Bree trembling viciously underneath her touch. She rubbed her hand on her back and could feel every crushing tremble and shudder that the sobs caused her to endure.
Downstairs the remaining three women wondered as to where the other two could have got to.
"Well, we sent Renee, so if she's not back it must mean that she's with Bree and has everything under control." Gaby said, sipping her soda. Lynette looked at her watch.
"It's been 15 minutes since Bree left, unless she's died or something, she should be back by now." Lynette said, getting a small laugh out of both Gaby and Susan. "I'll just go check to see what's up, see if there's something they need." Lynette said.
"God, Lynette, you're making it sound like they're, you know." She said with a grin.
"Gaby!" Susan scolded before laughing herself.
"I'll be back in a sec." Lynette said, laughing.
From walking to the base of the staircase, Lynette could hear muffled sobs and soothing words coming from upstairs. This confused her, so she climbed up the staircase and made her way to the bathroom. She peered her head around the door frame and saw Renee with her back leant up against the bathtub, with her right arm creating soothing circles on Bree's back. Bree was almost completely hidden from Lynette's view, but the glimpse Lynette had caught of Bree's red hair had confirmed that the woman so tightly curled up and sobbing was in fact Bree. Renee noticed Lynette's presence at the door. Lynette's eyes were filled with pity and concern. She raised her right arm up and signalled a thumbs up and a thumbs down. Renee replied with a mix of both thumbs. Lynette knew that this was a we're fine here, please leave because she's embarrassed enoughsignal and closed the door and left.
"Well?" Susan asked as Lynette returned to the patio.
"I think…" Lynette started, "I think Bree has had some kind of emotional breakdown and um… Yeah…" Susan and Gaby's eyes grew with concern.
"Well, is she okay? Or…" Gaby asked, not really knowing how to phrase the question.
"She's tucked up extremely tightly in a ball mostly hidden from view in my bathroom sobbing her eyes out… But Renee's with her."
About a minute after Lynette had returned downstairs Bree's sobs finally began to slow down. Renee kept rubbing soothing circles on her back until she'd stopped crying completely. She was still trembling slightly.
"Hey, Bree." Renee said, gently. Hoping to coax something out of her extremely emotionally fragile best friend. Bree tightened her grip with her arms over her head - making sure that she kept a hold of the sleeve that was covering her cuts - signalling that she didn't want to talk.
"Okay, Bree, I get that you don't want to talk about your issues. It's just who you are. But you left the brunch and hid out in your friend's bathroom and had what can only be described as an emotional breakdown. Your friends are still all downstairs and I'm here with you. You don't have much of a defence against not sharing the reasons why we're here right now." Renee said. Bree still didn't say anything. Renee sighed. "Okay, I'm going to go and get you a glass of water to replace all the fluids you've just lost. I'll be back in a minute."
Renee made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. She reached into the cupboard above the counter and retrieved a glass and began filling it with water. As she turned around to return to upstairs, she looked at the window where Gaby, Lynette and Susan were all looking in. Lynette pointed towards the general direction of upstairs and Renee just shrugged her shoulders, because she really had no clue as to what was going on with Bree.
Bree had moved from being so tightly tucked up to a slightly more comfortable looking position. Her back remained against the sink and her legs remained bent but were stretched out a little further. Her head remained on her knees. But Renee as she walked back in realised that this was an inch of progress, a minute amount of progress, but at least it was some. Renee held out the glass of water to her friend, who didn't take it.
"Okay, but you do need to drink it." Renee said. "I'll put it down here and you can drink it when you like." She placed the glass down, just 15 cm away from Bree. Bree swung her hair around so if she lifted her head, the left side of it would be hidden from Renee's view. She sat up ever so slightly and retrieved the glass with her left hand. She quickly switched hands so she could continue pulling down on her left sleeve. But, unluckily for Bree, her sleeve had rolled down ever so slightly as she switched the glass from one hand to the other. As she took a few sips of the water with her right hand holding the glass, she placed her left hand down on the floor to steady herself. Renee saw this as the best opportunity to see what was on her forearms. Bree placed the glass on the floor underneath her legs with her right hand, and as soon as she'd done that, Renee rolled up Bree's blue sweater sleeve to reveal some of her cuts. Bree immediately wriggled her arm out of Renee's grasp and held it tightly to her chest and pulled her legs up closer to her chest once again. Renee sighed, she knew that the inch of the wall she'd managed to allow Bree to take down was once again being rebuilt.
"Look, Bree... " Renee started. "I just saw some red marks on your arm and I wanted to know what they were, but judging by the quick look I got and your haste to hide your arm, I'm thinking that you did this to yourself." Bree tucked her legs in even tighter to her chest as she willed herself not to start crying once again. She knew how pathetic she must already look to Renee, how her childish reluctance prevented her from just either talking to Renee or walking out of the Scavo house and walking back to her home. "Did you do this to yourself?" Renee asked, her voice was filled with concern. After a few moments hesitation, Bree nodded. Renee's heart broke for Bree. "Oh sweetie. I'm sorry."
"You don't need to be sorry. It's all my fault. I deserve this." Bree said, her voice hoarse from crying.
"Oh honey, but I do. I didn't see that you were in all this pain still. I didn't stop you from doing this to yourself." Renee said, once again rubbing her hand on Bree's back in soothing circular motions. Bree shook her head.
"There's nothing you could have done, Renee." Bree said. "When my mind's made up, then there's no changing it." Bree admitted sadly. "I'm just happy that you're here now. I'd have found it hard to put up with all of that emotion." Bree's voice was just one of many indicators to Renee that there was so much more going on. Her voice was flat, and her body language was not what is usually was, and by her words Renee could tell Bree was just not herself at all.
"Bree, what's really going on?" You're obviously not with it at all, your demeanour, and your actions, and this…It's just not you, and me and the other girls are consumed with worry and we just don't know how to help you because you won't tell us what's wrong. So I guess what I'm saying is, please tell us what's going on." Bree hadn't looked up once during this whole ordeal but after Renee's last sentence, she looked up at her, looked right into her eyes - which were consumed with concern - and broke down crying once again.