THE ASCENSION
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION
By Larnir W. Haigh
Part 2.
A Crush on Kaworu/Voices/Good Evening
The fingers of Eva 01... my fingers started to close around Kaworu, cold metal around frail flesh... who's frail? An Angel?
Hands gripping the feedback controls, a feeling of something small in the right fist, something soft and so long alive, giving way, fragile bones snapping and then no longer... just a moist spot, a red smear.
I opened my eyes, reluctant to look but having to see the work of my own hand, to make sure it was over and through. Yes, the palm of EVA 01 was wet and glistening, some shapeless remains clung to the metal... but it was not red. Not red. Even in the dim light of the Terminal Dogma I saw what would stain my soul forever.
A clear, thin fluid, yellowish fluid I was told to call LCL, the fluid that surrounded me right now in the entry plug. Now I knew the true name.
Ichor. The Blood of Gods. The life fluid of Angels. And there was less and less of it on Unit 01's hand, but the blood didn't drip off, nor could it dry off that fast.
Seeping down to EVA's flesh, the blood of Kaoru was being absorbed. The Angel was merging with Unit 01. Already I was losing the sensation of my hand, numbness creeping higher and higher...
Bastard!
You bugger!
You tricked me with your compassion, motherfucker!!!
You almost made me love you!!!
You made me kill you and THEN used me like everybody else did!!!
How I wish...
Mother...
Rei...
No.
It really doesn't matter... now.
Nothing matters at all...
Nothing
ever
mattered
...
Tears mixed with LCL as I wept, slumped in the pilot seat, helpless as on my day of birth. It was all to no avail. Perhaps it, this, was the true plan of SEELE, a success more bitter than any defeat. Numbness was creeping over my shoulder, then my neck, inch by inch taking me from myself, back to where there is no pain, no suffering, nothing whatsoever.
A voice.
-I'm here. Don't be afraid, I'm right here with you.
-What? Who... are you... Mother? Mother!
-You called for us, so how could we not come, - whispered another voice. Silvery and gentle, the voice there was no mistaking.
Rei.
-Thanks.
It was another voice, strange, full of power yet serene, as if it belonged to someone past all strife. Sounded not unlike the voice of Kaji.
-Thanks, Shinji. You don't know me much, but I am here, too. My name used to be Zeruel, I used to be an Angel... of sorts. You called me number fourteen.
Then the next voice came, almost not a surprise.
-Thank you, Shinji-kun. Just remember Kaworu when you need to make a decision again.
The voices spoke, weaving a warm, comfortable envelope of alienation, it grew and grew to the solemn jumping of figures on the power indicator. Two minutes. The chin and jaw went numb. One. The light came out as Unit 01 took my eyes. Zero.
Over. It was over.
-Now I encompass your mother.
-Your love.
-Your friend.
-Your enemy.
-Yourself.
-I am complete.
-I am.
Was it a voice, was it? Can I hear? Can I think? Can I exist?
-Let us go, Shinji - said Rei.
-There is more to do - added Zeruel
-The source, my son. Find your source.
-A...Adam?
-No, Shinji - summed up Kaworu.
Unit 01 moved under its own power, fluent and supple - probably in berserk, but I was conscious, feeling, enlightened, cleansed. Pure, almost. I stole a look at the console - synch rate was frozen at 500%. So it is five of us now. Where do we go?
Just a pair of strides across the lake of blood. Kneeling before the Cross, touching the mutilated body of Lilith, the twin wound from the Lance... Gently liberating Lilith, EVA 01 took her off the cross and laid in the lake of LCL. Like clones in the tank, she started to dissolve. Rest in peace.
Then there came lights, sounds, movement somewhere below. A bustle of activity in the doorway, people hurrying in, people freezing in blind terror at the sight. The blazing white light now flooding the room was coming from the eyes of the EVA, a sign of berserk they all knew. The mass of people backed up, a dark and amorphous cloud studded with useless limbs, faces, gun barrels.
I felt a jolt as the entry plug started moving. Turning away from the cross, still on its knees and bowing low, Unit 01 softly ejected the plug, and this was the sensation I've never experienced before - in the plug, cradled in EVA's hand that crushed Kaworu minutes ago, yet in full synch just like him. I can synch with an EVA from outside. Big deal.
The plug landed on the floor without even a clank and the hatch opened all by itself. Struggling on my feet, feeling like boneless pulp, I took a step from the plug, then another and another. I wanted to go away. Just anywhere. Away.
-Good evening, Commander Gendou. I killed your last fucking Angel, - said I.
-G-good..., - stammered my father, offering me or maybe Unit 01 something - a small box he held in his hand. There was something small inside, frozen in dark red dura-bakelite.
Whatever did he want to say - "good job" or "good evening".
-Stick it up your arschloch*.
It did not matter.
For all eternity, I was leaving. They sent a car to get me home. To Misato's place, that is.
End of Part 2.
* Asshole (Germ.)
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION
By Larnir W. Haigh
Part 2.
A Crush on Kaworu/Voices/Good Evening
The fingers of Eva 01... my fingers started to close around Kaworu, cold metal around frail flesh... who's frail? An Angel?
Hands gripping the feedback controls, a feeling of something small in the right fist, something soft and so long alive, giving way, fragile bones snapping and then no longer... just a moist spot, a red smear.
I opened my eyes, reluctant to look but having to see the work of my own hand, to make sure it was over and through. Yes, the palm of EVA 01 was wet and glistening, some shapeless remains clung to the metal... but it was not red. Not red. Even in the dim light of the Terminal Dogma I saw what would stain my soul forever.
A clear, thin fluid, yellowish fluid I was told to call LCL, the fluid that surrounded me right now in the entry plug. Now I knew the true name.
Ichor. The Blood of Gods. The life fluid of Angels. And there was less and less of it on Unit 01's hand, but the blood didn't drip off, nor could it dry off that fast.
Seeping down to EVA's flesh, the blood of Kaoru was being absorbed. The Angel was merging with Unit 01. Already I was losing the sensation of my hand, numbness creeping higher and higher...
Bastard!
You bugger!
You tricked me with your compassion, motherfucker!!!
You almost made me love you!!!
You made me kill you and THEN used me like everybody else did!!!
How I wish...
Mother...
Rei...
No.
It really doesn't matter... now.
Nothing matters at all...
Nothing
ever
mattered
...
Tears mixed with LCL as I wept, slumped in the pilot seat, helpless as on my day of birth. It was all to no avail. Perhaps it, this, was the true plan of SEELE, a success more bitter than any defeat. Numbness was creeping over my shoulder, then my neck, inch by inch taking me from myself, back to where there is no pain, no suffering, nothing whatsoever.
A voice.
-I'm here. Don't be afraid, I'm right here with you.
-What? Who... are you... Mother? Mother!
-You called for us, so how could we not come, - whispered another voice. Silvery and gentle, the voice there was no mistaking.
Rei.
-Thanks.
It was another voice, strange, full of power yet serene, as if it belonged to someone past all strife. Sounded not unlike the voice of Kaji.
-Thanks, Shinji. You don't know me much, but I am here, too. My name used to be Zeruel, I used to be an Angel... of sorts. You called me number fourteen.
Then the next voice came, almost not a surprise.
-Thank you, Shinji-kun. Just remember Kaworu when you need to make a decision again.
The voices spoke, weaving a warm, comfortable envelope of alienation, it grew and grew to the solemn jumping of figures on the power indicator. Two minutes. The chin and jaw went numb. One. The light came out as Unit 01 took my eyes. Zero.
Over. It was over.
-Now I encompass your mother.
-Your love.
-Your friend.
-Your enemy.
-Yourself.
-I am complete.
-I am.
Was it a voice, was it? Can I hear? Can I think? Can I exist?
-Let us go, Shinji - said Rei.
-There is more to do - added Zeruel
-The source, my son. Find your source.
-A...Adam?
-No, Shinji - summed up Kaworu.
Unit 01 moved under its own power, fluent and supple - probably in berserk, but I was conscious, feeling, enlightened, cleansed. Pure, almost. I stole a look at the console - synch rate was frozen at 500%. So it is five of us now. Where do we go?
Just a pair of strides across the lake of blood. Kneeling before the Cross, touching the mutilated body of Lilith, the twin wound from the Lance... Gently liberating Lilith, EVA 01 took her off the cross and laid in the lake of LCL. Like clones in the tank, she started to dissolve. Rest in peace.
Then there came lights, sounds, movement somewhere below. A bustle of activity in the doorway, people hurrying in, people freezing in blind terror at the sight. The blazing white light now flooding the room was coming from the eyes of the EVA, a sign of berserk they all knew. The mass of people backed up, a dark and amorphous cloud studded with useless limbs, faces, gun barrels.
I felt a jolt as the entry plug started moving. Turning away from the cross, still on its knees and bowing low, Unit 01 softly ejected the plug, and this was the sensation I've never experienced before - in the plug, cradled in EVA's hand that crushed Kaworu minutes ago, yet in full synch just like him. I can synch with an EVA from outside. Big deal.
The plug landed on the floor without even a clank and the hatch opened all by itself. Struggling on my feet, feeling like boneless pulp, I took a step from the plug, then another and another. I wanted to go away. Just anywhere. Away.
-Good evening, Commander Gendou. I killed your last fucking Angel, - said I.
-G-good..., - stammered my father, offering me or maybe Unit 01 something - a small box he held in his hand. There was something small inside, frozen in dark red dura-bakelite.
Whatever did he want to say - "good job" or "good evening".
-Stick it up your arschloch*.
It did not matter.
For all eternity, I was leaving. They sent a car to get me home. To Misato's place, that is.
End of Part 2.
* Asshole (Germ.)