Sitting in the library, my back to the late afternoon sun shining through the windows, I was reading a book on Prythian history. Tamlin had gone out with Lucien to attend to some High Lord business. Tamlin in an attempt to learn from his mistakes had been trying to give me some more freedom. He had even offered this morning to let me to come with him to a neighbouring town so he could have a meeting with some courtiers. He said he would give me some money to go shopping (while some of his guards tagged along of course) so I wouldn't have a chance to spy on him. I said no, saying I was tired and wanted to read, but mostly I just didn't want to have to spend another minute with him, playing his simpering bride.

I had tried a couple of times, while he had been out, to snoop through his study in order to gather information - but everything was neatly packed away and locked up tight. I knew it was because Tamlin was terrified of Rhys gaining his 'control' over me again, and I had smirked at the thought that I was doing it of my own accord. Instead I filled my time reading biographies and histories of the Spring Court and of Hybern. I was searching for the needle in the haystack but I had time to use a magnifying glass on each straw.

I heard horses galloping and sensed that it was Tamlin arriving home. I felt a comforting stroke through my mating bond with Rhys, aware of the spike in my heartrate. I stayed in the library, hoping I could pretend that I hadn't heard him approach because I was so absorbed in my book.

The sound of the horse's hoofs stooped, and moments later I could hear footsteps coming through the house. Then Tamlin burst through the doors and locked eyes with me. He was hurt, and pretty bad too. A past version of me may have been horrified, but by that point I had to suppress a smile.

He strode up to me, quicker than I would have liked. It surprised me, but I managed to keep on a calm mask. Tamlin stretched out his hand and cupped my cheek. He was staring with that primal intensity I knew all too well. Again, a past version of me would be weak at the knees. I just wanted to hurl.

"You're ok," he smiled. Before I could say anything his lips were on my mouth.

I was surprised again, but forced myself to sink into it, relax. But I could feel an animal surfacing, barking and gnashing, and not just from Rhys but from myself.

My control slipped as I bit his lip, not enough to draw blood but still a hard enough to hurt. Thankfully Tamlin reeled back in shock, allowing me to breathe again. Then a look dance in his eyes that showed he hadn't taken the bite as a warning – but as a dare.

One look into my eyes told him that I was not playing.

"Feyre," he stammered, taking my hand. "What's wrong? You've been so distant. Was it Rhys?"

He spat my mate's name out with disgust. Something winged tried to claw its way out of my chest.

For the first few weeks I'd refused to be any more intimate with Tamlin other than a few kisses. I knew he would ignore my rejections, at least for a while, thinking it was most likely because I was recovering, from being with Rhys and from what he had done to me. So I said nothing and let him think what he wanted. I figured if he hadn't bothered to ask what was wrong before, he certainly wasn't going to bother now.

Knowing I couldn't risk my position in the Spring Court, I smiled the smile that belonged to Rhys. "Nothing. I was just surprised."

I knew I couldn't hold out forever. Tamlin and I had never known each other any deeper than our bodies. Completely rejecting all of his advances would eventually arouse his suspicion. So I hid my strangling anxiety behind a mask of doe eyes and pretty dresses.

Rhys felt it too. Every time he sensed Tamlin getting a little too close, holding a kiss a little too long, I could feel him snarl and snap through our bond.

We were too far away to be able to communicate properly. I was aware that Rhys was still alive, I could feel his presence pulsing under my skin, but not being able to talk to him, to touch him… it was killing me and it was killing him too. He felt everything I felt. The only purpose it seemed to serve was to cause Rhys unrelenting distress. And to top it all off, when he couldn't have me or talk to me, there was someone else who could, someone who always got it wrong. Some nights I would have to sit in the bath for hours and make water animals to release that pent up, steaming power and rage, that emanated from both Rhys and myself. I wondered how many hours I would need after tonight.

A wave of regret washed over me as I let Tamlin sweep me up and take me to my bedroom. I could still feel Rhys in my veins but the frenzy had stopped. In its place was sorrow... and an awareness. An awareness of the sacrifice I was making, and underneath that, solidarity. He knew that however he felt right now was nothing in comparison to my circumstances. He knew all too well.

A heartbeat of warmth and light and love shone through the bond. It said focus on me, I'm here for you.

So that's exactly what I did.

Though sex with Tamlin was not something I wanted, I had to give him a convincing performance. Every touch, every lick I pretended he was Rhys. I could tell he was imaging he was with me too, that he was the one kissing me all over. I knew because every time I let myself feel my body, while keeping my emotions and thoughts with Rhys, my pleasure was echoed by him through our bond.

Pretending it was Rhys inside me made the sex almost enjoyable. Tamlin was merely a servant, or a toy, providing me with the physical sensations. Because no matter who was touching me, right then, I was wholly and only with Rhys.

I could almost hear a groan as wave of pleasure flooded through Rhys, and I had a flash of an image.

His cock was rock solid, hand pumping along his shaft, as he pretending he was inside me too.

My body may have been with Tamlin but I noticed nothing he did, as my mind and heart was consumed by Rhys.

That bond of pure feeling pulsed and shone as we merged together, as if we were one being. Even though our bodies were miles and miles away, our minds were perfectly in sync. It gave a new meaning to our sex, our relationship, our bond. I was experiencing a whole new level of intimacy that was galaxies beyond the physical.

We climaxed at the exact same moment, the feeling so unlike any other orgasm I've had. The stars of his magic fired through my veins, like the night sky on Starfall. I could feel his thoughts, could see through his eyes the way I made him feel. How much he wanted me. How much he loved me.

I could feel him smile on the other end of the bond after we had caught our breath. I sent him back a warm glow to say thank you, to say I love you.

To say that as long as you're with me, I can endure.