THE ASCENSION
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION
By Larnir W. Haigh
From the author:
Spoiler- this is a Shinji/Rei story. If you are primarily an Asuka fan, you may find here less then you expected. She is treated with deep respect and plays her role here, but doesn't get the boy :)
For those of you who read "NGE-The Source", the fic cannibalized for this project here, I hope there will be more twists, more explanations, more characters getting a part in the action and a new ending - that is, no ending at all.
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Part 1.
Nursery Tales/ The Egg of an Angel
The lights embedded in the floor tiles dimly illuminated the dark and low ceiling of the hall. The great Sephirotic Tree, reflecting from itself, was hardly visible in the shadows enveloping the hushed talk of two men.
-It is a good thing we kept that override in the system. It served us well against Unit 03 and helped feeding the military spies false life support data. For them Rei is dead. So if they do find out, our circle of suspects will be narrowed down to Major Katsuragi and Doctor Akagi.
-Very well, but what do you think about the thing itself, Professor? - asked Commander Ikari.
-I'm at a loss, Commander. Dr. Akagi's report on the dummy plug... I had reasons to suspect foul play on her part, so I went for a look myself. Yes, Gendou, she had right. The dummy plug of Unit 00 was burst from the inside and the pilot...
-I have seen Rei, don't you think I haven't? She is okay, Kouzou. She is almost all right, both physically and mentally. I'd rather have her dead and so close the matter off. The only possible explanation is the existence of personal AT fields.
-Was it not predicted, Gendou?
-I have my reasons to criticize what SEELE says. I have always been suspicious of the mumbo-jumbo part,- Gendou poked a finger towards the ceiling, - just letting them play with all those cool names half the alphabet long... before it happened. It's all nursery tales, there can be no place for it here in NERV where electronics and genetics are the only things that count!
Now, Professor, I feel the ground slipping from under my feet. A personal AT field strong enough to withstand an explosion that killed an Angel. What next, Kouzou, pray tell me? The Red Earth Ceremony? The Black Moon rising? The Tooth Fairy?
-Whatever it be, NERV needs your guidance, Commander Ikari. You must not let your...
-Guidance?! I'm afraid I've guided myself to hell, Kouzou...
The alarm sounded.
The cold lamps shone without mercy, bathing the small room with gray walls, floor and ceiling in unnatural white light. Facing each other over a table strewn with papers, two women argued.
-Pray tell me what are you struggling for, Misato? So you can put Rei in bed with Shinji and tuck in the blanket? Don't tell me you are concerned for Rei's battle skills. Don't think they are worth the trouble - I'd sooner take a try with Asuka.
Misato's face flinched but she never broke eye contact.
-Cut this crap! I need Rei to be the person she... she has earned the right to be. The kids may love each other or not, but tell me, Ritsuko-chan, do you love Gendou?
Ritsuko turned away, her hands nervously fidgeting with the porcelain kittens on the table.
-No, you do not. Do you want him to control Rei like he did before? Do you want him to have another toy?
-I am not his toy!
-I didn't mean you. But if you insist, prove you are not.
-I will not do it.
-You will. Ritsuko, you've been my closest friend. You broke me out of my reclusion, taught me to be human. You did what I intend to do for Rei. For whatever she has become. But... Since we started working here I never trusted you enough.
-Don't simplify things like that, Misato. You're the commander of operations all right, but as to what lies beneath - The Sephirothic Structure, The Room of Guf... you are pretty ignorant.
-Me ignorant?
A faint smile appeared on Misato's lips.
-Tell an ignorant Major, for example, what killed the angel? So you do not know. I do. Conscience.
-What?
-If an Angel unknowingly attacks and endangers the life of its superior... what does it do next? Goes kaboom. I may not be a doctor of biology and stuff, Ritsuko, but I am not limited to fighting idiotic Angels with idiotic mecha! I can think, too. Arrange facts, make conclusions... you know. Where do you keep IT?
-Keep WHAT?
-About two months ago you gave Rei a series of injections. Then some sort of manipulation she told Asuka about - what did you tell her? To check whether she might be fertile? And you said no? You said no after you got what you wanted from Rei. So where is it? Where is the ovum? The egg of an Angel?
-Never underestimate an old friend, -whispered Ritsuko. She looked broken. The white kitten fell from the table, smashing to bits on the cold tile floor of Ritsuko's cold room.
-Looks like if your little story goes public, SEELE will... give you trouble.
-Cruel. Cruel, Misato. Would you give me up? It was my own idea, Misato. A safeguard against their plans, a safeguard against Gendou.
-So would you do what I'm asking?
-I am afraid not.
-What?
-Don't snarl at me. Don't you remember the first reactivation experiment? The fight where Touji was wounded? The cross-compatibility test? If Rei has such sides to her nature, won't it be better to leave things as they are? What horror do you want me to release?
-The Angels are against us. The time is against us. The kids... may be dead any day.
-Back to the blanket-tucking story? Trying to save the world with a little love?
Misato stood up and pushed her chair out of the way. Ritsuko shrunk in her seat, as if expecting to be struck or worse.
-You're pathetic, Dr. Akagi. Whatever you do, no matter how and with whom. Manipulating people and ending up deserted. Living with a man you don't love and who doesn't love you. Exploiting the cloned brains of your own mother. Tormenting a child you mother already killed. Why don't you just give up, Ritsuko - one like you just cannot win!
Ritsuko struggled to stop tears and failed. In all her mistakes, Major Katsuragi was right about the ovum. A tiny speck of flesh compared to which Adam was a piece of pet chow. She'd never... she'll always... just one more time... Tear after tear fell on the table, taking away her resolution - drop by drop, drop by drop. If she does it... at least someone will be on her side. Maybe Rei will pardon her for a life of an abomination, too.
-And I thought you liked your job here, - said Ritsuko in a vain attempt to divert the conversation.
-Job? Silly, Ritsuko, how silly of you!
Major Katsuragi's voice sounded unnaturally deep as if she was trying not to scream on the next phrase:
-I hate Angels! Ones that come from whatever hell they do come from and ones NERV cranks out, Ritsuko! I am...
Then she did scream.
-I LIKE USING THEM TO KILL EACH OTHER!!!
Misato gave Ritsuko's chair a push that rolled it to the far wall, rose, turned around, walked out and slammed the door.
After a long while Ritsuko opened the top drawer and took out her gun. Looking at the futile piece of metal with a bitter smile, she put it in her lab coat pocked. As she reached for her PDA, the alarm sounded.
End of part 1.
THE ASCENSION
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION
By Larnir W. Haigh
Part 2.
A Crush on Kaworu/Voices/Good Evening
The fingers of Eva 01... my fingers started to close around Kaworu, cold metal around frail flesh... who's frail? An Angel?
Hands gripping the feedback controls, a feeling of something small in the right fist, something soft and so long alive, giving way, fragile bones snapping and then no longer... just a moist spot, a red smear.
I opened my eyes, reluctant to look but having to see the work of my own hand, to make sure it was over and through. Yes, the palm of EVA 01 was wet and glistening, some shapeless remains clung to the metal... but it was not red. Not red. Even in the dim light of the Terminal Dogma I saw what would stain my soul forever.
A clear, thin fluid, yellowish fluid I was told to call LCL, the fluid that surrounded me right now in the entry plug. Now I knew the true name.
Ichor. The Blood of Gods. The life fluid of Angels. And there was less and less of it on Unit 01's hand, but the blood didn't drip off, nor could it dry off that fast.
Seeping down to EVA's flesh, the blood of Kaoru was being absorbed. The Angel was merging with Unit 01. Already I was losing the sensation of my hand, numbness creeping higher and higher...
Bastard!
You bugger!
You tricked me with your compassion, motherfucker!!!
You almost made me love you!!!
You made me kill you and THEN used me like everybody else did!!!
How I wish...
Mother...
Rei...
No.
It really doesn't matter... now.
Nothing matters at all...
Nothing
ever
mattered
...
Tears mixed with LCL as I wept, slumped in the pilot seat, helpless as on my day of birth. It was all to no avail. Perhaps it, this, was the true plan of SEELE, a success more bitter than any defeat. Numbness was creeping over my shoulder, then my neck, inch by inch taking me from myself, back to where there is no pain, no suffering, nothing whatsoever.
A voice.
-I'm here. Don't be afraid, I'm right here with you.
-What? Who... are you... Mother? Mother!
-You called for us, so how could we not come, - whispered another voice. Silvery and gentle, the voice there was no mistaking.
Rei.
-Thanks.
It was another voice, strange, full of power yet serene, as if it belonged to someone past all strife. Sounded not unlike the voice of Kaji.
-Thanks, Shinji. You don't know me much, but I am here, too. My name used to be Zeruel, I used to be an Angel... of sorts. You called me number fourteen.
Then the next voice came, almost not a surprise.
-Thank you, Shinji-kun. Just remember Kaworu when you need to make a decision again.
The voices spoke, weaving a warm, comfortable envelope of alienation, it grew and grew to the solemn jumping of figures on the power indicator. Two minutes. The chin and jaw went numb. One. The light came out as Unit 01 took my eyes. Zero.
Over. It was over.
-Now I encompass your mother.
-Your love.
-Your friend.
-Your enemy.
-Yourself.
-I am complete.
-I am.
Was it a voice, was it? Can I hear? Can I think? Can I exist?
-Let us go, Shinji - said Rei.
-There is more to do - added Zeruel
-The source, my son. Find your source.
-A...Adam?
-No, Shinji - summed up Kaworu.
Unit 01 moved under its own power, fluent and supple - probably in berserk, but I was conscious, feeling, enlightened, cleansed. Pure, almost. I stole a look at the console - synch rate was frozen at 500%. So it is five of us now. Where do we go?
Just a pair of strides across the lake of blood. Kneeling before the Cross, touching the mutilated body of Lilith, the twin wound from the Lance... Gently liberating Lilith, EVA 01 took her off the cross and laid in the lake of LCL. Like clones in the tank, she started to dissolve. Rest in peace.
Then there came lights, sounds, movement somewhere below. A bustle of activity in the doorway, people hurrying in, people freezing in blind terror at the sight. The blazing white light now flooding the room was coming from the eyes of the EVA, a sign of berserk they all knew. The mass of people backed up, a dark and amorphous cloud studded with useless limbs, faces, gun barrels.
I felt a jolt as the entry plug started moving. Turning away from the cross, still on its knees and bowing low, Unit 01 softly ejected the plug, and this was the sensation I've never experienced before - in the plug, cradled in EVA's hand that crushed Kaworu minutes ago, yet in full synch just like him. I can synch with an EVA from outside. Big deal.
The plug landed on the floor without even a clank and the hatch opened all by itself. Struggling on my feet, feeling like boneless pulp, I took a step from the plug, then another and another. I wanted to go away. Just anywhere. Away.
-Good evening, Commander Gendou. I killed your last fucking Angel, - said I.
-G-good..., - stammered my father, offering me or maybe Unit 01 something - a small box he held in his hand. There was something small inside, frozen in dark red dura-bakelite.
Whatever did he want to say - "good job" or "good evening".
-Stick it up your arschloch*.
It did not matter.
For all eternity, I was leaving. They sent a car to get me home. To Misato's place, that is.
End of Part 2.
* Asshole (Germ.)
THE ASCENSION
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION
By Larnir W. Haigh
Part 3.
Dreams/Phoenix/Pillow Talk
I slumped through the corridor, feeling dead. The events of the evening, the death of Kaworu, the voices inside Unit 01 were enough.
Finally, no more obligations to live, no more straws to clutch, no one to tell me what Shinji Ikari does. By the way, Misato was already home, drowning the tension of last angel's attack in beer and talking between gulps with somebody over her laptop's vidcomm. The face on the screen looked strange - a robust, gray-haired man with a silly looking visor over his face. The gadget made him look like a grandfather trying out a grandchild's new video game. I knew, this was very inconsiderate of me - he probably was an invalid who lost his natural sight in the Second Impact or in a war and deserved more respect. But... I did not care.
-So this is Shinji? Glad to meet you in person, lad. You do look capable.
The last thing I needed was a TCP/IP pat on the shoulder from an old geek. Barely keeping myself polite, I expressed no interest in his name and wandered off the bathroom. There was laundry to do today. Why shouldn't a dead guy go do some laundry? Just as Misato may drink beer in the kitchen with anybody, who could care less?
Through the whirling noise of the washing machine I made out the sound of Misato's steps as she patted along the corridor, not too sober. On the way she mumbled something about secrets to keep and the boy needing to eat at least once in a while. It did not matter.
What mattered was another night coming, with no more tests, homework or chores to do. Nothing to hope for. Nothing, and what a painful nothing was it since the last time we, we together, fought an Angel.
My SDAT player worked on through the night. I needed it to work, to keep me closer to bitter reality than to dreams, because I knew those dreams already. Night after night the dreams would be there and this night, too, in the small hours of morning my body failed me once more, giving in for sleep.
Rei. Things were true and that never happened, sweet and scary but Rei, the true Rei, my lost Rei was through the dreams like a star shining high above. Too high for me to reach, too high. Like the last night and the night before and before I half-feared but half-hoped she would call out for me. And something deep inside me knew I could not resist the call to join her - in death.
It would be so simple.
This night the call came.
-Shinji-kun...
-Such a sweet dream, Rei. Don't leave me. Let me come to you.
-Shinji, - whispered she, touching my hair.
-Rei, - whispered I, reaching out to stroke hers.
Then my hand contacted something cool and moist. The faint metallic smell of LCL... I never feel smells in my dreams. So was I awake?
My body launched itself upright and almost into a faint, my head spinning. When my eyes finally contacted the brain, confirming the sight... there was enough light to see.
Kneeling by the side of the bed, dressed in her plugsuit, there was Rei.
-Shinji-kun. I am back.
Words collided somewhere in my throat, choking me, I wanted to yell, to ask, to plead all at once, but could not. My heart spasmed, a wave of rough, purely physical pain rolled over, and then Rei lightly ran her fingers, her short fingernails along my forearm.
Nobody could ever know, I never confessed to anyone in words what we did on the day before Rei died, in my room when we suddenly were gifted a moment of privacy. Between kisses, she shyly tried stroking my skin like this. I didn't say it felt heavenly even to her - she just looked in my eyes and did it again. And she did it again now.
I touched Rei, still unable to speak, still forcing some air in my lungs for a question. She nodded her head and smiled. The smile... It released me from pain, from anguish, from everything but love. I smiled back.
-Shinji-kun.
-Rei-chan.
We moved closer to each other and kissed deeply, no longer needing words to express what we felt. When the kiss left us breathless, we broke apart to look in each other's eyes, her gentle fingers on my shoulders, mine on hers, no longer doubting future, no longer doubting it existed.
-Do you want to become one with me...- I whispered.
-Body and soul, - replied her silvery voice.
Have we been sharing dreams, too? It did not matter.
She took my hands off her shoulders or a brief moment - a hiss of air, a click of a latch and Rei's white plugsuit slipped down, liberating her skin, white, tender and warm to my touch. The light of the setting moon from the window bathed her in liquid silver, forever burning the sight in my memory. Her tousled hair, the clear line of her supple neck, the outlines of her breasts and those arms stretched towards me... I threw off the cover, Rei slowly stood up, making my hands slip the whole delightful way from her shoulders over the softer breasts, brushing down her firm stomach, over her hipbones to rest on soft flesh again. Gracefully, as if leaping into deep water, she turned and settled by my side, in my arms.
-We have changed, - whispered Rei in my ear as she helped me out of my sweat-soaked shirt, her gentle hands and lips all over me.
-Where have you been, Rei?
-When Ritsuko found me, they locked me up in my... old room. In the Terminal Dogma. Right from the plug. Then Ritsuko let me out. That's all.
She snuggled close to me, tight and warm. There was tenderness in her embrace, but tension too, as if she couldn't break the last barrier.
Barrier. We both knew what that barrier was. Her parting letter. The clones in the tank. The truth of Rei's origin. Silent, naked and motionless we were holding each other too long. The night waited for things to happen, for barriers to be broken, knots to be cut. Rei waited. I gathered my will and spoke.
-Rei-chan, listen to me please, Rei! I made my choice, I fought for it. No. We made the choice. We fought for each other and won! Don't desert me, Rei!
-Desert? Me desert you, Shinji? It's only the truth, if it wasn't so harsh, Shinji.
-Truth does not matter. We have seen so many things lose meaning. There is no proof to them, love.
Love. Three simple sounds, and Rei melted in my arms, almost accepting the unhoped-for, turning her face to mine - just to say, to whisper, torn between desire and guilt:
-But I am an Angel.
-So what? Rei, I've fought and killed many Angels and I'll be damned if it made me feel right. Maybe for killing Angels one has to atone. By loving one.
-Shinji...
-Rei...
Then we kissed again. And again...
-Shinji, my love, - whispered Rei, running her fingers through my hair, - how good it feels. Knowing we'll be together forever. Shinji...
Together. Forever. A thought made me freeze. A thought on side effects of loving an Angel. An immortal creature. Growing up, aging and dying before her eyes and leaving her alone in a scant handful of years. If that be the price, then...
Silently, I turned my back to her, curling up, trying to bring myself to terms with the bitter reality. The fairytale part of the night was over.
And happily ever after...
-Shinji-kun. You... you silly boy. Now you fear death you were so ready to embrace. You needn't. Soon, very soon you too will change.
Rei read my thoughts like an open book and replied to me. I looked up at her and heard more... she was speaking to me, soothing and comforting, but Rei continued to smile! Her lips did not move!
-You are truly ready to Ascend, Shinji-kun. So open to osanwe, and such power...
She rubbed her cheek against my shoulder, like a cub cuddling with a parent.
Osanwe? Ascend?
-Hold me, Shinji. Let me tell you a story.
... hidden in the depth of time, the spiral of life, the double helix of the crimson blood that flows* without end. Each cycle, each revolution brings the survivors higher, awakening the power deep within. The power to create the next step.
... with her body they created a likeness unto themselves. Twisted and unpure, sick of self and the world, yet the draft for the next species. The Angel. Me.
...and there came messengers to test the strength of the challengers and were all defeated. The test is through, Shinji-kun. The Ascension begins now... The world you knew is coming to an end.
-Rei. What will it be like... then?
-Shinji-kun, - the sound of her voice broke the silence, - are almost there. Since your absorption into Unit 01, - she gently kissed my hand, - you have started to change from the human being born of your parents.
Tell me, Shinji, how well did you hear osanwe**, the speech of my mind? Yes, perfectly.
When have you last eaten? Three days ago. Naurdolin, the inner fire Lilim called S2 is burning within you.
Where is the scar Toji's fist left on your cheek? Gone. Antoryame, the strengthening, rid your body of all imperfection. And, my love...
-I... am not human?
-You are more. As me. Only one power is dormant in you - avanire. The power of unwill.
-The AT field...
-Yes. Soon, soon I will teach you.
I must have fallen asleep then, quiet and relaxed at last. There must have been some dreams, the keys to my questions and worries finally fitting their locks. For when I woke up, I felt reborn rather than awoken.
The light of a misty sunrise was coming through the open binds. Last evening I did not care to close them, quite ready to use the window as the last escape from my pain. Today Rei and I awoke side by side, the diluted sunlight flashing in her ruby eyes***.
-Good morning, Rei, - thought I.
-Good morning, Shinji - I felt her think.
-You know, Shinji, - said Rei aloud, - I still haven't told you all. Remember when you wasn't recognized? I mean, when you thought you met me...
-I'd pay dear to get rid of this memory.
-Well, ummm... Shinji, I must tell you... I now... have a twin sister. Rei Three.
-I've seen her. Rushed to her, to your apartment like the fool I was.
-So, Shinji dear, here is a warning - be sure to tell us apart well!
-Tell you and... Three apart well? What...
-Asuka was right. You are thickheaded. As thickheaded as I can get... jealous. Blush on, blush - I know how irresistible you are to my kindred.
Rei said it with the broadest smile I've seen on her ever. God in heaven, it was a sly smile!
-For someone foaming at the mouth ("You mention Asuka? Get some of her style!"- thought I ) about being an Angel and all you're getting pretty human!
-You mean, perhaps, humane?
-What was your Classic Literature mark, Wonder Girl?
-Twice as high as yours, Wonder Boy!
Then she did something right out of this world.
Rei Ayanami smacked me on the head with a pillow and innocently asked:
-Want some breakfast?
-Umm, Rei-chan, I do, but I do not feel I need it somehow. I'd love to eat a tasty bit, but it is not what I'd call hunger. Is this... S2 working?
-Yes. So, off to the bathroom, we're going to Asuka as soon as the hospital opens.
Asuka...
-Don't feel guilty forgetting about her,- whispered Rei, back to serious mood, drawing closer to me, - you have not forgotten.
-Not forgotten. Just decided. I have only one heart, Rei-chan.
She smiled at me and pushed me in the direction of the bathroom.
End of Part 3.
* The words are J.R.R. Tolkien's Quenya or at least meant to be.
** The Dragu Slave chant from Slayers. Megumi Hayashibara rules forever.
*** Somehow, I always felt all Megumi's characters have things in common. Rei finishing 'em all off with a Giga Slave would make a cool Third Impact IMHO.
THE ASCENSION
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION
By Larnir W. Haigh
Part 4.
The Dead Newborn Awakening/ Commander Ikari / Rheya
I felt most nervous on the way to the hospital. Asuka's body was alive for all I knew, but her mind... The story of her mother... Ever if she would awake... Please, please, pretty please, not a padded cell with barred windows.
We were ready to face the worst. I felt Rei clutching my hand as we went through halls and corridors, her fingers getting harder and harder on mine as we counted the rooms looking for the number.
The door wasn't locked and the room (damn, hospital rooms have become a second home to us all) was bright with sunlight from an open window. Her fiery hair strewn over pillows, Asuka lay like a fairytale princess. German fairytales... I recalled the full version of the Rottkaeppchen and shuddered.*
Asuka was pale as her bedsheets, her lips chapped and streaks of salt running from the corners of her eyes. Tears that had dried already.
Rei sat down on the edge of the bed. She touched Asuka's hand, then her elbow and shoulder, following some pattern... A final touch to the forehead and Asuka's long eyelashes fluttered as those lovely blue eyes opened after so long in sleep.
-Wow. Unfamiliar ceiling and Wonder Girl. You did this to me? Great. Wie lang bin ich... sheisse. The damn Angel. I lost synch, so you two beat the crap out of him? Were, - her face went serious, - were you worried? Hey...
Rei burst in tears as she seized Asuka's hand. I felt my vision clouding too and found no reason to hold back.
-Shinji-kun wept a whole night by you side.
-Shinji, - called Asuka tenderly, - is it true?
Asuka's warm fingers reached out to ruff my hair.
-And where were you?
-I've survived, - replied Rei matter-of-factly.
-Thanks for coming here, Shinji, Rei. Thanks for everything, you two crybabies. Have you been weeping a lot, Rei? With your eye color it's hard to guess.
-Yes. We were afraid, Asuka...
-Afraid of my family's bad blood, yes? Wrong, and thank Shinji. The doctors say I was in coma... until the moment Shinji-kun beat the crap out of my big red toy.
Big red toy? Asuka said that about Unit 02? Was I hearing things?
-Finally, you two sorted it out. I'm... kind of happy. Shinji-kun, could you please leave us girls to chatter?
I stood in the corridor waiting for Rei. It took long, sure enough - even a very short version of what Rei told me about tonight would take time. And believing it... well, Asuka was a gifted pupil in whatever she took up.
At last Rei opened the door and called me back to the room. Then she ducked outside, leaving me alone with Asuka. And I thought the visit was already over ...
-Come here, Shinji.
I did, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. Asuka was sitting propped high in a mound of pillows, a tint of color back to her cheeks.
-There isn't much I can say to you, Shinji. I feel sorry for many things.
Asuka was sorry. If not for the last events, I'd get surprised.
-I feel sorry for being so hard to you. For not trying to understand a bit. On the other hand, I feel sorry, - she grinned, - for not getting as much of you as I wanted. God knows it would have been nice. You're the best, Shinji-kun, I know... If you were not, I'd never let you have Rei!
Seeing my confusion, Asuka wiped the smile from her face.
-Okay, you here. I've never seen a couple so made for each other. Now that we've all changed... Just be nice to her - you can. You will, Shinji - or you'll have to deal with old Asuka, verdammt!**
-Asuka - echoed I.
-Uh-huh. Remember, Shinji - it's not parting! Hope we'll be friends.
-Friends? Some people are better to have around as friends, you violent, bossing-around, headstrong gajin woman! All you're good for is shouting bad words in German!
-Wow. Finally Sinji learned a pair of my lessons. You are making me proud. So, shall we go?
-Go? Can you?
-After being healed by the Angel Rei? I'm in better shape than you! She brought me my yellow sundress you're so fond of, and we'll... umm. What about enjoying food while we still can?
-Asuka-chan, nobody's taking away your little joys even if you have S2 power! I had breakfast today, too.
Rei peeked through the half-open door and I saw she was damn close to laughing.
As in ancient times, told my history lessons, foreign sailors trampled the crucifix on the shore of Japan, so felt I standing in the NERV headquarters main lobby, the half-leaf symbol under my feet. God's in his heaven maybe - but where does it get me? Just a symbol, an empty picture one might find spray-painted on a subway station wall.
The hall was empty, a smell of burned plastics from somewhere lingered in the air. NERV was sure not what it used to be.
-Shinji?
Professor Fuyutsuke's voice made me spin around.
-Did you come here on your own decision? I mean,...
-Yes, Fuyutsuke-sensei, I have.
I felt like asking questions as harsh as I felt the answers had to be, and frankly, Professor would answer them better than...
-Commander Ikari, - began he.
He did not call him my father or things like that. Good of him. Then... why wasn't he saying anything?
Shinji, you baka! He meant you. You are the Commander Ikari.
Which means... another Commander Ikari is no more. A silence worth a hundred words.
-How did it happen, Fuyutsuke-sensei?
-After IT happened, - he gave me a wry smile, - Commander Ikari sent a report to the European HQ. He got an answer pretty soon, read it and then... He went to the Terminal Dogma and there... Decided to settle some personal matters, I suppose. He shot Ritsuko. She's in bad condition, but...
-Skip the Ritsuko part. Where are the others? Misato? Tell me!
Speaking like my father? Perhaps. I will have to be very careful. It's a trap, an open pit I knew to be waiting for me, within me, whoever may I become. Seconds after being called Commander Ikari the spineless Shinji talks like one... Rei, where are you? Could you help? No, it's my own fight and it's not over. Nothing ever is over.
-As you say. It isn't a good idea to go shooting around in the NERV. Guards came and... he fired at them. They returned fire.
-Where is Misato, Professor Fuyutsuke?
-Gone. Maybe she comes back, at least I hope.
-Me too. I'm going to miss her.
-Commander... Shinji, would you like to read that message? Just as I guessed. Here, take a seat, would you?
He handed me a folded printout.
"Gendou, my dear comrade. Thank you for your report, thank you and farewell. Under the weight of so many mistakes it is no longer possible to continue what has been around for so long, under different names - SEELE, GEHIRN, NERV.
After accusing so many people of incompetence, I now admit to being the biggest fool of you all. A long, long time ago I fell in for the ravings of a long-dead fantasy writer. Yes, now I know the truth is not written on fucking scraps of goatskin. Even if it was at the moment, the entities we called Angels were neither dumb nor weak. They have changed.
I guess, and this guess is not a blind one, that were the Third Impact to occur sometime then, Angels would have been more human-like - just strong enough for the few chosen warriors to compete with using sword and spear.
All that happens now is completely unpredictable to me. I have already given orders to minimize damage that might occur when this fact surfaces.
I have been blind. I have been.
I am no more.
May our successors be brighter.
Farewell.
Yours
Lorenz Kiel
P.S: The Council unanimously appointed Shinji Ikari acting commander of NERV under the guidance of Prof. Fuyutsuke until your son is of legal age.
P.P.S: Bury Adam. You know where. It is just a piece of dead flesh now".
The day at the Geofront proved to be long. Longer than I supposed - fixing papers, setting up a new priority user profile in the system under the guidance of Maya and Professor Fuyutsuke, even synching for a try with one of the new production Evas - Unit 08. Nothing at all like 01, of course. As soon as I thought about it from the control room, the thing snapped in 100% synch and behaved like an obedient puppy.
-It walks, jumps, flies and uses an authentic reproduction of the authentic Lance of the authentic Longinus, - said I to Fuyutsuke bitterly.
-So what, Ikari-san?
-Scrap them all.
-You suppose?
-Are you taking my orders? Then I repeat - they're worthless. Take my word, Professor - Asuka could thrash the whole batch in under five minutes, if you fixed Unit 02. Not that I suggest actually doing it. My late father made several faults in the dummy plug system, Fuyutsuke-sensei. Using Kaoru's patterns, for instance. Delete them. Don't make me order EVAs to self-destruct.
-What's wrong with Kaoru's patterns?
-Kaoru had a free will, but it was not a will to win. Not a will to live. So don't they.
-And what about Unit 01?
-She does not need a pilot now. Just build a proper storage unit, upgrade her external addons from time to time and let me communicate with her sometimes. When there is need, she will warn me. Or just set things straight herself - I'm inside it and trust myself pretty well.
-What do you mean by need, Ikari-san?
-Evas falling in the wrong hands. That is why I order to scrap the series and dismantle the production equipment. Prepare a draft for the budget reconfiguration, please.
-Anything else?
-Proceed with restoration of Unit 02. Next week Pilot Sohryu Langley and I begin training Aida Kensuke as replacement pilot.
-So Rei will not pilot any more.
-She just doesn't need an Evangelion. I'll tell you someday later. And get me home, I'm tired of all this.
A whole day of acting big in the Ikari style. There is no escape growing up, taking responsibility, using and getting used to every side of my nature. Making decisions, solving problems, setting tasks no longer felt alien or dirty just because it was his job.
I no longer despised what my father did. In all his mistakes, he has left me a legacy and the ability to handle it. The will, too. My father's will.
Fuyutsuke convinced me to retain transport and security of the former head of NERV, now that I was the only pilot and acting commander. I, on the other hand, convinced him to let me live in Misato's old apartment. So when I turned the familiar doorknob and was greeted by noises, my first thought was of her returning. Boy was I wrong. Two pairs of hands caught me in the darkened corridor.
-At last!
-The Boss is home!
-Have you finished taking NERV apart?
-Did you send the Evas to a pet shop?
Giggling, both Rei and Asuka were over me, dragging me into the living room.
-Surprise!
And surprise it was. Sitting on a cushion in a corner there was Rei Three. She looked confused and shocked a bit. Poor girl, I understood what she felt being dragged to the real world by Asuka and Rei with her newly found joie de vivre. Still, she coped well - Rei's always been strong and intelligent, no matter how many emotions there were in her personal memory. Rei Three rose and bowed politely. She gave a small polite smile, too - as if testing what she could do with her face, her lips, her eyes.
-So, you came just in time for a formal introduction, Shinji. Shinji-san, let me introduce you to Miss Rheya*** Ayanami. Rheya, this is Shinji Ikari.
She bowed once more and cast her eyes down - much like a porcelain doll, but no longer one.
-Nice to meet you, Shinji.
-Nice to meet you, Rheya. Thanks for the formal part, Asuka.
-We've been making it up right here before you stumbled in, Shinji-kun.
-Making what, Rei?
-The name, baka, - answered Asuka impatiently, - you cannot have two girls who look just the same under one name, can you?
-We've considered Reiha**** first, but it sounded too cold, - whispered Rei in my ear.
-Now let's celebrate!
-Your favourite, Shinji. Have some.
-Would you pass me the sauce, Rheya?
Sooner or later, there comes a lull in every party. On the couch there sat a worn out from a long day Asuka, almost as quiet as Rheya - who in turn drifted back to the same cushion. While Rei went to the kitchen for tea supplies (after an argument with Asuka about "shall we really drink it or have a ceremony"), Rheya suddenly asked:
-Shinji-san, is this yours?
She was pointing... of course. My cello case. The poor deserted instrument in the corner. How long haven't I laid a hand on it - a week? A month? Sounded like a whole life.
-Yep, Shinji-kun, why don't you treat us to some? Don't try to say you have forgotten which end to pluck.
That sounded nice. As I got myself ready, my thoughts wandered across the humble repertoire. Really, this wasn't a time for Beethoven. Deciding to let the hands do the work, I picked the bow then and touched the strings as my thoughts wandered on.
No, this wasn't forgetting - the sound came flowing as hardly ever before. A few strings from here and there to get in the mood, and then...
I realized Asuka was staring at me, obviously recognizing the melody, and Rei with the tea tray staring at us both in obvious ignorance and Rheya just enjoying the music. Without missing a key, I realized as well what was I playing to them.
Fluent as my teachers hardly ever hoped and even improvising a little along the way, my hands called forth the sweetest chords of the interlude from Metallica's Master of Puppets*****. I fouled the next staccato part miserably and partly on purpose.
********************************************************************************
... a new ending - that is, no ending at all.
Will Shinji and Rei guide the humankind to Ascension?
Will it need any guidance at all?
Can a human write a story about Angels?
Probably not.
And the story ends.
* I do not imply Shinji indulged in reading the Grimm Brothers, but him watching Jin-Roh seems quite feasible.
** Damn! (Germ.)
*** Rheya is the name of the woman recreated twice by the Ocean in Stanislaw Lem's Solaris novel.
**** Reiha is the name of the snow spirit from Vampire Princess Miyu.
***** Master of Puppets really does exist in cello cover version (Apocalyptica Plays Metallica by Four Cellos, Spinefarm Records 1998)
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION
By Larnir W. Haigh
From the author:
Spoiler- this is a Shinji/Rei story. If you are primarily an Asuka fan, you may find here less then you expected. She is treated with deep respect and plays her role here, but doesn't get the boy :)
For those of you who read "NGE-The Source", the fic cannibalized for this project here, I hope there will be more twists, more explanations, more characters getting a part in the action and a new ending - that is, no ending at all.
********************************************************************************
Part 1.
Nursery Tales/ The Egg of an Angel
The lights embedded in the floor tiles dimly illuminated the dark and low ceiling of the hall. The great Sephirotic Tree, reflecting from itself, was hardly visible in the shadows enveloping the hushed talk of two men.
-It is a good thing we kept that override in the system. It served us well against Unit 03 and helped feeding the military spies false life support data. For them Rei is dead. So if they do find out, our circle of suspects will be narrowed down to Major Katsuragi and Doctor Akagi.
-Very well, but what do you think about the thing itself, Professor? - asked Commander Ikari.
-I'm at a loss, Commander. Dr. Akagi's report on the dummy plug... I had reasons to suspect foul play on her part, so I went for a look myself. Yes, Gendou, she had right. The dummy plug of Unit 00 was burst from the inside and the pilot...
-I have seen Rei, don't you think I haven't? She is okay, Kouzou. She is almost all right, both physically and mentally. I'd rather have her dead and so close the matter off. The only possible explanation is the existence of personal AT fields.
-Was it not predicted, Gendou?
-I have my reasons to criticize what SEELE says. I have always been suspicious of the mumbo-jumbo part,- Gendou poked a finger towards the ceiling, - just letting them play with all those cool names half the alphabet long... before it happened. It's all nursery tales, there can be no place for it here in NERV where electronics and genetics are the only things that count!
Now, Professor, I feel the ground slipping from under my feet. A personal AT field strong enough to withstand an explosion that killed an Angel. What next, Kouzou, pray tell me? The Red Earth Ceremony? The Black Moon rising? The Tooth Fairy?
-Whatever it be, NERV needs your guidance, Commander Ikari. You must not let your...
-Guidance?! I'm afraid I've guided myself to hell, Kouzou...
The alarm sounded.
The cold lamps shone without mercy, bathing the small room with gray walls, floor and ceiling in unnatural white light. Facing each other over a table strewn with papers, two women argued.
-Pray tell me what are you struggling for, Misato? So you can put Rei in bed with Shinji and tuck in the blanket? Don't tell me you are concerned for Rei's battle skills. Don't think they are worth the trouble - I'd sooner take a try with Asuka.
Misato's face flinched but she never broke eye contact.
-Cut this crap! I need Rei to be the person she... she has earned the right to be. The kids may love each other or not, but tell me, Ritsuko-chan, do you love Gendou?
Ritsuko turned away, her hands nervously fidgeting with the porcelain kittens on the table.
-No, you do not. Do you want him to control Rei like he did before? Do you want him to have another toy?
-I am not his toy!
-I didn't mean you. But if you insist, prove you are not.
-I will not do it.
-You will. Ritsuko, you've been my closest friend. You broke me out of my reclusion, taught me to be human. You did what I intend to do for Rei. For whatever she has become. But... Since we started working here I never trusted you enough.
-Don't simplify things like that, Misato. You're the commander of operations all right, but as to what lies beneath - The Sephirothic Structure, The Room of Guf... you are pretty ignorant.
-Me ignorant?
A faint smile appeared on Misato's lips.
-Tell an ignorant Major, for example, what killed the angel? So you do not know. I do. Conscience.
-What?
-If an Angel unknowingly attacks and endangers the life of its superior... what does it do next? Goes kaboom. I may not be a doctor of biology and stuff, Ritsuko, but I am not limited to fighting idiotic Angels with idiotic mecha! I can think, too. Arrange facts, make conclusions... you know. Where do you keep IT?
-Keep WHAT?
-About two months ago you gave Rei a series of injections. Then some sort of manipulation she told Asuka about - what did you tell her? To check whether she might be fertile? And you said no? You said no after you got what you wanted from Rei. So where is it? Where is the ovum? The egg of an Angel?
-Never underestimate an old friend, -whispered Ritsuko. She looked broken. The white kitten fell from the table, smashing to bits on the cold tile floor of Ritsuko's cold room.
-Looks like if your little story goes public, SEELE will... give you trouble.
-Cruel. Cruel, Misato. Would you give me up? It was my own idea, Misato. A safeguard against their plans, a safeguard against Gendou.
-So would you do what I'm asking?
-I am afraid not.
-What?
-Don't snarl at me. Don't you remember the first reactivation experiment? The fight where Touji was wounded? The cross-compatibility test? If Rei has such sides to her nature, won't it be better to leave things as they are? What horror do you want me to release?
-The Angels are against us. The time is against us. The kids... may be dead any day.
-Back to the blanket-tucking story? Trying to save the world with a little love?
Misato stood up and pushed her chair out of the way. Ritsuko shrunk in her seat, as if expecting to be struck or worse.
-You're pathetic, Dr. Akagi. Whatever you do, no matter how and with whom. Manipulating people and ending up deserted. Living with a man you don't love and who doesn't love you. Exploiting the cloned brains of your own mother. Tormenting a child you mother already killed. Why don't you just give up, Ritsuko - one like you just cannot win!
Ritsuko struggled to stop tears and failed. In all her mistakes, Major Katsuragi was right about the ovum. A tiny speck of flesh compared to which Adam was a piece of pet chow. She'd never... she'll always... just one more time... Tear after tear fell on the table, taking away her resolution - drop by drop, drop by drop. If she does it... at least someone will be on her side. Maybe Rei will pardon her for a life of an abomination, too.
-And I thought you liked your job here, - said Ritsuko in a vain attempt to divert the conversation.
-Job? Silly, Ritsuko, how silly of you!
Major Katsuragi's voice sounded unnaturally deep as if she was trying not to scream on the next phrase:
-I hate Angels! Ones that come from whatever hell they do come from and ones NERV cranks out, Ritsuko! I am...
Then she did scream.
-I LIKE USING THEM TO KILL EACH OTHER!!!
Misato gave Ritsuko's chair a push that rolled it to the far wall, rose, turned around, walked out and slammed the door.
After a long while Ritsuko opened the top drawer and took out her gun. Looking at the futile piece of metal with a bitter smile, she put it in her lab coat pocked. As she reached for her PDA, the alarm sounded.
End of part 1.
THE ASCENSION
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION
By Larnir W. Haigh
Part 2.
A Crush on Kaworu/Voices/Good Evening
The fingers of Eva 01... my fingers started to close around Kaworu, cold metal around frail flesh... who's frail? An Angel?
Hands gripping the feedback controls, a feeling of something small in the right fist, something soft and so long alive, giving way, fragile bones snapping and then no longer... just a moist spot, a red smear.
I opened my eyes, reluctant to look but having to see the work of my own hand, to make sure it was over and through. Yes, the palm of EVA 01 was wet and glistening, some shapeless remains clung to the metal... but it was not red. Not red. Even in the dim light of the Terminal Dogma I saw what would stain my soul forever.
A clear, thin fluid, yellowish fluid I was told to call LCL, the fluid that surrounded me right now in the entry plug. Now I knew the true name.
Ichor. The Blood of Gods. The life fluid of Angels. And there was less and less of it on Unit 01's hand, but the blood didn't drip off, nor could it dry off that fast.
Seeping down to EVA's flesh, the blood of Kaoru was being absorbed. The Angel was merging with Unit 01. Already I was losing the sensation of my hand, numbness creeping higher and higher...
Bastard!
You bugger!
You tricked me with your compassion, motherfucker!!!
You almost made me love you!!!
You made me kill you and THEN used me like everybody else did!!!
How I wish...
Mother...
Rei...
No.
It really doesn't matter... now.
Nothing matters at all...
Nothing
ever
mattered
...
Tears mixed with LCL as I wept, slumped in the pilot seat, helpless as on my day of birth. It was all to no avail. Perhaps it, this, was the true plan of SEELE, a success more bitter than any defeat. Numbness was creeping over my shoulder, then my neck, inch by inch taking me from myself, back to where there is no pain, no suffering, nothing whatsoever.
A voice.
-I'm here. Don't be afraid, I'm right here with you.
-What? Who... are you... Mother? Mother!
-You called for us, so how could we not come, - whispered another voice. Silvery and gentle, the voice there was no mistaking.
Rei.
-Thanks.
It was another voice, strange, full of power yet serene, as if it belonged to someone past all strife. Sounded not unlike the voice of Kaji.
-Thanks, Shinji. You don't know me much, but I am here, too. My name used to be Zeruel, I used to be an Angel... of sorts. You called me number fourteen.
Then the next voice came, almost not a surprise.
-Thank you, Shinji-kun. Just remember Kaworu when you need to make a decision again.
The voices spoke, weaving a warm, comfortable envelope of alienation, it grew and grew to the solemn jumping of figures on the power indicator. Two minutes. The chin and jaw went numb. One. The light came out as Unit 01 took my eyes. Zero.
Over. It was over.
-Now I encompass your mother.
-Your love.
-Your friend.
-Your enemy.
-Yourself.
-I am complete.
-I am.
Was it a voice, was it? Can I hear? Can I think? Can I exist?
-Let us go, Shinji - said Rei.
-There is more to do - added Zeruel
-The source, my son. Find your source.
-A...Adam?
-No, Shinji - summed up Kaworu.
Unit 01 moved under its own power, fluent and supple - probably in berserk, but I was conscious, feeling, enlightened, cleansed. Pure, almost. I stole a look at the console - synch rate was frozen at 500%. So it is five of us now. Where do we go?
Just a pair of strides across the lake of blood. Kneeling before the Cross, touching the mutilated body of Lilith, the twin wound from the Lance... Gently liberating Lilith, EVA 01 took her off the cross and laid in the lake of LCL. Like clones in the tank, she started to dissolve. Rest in peace.
Then there came lights, sounds, movement somewhere below. A bustle of activity in the doorway, people hurrying in, people freezing in blind terror at the sight. The blazing white light now flooding the room was coming from the eyes of the EVA, a sign of berserk they all knew. The mass of people backed up, a dark and amorphous cloud studded with useless limbs, faces, gun barrels.
I felt a jolt as the entry plug started moving. Turning away from the cross, still on its knees and bowing low, Unit 01 softly ejected the plug, and this was the sensation I've never experienced before - in the plug, cradled in EVA's hand that crushed Kaworu minutes ago, yet in full synch just like him. I can synch with an EVA from outside. Big deal.
The plug landed on the floor without even a clank and the hatch opened all by itself. Struggling on my feet, feeling like boneless pulp, I took a step from the plug, then another and another. I wanted to go away. Just anywhere. Away.
-Good evening, Commander Gendou. I killed your last fucking Angel, - said I.
-G-good..., - stammered my father, offering me or maybe Unit 01 something - a small box he held in his hand. There was something small inside, frozen in dark red dura-bakelite.
Whatever did he want to say - "good job" or "good evening".
-Stick it up your arschloch*.
It did not matter.
For all eternity, I was leaving. They sent a car to get me home. To Misato's place, that is.
End of Part 2.
* Asshole (Germ.)
THE ASCENSION
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION
By Larnir W. Haigh
Part 3.
Dreams/Phoenix/Pillow Talk
I slumped through the corridor, feeling dead. The events of the evening, the death of Kaworu, the voices inside Unit 01 were enough.
Finally, no more obligations to live, no more straws to clutch, no one to tell me what Shinji Ikari does. By the way, Misato was already home, drowning the tension of last angel's attack in beer and talking between gulps with somebody over her laptop's vidcomm. The face on the screen looked strange - a robust, gray-haired man with a silly looking visor over his face. The gadget made him look like a grandfather trying out a grandchild's new video game. I knew, this was very inconsiderate of me - he probably was an invalid who lost his natural sight in the Second Impact or in a war and deserved more respect. But... I did not care.
-So this is Shinji? Glad to meet you in person, lad. You do look capable.
The last thing I needed was a TCP/IP pat on the shoulder from an old geek. Barely keeping myself polite, I expressed no interest in his name and wandered off the bathroom. There was laundry to do today. Why shouldn't a dead guy go do some laundry? Just as Misato may drink beer in the kitchen with anybody, who could care less?
Through the whirling noise of the washing machine I made out the sound of Misato's steps as she patted along the corridor, not too sober. On the way she mumbled something about secrets to keep and the boy needing to eat at least once in a while. It did not matter.
What mattered was another night coming, with no more tests, homework or chores to do. Nothing to hope for. Nothing, and what a painful nothing was it since the last time we, we together, fought an Angel.
My SDAT player worked on through the night. I needed it to work, to keep me closer to bitter reality than to dreams, because I knew those dreams already. Night after night the dreams would be there and this night, too, in the small hours of morning my body failed me once more, giving in for sleep.
Rei. Things were true and that never happened, sweet and scary but Rei, the true Rei, my lost Rei was through the dreams like a star shining high above. Too high for me to reach, too high. Like the last night and the night before and before I half-feared but half-hoped she would call out for me. And something deep inside me knew I could not resist the call to join her - in death.
It would be so simple.
This night the call came.
-Shinji-kun...
-Such a sweet dream, Rei. Don't leave me. Let me come to you.
-Shinji, - whispered she, touching my hair.
-Rei, - whispered I, reaching out to stroke hers.
Then my hand contacted something cool and moist. The faint metallic smell of LCL... I never feel smells in my dreams. So was I awake?
My body launched itself upright and almost into a faint, my head spinning. When my eyes finally contacted the brain, confirming the sight... there was enough light to see.
Kneeling by the side of the bed, dressed in her plugsuit, there was Rei.
-Shinji-kun. I am back.
Words collided somewhere in my throat, choking me, I wanted to yell, to ask, to plead all at once, but could not. My heart spasmed, a wave of rough, purely physical pain rolled over, and then Rei lightly ran her fingers, her short fingernails along my forearm.
Nobody could ever know, I never confessed to anyone in words what we did on the day before Rei died, in my room when we suddenly were gifted a moment of privacy. Between kisses, she shyly tried stroking my skin like this. I didn't say it felt heavenly even to her - she just looked in my eyes and did it again. And she did it again now.
I touched Rei, still unable to speak, still forcing some air in my lungs for a question. She nodded her head and smiled. The smile... It released me from pain, from anguish, from everything but love. I smiled back.
-Shinji-kun.
-Rei-chan.
We moved closer to each other and kissed deeply, no longer needing words to express what we felt. When the kiss left us breathless, we broke apart to look in each other's eyes, her gentle fingers on my shoulders, mine on hers, no longer doubting future, no longer doubting it existed.
-Do you want to become one with me...- I whispered.
-Body and soul, - replied her silvery voice.
Have we been sharing dreams, too? It did not matter.
She took my hands off her shoulders or a brief moment - a hiss of air, a click of a latch and Rei's white plugsuit slipped down, liberating her skin, white, tender and warm to my touch. The light of the setting moon from the window bathed her in liquid silver, forever burning the sight in my memory. Her tousled hair, the clear line of her supple neck, the outlines of her breasts and those arms stretched towards me... I threw off the cover, Rei slowly stood up, making my hands slip the whole delightful way from her shoulders over the softer breasts, brushing down her firm stomach, over her hipbones to rest on soft flesh again. Gracefully, as if leaping into deep water, she turned and settled by my side, in my arms.
-We have changed, - whispered Rei in my ear as she helped me out of my sweat-soaked shirt, her gentle hands and lips all over me.
-Where have you been, Rei?
-When Ritsuko found me, they locked me up in my... old room. In the Terminal Dogma. Right from the plug. Then Ritsuko let me out. That's all.
She snuggled close to me, tight and warm. There was tenderness in her embrace, but tension too, as if she couldn't break the last barrier.
Barrier. We both knew what that barrier was. Her parting letter. The clones in the tank. The truth of Rei's origin. Silent, naked and motionless we were holding each other too long. The night waited for things to happen, for barriers to be broken, knots to be cut. Rei waited. I gathered my will and spoke.
-Rei-chan, listen to me please, Rei! I made my choice, I fought for it. No. We made the choice. We fought for each other and won! Don't desert me, Rei!
-Desert? Me desert you, Shinji? It's only the truth, if it wasn't so harsh, Shinji.
-Truth does not matter. We have seen so many things lose meaning. There is no proof to them, love.
Love. Three simple sounds, and Rei melted in my arms, almost accepting the unhoped-for, turning her face to mine - just to say, to whisper, torn between desire and guilt:
-But I am an Angel.
-So what? Rei, I've fought and killed many Angels and I'll be damned if it made me feel right. Maybe for killing Angels one has to atone. By loving one.
-Shinji...
-Rei...
Then we kissed again. And again...
-Shinji, my love, - whispered Rei, running her fingers through my hair, - how good it feels. Knowing we'll be together forever. Shinji...
Together. Forever. A thought made me freeze. A thought on side effects of loving an Angel. An immortal creature. Growing up, aging and dying before her eyes and leaving her alone in a scant handful of years. If that be the price, then...
Silently, I turned my back to her, curling up, trying to bring myself to terms with the bitter reality. The fairytale part of the night was over.
And happily ever after...
-Shinji-kun. You... you silly boy. Now you fear death you were so ready to embrace. You needn't. Soon, very soon you too will change.
Rei read my thoughts like an open book and replied to me. I looked up at her and heard more... she was speaking to me, soothing and comforting, but Rei continued to smile! Her lips did not move!
-You are truly ready to Ascend, Shinji-kun. So open to osanwe, and such power...
She rubbed her cheek against my shoulder, like a cub cuddling with a parent.
Osanwe? Ascend?
-Hold me, Shinji. Let me tell you a story.
... hidden in the depth of time, the spiral of life, the double helix of the crimson blood that flows* without end. Each cycle, each revolution brings the survivors higher, awakening the power deep within. The power to create the next step.
... with her body they created a likeness unto themselves. Twisted and unpure, sick of self and the world, yet the draft for the next species. The Angel. Me.
...and there came messengers to test the strength of the challengers and were all defeated. The test is through, Shinji-kun. The Ascension begins now... The world you knew is coming to an end.
-Rei. What will it be like... then?
-Shinji-kun, - the sound of her voice broke the silence, - are almost there. Since your absorption into Unit 01, - she gently kissed my hand, - you have started to change from the human being born of your parents.
Tell me, Shinji, how well did you hear osanwe**, the speech of my mind? Yes, perfectly.
When have you last eaten? Three days ago. Naurdolin, the inner fire Lilim called S2 is burning within you.
Where is the scar Toji's fist left on your cheek? Gone. Antoryame, the strengthening, rid your body of all imperfection. And, my love...
-I... am not human?
-You are more. As me. Only one power is dormant in you - avanire. The power of unwill.
-The AT field...
-Yes. Soon, soon I will teach you.
I must have fallen asleep then, quiet and relaxed at last. There must have been some dreams, the keys to my questions and worries finally fitting their locks. For when I woke up, I felt reborn rather than awoken.
The light of a misty sunrise was coming through the open binds. Last evening I did not care to close them, quite ready to use the window as the last escape from my pain. Today Rei and I awoke side by side, the diluted sunlight flashing in her ruby eyes***.
-Good morning, Rei, - thought I.
-Good morning, Shinji - I felt her think.
-You know, Shinji, - said Rei aloud, - I still haven't told you all. Remember when you wasn't recognized? I mean, when you thought you met me...
-I'd pay dear to get rid of this memory.
-Well, ummm... Shinji, I must tell you... I now... have a twin sister. Rei Three.
-I've seen her. Rushed to her, to your apartment like the fool I was.
-So, Shinji dear, here is a warning - be sure to tell us apart well!
-Tell you and... Three apart well? What...
-Asuka was right. You are thickheaded. As thickheaded as I can get... jealous. Blush on, blush - I know how irresistible you are to my kindred.
Rei said it with the broadest smile I've seen on her ever. God in heaven, it was a sly smile!
-For someone foaming at the mouth ("You mention Asuka? Get some of her style!"- thought I ) about being an Angel and all you're getting pretty human!
-You mean, perhaps, humane?
-What was your Classic Literature mark, Wonder Girl?
-Twice as high as yours, Wonder Boy!
Then she did something right out of this world.
Rei Ayanami smacked me on the head with a pillow and innocently asked:
-Want some breakfast?
-Umm, Rei-chan, I do, but I do not feel I need it somehow. I'd love to eat a tasty bit, but it is not what I'd call hunger. Is this... S2 working?
-Yes. So, off to the bathroom, we're going to Asuka as soon as the hospital opens.
Asuka...
-Don't feel guilty forgetting about her,- whispered Rei, back to serious mood, drawing closer to me, - you have not forgotten.
-Not forgotten. Just decided. I have only one heart, Rei-chan.
She smiled at me and pushed me in the direction of the bathroom.
End of Part 3.
* The words are J.R.R. Tolkien's Quenya or at least meant to be.
** The Dragu Slave chant from Slayers. Megumi Hayashibara rules forever.
*** Somehow, I always felt all Megumi's characters have things in common. Rei finishing 'em all off with a Giga Slave would make a cool Third Impact IMHO.
THE ASCENSION
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION
By Larnir W. Haigh
Part 4.
The Dead Newborn Awakening/ Commander Ikari / Rheya
I felt most nervous on the way to the hospital. Asuka's body was alive for all I knew, but her mind... The story of her mother... Ever if she would awake... Please, please, pretty please, not a padded cell with barred windows.
We were ready to face the worst. I felt Rei clutching my hand as we went through halls and corridors, her fingers getting harder and harder on mine as we counted the rooms looking for the number.
The door wasn't locked and the room (damn, hospital rooms have become a second home to us all) was bright with sunlight from an open window. Her fiery hair strewn over pillows, Asuka lay like a fairytale princess. German fairytales... I recalled the full version of the Rottkaeppchen and shuddered.*
Asuka was pale as her bedsheets, her lips chapped and streaks of salt running from the corners of her eyes. Tears that had dried already.
Rei sat down on the edge of the bed. She touched Asuka's hand, then her elbow and shoulder, following some pattern... A final touch to the forehead and Asuka's long eyelashes fluttered as those lovely blue eyes opened after so long in sleep.
-Wow. Unfamiliar ceiling and Wonder Girl. You did this to me? Great. Wie lang bin ich... sheisse. The damn Angel. I lost synch, so you two beat the crap out of him? Were, - her face went serious, - were you worried? Hey...
Rei burst in tears as she seized Asuka's hand. I felt my vision clouding too and found no reason to hold back.
-Shinji-kun wept a whole night by you side.
-Shinji, - called Asuka tenderly, - is it true?
Asuka's warm fingers reached out to ruff my hair.
-And where were you?
-I've survived, - replied Rei matter-of-factly.
-Thanks for coming here, Shinji, Rei. Thanks for everything, you two crybabies. Have you been weeping a lot, Rei? With your eye color it's hard to guess.
-Yes. We were afraid, Asuka...
-Afraid of my family's bad blood, yes? Wrong, and thank Shinji. The doctors say I was in coma... until the moment Shinji-kun beat the crap out of my big red toy.
Big red toy? Asuka said that about Unit 02? Was I hearing things?
-Finally, you two sorted it out. I'm... kind of happy. Shinji-kun, could you please leave us girls to chatter?
I stood in the corridor waiting for Rei. It took long, sure enough - even a very short version of what Rei told me about tonight would take time. And believing it... well, Asuka was a gifted pupil in whatever she took up.
At last Rei opened the door and called me back to the room. Then she ducked outside, leaving me alone with Asuka. And I thought the visit was already over ...
-Come here, Shinji.
I did, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. Asuka was sitting propped high in a mound of pillows, a tint of color back to her cheeks.
-There isn't much I can say to you, Shinji. I feel sorry for many things.
Asuka was sorry. If not for the last events, I'd get surprised.
-I feel sorry for being so hard to you. For not trying to understand a bit. On the other hand, I feel sorry, - she grinned, - for not getting as much of you as I wanted. God knows it would have been nice. You're the best, Shinji-kun, I know... If you were not, I'd never let you have Rei!
Seeing my confusion, Asuka wiped the smile from her face.
-Okay, you here. I've never seen a couple so made for each other. Now that we've all changed... Just be nice to her - you can. You will, Shinji - or you'll have to deal with old Asuka, verdammt!**
-Asuka - echoed I.
-Uh-huh. Remember, Shinji - it's not parting! Hope we'll be friends.
-Friends? Some people are better to have around as friends, you violent, bossing-around, headstrong gajin woman! All you're good for is shouting bad words in German!
-Wow. Finally Sinji learned a pair of my lessons. You are making me proud. So, shall we go?
-Go? Can you?
-After being healed by the Angel Rei? I'm in better shape than you! She brought me my yellow sundress you're so fond of, and we'll... umm. What about enjoying food while we still can?
-Asuka-chan, nobody's taking away your little joys even if you have S2 power! I had breakfast today, too.
Rei peeked through the half-open door and I saw she was damn close to laughing.
As in ancient times, told my history lessons, foreign sailors trampled the crucifix on the shore of Japan, so felt I standing in the NERV headquarters main lobby, the half-leaf symbol under my feet. God's in his heaven maybe - but where does it get me? Just a symbol, an empty picture one might find spray-painted on a subway station wall.
The hall was empty, a smell of burned plastics from somewhere lingered in the air. NERV was sure not what it used to be.
-Shinji?
Professor Fuyutsuke's voice made me spin around.
-Did you come here on your own decision? I mean,...
-Yes, Fuyutsuke-sensei, I have.
I felt like asking questions as harsh as I felt the answers had to be, and frankly, Professor would answer them better than...
-Commander Ikari, - began he.
He did not call him my father or things like that. Good of him. Then... why wasn't he saying anything?
Shinji, you baka! He meant you. You are the Commander Ikari.
Which means... another Commander Ikari is no more. A silence worth a hundred words.
-How did it happen, Fuyutsuke-sensei?
-After IT happened, - he gave me a wry smile, - Commander Ikari sent a report to the European HQ. He got an answer pretty soon, read it and then... He went to the Terminal Dogma and there... Decided to settle some personal matters, I suppose. He shot Ritsuko. She's in bad condition, but...
-Skip the Ritsuko part. Where are the others? Misato? Tell me!
Speaking like my father? Perhaps. I will have to be very careful. It's a trap, an open pit I knew to be waiting for me, within me, whoever may I become. Seconds after being called Commander Ikari the spineless Shinji talks like one... Rei, where are you? Could you help? No, it's my own fight and it's not over. Nothing ever is over.
-As you say. It isn't a good idea to go shooting around in the NERV. Guards came and... he fired at them. They returned fire.
-Where is Misato, Professor Fuyutsuke?
-Gone. Maybe she comes back, at least I hope.
-Me too. I'm going to miss her.
-Commander... Shinji, would you like to read that message? Just as I guessed. Here, take a seat, would you?
He handed me a folded printout.
"Gendou, my dear comrade. Thank you for your report, thank you and farewell. Under the weight of so many mistakes it is no longer possible to continue what has been around for so long, under different names - SEELE, GEHIRN, NERV.
After accusing so many people of incompetence, I now admit to being the biggest fool of you all. A long, long time ago I fell in for the ravings of a long-dead fantasy writer. Yes, now I know the truth is not written on fucking scraps of goatskin. Even if it was at the moment, the entities we called Angels were neither dumb nor weak. They have changed.
I guess, and this guess is not a blind one, that were the Third Impact to occur sometime then, Angels would have been more human-like - just strong enough for the few chosen warriors to compete with using sword and spear.
All that happens now is completely unpredictable to me. I have already given orders to minimize damage that might occur when this fact surfaces.
I have been blind. I have been.
I am no more.
May our successors be brighter.
Farewell.
Yours
Lorenz Kiel
P.S: The Council unanimously appointed Shinji Ikari acting commander of NERV under the guidance of Prof. Fuyutsuke until your son is of legal age.
P.P.S: Bury Adam. You know where. It is just a piece of dead flesh now".
The day at the Geofront proved to be long. Longer than I supposed - fixing papers, setting up a new priority user profile in the system under the guidance of Maya and Professor Fuyutsuke, even synching for a try with one of the new production Evas - Unit 08. Nothing at all like 01, of course. As soon as I thought about it from the control room, the thing snapped in 100% synch and behaved like an obedient puppy.
-It walks, jumps, flies and uses an authentic reproduction of the authentic Lance of the authentic Longinus, - said I to Fuyutsuke bitterly.
-So what, Ikari-san?
-Scrap them all.
-You suppose?
-Are you taking my orders? Then I repeat - they're worthless. Take my word, Professor - Asuka could thrash the whole batch in under five minutes, if you fixed Unit 02. Not that I suggest actually doing it. My late father made several faults in the dummy plug system, Fuyutsuke-sensei. Using Kaoru's patterns, for instance. Delete them. Don't make me order EVAs to self-destruct.
-What's wrong with Kaoru's patterns?
-Kaoru had a free will, but it was not a will to win. Not a will to live. So don't they.
-And what about Unit 01?
-She does not need a pilot now. Just build a proper storage unit, upgrade her external addons from time to time and let me communicate with her sometimes. When there is need, she will warn me. Or just set things straight herself - I'm inside it and trust myself pretty well.
-What do you mean by need, Ikari-san?
-Evas falling in the wrong hands. That is why I order to scrap the series and dismantle the production equipment. Prepare a draft for the budget reconfiguration, please.
-Anything else?
-Proceed with restoration of Unit 02. Next week Pilot Sohryu Langley and I begin training Aida Kensuke as replacement pilot.
-So Rei will not pilot any more.
-She just doesn't need an Evangelion. I'll tell you someday later. And get me home, I'm tired of all this.
A whole day of acting big in the Ikari style. There is no escape growing up, taking responsibility, using and getting used to every side of my nature. Making decisions, solving problems, setting tasks no longer felt alien or dirty just because it was his job.
I no longer despised what my father did. In all his mistakes, he has left me a legacy and the ability to handle it. The will, too. My father's will.
Fuyutsuke convinced me to retain transport and security of the former head of NERV, now that I was the only pilot and acting commander. I, on the other hand, convinced him to let me live in Misato's old apartment. So when I turned the familiar doorknob and was greeted by noises, my first thought was of her returning. Boy was I wrong. Two pairs of hands caught me in the darkened corridor.
-At last!
-The Boss is home!
-Have you finished taking NERV apart?
-Did you send the Evas to a pet shop?
Giggling, both Rei and Asuka were over me, dragging me into the living room.
-Surprise!
And surprise it was. Sitting on a cushion in a corner there was Rei Three. She looked confused and shocked a bit. Poor girl, I understood what she felt being dragged to the real world by Asuka and Rei with her newly found joie de vivre. Still, she coped well - Rei's always been strong and intelligent, no matter how many emotions there were in her personal memory. Rei Three rose and bowed politely. She gave a small polite smile, too - as if testing what she could do with her face, her lips, her eyes.
-So, you came just in time for a formal introduction, Shinji. Shinji-san, let me introduce you to Miss Rheya*** Ayanami. Rheya, this is Shinji Ikari.
She bowed once more and cast her eyes down - much like a porcelain doll, but no longer one.
-Nice to meet you, Shinji.
-Nice to meet you, Rheya. Thanks for the formal part, Asuka.
-We've been making it up right here before you stumbled in, Shinji-kun.
-Making what, Rei?
-The name, baka, - answered Asuka impatiently, - you cannot have two girls who look just the same under one name, can you?
-We've considered Reiha**** first, but it sounded too cold, - whispered Rei in my ear.
-Now let's celebrate!
-Your favourite, Shinji. Have some.
-Would you pass me the sauce, Rheya?
Sooner or later, there comes a lull in every party. On the couch there sat a worn out from a long day Asuka, almost as quiet as Rheya - who in turn drifted back to the same cushion. While Rei went to the kitchen for tea supplies (after an argument with Asuka about "shall we really drink it or have a ceremony"), Rheya suddenly asked:
-Shinji-san, is this yours?
She was pointing... of course. My cello case. The poor deserted instrument in the corner. How long haven't I laid a hand on it - a week? A month? Sounded like a whole life.
-Yep, Shinji-kun, why don't you treat us to some? Don't try to say you have forgotten which end to pluck.
That sounded nice. As I got myself ready, my thoughts wandered across the humble repertoire. Really, this wasn't a time for Beethoven. Deciding to let the hands do the work, I picked the bow then and touched the strings as my thoughts wandered on.
No, this wasn't forgetting - the sound came flowing as hardly ever before. A few strings from here and there to get in the mood, and then...
I realized Asuka was staring at me, obviously recognizing the melody, and Rei with the tea tray staring at us both in obvious ignorance and Rheya just enjoying the music. Without missing a key, I realized as well what was I playing to them.
Fluent as my teachers hardly ever hoped and even improvising a little along the way, my hands called forth the sweetest chords of the interlude from Metallica's Master of Puppets*****. I fouled the next staccato part miserably and partly on purpose.
********************************************************************************
... a new ending - that is, no ending at all.
Will Shinji and Rei guide the humankind to Ascension?
Will it need any guidance at all?
Can a human write a story about Angels?
Probably not.
And the story ends.
* I do not imply Shinji indulged in reading the Grimm Brothers, but him watching Jin-Roh seems quite feasible.
** Damn! (Germ.)
*** Rheya is the name of the woman recreated twice by the Ocean in Stanislaw Lem's Solaris novel.
**** Reiha is the name of the snow spirit from Vampire Princess Miyu.
***** Master of Puppets really does exist in cello cover version (Apocalyptica Plays Metallica by Four Cellos, Spinefarm Records 1998)