Random and slightly pointless introduction: This is a little one-shot, dedicated to Eric Cartman. Who I love. Despite his... you know...

Well I love him anyway. But I tend to torture him in stories.

I do this only to characters that I love. Don't ask me why.

Okay, so I know Cartman didn't actually move from Nevada to Colorado in second grade. It's a fan fiction. Get over it.

Kind of a Songfic of Where will you go by Evanescence.

Please review, I'd love to know what you think.

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You're too important for anyone

You play the role of all you long to be

Just my average day. Hiding behind my mask. No one knows me at all. Not my mom, not my best friends, not my teachers... No one. Yeah, I'm that good at hiding my feelings and feigning someone else's personality. It's not me that they all see. They all see the person I created. I don't like that person any more than they do.

But I, I know who you really are

You're the one who cries when you're alone

But at this point, does it even matter? They all see me as "a fat racist self-centered intolerant manipulating sociopath," as Kyle once so colorfully put it. Nothing has changed since then. They all think that he is me. But he's not... I swear. All those times I insulted them... it was to hide the hurt that they were causing me.

But where will you go

With no one left to save you from yourself

I didn't make fun of them first. It's hard to believe, but I was as friendly and happy-go-lucky as Pip or Butters. But I learned. Oh, I learned. They all made fun of me. They taunted me to no end. They called me fat, they said I was stupid, and they bullied me into thinking that I was.

You can't escape

You can't escape

I changed myself. Or, rather, I tried to change myself. I threw insults right back, learned from my stupid mistakes. I tried to be nice. That wasn't a good idea. They laughed as me. They even threw food at me. I hid in the bathrooms until they left. Then I just cried by myself.

You think that I can't see

Right through your eyes

I hated myself. I hated myself for not being strong enough to suck it up and be a man. Of course, I was only five at the time. I was fragile. Honestly, though, I'm still fragile. Every insult Kyle has ever thrown has hurt me to no end. When they ignored me, I wanted to kill myself. Every single time Butters or Pip was bullied, even if it was by me, I wanted to cry for them, cry with them...

Scared to death to face reality

No one seems to hear your hidden cries

The they that drove me to creating my fake self aren't Kyle, Stan, Kenny, or anyone else from South Park. In second grade, I moved away from that school, my own personal hell. I didn't understand this at the time, but we didn't move away to make me happier.

You're left to face yourself alone

But where will you go (where will you go)

My mom had slept with everyone in town and was bored. She didn't care that her little kid was being tormented at his school. The counselor and the principal had told her that I was bullied multiple times. She did nothing. I didn't realize that she could've stopped it at the time. But now I know. She didn't care about me. She doesn't care about me. Never has, never will.

With no one left to save you from yourself

You can't escape

Then I got here, to South Park. I wasn't an idiot. I could tell that the bullies were more popular than the stupid, innocent, sweet kids. I learned that from my old school, and Butters and Pip made me realize just how incredibly right I was.

The truth

I realize you're afraid (I realize)

I wanted South Park to be different. I wanted people to like me. I wanted them to think I was cool. I didn't want... to relive what I went through in Nevada. I was beaten up daily. People made fun of my weight, my mom, my voice, my clothes... Anything they could think of, anything at all. They tore me apart.

But you can't abandon everyone

You can't escape

South Park wasn't very different at first. You think I made fun of Kyle first? Oh, no. The first day of second grade, he laughed and commented on how fat I was. The insult stabbed me in the heart. I chose the only way out that I could think of. I insulted him right back. People laughed and high-fived me. I felt happier.

You don't want to escape

I'm so sick of speaking words

But then I couldn't escape. They always expected me to make fun of everyone. Now I had become the very thing that had killed me when I was younger. But I didn't stop it. I just kept going at it. I made fun of Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Craig, Butters... Anyone at all, really. But it physically hurt me inside to do it. I didn't want to be a bully.

That no one understands

Is it clear enough

I felt like I had to.

That you can't live your whole life all alone?

I can hear you in a whisper

I'm not the person I created. I never have been. Everyone just thinks I am. I don't like it. But I need it. They'd hate me even more if they knew me. They'd laugh. They'd call me a pussy. They'd see my vulnerability. Just like those other kids did all those years ago.

But you can't even hear me screaming

Where will you go (where will you go)

I'm in twelfth grade now. I'm going to graduate without ever having someone see the person I really was. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Better to graduate with people that hate me for what I'm not than with people who hate me for what I am. It's better this way.

With no one left to save you from yourself

You can't escape

They don't know, they'll never know me. I won't let them, I won't.

The truth

I realize you're afraid (I realize)

I remember hiding every time it wasn't class. I feared them so much. I didn't want them to hurt me... They made me so scared. I thought they might kill me. I would lock myself in a closet and just cry. I wondered why they hated me. I had never given them a reason to. They just wanted me to suffer, and I wasn't strong enough to shield myself.

But you can't reject the whole world

You can't escape

I'll never go back to Nevada.

You won't escape

You can't escape

I'll never be able to escape the person I forced myself to be. But I don't want to escape. He protects me. He shields me. He blocks the hurt as best as he can.

You don't want to escape