Another What if Oneshot! Today however, there is no pairing! It's just a fun comedy oneshot for all of you to enjoy!
Question: What if Italy and America asked 'the question'?
Fandom: Hetalia
Main characters: Italy and America
Tanoshimu!
"Right so I propose that we get an awesome hero! Preferably me, since I am the hero. So what does everyone think of my plan?"
Though America hadn't realised it, while he was speaking every country had gradually gotten up and left the room. Was this out of boredom? Surely not, for America was not boring in any way. That's what he thought at least. In any case, America was not turning into a boring old man, nor was it the fact that he had pitched this idea so many times before. The reason everyone had left the room was simple: America had talked over the time limit.
So there America stood at the head of the table. A large blackboard on wheels had been rolled out to help America demonstrate his point. But now it was just him, all alone... Well, almost anyway.
There was another presence in the room that went unnoticed by America, a happy and smiling person with a familiar curl of hair sticking out on end. There sat on one of the chairs, reading one of the superhero comics that America had handed out, was none other than Italy Veneziano.
"Ve~! That was pretty fun!" Italy sighed contently.
He shut the comic book and placed it onto the table. It was at this point that America realised that Italy was still there.
"Hey! Where did everybody go?" Italy asked.
"Beats me." America shrugged his shoulders.
"Well at least I'm not alone! I still have you Mr America!" Italy smiled.
"I'm still here..." Whispered a familiar, Canadian voice.
This however, went unnoticed and Italy and America continued to speak.
"Dude, you don't have to call me mister. Just America's fine." America laughed.
America glanced down at the comic book that Italy had just been reading. America had originally handed out the comic books to prove his point about heroes but in practically every seat, the comic books lay there- unopened.
"So... Enjoy the comic book?" America asked.
"Ve~! I always enjoy reading Japan's comic book thingies! This was amazing!" Italy beamed.
"Yeah you can't compete with Captain America!" America laughed proudly.
Italy nodded. The two never really spoke to each other but now that they were it was actually quite enjoyable for them both.
"So dude I guess we better get going." America told him.
"Yeah!" Italy nodded. "But can I... Walk with you? I don't know where Germany's gone and it'll only be for a little while."
"Sure, that'd be fun." America smiled.
The two walked outside together. America had his hands stuffed into his pockets and Italy was swinging his arms proudly. They were talking about their childhood, both of their stories differing slightly.
"Well when I was young I ate too much, got locked up and I wore women's clothing!" Italy smiled.
"HAHAHA! Seriously? Dude that's totally awesome!" America laughed.
"What about you?" Italy asked.
"Well I got found in some random field, two effeminate men fought over me and I had a creepy British guy singing me creepy British songs. It was creepy. Also I picked up a bull and swung it around all by myself." America explained.
"So you were found?" Italy asked.
"Yeah, I think everyone was. I mean China tells people about how he found Japan and I was found in a bush so yeah."
"I wonder where countries come from..." Italy whispered in an airheaded sort of way.
America stopped. "Dude you have a good point! Where do countries come from?"
"Why don't we try and find out?"
"Yeah! Together we can totally bust this thing wide open!"
America put his arm around Italy and began to laugh triumphantly. Italy just smiled and said 'Pasta' once or twice. That was how the two decided to team up together to solve the answer to one question.
Where do countries come from?
Asking Germany
"Germany! Germany!" Italy called.
"Oh, hello Italy. I trust you vere able to find your vay home after ze meeting ended?" Germany asked.
"Yep! I got America with me!" Italy smiled.
"Good. I hope you two aren't getting into too much trouble-"
"Hey Germany, where do countries come from?"
At this point, Germany's eyes shot open and his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. Italy just carried on smiling and America stood there, eagerly awaiting an answer.
"I... Have to go make some Wurst. America. I don't know vhat you said but in future I vould prefer if you did not put ideas into Italy's undersized brain. If you do, I may just have to kill you in your sleep. Auf Wiedersehen."
Then Germany turned and walked away. Italy was a little shocked by the death threat that Germany had just made to America but as usual, America wasn't fazed by it.
"Dude I don't think he knows! That or he's just too embarrassed to say it!" America laughed.
"Ve~! Let's go try someone else then!"
Asking France
"Big brother France!" Italy yelled.
"You sure you wanna ask the Frenchy about this?" America asked.
"Uh-huh! France has told me a whole bunch of stuff so I'm sure he knows!" Italy smiled.
"Bonjour Italy!" France beamed.
"Ciao France! Me and America wanted to ask you a question!"
"Well go right ahead."
"Where do countries come from?"
"Ah, zat is very easy. When two countries love each other very much, or one just loves ze other and 'e 'as to back zem into a corner in order to do zis... Damn Angleterre... When zey love each other very much, ze man invades her vital regions and-"
"HOLD ON A SECOND!"
America, Italy and France turned to see the person who had just stepped into the conversation. They quickly realised who he was, for not many people had the same bottle green eyes and impressive eyebrows as he did...
"Don't listen to this cheese-eating surrender monkey! That's not how countries are born. I know that for a fact. That's the way normal people are born." England explained.
Asking England
"So d'you know how countries are born then?" America asked.
"Well of course! It's actually very simple. You see, a long time ago. Someone powerful managed to master an intense kind of black magic. Then he used this magic to create countries! It's that simple." England smirked.
"So what you're saying is... You're the dark offspring of some crazy evil wizard dude?" America asked.
"Ye- Wait no! That's not what I meant!" England snapped.
"Then what did you mean dude?" America asked.
"Well... Okay then maybe countries aren't born that way. But I have another idea! Okay so... The fairies came and made us all!" England concluded.
"Don't be ridiculous, fairies are dumb." America laughed.
"Shh! Don't say that when there's one floating right next to us!" England hissed.
"I really don't think we should be asking Mr Skitzo over there. Thanks for the help anyway England." America said to Italy.
"Well I'm glad to have been of ser- hey, wait a minute! I'm not schizophrenic!"
"Sure, whatever you say. Thanks for the help."
"'Ey what about me?" France yelled.
Asking Russia
"So Russia, how are countries born?" America asked.
"Yeah we really wanna know! Plus I'm beginning to get hungry..." Italy smiled.
"Oh that is easy. Countries are delivered to us by the magical stork that delivers babies. We each get placed in our designated spot and the stork leaves us with someone to look after us." Russia explained with a friendly smile.
"Y'know that actually kinda makes sense!" Italy gasped.
"Yeah that would explain why no-one's ever seen a country being born. Thanks Russ-"
"And what happened to my stork? I pulled off both of his wings and made them into a fine powder before eating it and then being stuck to fend for myself." Russia smiled evilly.
"AHHHH!" Italy screamed.
Italy then ran off in the other direction and America soon chased after him. It took a while but America managed to calm Italy down before they set off to ask their next person.
Asking Japan
"Japan!" Italy called in his singsong voice.
"Japan'll know where countries come from." Italy whispered to America.
"Yeah, plus me and Japan are homies!" America smiled.
"Oh, konichiwa Itary. And herro to you too America." Japan muttered.
"Hey Japan! Where do countries come from?" Italy asked.
"Oh that is very easy. Every country that rives here was once on a page in a manga. Japanese anime producers wanted to use that manga to make some money and so they began to work and now we have countries." Japan explained.
"...Dude did you catch a word he said?" America whispered to Italy.
"No, did you?" Italy asked.
"Nah dude, too complicated and Japanese for me. Let's just go get everyone and then we'll ask the big question."
"Ve~! Good idea!"
Then they ran off to gather up everyone, leaving Japan there on his own so that he could sense the mood and of course, refrain from speaking.
Asking everyone
"I think it is most definitely through reproduction!" France yelled over all the noise.
"Shut up France! What would you know about countries anyway? Your whole country's always busy stuffing their face with cheese or drowning themselves in wine!" England yelled.
"We know plenty about ze rest of ze world! At least we don't sit in castles and drink tea and eat scones!" France snapped.
"I think it is most definitely my idea. Don't you just love the taste of stork?" Russia smiled.
"Ai ya! No-one asked me what I think-aru!" China yelled.
"Why is no-one ristening to me talk about anime storyboard?" Japan asked.
"Guys calm down!" America yelled.
But the countries couldn't be calm, not when they were arguing. Everyone was as it usually was, France and England were strangling each other while yelling offensive stereotypes, China was yelling about how no-one was listening, Russia sat there smiling- thinking about the taste of stork meat and Germany was boiling up, obviously about to start yelling dramatically.
"Everyone-!" Germany began.
"E-excuse me..."
There was a small voice that could be heard. Germany was just about to yell at everyone in his usual fashion but he had felt a small tug on his sleeve to make him stop yelling. They all fell silent and turned to see a quiet country, stepping forward holding a cute polar bear.
"Most of you know me as Canada..." He whispered, though in response to this there were a few whispers of 'who?' amongst the countries. "But I think I know how countries are born."
"Go ahead, shoot Canadia." America told him.
"Well..." He took a deep breath. "At one point in time, there was a giant mass of land called Pangea. Eventually it broke apart to form countries- us. Countries aren't born, they're found. Bits of Pangea. That's what we are."
Everyone stood silent for a few seconds, but silence is always short-lived when America's around. His obnoxious laugh was the first sound to break the silence, and his loud voice was the next.
"Dude, don't be silly, like we're really parts of a broken piece of land. If that were true then that'd mean I was related to this jerky limey." America laughed, pointing to England towards the end.
"HEY! I'm not some jerky limey! I'm a gentleman remember!" England yelled.
"Oui but I do not think that punks like you can be gentlemen." France laughed.
"Shut your froggy mouth!"
And with that, chaos broke loose once more. Canada walked away and hung his head, upset that no-one pointed out his answer to the question. But he was quite happy to have had a moment in the spotlight at least that was something.
After the fighting had died down, America spoke again.
"Anyway I think we should bring this case to a close. We'll just say that countries are just found, 'kay? Yep that was totally my idea just now." America laughed.
"I thought it was Canada's?" Japan asked.
"Who?" Asked England.
"The slightly visible ghost that was talking a few minutes ago." China explained.
"Oh yes, that fellow." England laughed nervously.
"Honestly you can see weird imaginary fairy angel pixie thingies but you cannot see a country?" France asked.
"Just because you can't see them it doesn't mean they're imaginary!" England yelled.
"Dude, you need to see a doctor." America said sternly.
"This coming from the man that eats hamburgers every minute?"
"Hey I don't eat 'em every minute! I like to space it out so I have a wide variety of foods."
"And what does that 'wide variety' consist of?"
"Burgers, fries and milkshakes. What else?"
"...I give up."
And so do I England. That wasn't my best ending line but I suppose it'll have to do! Pangea is real btw guys but America can be pretty ignorant so he doesn't believe he'd be a part of anyone else...
America: That sounds bad.
Neko: It is bad. Back then it was only survival of the fittest. As my R.E teacher was telling me (don't ask why) only the bigger things survived.
America: *Looks at England's eyebrows*
Neko: My thoughts exactly. He also said that creatures with poor eyesight were usually killed.
England: *Looks at America's glasses*
Neko: You're both at a disadvantage. Anyway review, send me a message, do what you feel comfortable with. Now excuse me while I go glomp England...
America: She'll be chasing him for a while... I'll do Angel's sign-off for her.
Bye bye fanfiction dudes!
~American Neko
America: I think it goes something like that anyway...