Many years ago in a far away land, there was a boy named Eragay. Now this boy was not an ordinary boy. No, for this boy was a gayass. And it should be no surprise that he lived in the land of Alagayass. Not to be confused with Alagaesia in Eragon. Although, if you are confused, we don't care. Because there's a lot of reason that leads you to believe that this is a parody.

Well now that we're done with the introduction, we can start on the main story.

CHAPTER 1

One day when Eragay went out hunting, he just happened to be there at the right time. Funny story, a magical egg that got jacked by some pointy-eared bitch was being hunted by the king's officials, the sh'AIDS. So, while the shit went down across the way. He heard it and continued to follow the noise. Little did he know this bad decision was gonna screw his ass over.

While the pointy-eared bitch was being pursued by the sh'AIDS, she eventually got over her magical hangover and teleported the damn egg. That didn't really matter cause she still got captured for stealing the egg.

After she teleported the egg, it just so happened to teleport to Eragay. He was surprised. He took it home and just managed to escape the emperor's officials.

As Eragay was walking back into town, he decided to try and trade this egg for some shit he could get to feed him and his poor-ass family. Eragay walked into the meat store and as the meat beater was beating his customer's meat, Eragay had to wait until the awkward moment was finished.

"How much is that piece of beaten meat, sir beater of the meats?" said Eragay puzzled

"Hee hee hee, too much for a poor-ass fucker like you, boy" responded the mastur beater

"What if I traded this egg for you beaten meat?" asked a kinkily curious Eragay

" What the fuck is that?" yelled the mastur beater

"I found it. When I was hunting…….in the Crevice" replied Eragay

"Holy fuck man! Are you fuckin' trying to get us the fuck arrested?" said the mastur beater fastly

"Hey man, a guys gotta do what a guys gotta do" said Eragay kinkily.

"Now get the fuck out of my fuckin' store!" yelled the enraged mastur beater.

Eragay, stride out of that door as fast as Liberace ran to someone's ass hanging out of a window.

Eragay just made it back before noon. He was tired so he set the egg down next to his bed and took a nap. When he woke up, he realized the egg had hatched and the bastard woke him up. This made him think twice about bringing things home.

After being woken the fuck up by that fuckin' egg, he had to decide as to what the hell that thing was.

A chinchilla? Nah…..

A child rapist? Possibly……

A flying pig? Of course! He was the chosen pig rider. I don't know how the hell he knew that but some stupid reluctant villager had told him some shit about that at the whore house…. I mean pub last night.

So he taught the pig to fly and all that great shit.

"Thank God I didn't eat that thing for breakfast!" thought Eragay

Later on, the pig and Eragay got familiar. Too familiar if you asked me. But you didn't. So have the CIA of FBI erase it from your mind.

Anyways. Some thing called a Za'ck killed his uncle while Eragay was away in the forest jerking it. Shit happens when all you have to masturbate to is a fuckin' pig.

So after celebrating the death of his uncle, he walked into the village. Even though it was four miles from town, he managed to get there in less than 5 second thanks to the extremely fast pig. There he ran into the villager that told him he was a chosen kid or some shit, Bromgasm.

"Eragay, we must leave quickly." Said Bromgasm. They eventually got familiar to one another and he later calls him honey before he dies.

"Why?" said Eragay

"Because some evil creatures call the Za'cks are cuming for you."

"Where are we going?" asked Eragay

"To the Vargasm". Replied Bromgasm

"Ok" Eragay replied quickly as he already trusted him after a "great" night of "heated" love-making.

END OF CHAPTER

INDECTUS MAXIMUS (INDEX)

Something you should've recognized. The list of explanations of the are placed in order they appear. In other words, Chronological order, bitches.

Pointy-eared bitch: It comes from the Latin term "pointia maxima bitcha" meaning elf. And this elf's name is Arya

Sh'AIDS: Well, formerly they were called shades, but after a UN sponsored visit to Africa, well haha you know. Just in case you didn't get that, you're a grade A dumbass. They got AIDs.

Meat beating: It's how people get pleasure, son.

Well by this time, the sexual tension in the air was like that of a San Fransican honeymoon.

The Crevice: The special forests and meadows of the King. Long story short, Eragay shouldn't have been in there because he's a bitch.

Memory Erasing: Yeah if you learn too much, the government makes you forget what you knew much about.

The Celebration of the Uncle: Well, Eragay didn't like this bastard after being molested by him for too damn long.

Cuming: Cum. That's all there is to it,

Where are we going?: You know those questions that your 5 year-old cousin asks? Well that was this kinda question. And I'm sure Bromgasm had the bullets in the gun by then.

Love making: Love making you dumbass

DECEMBER 28th, 2006 AD

OR

DECEMBER 28th, 2752 AUC

JAMES CRUSADE

IUSTINIANUS MIGELUS

If you wonder why this great parody lacked substance and detail, that's because it's just like the movie. Yup you got the movie lacks substace and detail, and even a fucking time line.

Rated F for Fucking'hilarious.