I Found a Parrot!

by girfukker6669

But, of course, it's supposed to be a carrot. GIR just says he misunderstood. I highly doubt it. And the consequences may have been funny for him, but not so much for me.

The only person I have to worry more about than Zim is GIR.

Well, and Gaz. And Mom. But that's not the important thing right now.

Oh, GIR seems so innocent. "He can't do any harm!" "He's too 'advanced'! "Aw, lookit the cute wittle robot!"

... Did I just say "wittle"?

Whatever. The point is, GIR isn't what he seems. He can type perfect English. He's only trolling you guys. He wasn't able to at first, but after GIR Goes Crazy and Stuff, he was only hiding his intelligence. Another case in point: when he stormed in on me while I was in the shower when I was twelve. His excuse was a quote from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends. You know, the first episode with Cheese in it, the part where Cheese walks in on Edwardo, exclaiming that he has a carrot.

But apparently, he mistook "carrot" for "parrot".

Of course he did. He's too "advanced" to know otherwise.
And to GIR's knowledge, parrots eat worms.

I guess GIR has had his fair share of fandoms: Cosmo from Fairly Odd Parents, Fred Fred Burger from The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy, the aforementioned Cheese, and currently Derpy Hooves from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

This was during his Cheese phase.

He was bored one day; Zim was busy plotting Earth's doom, the Angry Monkey Show had ended a year ago. The only thing left to do was to annoy me.

I had just gotten back from my Dad's laboratory. After Mopiness of Doom, my father figured that he could yank me out of school for a week to make me work at his lab. Free genius child labor must be better than regular genius labor.

Now, the whole week, there's no breaks. Not for food, not for sleep, not for anything. You get water bottles so you don't die of thirst, but that's about it. My father somehow figured out how to still live after a full month of this sort of thing. I, however, was just getting used to it.

I had been taking a shower when I heard a small click, followed by a long creaking noise. I called out. "Hello?" When I didn't hear another noise for a bit, I shrugged away the thought of someone being there. I couldn't really see anything; I don't wear my glasses in the shower.

Then I heard a squawk. That was followed by a hushed voice. "Shuech! Heall heere joow!"

I knew that voice anywhere. "GIR? Why are you here?"

The robot tried to disguise his voice. "Urgh, no GIR here. I'm... uh... the hand towel?" I heard another squawk.

This was just getting stupid. "GIR, get out!"

GIR whispered again. "Weade bitir stuard, Coco." He yanked the shower curtains away, shouting, "IYE FUANND AWH PAERRITT!"

As far as I could tell, he looked like he was covered in melted cheese, and had colored his eyes white with a marker. Standing on his arm was a Scarlet Macaw.

Even though I knew he was there, I didn't expect him to barge right on in. I kinda froze. I wasn't too shocked to speak, though. "GIR! What the heck are you doing? Get out!"

The robot looked down. After a few seconds of squinting, he pointed at the area between my legs. "Heay, yewe ghott ah wourmn ehn bedtuenn jurr leaggs! Pawrut, eedte dwah wuormm!"

I didn't realize what he was talking about at first, so I looked downward, not knowing what I would find. "GIR, what are you-" I finally realized what he was talking about. "HolystuffGIRthatisn'tawormit'sa-"

Too late.

I blacked out after that. GIR might've said something, but I'm not sure what it was.

When I woke up, I was in a hospital. There was some system of pulleys holding up my legs in a fairly awkward position. I wasn't, however, wearing one of those patient robe/gown things (a good thing for once). GIR was sitting on the other side of the room, waiting for something. Luckily for me, he didn't have the parrot.

Then he just suddenly bursted into tears. "IIYE DEEDNET MEENE TEOW HUEARTT JOO, DYIBB-HOOMAHN! PWELEEZE FURRGEAV MEAH!"

He may have looked sincere, but I wasn't forgiving him yet. While GIR was still bawling, Zim walked in, probably because he found his robot. He looked at me with a baffled expression. "Why are you in a hospital, pathetic worm-child? I haven't started my plan this week, and you don't even look hurt."

I tried to jump up and start to defend myself when a sharp pain shot through most of my body, forcing me to collapse back into the bed. "You need to keep a closer eye on your retarded robot."

"What? Nothing of Zim's is retarded! It is you who are the retarded one, Dib-stink, for pretending to be hurt!"

I was hoping that a nurse or someone would come in and take away Zim. "How about I tear your antennae out and see how you like it?"

"Foolish hyooman! You do not know what pain you would suffer for doing such a thing! It would equal as much pain as-"

"As pulling your antennae out, which is probably the Irken equivalent of what GIR did to me. Can you please get going? Me being stuck here will give you more time to work on your newest plan."

"I'm sorry, Earth-pig, but I must get going. I mustn't waste time when I should be working on my newest plan! Come on, GIR."

The robot immediately stopped crying and followed Zim out. I rolled my eyes and sighed. "Well, I wonder how this'll work out. Hopefully better than a few of the other experiments tested on me."

Well, it did work. I stopped whatever Zim was doing that time around, which had something to do with the town cesspool.

But GIR never mentioned the event again, pretending to forget. But he remembers. He probably thought it was funny, at least for the first half hour that I was unconsious.

So why did I bother to tell you this somewhat disturbing story? To get my point into your heads: GIR is not "advanced", he is just being annoying, and taking advantage of his fans.

Have a nice day.