Cold Hands
A yawn escaped my throat, breaking the serene silence of the underworld's garden for a moment before it settled back in like a pool of water ceasing to ripple. Evening was approaching and I found myself a little worn out since I'd been tending the menagerie of plants and trees inhabiting Hakugyokurou since morning. I had briefly taken a meal with my lady in the afternoon when Yukari arrived with a covered basket, though it didn't contain her usual haul of sweets from the outside world. Instead, the smooth neck of a bottle peeked from under the cloth. I decided not to stick around to see what it was, and after exchanging pleasantries with our unexpected guest, I excused myself and returned to gardening. Yukari's presence rankled, though not by any fault of hers. It was a bit unfair of me to feel that way, and I made certain it never showed, but I just couldn't bear her familiarity with my lady at times. It had been several hours since then, and I worked tirelessly, at least until now, wondering just what my lady and Yukari were doing.
I was considering calling it a day when I turned to see my lady lazily floating towards me. "Youmu!" Lady Yuyuko called out to me, waving an arm over her head, and I waved back. That is, until she got close and wrapped her arms around mine while looking up at me like an excited child. She went on enthusiastically about how delicious Yukari's sake was but she didn't have anyone to share with now because Yukari had left and oh I must have some. I am not overly fond of Yukari; but I respect her. She keeps my master company and makes her smile. As her servant, I don't have the luxury of such a comfortable relationship with Lady Yuyuko. I'm always having to remind her to be more ladylike, such as right now.
"Lady Yuyuko," I began sternly, carefully attempting to pry her away from my arm. "You know I'm busy right now." I would never truly exert force on my lady, but in testing how strong her grip happens to be I am able to tell just how important a matter is to her. Every now and again, I pretend to lose track of time and 'forget' to cook a meal. When that happens, I can feel my circulation cut off when she inevitably comes and clings to me, telling me she's starving and how could I forget about her and I'm so cruel. It feels wrong, but seeing her pained expression, hearing her fretful voice, makes me inexplicably happy. She wore the same face now, had the same tone at my response to her invitation, and I felt my body heat up despite the chill imparted by her ghostly touch as I fought down a blissful smile.
"But Youmu, it's so good! You absolutely have to try some!" This sake was apparently quite important to her, as I was unable to lift even one of her fingers. I also noticed the rosy red tint to her cheeks that implied she'd drunk most of it and gotten lonely while I was out tending the garden. Sadly enough, situations like this were not uncommon. Even worse still, I enjoyed them much more than I had any right to, much like her childish demeanor when denied. Along with my lady's chilling arms came the subtle press of her unfairly ample chest, the only part of her that ever seemed affected by her love of food. "At least keep me company and refill my glass when it's empty! That's what a servant does right?" I pushed aside the excitement swelling in my stomach to let out a resigned sigh, allowing her to pull me a few steps.
"Very well, my lady," I acquiesced, careful to keep my tone servile. "If you insist, I can finish this task in the morning." I could finish pruning the sakura trees at any time, really, since my lady was usually pretty slack in enforcing my duties, but I had to maintain my false reluctance. Her response was to momentarily touch down with her perfectly functional legs and feet, jumping up and down and clapping before clinging to me again and floating off with me in tow. My satisfaction at the sight rivaled that of her begging me just moments ago.
Darkness had descended on the netherworld and my lady was watching the moon as we made our way back along one of the stone walkways threading itself through Hakugyokurou's large garden. She rested her head on my shoulder and I again went rigid, and not just from her cold touch though my arm was starting to ache from heat loss.
"It's so pretty isn't it, Youmu?" She asked wistfully, slightly slurring her words.
"Of course, my lady," I replied, not really paying attention. I found myself fantasizing, eagerly awaiting drinking with Lady Yuyuko. She smacked my arm and pouted at me, forcing me to suppress another smile.
"Why are you so mean to me, Youmu?" She asked, looking at me with watery eyes. I assumed it was from the drunkenness. Otherwise I might not have been able to contain myself. "You've been my servant for so long but you still act so distant!"
"Eh? Ah, well," Her reaction took me by surprise. I really had no answer to that, at least not one I could say out loud. I kept aloof because it would be improper for a servant to openly love her master. It would interfere with my work as her personal guard and gardener. I might be young but I am proud to be very self disciplined despite the necessary sacrifices I must make to maintain it. "I am your servant, Lady Yuyuko, and nothing more." She let go of my arm and stopped floating to stand still behind me. She looked a little angry and was swaying slightly while she glared at me.
"I bet you're thinking something like 'it wouldn't be proper' or that it might get in the way of your duties," she said, looking for all the world like a child who hadn't gotten what she wanted. I was in heaven. "You are important to me, Youmu."
"Those things are true though, my lady," I said with a small smile. She turned her gaze down and pouted again. "I spoil you enough already. You know you are just as important to me. Come now, Lady Yuyuko," I said, feeling almost motherly as I held my hand out to her. "I don't think it'll be a problem to share a drink with you." She looked up warily and I smiled wider, wiggling my fingers. She put her hand in mine and twined our fingers together as we set off again. A little curiosity mingled with my anticipation. Why was she acting so oddly? Usually when she was drunk she remained quite lucid, if a little more talkative. She certainly never swayed or slurred, and I felt my arm tug this way or that as she walked unsteadily beside me.
When we finally arrived at the front gate to the estate my lady had to take to floating again as she had difficulty with the steps. I laughed a little and the smile that lit up her face was heart-stopping. I was glad I was able to make her smile. How I longed to simply let out my feelings. At the very worst I would face rejection and resume my normal responsibilities at Hakugyokurou. Perhaps I might even be able to get half a kiss out of it. "Ah!" I involuntarily squeaked at the image of kissing Lady Yuyuko, blushing fiercely as she gave me a puzzled look.
"Youmu? What's wrong?" Her concern was so cute I almost didn't answer, instead just staring into her eyes.
"I-it's just that you're clinging to me and I'm getting kind of cold," I finally managed to say. I immediately felt bad, though, as she let go of me and floated in through the front doors at the top of the steps. She landed on her feet before sitting down on a pillow at the low table we kept there in the front room, and I was relieved to see her smile up at me. Then she grabbed an abnormally tall and thin red bottle that I could only assume contained the powerful spirits making my lady act so strangely. There were no markings on it, nothing to distinguish the type of liquor within or its origin. Enigmatic and unreadable, same as the disreputable person who had left it.
"You simply must have some, Youmu!" She said, filling a stout glass with only minor spillage.
"Very well, but don't expect me to keep up with you," I replied, sitting down opposite her and taking the proffered alcohol. I was already enjoying myself very much without it. Lady Yuyuko's kimono was loose around her shoulders, though it couldn't be because she was hot. Most likely she was just too tipsy to care. Either way, the swell of her breasts was slightly exposed along with the regal curve of her neck and soft outline of her collarbones. I found myself staring as I sipped at the spirits.
"Good, isn't it?" She asked me before drinking straight from the bottle. Just how much was there?
"I-it's good," I managed to say, though it felt as if I had drunk fire. My eyes started to water by the time I drained the small glass.
"See? I told'ja Youmu," Yuyuko slurred, topping me off. "Have 'nother." She smiled cheerily before another long pull at the bottle.
"Alright, alright." I couldn't help but smile, and took another small sip. It would be okay to relax once in a while. I did spend most of my time tending the garden and taking care of the household chores, and it had been some time since I'd shared a drink with lady Yuyuko. I started to feel comfortably warm, and maybe a little light-headed too. I giggled a little, and Lady Yuyuko laughed with me. Her smile was almost as intoxicating as the alcohol, both childishly innocent and yet somehow seductive. Suddenly, I felt sad. "Lady Yuyuko," I said, crawling around the table to sit next to her. "Feel my hands." She set down the bottle and we held hands, with her fingers curled into my palms. "I'm warm, right?" I asked her. She cocked her head to one side, looking a little confused under her smile. I had realized that my lady would never truly be warm. She would always be cold, constantly reminded of her state of permanent un-death. My heart started to beat faster, sitting there with my master's hands in mine and these melancholy thoughts going through my head. I felt pity, sympathy, and very strong affection. I wanted to be by her side always. I wanted to be the one to stave off the unrelenting cold. I loved her.
But that was not my place. Even under the haze of alcohol, I was capable of retaining my discipline. "I-I'm glad you have someone to keep you warm," I said, referring to Yukari. It was almost painfully obvious how much they cared for each other. I tried not to look as sad as I felt, but I must have failed.
"I'm not cold, Youmu." My lady's smile faded as she shook her head. "I'm empty." Her hand slid from mine to circle my wrist. "I get so hungry. But not in my stomach." She placed my hand flat against her chest, where her heart would beat had she been alive. "In here. What do you feel?" It was my turn to look confused. Ghosts don't have pulses or heartbeats.
"I-I feel your skin, my lady," I replied, simply relishing the feeling of my hand on my master's chest.
"It's as cold as you are warm. Lifeless." She leaned closer to me with a strange look in her eyes. "I'm empty, a soul who has lost its vessel." She didn't look sad, though her words held great sadness in them. She looked just as she said: hungry. But how could my lady be hollow when she was so radiant, so utterly beautiful?
"You aren't just some lost soul, my lady," I said with more force than I'd intended. "You're you. There are people who care about you. I care about you." She smiled at that but her eyes didn't change. "I'll be with you forever, lady Yuyuko."
"That's not enough, Youmu. I'll still be empty, even if you're here with me forever." Her face got closer and closer to mine as she spoke. I could feel her frigid breath, I could see her exposed cleavage down her kimono as she came closer, my hand still pressed to her chest just above. My discipline wavered. I knew what I wanted. Somehow I managed to convince myself that it was exactly what she wanted too.
"I understand, my lady," I said. And then I kissed her. The warmth in my lips drained away as they met hers and it felt like all the heat in my body was sapped as we embraced. But I didn't care. I kissed her until I felt like my lips would turn blue, and didn't stop even then. The icy tendril of her tongue slipped into my mouth and my insides made a valiant effort in heating up again as I returned the gesture. I pressed into her bodily, only one place staying warm while the rest of me endured freezing cold to be with my lady. Desire burned in the pit of my stomach, raged in my loins, driving me further and clouding my already less-than-lucid judgment. My lady toppled backwards with a short squeal.
"Oh my," she said, smiling up at me as I panted over her. Her kimono had fallen open to the waist, her sash loosened during our tangled kiss. Her breasts were only partially exposed, but I couldn't keep my eyes off of her beautifully pale skin. "Is this how a servant treats her master?" she asked. She made to cover herself but she ended up looking even more attractive than before.
"I'm sorry, lady Yuyuko," I said, smiling back. I lowered myself, pleased to see my lady prepare for another kiss. "I just couldn't help myself, you see." Instead, however, I kept going so that my lips were right next to her ear. "Because I love you." I heard her gasp, long and drawn out. Then she laughed and planted a cold kiss on my cheek. I immediately blushed, turning to look at her as she continued laughing at me. "D-don't tell me," I said, bewildered, "you knew all along?!"
"Not quite," she replied, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I only hoped." I managed to flash a tiny grin before she kissed me again. I let my hands roam her body, sliding down her neck to rest on her breasts, and felt hers do the same, one sliding down my chest while the other ended up on my thigh. "Keep me warm tonight, Youmu," she said with her head tilted back as I suckled at her neck.
"As you wish, my lady," I replied, fumbling with her sash. My fingers felt like they were stuck together, but it finally came undone and I slowly pulled at the edges of her kimono. Millimeter by millimeter I was exposing my master's flesh, her simply smiling all the while with her arms laid out almost subserviently above her...
The next thing I remember is waking up in my room, fully clothed and almost buried in blankets. I awoke suddenly, breathless and feeling displaced until I realized where I was. It was light out now, and parts of me were still very cold, dispelling the brief notion that I had dreamed everything. My left side still felt as if lady Yuyuko were clinging to me and, upon attempting to move, I found she actually was. Her sleeping face was mere inches from mine. What had we done last night, together in this bed? She had asked me to keep her warm, but that could have meant anything, from just lying with her to...other things.
Since I wasn't undressed, however, it stood to reason that we hadn't done much of anything other than kiss. I ached to feel her cold lips again but I didn't want to move in case I woke her. Instead I contented myself with watching her sleep. It was comforting, satisfying in a way that differed from when I usually watched her. That's not to say I make a habit of watching her sleep. Only occasionally. She was just so—so adorable sometimes. When she slept, her face was so serene, so peaceful. Her serenity was infectious and a smile split my face that quickly became a foolish grin. She knew I loved her now, and, if I remembered right, she loved me too. It wasn't very appropriate considering ours was a master-servant relationship, not to mention we were both girls, but what did it matter? Common sense got you nowhere in Gensokyo. I wondered just how many of the people I'd met had their own clandestine lovers, master and servant or otherwise. I blushed fiercely at that thought. Lovers. Lady Yuyuko and I couldn't quite be considered lovers, right? Not yet, anyways. We'd only kissed and maybe touched a bit. Well, I had done most of the touching.
With another glance at my lady, I realized just how close she was to me. She was holding onto my arm, just as she had the night before. When I moved it a little, I found it rested right between her breasts. I could feel them compress if I dared to apply enough pressure, bare against my arm, and when I moved my hand I felt my fingers sink into what I could only imagine was my lady's belly. It was soft and squishy, much like most of her body. It was hard to believe she was a ghost. I just couldn't help myself from squeezing a little. My hand was drained of most of its heat quite quickly, but the rest of me diffused with warmth. What I can only describe as pure happiness surged through me. I ended up staying like that for longer than I intended, wondering what lady Yuyuko would do if she caught me.
Youmu you naughty girl! Where do you think you're touching?
L-lady Yuyuko—!
Do you think you can get away with doing something so dirty to your master? I suppose I'll just have to teach you some manners.
Ah! I-if you touch me there...!
I squeezed my eyes shut as an admittedly lewd scene unfolded in my imagination and another silly smile split my face. My fantasies might not be just fantasies anymore, but I was completely at a loss as to how to make them a reality despite having gotten so close last night.
But it wasn't last night anymore, and it was very likely past morning as well. I probably should have woken lady Yuyuko up at that point so I could prepare breakfast, but I just couldn't bring myself to disturb her peaceful sleep. And, despite the chill, I couldn't bring myself to disturb my rather advantageous position. I closed my eyes and inched a little closer to her. Hopefully I would be able to keep her warm every night from now on.
"Youmu! Youmu!" Suddenly I was being shaken rather violently. My eyes shot open to give me a wobbly view of lady Yuyuko floating above me at an awkward angle with her hands roughly pushing into the mound of blankets on top of me. "Finally you're awake!" She huffed, floating upright and crossing her arms. "I've been trying to wake you for almost five minutes!"
"F-five minutes, you say?" I said, sitting up and trying not to laugh. I must have dozed off again watching her sleep. "I suppose that is a long time considering I usually wake you, my lady." It sometimes took me the better part of an hour to drag my lady out of bed, even though the alluring comfort of warmth was unknown to her. At least, not by normal means. "L-lady Yuyuko?" I asked hesitantly, remembering her words from last night. She lowered herself to a sitting position on the floor next to me with a smile that implied she knew what I was thinking. My lady may act childish a majority of the time, but her perception is razor sharp. She observes everything, and occasionally allows the intelligence she's accumulated to show through her underwhelming demeanor.
"Yes, Youmu?" She asked innocently, folding her hands in her lap. I wavered for a moment and felt myself blush a little. I was fairly certain she'd anticipated my question.
"W-well, when I woke up you were, um," she cocked her head with a bland smile on her face, patiently waiting despite having just about read my mind. "I mean, last night we—what did we do? What did I do?" Her smile widened.
"Would you really like to know, Youmu?" I nodded. "Then I'll tell you. You touched me, all over. Here," she said, resting a hand atop her breasts, then put a finger to her lips. "And here. And even here, too." The hand still on her chest slipped down between her legs and I gasped and sputtered in surprise. A pointed thought asserted itself, regretting that I couldn't remember anything past kissing despite my distress at my brash actions. "And you know what you did after that?" I swallowed and just shook my head, no words forming in my tumultuous mind. She leaned closer, smiling seductively, and I reflexively inched forward as well. Suddenly her smile dropped and her voice went flat. "You fell asleep on top of me. You got me so worked up, too," she squirmed side to side, her hand still between her legs. "Perhaps another time, though." I must have had quite the look on my face, as my lady started laughing at me.
"J-just what are you saying, lady Yuyuko?" All I could think to do was feign ignorance as my face went hot up to my ears. To think I'd finally gotten so close to my master, finally told her how I feel, and it culminated in me passing out. I felt a little ashamed but a little eager as well. 'Another time' could very well be tonight. My heart fluttered at the thought of being with lady Yuyuko in a more intimate manner, but I had the feeling it wouldn't go according to how I imagined it. "I'm sorry, lady Yuyuko, I—,"
"No need to worry, Youmu," lady Yuyuko gently interrupted with a small shake of her head. "I ordered you to keep me warm last night, and that's just what you did." I managed a little smile. At least I held to my orders, despite my condition. I liked to think I never wavered in my obligations to my lady. It was true, mostly, at least for the important things. It occurred to me that I may never have to tease lady Yuyuko again if our relationship escalated. I might not get to tease her anymore. It might just be the other way around. If my guess was correct, she knew much more about the kind of things I only wished I could do with her than I.
I shook my head in an attempt to clear it. No use in worrying about that now. Hopefully I'd find out soon enough. "Thank you, my lady," I said, regaining a little composure. "Ah, have I been sleeping all morning?" I was fairly sure I had slept nearly until afternoon, and my lady's nod affirmed my suspicions.
"You slept even later than me today, Youmu," she said. "I came and woke you up because I was getting lonely." I wanted to tell her she was welcome to lie back down with me, but I quickly quelled the thought. Just because I'd spilled my guts in an alcohol-induced fugue did not mean I was suddenly my lady's equal. It was a sobering realization.
"My apologies, my lady," I said, tossing the mountain of blankets off and standing up. My clothes were rumpled with a distinctively slept-in look, and they stuck to my body in places. I let out a sigh, amazed that I had somehow managed to sweat despite sleeping next to lady Yuyuko. "I didn't even make breakfast. Shall I prepare lunch?" Much to my surprise, my lady shook her head.
"Don't worry about me, Youmu," she said, floating up off the floor to my closet and sliding it open. "You look like you could use a bath. And perhaps a little time to think," she said, smiling over her shoulder as she pulled out some clothes. I wanted to protest, but having lady Yuyuko worry after me felt rather nice. "Besides, I already ate." Another surprise. I knew my lady could cook, and cook well at that, but she rarely did so simply because it was my responsibility to do it for her.
She handed me the clothes she'd chosen. "I think these will do," she said, beaming.
"A-as long as my lady thinks so," I replied weakly. She had found an outfit I'd received from Yukari some time ago despite the fact that I'd shoved the awkward articles of clothing as far back in my closet as they'd go. A pair of strange, though admittedly functional, black skin-tight shorts and a sleeveless green top with thin straps where proper arm holes normally go. Yukari often gave my lady, and, by proxy, myself, exotic gifts, but this was by far the weirdest. I suspected it was from the outside world since I had never had contact with the slick, almost rubbery material of the shorts before, even in the human village. The shorts were at least good for exercise or sword-training routines, but the top's lack of sleeves struck me as a little ineffectual.
"Well I do. You aren't embarrassed are you?" Lady Yuyuko asked me, still smiling wide. "I've already seen you wearing them, remember? What an interesting summer that was." I did remember. I had tried them on while my lady tried on the clothes Yukari had brought for her. In comparison, mine were much more normal. Lady Yuyuko had gotten just two articles, a top and a bottom the same as I had, but the fabric it took to make mine could have made twenty of my lady's outfit. She might as well have been in her undergarments, but she'd ooh'd and aah'd anyway, and thanked Yukari very much. I didn't quite understand, but I couldn't complain about my lady showing so much skin since I was usually the only one around. She took to wearing it fairly often for a while, at least while the weather was hot, but it's been some time since I've seen her in it. The memories were fond ones, though I had felt a little dirty taking such pleasure in seeing my lady dressed so thinly.
"Only for you my lady," I said. If I disagreed she'd probably pout, but her smile was prettier. "But I can't condone you jiggling around in your summer clothes," I said as I walked past her. "They are far too—," I stopped mid-sentence, and mid-step as my lady's arms wrapped around me from behind.
"Just what do you mean by 'jiggling around', Youmu?" Her voice was low and tinted with a sinister undertone. I sputtered unintelligibly for a few seconds. Her arms gripped a little tighter. "Hmm?" It was a foolish mistake, making a comment like that. While I admired her figure, my lady was somewhat sensitive about her love for food. I felt the knife-point of my lady's wrath almost like a physical thing pressed against my back. In reality it was her breasts, but I ignored that fact in favor of forming a response that wouldn't see me verbally run through.
"A-all I meant was that—It's so revealing and not befitting of a lady! I—I do like when you wear it, but, I just want you to be decent. W-what if we get visitors and you're lying around almost nude? I just wouldn't be able to bear it!" Her arms loosened a bit, and she laughed lightly. I noticed my hands had balled into fists at some point, and I relaxed them with lady Yuyuko's laugh.
"You're just too cute, Youmu," she whispered in my ear. She released me from her chilly embrace by slowly running her hands up my stomach and chest, then down my back, her chin resting on my shoulder. "Now go and get cleaned up. You smell like alcohol." She slipped around me and floated through my door, leaving me blushing with a fresh sheen of sweat on my body. I watched her float away down the long hall, following for a bit before turning into the bathroom and sliding the door shut. I turned on the bath and just watched the water flow into the basin, my heart beating wildly in my chest. It seemed I was right. It would be much easier for my lady to tease me now, even considering my minor mistreatment.
With a sigh, I undressed and tossed my rumpled clothes into a pile before stepping into the comfortingly hot water. I shut off the tap and gingerly lowered myself, though only after after an absentminded glance at my neatly folded clean clothes did I realize I was missing something crucial. Lady Yuyuko hadn't selected any undergarments for me to wear. I wasn't really sure I minded, though, when I thought about it, but it was still a little embarrassing. The shorts had a way of getting stuck in places since they were so tight. But it was just lady Yuyuko and I, and if that's what she wanted then I was more than happy to oblige.
Well, I should have been more than happy but something was still bothering me, a tiny buzz at the back of my mind. What was Yukari to lady Yuyuko? She visited often and the way she smiled at my lady implied more than friendship. Not to mention my lady coping with my feelings as if she had expected them all along. When I had her on her back, when I was peeling away her clothing, she simply smiled at me and let me undress her. I sunk into the water as I felt my face heat up to my ears. I hadn't had the intention of doing such things to my master. My hands moved of their own accord to tug at her sash and all I could feel was my heart pounding and her cold lips pressed to mine. I'm sure the alcohol had something to do with it as well. Two small glasses had me reeling, though I was a bit of a lightweight in comparison to my lady. She must have had quite a bit. Drinking that liquid fire right out of the bottle seemed no small feat.
Since I couldn't inhale to sigh underwater I just blew a little stream of bubbles, but when I was just about to surface, I noticed something creating ripples from above me. Several little yellow strands of something were dangling in the water, connected to a blurry shape that I still managed to recognize. I could hear her talking but I couldn't make out the words from beneath the surface, so I poked my head above water just enough to be able to hear. My arms reflexively covered my chest and I pressed my knees together as well. "To what do I owe this immeasurable pleasure, miss Yukari?" I asked in monotone. She simply smiled that disdainful smile that seemed never to leave her face, as if she were privy to a grand cosmic joke that only she knew the punchline to. The disturbing thing was, I could believe it. She had another name besides the playful insults her personal acquaintances used: The youkai sage. She was wise beyond comprehension, said to have lived for over a millennium. The sheer amount of knowledge she contained was staggering, and she had the ability to manipulate boundaries which, when fully considered, was incredibly powerful. Right now, however, she was manipulating the boundary between my privacy and, most likely, her underhanded scheming. The fact that she was hanging upside down made it all the more difficult to take her seriously. Her long, golden hair was trailing in my bath, though her hat somehow managed to stay on her head. Her propensity for theatrics was infuriating at times, but I maintained my composure. Mostly.
"So how does it feel?" She asked cheerily. I only felt minor exasperation. When Yukari wanted to play with you, you couldn't not play, too. You played knowing you'd lose and salvage as much dignity as you could.
"The bath? Quite nice, thank you, but surely you must have urgent business if you felt the need to intrude on an undressed lady." Her smile changed then, from haughty to mocking.
"Why, you're a fledgling necrophiliac. Surely you must feel something after coming to terms with those strange and turbid feelings." I blanched, my blood running cold despite the hot bath, but I managed to recover quickly. Hopefully the warm water prevented the color draining from my face. What rankled was that she was technically right. Lady Yuyuko may seem like a living human in every aspect, save her body temperature, but she was still a ghost. She was no more alive than the other spirits drifting aimlessly around the underworld.
"If I'm just a fledgling, what does that make you?" I asked, dropping my admittedly thin veil of sarcastic regard. Just as I expected, she only laughed, but my insides still twisted with...anger? Anxiety? Maybe a little of both since, depending on her answer, my suspicions might be confirmed.
"That would make me a veteran, my dear Youmu," she replied. "But I will gladly give up the position should you find you covet it." I nodded slowly. Then I was right, Yukari was more than just a friend to my lady.
"So you set this up, then? Why?" She feigned surprise, drawing back and arching her eyebrows before grinning and tapping her chin.
"Mm, a good question. Mostly because you wouldn't, I think. It would be such a shame for two people who love each other to be so close without ever knowing the other's true feelings, don't you think?" I glared at her skeptically. It was no secret Yukari was not only a master at manipulating others, but that she enjoyed it as well. For her to be so frank was practically unheard of. "You don't believe me?" She asked as the silence drew out.
"I'm a little doubtful," I replied. No amount of coercion or verbal back-and-forth would make her tell me the truth, nor would I know if she had. I'd just have to take what she said and examine it from every angle. "Your comment about being a veteran implies you have your own feelings for lady Yuyuko."
"Oh, you caught that?" she replied with a laugh. "How I feel about Yuyuko is very different from how you feel. What I'm doing is more of a favor. For an old friend. For me, too. You just happen to be the instrument of my penitence." So she really was just pulling strings after all.
"I have the good sense not to ask after what exactly it is you're repentant for, but—but I will say one thing: Thank you." The words felt strange coming from my mouth for this person to hear, but I was sincere nonetheless. "I can't say you were wrong in thinking I wouldn't make a move on my own, so thank you, Yukari." Her smile was warm, but there was sadness in her eyes. "But there's something I'd really like to know." Seeing Yukari look sad made me feel a little sad, too. She was telling me my feelings were more genuine than hers.
"I suppose I can answer a few questions, all things considered," she said with what I assumed was an airborne half-bow. I wasn't entirely sure if she was mocking me or not. I couldn't imagine her bowing to anybody, even partially, with any amount of sincerity.
"Just what exactly was in that red bottle? I can't believe a love potion would taste so unpleasant." Or feel like you'd swallowed a lit match.
"Love potion? You two didn't need anything like that," Yukari said with an amused smile. "You just needed the right kind of push, a little loosening of inhibition to get the ball rolling. No, it was no love potion. It was simply extremely powerful alcohol, brewed in the underground. Very popular with the few remaining oni in Gensokyo, as well as tengu connoisseurs. It's known as Demon's Breath."
"Demon's breath? An understatement, surely," I said. It really was just booze. Oni and tengu were notorious for their love of drink. If this Demon's Breath was popular with them, there was no doubt as to its potency. "And another thing."
"Yes?" Yukari said, mostly impassively. She probably already knew what I was going to ask. It was an obvious follow-up to my previous question.
"How did you know? That this would happen, I mean. That I would let my feelings out. How could you have possibly known?"
"Truth be told, I didn't." That made me a little uneasy. How many plans had she unspooled that simply never went through? It was absurd to think she was always doing it, but it made me wonder.
"That's quite a bold statement. How often do you treat people like puppets?"
"As often as it suits me," she replied. She had dropped her smile, which gave her expression an intensity that I found I did not want to instigate. Perhaps I had been too harsh. "Do you not appreciate what I've done for you? It may have been a bit underhanded, but would you give everything up because of that?"
"No, no, I—I was just curious really. It's so simple for you to get what you want. You've certainly earned the title of sage." It was a little forced, but it was my way of admitting I'd overstepped my boundaries. In response she nodded gracefully. Now I was actually relieved to see her smile. It grew silent for a few moments, so I cleared my throat and said "Well, thank you again. Now if you'll excuse me, miss Yukari."
"No more questions?" She asked, looking disappointed. I shook my head. "Surely you can abide my company just a bit longer. Perhaps there's more you'd like to know? About other things." The emphasis of her last statement made it obvious what she spoke of. I found myself contemplating taking the bait, but decided against it. I wanted to learn all the things Yukari already knew about my lady the same way she had: in the moment and with my lady entirely willing.
"Does lady Yuyuko know you're here, by any chance?" I ventured, imparting just the slightest irritation into my tone. Yukari shook her head.
"Just you, Youmu," she said. Her smile shifted, hinting at seduction. "Perhaps if you're afraid to ask, I can show you a few things instead, hmm? No one has to know, and I can assure you your mistress wouldn't mind in the least." She subtly slid lower and more of her body became visible through her gap; bare shoulders, collarbones, a glimpse of her breasts. I quelled the voice in my head that insisted on being attracted to Yukari's form. It was purely physical, and if I acted on it I would undermine not just my self-discipline but my relationship with lady Yuyuko as well.
I must have been staring, as Yukari began to laugh and held out her hand. I shook my head vigorously. The more I looked, the harder it was to quiet my inner thoughts. "N-no thank you!" I stuttered, no doubt turning red. Yukari tutted and withdrew her hand.
"Very well. Sages know quite a lot, about much more than you might imagine." I could only stare down at the water and mutter a small assent. The things she was speaking of were most certainly not attributes of a sage. She laughed lightly before bidding me farewell. I gave another noncommittal grunt. When I next looked up, the air above my bath was empty save for steam. I lifted my hands from beneath the water and ran my thumbs along the wrinkles forming in my fingertips. Why did she try to seduce me? She had already gone out of her way to bring lady Yuyuko and I together. To test me perhaps? 'As a favor', she'd said, though not for me personally. Maybe she'd come onto me as a way to dull the sting. She'd been intimate with my lady probably before I'd even realized my feelings, and yet she'd allowed me to wedge myself between them. I'd seen sadness in her expression, an emotion I'd never expected to see twist her prideful features. She was always so carefree, much like my lady but in a more refined manner. And just like lady Yuyuko, every now and again a little bit of her inner feelings showed. They were perfect for each other. I hung my head, almost feeling ashamed. But then I realized something. Yukari gave her reasons for what she'd done, and I didn't have much choice but to believe her. Not once did she say, however, that her intimacy with my lady was through. I wasn't between them. Yukari had simply allowed me a place. Because "It would be such a shame" if she hadn't. That galled me greatly. But I was still grateful. If Yukari hadn't intervened I couldn't be sure I would have ever told my lady how I felt. I vigorously began washing myself, feeling a little irritated. At least I managed to come away from my conversation with Yukari knowing more than I had before. An astounding victory as far as that troublesome woman went.
I just couldn't stay annoyed, however, as I exited the bath and toweled off. A slightly more pressing issue was at hand. I wasn't very much looking forward to wearing my lady's choice of outfit for me considering the lack of undergarments, but if it led to something then I suppose I had no complaints. At least, that's what I told myself as I slipped into the shorts and slid the tank-top over my head. I couldn't help but blush as I lifted my arm and examined the gap left by the lack of sleeves, though it was somewhat liberating wearing such light clothing. It made me feel swift and agile, and I struck a couple of stances I used for sword practice. It felt good, and I was bolstered by my lady's silent request in rooting through my closet to find these. If I was careful I might be able to enjoy this, maybe even for more than just the freedom of movement. I bundled up my towel and wrinkled clothes, careful not to let them touch me, but stopped short at the door. I could hear voices, one of them no doubt my lady's. After a moment of unintelligible snatches of conversation I discerned the other voice was Yukari's. What was she up to now? I slid the door open and made my way to the front room, tossing the bundle of clothes into my room on the way, and saw Yukari lazily hanging from her gap with her arms resting on my lady's table while lady Yuyuko was laughing at whatever had been said. A small wicker basket with rare sweets from the outside world was sitting in the middle of the table, seemingly untouched at the moment.
Yukari was facing me when I walked in, so she greeted me first, a cheery smile and a lazy wave. "Why hello, Youmu! A little behind schedule today, hmm?" My lady chuckled along with Yukari. "I must say, I rather like that outfit on you." I put on a level smile and made sure my arms were close to my sides.
"I'm afraid so, miss Yukari, and thank you. My lady invited me to join her for a taste of the sake you gifted her last night, but it was just too much for me. I'm a bit of lightweight, you see."
"She fell asleep after just a couple drinks," my lady added. I tried to suppress my blush but I wasn't sure if I was successful. "I myself found it rather strong."
"Indeed," Yukari nodded. "It's difficult to find despite its niche popularity." Then she fixed me with an odd look. "Don't worry about being a lightweight, Youmu. You're still quite young, considering the strange rules by which your body ages." I had no response to that, so I just reverted to my normal disposition when my lady entertained guests.
"Shall I prepare some tea for the two of you? Or perhaps I could bring out some of my lady's sake to repay your kindness?"
"Oh, no need, no need," Yukari replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Just a short visit today." I caught on to her meaning immediately. It seemed she was determined to get under my skin. She already had, really, but if she didn't know that then I wasn't going to let it show.
"I'll have some tea, Youmu," my lady said. Good. It gave me something to do. I gave a short bow and went to the kitchen to put the teapot on but when I opened the pantry to get the tea leaves, I quickly realized that I had forgotten to actually ask my lady what she wanted. I considered settling on plain green tea, but it would be better to ask.
"Lady Yuyuko, what would you—oh." I poked my head into the front room to see Yukari tilting Yuyuko's chin up and their lips pressed together. Yukari noticed me almost at once and broke the kiss to smile at me wickedly. My lady looked at her questioningly, then followed her gaze to where I was standing. She instantly became flustered. "Y-Youmu!" She waved her arms exaggeratedly while trying to make an excuse but she wasn't really saying any words. Seeing my lady flail about so made my heart flutter, but the sight was soured just a bit by Yukari's piercing smile.
"S-sincerest apologies my lady!" I said, pretending to be just as flustered and bowing repeatedly as I backed into the kitchen. My heart was pounding and my mind was whirling as I absentmindedly rummaged through the pantry for green tea leaves. Just when I thought I had a grasp on Yukari's motives, she goes and does something like this. "Get it together, Youmu!" I shook my head and pinched my cheek, reminding myself of my impeccable discipline. I was probably over-thinking things anyways. Yukari had been my lady's lover first, and probably for some time now. A simple kiss shouldn't have me so worked up. But Yukari's smile was so devious, as if she wanted me to catch her kissing lady Yuyuko. I shuddered to think how meticulous her plans were. I was right about at least one thing, though. Yukari did not intend to give up being my lady's lover, at least not yet. Her actions thus far had helped me quite a bit, but now I just couldn't be sure.
In the time it took to prepare the tea, Yukari took her leave. I could hear my lady speaking somewhat harshly, but I wasn't sure why. Was she that embarrassed about me seeing them kiss? It's a wonder I hadn't caught them sooner. Yukari of course had simply laughed, then things went quiet and I brought the tea tray into the front room. "Th-thank you, Youmu," my lady said as she tentatively reached for a teacup.
"Please, allow me," I replied, snatching the cup up and filling it before placing it in front of her. She offered another subdued thanks and sipped while I sat across from her and filled a cup for myself. She was embarrassed for certain, and even though I wasn't really upset I took a sick sort of pleasure in seeing her so discomposed. I sat for a while, staring at her blankly while she fidgeted and took occasional drinks of tea, but I just couldn't help but smile at her. She was being too cute There was no way I could be upset at her for something so simple, anyways. Her look of surprise almost made me laugh out loud but instead I just let my grin grow a little.
"I'm sorry, Youmu," she said, breaking out in a shy grin. "I don't know if Yukari was just trying to tease you, but if it makes you feel any better, I think she's jealous." My smile quickly turned to puzzlement.
"Jealous? Of me? But why?" That was more than a shock. She went from helping me reveal my feelings to the one I loved, to trying to seduce me, to trying to agitate me because she was jealous. It made me remember the sadness in her eyes when she'd explained her plan to me.
"Because you really love me, Youmu." My lady stared down into her cup for a moment, then looked back up at me with an almost pained expression. "Until very recently, whenever Yukari looked at me she wasn't seeing me. She was waiting for something, for me to become someone I'm not, someone I can't ever be. I have my own ideas as to who that person was and what she meant to Yukari, but the person I am now was just a placeholder to fill the void in her heart. But you, Youmu, you came to love me for who I am. For that, I am very thankful. You can consider the kiss you saw a goodbye gift, from me to Yukari."
"D-don't say that. I have no intention of coming between you and Yukari." Not that I'd complain if that's what happened. That was a lot of information to absorb, and I now had a small inkling of what Yukari meant when she said she was repentant. "But, if you knew, why did you put up with her for so long? Why did you let her into—into your bed?" I meant no offense, but my lady huffed and scowled at me.
"How rude! You know a lady never kisses and tells!" I was halfway through a flustered apology when she started laughing at me. "But you should know the answer to that, Youmu. The only person who ever came to visit me just for my company was Yukari. Living here with my ever-aloof gardener was very lonely, you see." Her smile said she was teasing, but I still felt bad.
"What about the shrine maiden and her friends? You've had plenty of visitors other than Yukari." I asked in an attempt to mitigate the fact that I'd essentially ignored her for so long.
"Their visits weren't for leisure or company. Ever since I ordered you to gather Gensokyo's spring, they come buy to make sure we aren't up to no good. We're suspects now whenever something odd happens. One day Yukari just held my hand, looked into my eyes and kissed me. Hm, kind of like you did," she said, feigning thoughtfulness and then smiling slyly. I just couldn't help but blush. It was interesting that I'd done the same things Yukari had when she first kissed my lady. Was that part of her plan, too? "That was when I knew she cared about me, even if 'me' wasn't exactly who she wanted. I let her do those things to me because it filled the void in my heart, too. We used each other. I'm not sure if I ever loved her, but I did care about her and knew that on some level she cared for me too."
"I've been so close to you all this time and I didn't realize a thing." I knew it wasn't negligence on my part, mostly, but I still beat myself up over it. I had acted removed and distant for such a long time. If I had known how it was affecting my lady, I would have confessed without a second thought.
"No one's at fault here," my lady replied, idly pulling a small rectangular box from the basket Yukari had left. "In the end, I confronted Yukari. We didn't talk for a long time, but she eventually came to me and apologized. I put her through a lot of pain, forcing her to come to terms with what she felt. After that, she began to appreciate me little by little for who I really was instead of what she wanted me to be." She opened the box by peeling away a thin strip at the top to flip it open, and then removed a crackly, metallic looking bag from inside.
"If I had known, my lady, I would have told you how I felt sooner. I've always cared for you very very much. I only stayed so distant because I thought it the proper thing to do. I'm sorry." She laughed at me, then, and shook her head lightly.
"I can't stop you from feeling like you did something wrong, Youmu," she said as she opened the bag to reveal a bundle of thin, chocolate covered sticks. "But I'm sure I can help ease your pain." She placed one of the little candy sticks between her smiling lips and beckoned to me with one finger. I hesitated for only a moment before I stood and repositioned myself so I was sitting next to her, just the same as the night before. She turned to me and leaned forward, prodding my cheek with the sweet. I hesitantly took the end into my mouth and my lady began to eat her end slowly, bringing us closer together. I followed suit, the tiny crunch crunch of the candy sounding loud in my ears. Then, snap!
"Oops." My lady broke the stick just centimeters from my lips and pulled another from the bag. Again we slowly chewed our way towards each other, and again she snapped the stick. "Oops." Her smile said she was enjoying herself very much. It seemed my days of making her pout and whine for my pleasure were over. She was toying with me and I must admit, I was enjoying it, too. But I had my limits. After the fourth stick snapped short, I snatched the bag from her hand and took one of the thin candies out. My lady just watched with an amused smile as I bit down and ate three-fourths of it before offering her the scant remainder. "That's cheating, Youmu," she said with a laugh. "I was having fun." Much to my disappointment, she reached out to snatch the small piece from my mouth and ate it. In response I attempted to kiss her outright, but she held me at bay with a hand on my chest. "Oh my. Straightforward, aren't you?"
"I—I want to kiss you, my lady," I said, not knowing what she meant by straightforward. She was the one who started teasing me like this. Should I have asked first?
"I know," she replied. "Sometimes you must be delicate, though, Youmu." She stood up with a sigh, but I could hear her smile in her voice as she took a few steps away from me. "I suppose I'll just have to show you, won't I?" She continued walking, toward the long hall that led to her bedroom. I was speechless at first, just watching her slowly walk away.
"Y-you mean...?" I stood up hesitantly, unsure of myself now that things had come down to this. If I was even right in assuming where this was going. I blushed fiercely, more out of embarrassment than anything as I realized I knew absolutely nothing about how to pleasure somebody. I was no stranger to the female body, there was no doubt about that, but when it came to someone else, when it came to lady Yuyuko, just how did that sort of thing work? I wanted to touch her, to feel her icy touch, but that was purely for my own satisfaction. I briefly regretted denying Yukari's offer. I could have asked at least a few questions, but my embarrassment of the subject got the better of me.
My lady was more than halfway down the hall now. She looked over her shoulder to see me standing and staring after her, dumbstruck with my face no doubt crimson up to my ears. "Don't be scared, Youmu," she said with a seductive lilt. "I'll be gentle, I promise." I swallowed hard, unable to shake the image of my lady sprawled out on her bed beneath me, with her arms above her head and that intoxicating smile on her lips. Just like last night, except I would be sober enough to see it through. It was enough to make me shudder. Finally my legs began to move.