A/N: Oneshot, stand-alone Jonda inspired by the song "Bus Stop" by the Hollies, an oldie but goodie. Some lyrics from the song are paraphrased in the summary.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I am to a spiritual level beyond material possessions. Therefore, I must borrow everyone else's.
Beginning in a Queue
"No! Wait! Stop!" St. John Allerdyce wailed at he ran down the street waving his arms, one holding a green umbrella. His shouts were in vain as the #8 bus pulled away from the curb. He stopped his fruitless running, letting his umbrella hand fall. A Hummer sped by and splashed muddy puddle water on the Australian.
He sighed and looked at the girl sitting alone on the bench in the pouring rain. "'You know, Hobbes, some days not even my lucky rocketship underpants help (1).' Can this day get any worse?"
The girl waved her hand, and the wind caught John's umbrella sending it gracefully into the black-haired girl's hand.
St. John cocked his head. "Please, share my umbrella," he said dryly.
In reply, the umbrella flew from her hand, closed, smacked John on the back of the head, and then returned to her hand.
Instead of taking his anger out on the girl, the Australian looked to the sky. "Any meteorites going to fall from the sky? A dam break? How about a bolt of lightning?" On cue, the sky brightened with thunder following shortly.
John scuttled across the sidewalk and sat down shoulder to shoulder with the girl who stole his umbrella. She glared over her shoulder at him; he grinned.
"What do you think you're doing?" she asked.
"Sharing my umbrella."
The girl continued to glare. When he didn't get the picture, she flicked a blue bolt of energy at him, launching him from the bench to a nearby puddle.
John pointed to the three people huddled next to the bus stop sign. "And here I was wondering why no one was sitting next to you." Dripping and muddy, St. John finally realized who the girl was. "Wait, I remember you! You're the magnet's daughter. Just as cheery and kind as I remember."
She hexed him again. Hail fell on his head. He ducked underneath the umbrella once again. It only took him a moment to remember what happened the first time, and he hid under the bench instead.
Underneath the bus bench, John was eye-to-eye with a shopping bag. "Ooohhh. Let's see what we bought today." He buried his face and arm into the bag. Before the witch could react, the pyromaniac was dancing in the street wearing her new skull and crossbones bra as a rain bonnet.
"Give it back!" she screamed. She stood up and began throwing hex bolts. Somehow the boy easily danced around around them.
John found the bra, although roomy, did not make for a good rain bonnet. Between dodging hex bolts he managed to put the bra on properly over his Blooregard T-shirt (2). Now he was modeling. "Wow! This is so comfortable, yet supportive." John felt up the empty cups. "I think I may have gotten the better end of the swap."
The witch froze. "Swap?"
"You wanted Gus so I get this."
"Gus?"
"Yes, Gus." John pointed to the umbrella. "Didn't he introduce himself? Sorry, he must have been in shock after you ripped him from my loving grasp. He's usually quite polite. He has a real nice singing voice too."
"Think again."
He took a moment then said, "Still comes out the same on my end." He began strutting like an amateur drag queen.
The witch relinquished control over the umbrella, but not before giving him a good beating with it. "Fine! Take your stupid umbrella. What grown man walks around with an umbrella with googley eyes on top anyway?" The umbrella closed with the upper-half of John's body inside.
After wiggling out of the umbrella cocoon, John asked Wanda, "Have you never seen a frog before?" Then he lowered the umbrella to look into the googley eyes. "It's okay, Gus. You're a beautiful frog prince. You shouldn't care what she thinks. She's dumb, sheltered, and has no sense of humor. I think I'll keep her bra anyway to spite her. It's what she'd do."
Wanda stomped the ground like a spoiled child. "NO! I gave your stupid umbrella back, now you give me back my bra."
John raised Gus and stepped closer to the witch. "Make me." He smiled tauntingly.
She ground her teeth as she planned. Then she shrugged and kneed the Aussie in the groan. Taking her bra and his umbrella from his doubled-over body was simple.
John fell to his knees, then laid on the wet sidewalk, groaning. After a few minutes, he stopped groaning but was still on his back. Wanda raised an eyebrow. "Baby. I didn't kick you that hard."
"I know," he said, looking up at the cloudy sky. "I don't see the point in getting up right now when the world will only kick me in the nads again."
"It wasn't the world; it was me."
"I was speaking figuratively. . . " John tilted his head back to look at Wanda out of the corner of his eye. "And maybe a little literally too."
"Get up. I won't kick you."
The Aussie snorted. "I can't trust you. You're Lucy!"
"Lucy?"
"Yeah, Lucy. From Charlie Brown...with the football...except I have hair."
The couple were too engrossed in their own conversation to notice two police officers in translucent ponchos walk their way. "Is there a problem here?"
Wanda shook her head and cowered from the officers. Men in uniforms always scared her, she couldn't remember why. She clammed up and frantically looked for escape routes.
John jumped up and slid next to Wanda, putting his arm around her shaking form. "Nope, no problem here."
The taller cop raised an eyebrow. "You were on the ground wallowing in a mud puddle."
The Aussie nodded solemnly. "Yeah, I don't sweat well. Sometimes I need to roll around in the mud to get cooled off."
The short one with the Tom Selleck mustache rested his thumbs on his belt. "We got a report of a mutant disturbing the peace. Have any of you seen anything?" John and Wanda shook their heads.
The cops turned around to the three humans around the bus stop sign. "How about you?" Behind the cops' backs, St. John grinned deviously at the humans underneath the umbrella. To further is point he bounced a skull and crossbones shaped fire on his finger. It was enough to shut them up. Unfortunately, they all avoided eye contact with the policemen, sending up red flags.
The cops turned back to Wanda and John. "Alright. What's going on here? Which one of you's the mutant?"
Wanda's face paled, and John knew he wasn't going to get any help from her. "Well, I'm a mutant, but I wasn't disturbing anything. I was just trying to dry my clothes a little." He stood up and nurtured a small fire in front of him. With the rain constantly falling on it and the moisture in the air, John's fire was more like a warm smoke screen.
The cops coughed and fanned the smoke away. All they could see through the dark cloud was St. John's not-so-innocent grin. "You need to put that out and come with us," they sputtered.
"Only if you can catch me!" John thinned the fireball out so it could provide a denser immediate cover for his escape. When the smoke cleared, John was gone. The police took off after him.
The witch breathed a sigh of relief.
While putting her bra back into her shopping bag, she noticed that she was missing a few Godiva chocolates she had splurged on. "Asshole! If I see him again, I'll -"
A wet body slid next to her on the bus bench. "Give him a hug and thank him for saving your ass," John finished.
Wanda stared at him in disbelief. The cops no where to be seen. "Who the hell are you?"
He grumbled, "Didn't think so." St. John bowed. "That performance was brought to you by St. John Allerdyce, former stooge of Magneto, and, by now, probably former fry cook at Mongolian Barbecue. Oh, and the letter Z."
Wanda poked him in the chest. "You owe me Godiva chocolate." At that moment, her bus pulled up to the stop. She looked from the bus to John to his umbrella in her hand. "This is my bus."
John's mischievous grin fell from his face. "Oh. Guess you'll have to take a raincheck on that chocolate."
"I guess so," Wanda replied, with a slight disappointment in her voice. She handed John his umbrella and gathered her bags. One step from the bus, Wanda took one last look at the mutant who evaded the cops on a stranger's behalf. A bitchy stranger, at that. The bus honked, and the driver said something Wanda barely heard over the pounding of the rain.
Wanda took another step back and sought shelter under Gus. The bus driver shook his fist at her and took off. Still confused by St. John's actions, Wanda cocked her head and asked, "Why did you cover for me?"
The Aussie shrugged. "Us mutants gotta stick together. You were scared shitless, so that left it up to me to save the day." He wiped the rain from his face and smiled. "And if I'm going to be arrested, especially for something I didn't do, I like to make them work for it."
"I was not 'scared shitless'," she growled.
"What do you call it then?"
Wanda turned forward and glared out at the wet street, her eyes narrowed and lips pulled tight.
John took the opportunity to put his wet arm around her shoulder. She glared at his arm, disgusted on the surface, but never moved to remove his hand. "It's okay to be scared, luv," he said. "Everyone's got their quirks. I won't eat any blue food."
Wanda raised an eyebrow. "You're scared of blue food?"
He threw his arms in the air. "It's unnatural! No food in real life is blue."
"What about blueberries?"
He crossed his arms. "Blueberries aren't blue, they're violet."
"Blue grapes?"
"Purple."
"Blue corn?"
"Corn's yellow not blue."
Wanda smiled, knowing she had him now. "There's blue corn. They make chips out of it."
St. John remained skeptical. "It can't really be blue."
"It is."
"No, it's not. If it was blue, my head would explode." John motioned the explosion with his hands.
"Remind me not to walk into a grocery store with you."
"That's a great idea!" John jumped and pulled on Wanda's hand. "We'll go to the store, and I'll prove to you that corn isn't blue."
She wrenched her hand from his. "I have no desire to be covered in Ozzy brains. Besides, isn't that your bus coming around the corner?"
"Huh. Guess so." John sighed. "Probably should try to show up to work at a reasonable hour if I want to keep my job."
"Probably."
"Are you going to be here tomorrow?"
"Why would I be here tomorrow?"
John shrugged. "Just asking."
"I could be here tomorrow," she shouted as John stepped onto the bus.
St. John smiled and tossed Gus to her. "See you then."
(1) From the hilarious classic comic strip Calvin and Hobbes.
(2) As in Blooregard from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.