She pushes her long black hair out of her eyes as the ground rumbles below her and the trains rush by her. This was her place; in fact she was fairly certain no one, including her parents, knew of its existence. There was an empty, abandoned boxcar that she could sit in for hours and just watch the trains go by. She knew that one day, when the time came, she would jump on the back of one of those trains and get as far away from Port Charles as physically possible.
She pulls her knees up to her chest and pulls at her purple converse shoestrings. She hates it in Port Charles, she hates that her mom won't let her go back to Italy and that she has a kid brother who is attached to their father by the hip. Max is eleven and is immature for his age; she's sixteen and is mature for her age- they don't mix well. She loves her little brother so much and she can remember being so excited for his arrival, but that was ten years ago and so many things have changed. She has changed.
When her and her mom came back to Port Charles, she had been so happy to come into an instant family. She had her dad, Michael, Morgan, Dante, Kristina- who hadn't even come home from college until Max had been born. Then there was her Aunt Ava and Anna was born and Spencer was her cousin. She had Josslyn and they were really good friends, if not best friends, but Josslyn was like an only child and it never bothered her that their siblings and other awkward family members were so much older than her.
Rocco, her one nephew, was only six years younger than her, the same age as Max. Then there was the fact that all her brothers were at least sixteen years older than her. Sure she could bond with them when she was a kid, but now they had wives and kids and she was a non-entity. There were the old kids and the young kids and somehow she managed to fit right in the middle of the spectrum. Spencer had left for college just as she had started her sophomore year of high school and she didn't even feel right walking through the hallways without him.
The there was the fact that her mom and dad were splitting up, they were fighting more than they ever had and her mom was leaving more with Aunt Ava to go shopping or get her nails done, leaving her dad home alone; they were both drinking so much too, her dad was always drunk it felt like. They had never gotten remarried after they had reunited, sure her mom wore her old wedding ring and they acted married- pretended to be married to get Max into a prestigious kindergarten, but they weren't and that's what counted. They could easily break apart and mom could easily grab her and Max and run back to Italy.
She wanted to go back to Italy but not to be in Uncle Rudy's compound, but to explore and fall in love with some Italian boy. Sure she was in love with Aiden, Liz and Lucky's son who she had been dating for over a year, but he didn't understand. He didn't understand her family's business or how no matter how many times they appealed Uncle Johnny's case, Diane was never going to get him out, so she had to visit her uncle in prison. Aiden's life was nearly perfect and he could never understand her perfectly imperfect life.
Her phone vibrates the entire boxcar and she jumps slightly when she sees her dad's picture pop up on the screen. She skipped school to come here, because the most trains went by during school hours. She figured that the school had called her parents to ask if she was sick or hurt or something. She lets it go to voicemail, even though she knows he'll worry that some one grabbed her, but she doesn't care. Her parents are splitting up and she can't bother to care about anything else.
Her mom's picture pops up next followed by her dad's and they continue to call until she assumes her voicemail is full, then the texts start piling in, they include a lot of explanation marks and capitol letters. But when Aiden calls, it's harder to ignore, but she does anyways and the same when Aunt Ava and Spencer call, even Uncle Nikolas calls, but she doesn't answer. She sits in the boxcar for hours, just watching the trains go by, at one point she turns the phone off because she knows they're going to go to Dante and have him trace her phone and that's the last thing she needs.
She watches as a train comes toward her and she hops off the boxcar, running towards the tracks. She's going to jump on and let it take her wherever it's going. But at the last moment she hears Britt's voice and it makes her skid to a stop.
"Ellie!"
She and Britt had always had the best relationship outside of her relationship with her Aunt Ava. Her and Britt had been close friends, since she had spent many days and nights at Spencer's house and Britt, Ben, and Nikolas had been part of the deal, they had become part of her family. But she loved the royal family as she called them and that's why when she heard Britt call her name, she stopped. Britt grabs her arm as hard as possible and pulls the younger girl toward her body.
"Your mom and dad thought someone had taken you, oh my God, Ellie."
She cradles her pseudo-niece's head in her hands. Ever since Spencer had gone away to college in August, Ellie had seemed to be slowly coming undone. Even with Aiden and Josslyn by her side, she had been behaving reckless and because of that Britt can't help but squeeze her as tightly as possible.
"Britt, I'm fine and I can't breathe."
She lets her go and then gently smacks her arm.
"Have you been here the entire time?"
Ellie nods her head, pulling the sleeves of her sweater down over her knuckles, the November air chilling her bones now that she's outside the abandoned boxcar. She knows her parents are going to be mad after they get over the initial happiness of having her safe at home, the same will go for Aiden and Aunt Ava and possibly Morgan, since he is most likely her only sibling that knew that she was missing. She wasn't sure Dante would even care once he knew she was safe.
"How'd you know that I was here? I mean I turned off my phone so Dante couldn't trace me. I don't even think my parents know this place exists, so they couldn't have told you to come here and look for me."
"I know about this place and I just had this hunch that maybe you wanted to watch trains go by like you and Spencer did when you guys were little…"
"I forgot we even did that."
"Well you did, so I thought I'd come check. Your mom is frantic; your car is still at school, how did you even get here? This place is a good ten to fifteen miles out of town, even further from the high school."
"I hitched rides with random cars that thought I looked safe enough to pick up."
"Ellie…"
Ellie doesn't respond to the sadness in Britt's voice. Nothing had necessarily gone wrong in her life, there was no reason for her to want to get as far away from everything she knew so well, but here she was standing near train tracks hoping that one would take her away from all of it.
"How were you going to get back, Ellie Bug?"
No one's really called her that since Max was born, it was like she had permanently outgrown it once she was a big sister and maybe she was okay with that, but Spencer always called her bug even after Max was born and that had always made her feel special. Spencer had always made her feel special, he was the best cousin.
"I wasn't planning on coming back."
Her voice is a whisper and her feet dig into the ground. She listens as Britt lets out a long sigh and she knows that Britt doesn't understand- she doesn't even truly understand. She wants to go everywhere that isn't home. Britt pushes some of her hair down, pushes her chin up so that brown eyes meet green. They both get teary eyed.
"Your parents were going crazy, they love you so much and I think Ava was about to kill someone, because she was so crazy. Nikolas and I were most definitely the calm ones in this situation. Benny and Maxy were worried too and Anna was freaking out. Come on, let me take you home."
"Can't I just go to Wyndemere for a little bit? I'll just stay in my room, you and Uncle Nik won't even know I'm there. I don't wanna go home to mom and dad fighting about stupid things and having to explain to Max that everything is okay and mom and dad are just disagreeing and that dad being drunk is totally normal. I want Spence to come home and I want to be a kid again. When did I become the one who had to try and fix everything?"
"Shh, Ellie, it's okay. I'd take you to Spoon Island, but kid, everyone is at your house, waiting to see if Nathan and Dante can find you. I can just had this hunch you may be here so I left without anyone noticing, I'm sure your mom-"
Just then Britt's phone goes off, Ellie knows it's her mom, but Britt doesn't answer.
"Yeah she noticed. El, we gotta take you home, if you were Ben..."
Ellie nods, tears freezing on her face. She doesn't wanna go back, she never wants to go back. Britt throws her arm over the younger girl's shoulder and leads her back to the SUV a few feet away. She makes sure Ellie is situated in the passenger seat before getting in the driver's side and buckling up. She reaches for the gearshift, but then stops herself.
"Your mom and dad are fighting a lot, huh?"
Ellie wipes the tears from her eyes and nods.
"I get home from school and they're fighting about anything and everything they can, just making little digs at each other in front of me and Max. Then I go downstairs sometimes to get a drink of water and dad will just be sitting in his chair drinking whatever and he's so drunk I smell the alcohol at the steps. Just wanna get outta here."
Britt grabs her hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.
"It'll be okay, baby girl."
Ellie attempts to smile in her direction. She doesn't believe her one bit, but what was the point in telling her that. She believes Britt knows that she doesn't believe her, after all her and Uncle Nik had Ben and Laura, their daughter who was two years younger than Max, plus Spencer, so she was well versed in how likely a kid was to believe something you said.
The drive is quiet except for the times when Claudia calls, since Britt hasn't answered and Ellie's phone is off, they know she's worried. It's only about a thirty-minute drive when you're coming straight from it instead of hitchhiking and catching rides where you can. When they pull up to her house, a sense of dread fills her and along with fear of the sheer amount of people in her home. There are more cars than she's ever seen in her driveway and Aiden's car is one of them. Aiden is in the grade ahead of her, even though he's only a few months older, and everyone in the sophomore class thinks she's the luckiest girl in the world to be dating a junior- right now she doesn't feel lucky. He's going to be so upset with her and she knows it.
Britt practically pulls her from the car and she notices Max and Milo aren't at their posts, they're probably out looking for her. If her parents had been smart they just would've sent Britt or Ava out there, because they know her better than anyone else. The living room is full of people, all with their backs to the door and Ellie is tempted to run upstairs before any of them see her, but Aiden turns his head to the door and suddenly it's too late.
"Ellie!"
He's off the couch and holding her in a tight hug in no time at all. His arms are still warm and safe, but when she opens her eyes she can see Elizabeth's unhappiness at the whole situation. She knew Elizabeth thought her son was too good to be dating her and honestly Ellie agreed. He kisses her lips and she's surprised, he isn't one for public displays of affection, but in the moment neither one of them care. She traces his jawline with her fingertips and he smiles at her. For a second, she feels like they're the only people in the room and when she looks at him, she feels like she could be with him forever, but forever never works.
The moment is over too quickly though when he steps aside to allow her mother and Aunt Ava to bring her into a skeleton crushing group hug. Her dad is next, but he's gentler and he cradles her head like he used to when she was a kid and they would hug after him being at work all day. She scared him; she honestly scared him- he thought someone had taken her away from them. There are other hugs and soon people kind of start filing out, but her parents, Aunt Ava, Britt, Uncle Nik, Elizabeth, and Aiden. The younger kids, except for Anna whom Morgan took home, are sent upstairs to play in Max's room and Ellie can only lean on her dad's desk and wait for the yelling to start. Everyone is sitting or standing on the other side of the room. She's isolated, just like always.
Claudia hesitantly stands and walks to her firstborn. She grabs her into another hug and it feels like they stand this way for a long time. She can feel her mother's tears on her cheeks. She wants to say she's sorry, but she didn't do anything wrong except for turn off her phone and watch the trains go by. Claudia pushes her an arm's length away, but keeps her grasp on Ellie's forearms and looks her directly in the eyes.
"We thought someone had taken you. We thought someone had kidnapped you and that they were holding you somewhere. We had your brother trying to trace you all day. I was terrified, your dad was terrified, and your little brother was so confused on where you had gone. You can't do that to us again, your father and I were out of our minds."
Ellie raises her head defiantly, she was her mother's daughter and she wasn't going to leave this situation without a fight. She struggles out of her mother's hold and sidesteps her in order to make eye contact with her father. Claudia moves back toward Sonny, unsure of what her daughter is going to say or do next.
"Daddy, you were actually sober enough to be worried about me?"
She sees Aiden and Aunt Ava's eyes go wide. Ava can still remember the days where Ellie just wanted to be with her dad constantly, that was especially the case directly after Claudia had given birth to Max, but obviously it was no longer the case. She goes up to the child she considers her own and gently grabs her wrist.
"El, don't do this right now."
Ava knew Claudia and Sonny were having issues. Many days she simply got a text from her best friend saying "come rescue me" and she always did. They went to the Floating Rib to shoot pool while Sonny sat at home and drank himself away. Claudia and Ava knew that to be the case, but they had no idea Ellie knew too.
"No, no, no. I'm not staying quiet about this any longer. I'm not going to make myself small to make dad feel better like mom does."
Sonny makes eye contact with Claudia and grabs her hand. They are a united front when it comes to their kids, maybe nothing more, but at least that much.
"Ellie, stop."
Brit is the next to stand by her, on the side Ava is not occupying. Her two mother figures on her side when her actual mother can't be, or at least that's what it feels like. She shakes free from their grasps, however, and takes a step forward.
"Dad, you have an issue. Mom and Ava see it, I see, even Max, Morgan, Michael, and Dante, your precious sons, see it. Your older kids may not be affected by it, but I sure am- Max sure is. He saw you drinking last night at midnight; he came running into my room because he was scared of his own father. I'm done explaining away your problems to Max, because I'm running out of explanations. I'm only sixteen and just because Max is your baby it doesn't mean I'm not still a kid too. You guys are supposed to be protecting me too, maybe it would've been better if some enemy had kidnapped me or murdered-"
"Ellie, that's enough."
Nikolas is the voice of reason when he sees that Claudia and Sonny are too shell shocked to say anything. Ellie and Claudia are crying, Sonny is resisting grabbing some alcohol and Britt and Ava don't know what to.
"It'll never be enough, Uncle Nik."
Claudia, forever the mostly unspoken voice of reason, finally speaks up.
"Maybe you all should go, we love you, but we have some things that should be worked through in private, I think."
She stays by Sonny and all the adults note his arm that is snaked around her waist, the most contact anyone's witnessed between the two in months. They all understand and Elizabeth is the first to get up and try to drag Aiden out of the room. However, he shrugs her off and Ellie watches as he scowls at her. He tells her to wait in the car and with a sigh of disappointment she leaves. Uncle Nik is the first to say goodbye to Ellie with a soft hug and a kiss on the forehead, no words are exchanged and they don't have to be- Ellie knows she scared him too. He goes upstairs to retrieve Ben and Laura, while Britt hugs her tight. They don't exchange words either, everything had been said and Ellie doesn't need to hear that they love her because she already knows. Aunt Ava is different though, because she's from this world and she knows how dangerous it could be. She knows that there was a very high likelihood that Ellie could have been kidnapped instead of what the others believe as just Claudia and Sonny overreacting.
"You can't do that again, okay? I know stuff right now is weird and problematic, but you can't disappear on us- on me, I love you too much, Ellie Bug."
"I love you too, Aunt Ava."
She goes and Ellie looks over to her parents who are standing at the bar, their backs turned to her. They're probably strategizing as much as you can when you have a sixteen-year-old daughter who is out of control. But she's not even worried about it because Aiden is grabbing her arm and he's all she wants to focus on right now.
"I'm so sorry, A."
He brushes hair from her face and pushes her chin up so that she's looking in his eyes.
"I'm worried about you, I was before you pulled this stunt, but now even more so, E. I know stuff is going on here, but I'm here for you, you don't have to run. I'm in love with you, so in love with you. I don't care that my mom disapproves and your parents think I'm a dork that doesn't understand you or your life, because I know you, Ellie. I've known you for what feels like my whole life, ever since you walked into that first grade classroom with your big smile and pigtails I've known you and who you are. I don't get a lot of the stuff, but I am here to listen and next time you decide to run don't go without me. Please, if you want to leave, take me with you, E."
She looks up at him, tears about to brim over, he's been the best poem writer in their English class since the seventh grade. He's written her sonnets before. He is the poet and she is the muse, that's why no matter what their issues, they've stuck together. His way with words had captured her heart at day one.
She runs her hands through his shaggy hair and smiles at him. He's a good five to six inches taller than she is and it's always a struggle to kiss him, but she gets on her tiptoes and kisses him.
"I'm in love you too, A."
She's never been one with words but actions and the way she's holding his body close to hers and kissing his lips, he knows it's true. She's no poet with words, but he doesn't care, she's enough.
"I'm gonna go."
He's walking away from her, leaving her alone with her parents.
"I'll call you later!"
"Actually, Aiden, she won't be calling you later. Her phone privileges are being revoked since she doesn't know how to answer when people call."
He nods slowly, and looks at Ellie one last time before exiting the Corinthos home. Ellie leans on her father's desk as her mother sits in a chair while Sonny stands behind her. She taps her foot on the floor waiting for them to speak, but they don't.
"Are you guys going to talk or are we just all going to stand here?"
Her parents look at each other and she watches as her dad shoots out his hand and her mother grabs it.
"We need to apologize to you. We have been having problems, but we're going to work through them, we won't give up on one another and we're going to explain to Max that if he's scared or concerned about something he needs to come to one or both of us and not you. The first five years of your life, I was all about you, El, you know that. Every waking moment, my life revolved around you and I was the neurotic, overprotective mom. When Max was born, I just wanted to give him my all like I gave you and I didn't balance it well. We let you grow up too fast, we weren't the parents you deserved and I'm so sorry, baby."
Claudia lets go of Sonny's hand and goes to hug her daughter. For the first time all day, Ellie hugs her back. Claudia kisses her forehead and they both look at Sonny, who looks like he's dying to take a drink.
"Daddy?"
He walks to his two girls and pulls his daughter into his arms. She thinks this is the first time in weeks that he hasn't reeked of alcohol and for that she's thankful. She wants to pull away, but she doesn't, because he's holding on to her so tightly.
"I'm so sorry, too, Ellie."
When the moment is over, she knows there's still so much to talk about, but maybe they'll let it go and maybe they'll let her call Aiden tonight and tell him about how she almost let a train take her away and if Britt hadn't of stopped her, she'd be long gone. She thinks it's best to probably not tell her parents that she was two steps from jumping on a moving train and getting away from them.
"So, where were you? Where did Britt find you?"
Ellie looks down at her feet.
"There's an abandoned boxcar, like thirty miles away from here by the train tracks and I was just watching them go by. Watching the wheels turn and the whistles as each train goes by, it makes me feel better- I feel free, like I could jump on a train and just go. So on particularly bad days, I go there, I sit and I watch and I breathe and remind myself that I am not trapped."
Both Sonny and Claudia had stopped listening at the beginning of their daughter's speech. Their minds traveling back to a conversation they had had years ago when their son's glider had arrived, it may have been nearly eighteen years ago, but it was still fresh in both of their minds.
"Uh... Morgan...he used to love to build things. Right. And Michael would-he loved trains, just like I did when I was a kid."
"Really? I don't see you as the model train kind of kid."
"No, not the model trains, the real trains. I loved the real trains. There used to be this place I used to go to when I was growing up, right by the train tracks. A great place to hide when you're trying to stay away from home. It wasn't fancy. I'd just hang there for hours."
"Doing what?"
"Just watching the trains go by. I used to hear, you know, the sounds of the whistle."
"Mm-hmm."
"And the train tracks would-the wheels and... it just reminded-it kind of reminded me of freedom."
"It could have been. You could have jumped on a train at any time you wanted and just...gone away."
"Yeah, I could have, but I had too much to prove to too many people. So I stayed and I stuck it out and I made my mark. I always said that I wanted to...to build a life where my children would-wouldn't have to run and hide to an empty boxcar."
"Including our son, if he'd been born, right?"
"Absolutely."
"Mom? Dad? Are you guys okay?"
Ellie is confused that both her parents seem to be tearing up. She just told them about her boxcar, it wasn't something deep or profound like something Aiden would say. She was just telling the truth. Unbeknownst to her, Sonny pulls Claudia closer to him if he can. They had never told her about her other big brother, the one that had to die so she could exist. Claudia looks up at Sonny, finally, pulling herself out of the memories.
"Your dad used to do that, you guys have always been so similar. How about next time you call us and just let us know instead of scaring us, okay?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry you guys, I didn't think it through, I should've known better."
"It's okay, Ellie. Why don't you go upstairs and call Aiden? Me and your mom have to talk."
She nods slowly, looking at them like they're crazy for just a second, before running upstairs. Once she's gone, Sonny pulls Claudia into a long hug, her face finding its way to his neck. They're surprised that something that happened so long ago can still affect them so profoundly.
When their embrace is over, Sonny leads Claudia to the couch, where they sit close together, her head on his shoulder and his head on hers. He can feel the steady flow of tears from her eyes and squeezes her in comfort.
"We said our children would never have to do that, Sonny."
"Claudia, we've given her everything, sure we over compensated with Max, but that's over, we're going to be better parents and better partners. I'm sorry that I have been such a colossal ass. I love you, I don't want to lose you."
"I don't wanna lose you, either."
Claudia had never been quick with saying "I love you" to him, he assumed it was because of their past, that even eleven years couldn't wash away. He didn't mind, it didn't bother him, because he knew. He knew she loved him even if she didn't say it or didn't want to remarry him, she showed it.
And for him, her actions alone were enough.
Hey guys! So this was really random and out of left field, but I loved writing Ellie and I feel like if this did ever happen Claudia and Sonny's child would be left with similar feelings, because her siblings are so much older. Also, I feel like if somehow Claudia and Sonny did have a second child they would have a hard time balancing it all, as shown here. Sonny has never been the greatest and dividing his time between his children and Claudia loves so fiercely, I feel like it would be hard for her to show her love equally. Anyways, I love this little alternate universe and if you guys do too, I'd really appreciate it if you left a review just so I know if it's worth writing more little one shots like this one. Thank guys!