A.N. hello all, Merry Christmas to all those celebrating, and a very happy Thursday to all the others who don't. Just a small, Christmas Onzie since i didn't do one last year. Plus after the start of S5, think BoLo need a nice moment or two. Hope everyone enjoys.
Once A Year
"This is," I sigh to myself, hands on my hips as I stare at this poor excuse for a tree. Tilting my head from left to right trying to work out the kink in my neck. "A new low."
Another sigh escaping as I take two steps back to pretty much collapse into my chair. My attention wandering from the large, green, eyesore across my painfully, white wall to the bay window.
Unique, fluffy flakes floating through the air with a certain grace that makes it hard to describe as anything other than beautiful. The thin layer of ice that manages just to frost around the outlining of the frame adding a nice touch. The three seasonally bare oaks layered in just the right amount of snow. My view nothing short of a Leonid Afremov panting.
The joyous yet soothing sounds of music in the background only adding to the ambiance. The current tune beginning to play….The Christmas Song. Nat King Cole's voice lulling me into a false sense of solace.
It's almost a shame that after several words I remember I'm not a part of this little Christmas image I've found myself painting. Smile coaxing my lips at the unintentional, yet self-directed pun.
"Ho, Ho-Ho."
I'm not sure if it's Bo's voice, or the sound of my door opening that actually pulls my attention to the other end of my apartment. For a second she just stands there, one foot on my floor and the other out in the hall. Her eyes looking at the several boxes spread over the living area floor, before moving to the tree.
She's her normal self. Leather boots, leather pants, leather jacket, with a black vest for a shirt. Slightly inappropriate for today in my opinion, but hey, who am I to say? Though the two attention grabbing things-setting aside the cleavage and smile, are the fact she's wearing a Santa hat and holding a present. It's wrapped in this sparkling green paper with a red bow wrapped around it. Giftwrapped without a doubt, she doesn't have the patience to get the corners that perfect.
"Have you forgotten how to knock?" My left brow rising, arms crossing my chest. At first she looks a little taken back that I'm not jumping for joy at her presence, but then she gets this smirk.
"Is that anyway to speak to Santa?" Taking another step in, she kicks the door shut behind herself.
"I wasn't aware Santa was so-"
"Sexy?"
"Promiscuous." My response earning another surprised look, followed by a chuckle. "Sorry, that was uncalled for."
"Ya think?" She just keeps smirking, walking in further. Sidestepping two boxes she places the gift on the coffee table. I think she's going to stop, to my surprise this time she doesn't. Walking right over to me, hand on either side of the chair as she leans down. She goes to kiss my cheek, but I turn away. Sighing, she stands back up though doesn't back away. "It's Christmas Lauren, couldn't we retract the claws just for a bit?"
"A bit, hm? So-ten, twenty minutes?" I can't help but to chuckle at the expression I earn. "Sorry Bo, just need to know how long you'd like to pretend today before you run off."
"Run off?"
"Mm-hm. Dyson. Tamsin. Whoever else you've managed to add to our little love-hexagon. So hard to keep track at this point."
"Are you now including yourself back into it? Because just two days ago you were back to saying we are JUST FRIENDS."
"Excuse me if I do not want to advertise what I really seem to be. It may be a small amount, but I would like to keep what amount of pride I have left intact."
"Well please enlighten me Lauren, what exactly are you?"
"I am-" I find myself cut off by the startling upbeat tempo of Feliz Navidad. Both of us seemingly in sync as we look over to the ipod dock. For a good second we just stare at it, almost scowling as if it was someone who had rudely interrupted us. "Well." I shake my head, hands going to my knees.
"Not-exactly sure what to say now." This humorous tone lacing her words as she tries not to laugh.
"No." I agree, watching her discard her jacket onto the couch.
"Damn song, interrupting the same argument we've had nine hundred times before." She mockingly waves a fist in the air, scrunching her features.
"Been drinking I see."
"I did stop by the Dal yes, they are having a Christmas thing remember?"
"I do actually, yes."
"Oh okay, so it's a conscious choice to sit here all alone with your pathetic excuse for a tree?"
"Hey-hey. It is not pathetic, it's just aesthetically challenged."
"Riiiiiight."
"Do you even know what aesthetic means?"
"Yes. Of course." She folds her arms, giving me that 'I totally do-not' face.
"Are you aware it's a sin to lie on Christmas?"
"It's been a while since I've been to church, but I am pretty sure it's always a sin to lie." She forces her eyes to narrow, giving me this nod and silly smile.
"Again, exactly how much have you had to drink tonight?"
"Enough to make poor baby Jesus displeased." She gives me this little giggle and points toward the bottom of the tree. "Guess that's why he decided to skip out on the manger, huh?"
"What?" I stand up, looking down at the painstakingly, careful arranged manger. "Holy oxen lamb, I've lost baby Jesus."
"What?" She laughs so hard, this tiny snort get entwined.
"I was going to say holy shit, then realized it might not be appropriate to say it in the same sentence as baby Jesus."
"You just-"
"I am aware." I sigh, hands going back to my hips. "Look Bo, thank you for stopping by, but I think I would just like to be alone."
"Fine, fine. Such a buzzkill." She sighs, throwing her hands up as she turns around and starts back toward the door.
"Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?" My brow raising, as I watch her bend down, hands shuffling through one of the boxes.
"Well Meany-Pants, there are these magical things called lights. Generally they're wrapped around a tree so it doesn't look so sad and pathetic." Standing back up, she turns around with at least two strands of lights dangling from her hands.
"Stop calling my tree pathetic."
"I will-as soon as we get some lights and ornaments on him." Ignoring my scowl, she walks right over to the tree. "Maybe in the process we'll find the little runaway."
"Bo." I snap in a sigh.
"It's just a joke," She's already managed to start a line of lights around the top. Considering it's only a five foot tree-not all that impressive. "I like to think of my baby Jesus with a sense of humor."
"An infant with a sense of humor?"
"You're really not going to cut me a break are you?" For the first time this constant sense of playfulness leaves her voice.
Instead of saying anything else I just leave her be, walking into the kitchen. I can hear her fiddling around with the lights, as I fill a pan with milk. Placing it on the burner I turn back to look at her. She keeps her back to me though. I'm not exactly sure if it's a conscious decision or just how it works out.
I'm not exactly sure what she's doing. I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing. This is too awkward. Everything as of lately has been too awkward. I want to ask if she indulged in a little extra eggnog to gain the courage to come here. Problem is, there's no way I can think of asking where it doesn't sound like an attack.
My attention drifting down to the pan, little bubbles beginning to disturb the surface. How ironic that it seemed to represent us perfectly. A calm surface that slowly one problem arises, and then another, and another until our once perfectly peaceful situation has begun to boil over.
I snort at myself, shaking my head as I flick the burner off. Running my hand through my hair before finding two mugs. Talk about transference. I'm equating my problems with Bo to boiling milk.
Wow.
I begin pouring the hot chocolate packets into the cups following the steaming milk. My attention drifting off with the starting of Little Drummer Boy, as I stir her cup. Though the sound though that forces me to look back is this faint humming. For a moment I'm silent and still, wondering if I hadn't heard it at all. It's there though, Bo's humming along as she walks from one of the boxes to the tree. She leans down placing the baby Jesus into the nativity scene. Just standing there she looks down at it with such concentration you'd think she was waiting for one them to say something.
Sighing as I feel this little twist of guilt working it's way through my chest, I turn back to the mugs. Quick stirs that I find myself dragging out, just to avoid going back to meet her. Though I'm not exactly sure why now.
Turning around, starting back in with a mug in each hand I watch as she fiddles with the ipod. The song starting back over, and she glances back down.
"This is used to be my favorite Christmas song when I was little. Not this version of course, too new." She smiles, looking at me as she takes a mug from me. "My mother would play it while we decorated the tree. Once or twice she'd hum it to me if I woke from a bad dream and it was the season." Pausing to take a sip. I'm not exactly sure if she does it for a desire to taste it, or a desire to take a second. "It's silly, I just hadn't thought about it for so long. I hadn't thought about her for a while. I've been so wrapped up with trying to save the world, save Kenz, drown my sorrows. I guess you can't outrun everything, huh?"
"It's not silly Bo, for as joyous as the season is, it also can bring about a lot of-hurt."
"Is that why you're trying to turn your apartment into Santa's house?"
"I am-just tired."
"I don't follow." She looks back over to me, taking another baby sip. Suddenly she doesn't seem so tipsy.
"It used to be such a big thing for us. The tree and decorations. The traditions both culturally and religiously. The mass and the dinner. Presents and volunteer work. Somewhere between being on the run and being owned, it just all slipped away."
"That's what this is about?"
"This is about realizing that I've lost so much, that I am alone." I take a drink, looking away as I set it down on the table. "I was trying to remember the last time I was truly happy. First thing that came to mind was us, but I can't have us. So then I thought back further and I remembered this one particular Christmas and then another, and another. Childishly I thought why not decorate for once. Jump into the Christmas spirit."
"Not working?" She manages to catch my eyes, holding my gaze. There's this look of anguish written just underneath the surface that hurts me almost as much as it intrigues me.
"Not really, no."
"I know the feeling."
"Oh do you?" I snort, shaking my head at her as my eyes move to the tree. "I imagine it's very lonely having everyone chasing after you."
"It is when you realize the only person you truly want chasing you has given up."
"Don't worry, I'm sure Dyson got distracted by a mailman or something." I smirk, the amusement quickly fading as I see it hurt her more than anything. "I'm sorry."
"I don't mean to punish you, it—just happens."
"That was-almost sweet."
"It's not, it's horrible really. You're like a sickness Lauren, I can't ever get rid of. I think that I've moved on and then something happens that proves just how wrong I was. I find myself thinking that the hands touching me, that it's more than just sex and then all I can think about how it fails into comparison to us. I see little things that remind me of you and I want to text you, or call you and then I remember how inappropriate that would be."
"Bo-"
"I wish I was indifferent enough toward you so that punishing you would be a conscious decision. That the way I hurt you would be my choice and I could be satisfied rather than guilty. I wish that I could figure out what is wrong with me, what keeps me from letting it all go."
"Bo-"
"Look, this guy still needs some more help." She sort of laughs, tears in her eyes. Quickly she turns her back to me, going over to one of the untouched boxes. She picks up an ornament and chuckles. "Did you put the hooks on them already or-?
"No, I actually bought them that way." I force out, trying not to let my voice break. The cosmically perfect song selection of Last Christmas coming on. How perfectly fitting.
"Interesting."
We fall into another bout of silence. Though this one is rather productive though, considering. She hands me the baby blue and silver ornaments. They were simple, just bulbs though they seemed to be quite elegant on the picture of the box. Sadly it doesn't seem all that elegant now, not to mention the growing awkwardness surrounding us making this all a painstaking task.
I reach back for another ornament, though after a few seconds of remaining empty handed I turn back to see what she's doing. She's piling the boxes atop of one another. Glancing back at the tree I realize it's already finished.
Where did the time go?
Sighing, I turn my attention back to Bo who seems like a child who's gotten coal in their stocking. She's managed to stack all of the boxes up nicely by the door. I'm not exactly sure what the whole point of this was though. It's already three-fourths through Christmas, it's going to take me longer to take this all down tomorrow than it did to put it up. Essentially I created more unneeded work for myself.
She glances back at me, smiling softly.
I guess our motto lately is that we would rather be miserable together, than happy apart. A sentiment of true love or true insanity? I guess that's the real question, isn't it?
She's so lost, has been for such a long time. I honestly wonder if she knows anything other than being lost actually. Then again, who of us do?
"Well, we have a present, a manger, a decorated tree and coco. I think it's safe to say Christmas is off life-support in the Lewis household."
"Clever."
"I'm sorry, but for a bit it looked pretty scary in here."
"It didn't."
"It really did." She smirks, walking right back over to me. Her hand going to my shoulder, and for a second I think she's going to go for another kiss. Instead she leans down, plugging in the tree. "A master piece." She laughs, standing back up before taking a step backward.
"Um Bo?"
"Yes Lauren?"
"Are you aware your masterpiece's lights are crooked?"
"Oh, so it's only my masterpiece now?"
"Well, you did do most of the work." I try to keep from laughing, tilting my head to the right. The lights laced around the tree on an extensive slant, with the space between them larger than normal-until you reach the end where she's seemed to wrap it around three times in the same exact spot.
"I think it looks great Doctor Grinch."
"Only you would find this-this-THIS, great looking."
"I do. It's dysfunctional in an aweee type of way, reminds me of us."
"Are you trying to be sweet or an ass, it's hard to tell sometimes."
"Bah-humbug." She gives me this face, almost childishly. Too much time with Tamsin. "For someone who tried so hard to get this all decorated, you're being quite the Scrooge." I watch through narrow eyes as she pulls a throw off the couch. "Not everything needs to be a fight Lauren." She shakes it open, laying it on the floor in front of our sad excuse of a tree.
"Shouldn't you be at the Dal with Dyson and Tamsin?" I ask, watching as she takes a seat and pats the floor next to her.
"Be with people who'd actually be pleased to spend the night with me? What an interesting concept."
"Then why are you here?"
"I'm masochist," She gets this devilish smirk. "It's just lucky you're a bit of a sadist."
"You're really not earning any points right now."
"Oh will you just sit down." She's glaring now, and I can tell her patience is wearing thin.
Sighing more at myself than her, I maneuver onto the floor next to her. She wraps her arms around mine, sort of rocking us back and forth. It's not until a giggle escapes me that I look over and catch her smiling at me. It's the smile for me, and me alone. The one that says so much without saying anything at all.
My hand moving from the floor, and I feel her start to let go of my arm. That is until she feels my hand rest on her knee.
"We're quite the pair aren't we?"
"Why are you here Bo, honestly?" I stare into her eyes, finding myself getting lost.
"I couldn't think of anywhere else I would rather be." This gentle smile coming over her lips, almost bashfully. "We've never managed to spend a Christmas together, and I couldn't help but to wonder what that would be like."
"Is it everything you wished for?" My tone soft, my heart beginning to ache. Guilt? Longing? Yearning? Shame? Remorse? Maybe all of the above.
"In this moment," Her eyes lingering down my face, as she grazes her bottom lip with her teeth. It's not common for her, but every so often I catch it. It's so sexy in the most unintentional way, sort of like her. "Yeah, it is actually."
She leans in halfway of our already near nonexistent distance. Her eyes lingering back up my face to meet my gaze. She's so nervous, and all I can think is thank God it's not only me. We've kissed so many times, made love so many times, but this right now is just-different. My right hand coming up to cup her cheek, bringing her face upward just a bit.
Leaning in the rest of the way, teasingly grazing her nose with mine once, twice, three times. The third earning this soft giggle from her, my lips instinctively curving into a smile. God, it's been so long since I heard that from her. Since I've been the reason.
My lips seemingly gliding to hers, soft gentle kisses.
Her hands leaving my arm finally, moving up to my face as the kisses begin to linger. One after another lasting longer and longer, until the feel of her lips missing on mine becomes foreign. It almost feels like I'm floating as she uses her body to guide me down. Her body draped over mine with such effortlessness, you'd think she belonged here.
The funny part is, in my opinion this is exactly where she belonged.
"Bo," I find myself moaning her name, her lips trailing off of mine as they always seem to do. "Wait, wait, wait." I giggle, hands pushing lazily at her shoulders. "Stop, stop."
"Oh shit." She pushes herself up into a pushup position, looking down into my eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't come here hoping for this."
"Wait-really?" I feel my brow furrow, and she gets this little smirk.
"Really. Though I'm far from complaining about it."
"Nice save."
"I thought so." Smirk growing, leaning back down with a gentle attack of her lips.
"Wait, stop." I find myself laughing, pushing her back again.
"Um, am I missing something?"
"I want—it's just, it's silly but," I find myself chuckling, glancing away from her. "I-can't right HERE."
"Here?" Her eyes narrow, looking around. Attention stopping at the bottom of the tree. "Oooh."
"It's silly, but-"
"I now feel highly uncomfortable too." Laughing she looks back down at me. "Thank you for that."
"You're welcome."
"I was being sarcastic."
"I'm very well aware." I smile, leaning up and kissing her again. "You Bo Dennis are-"
"Sexy? Interesting? Sensual? Erotic? Cute? Charming? Lovable?"
"No."
"Well OWWW." She laughs, pouting.
"You are all of those things, and so much more. It just wasn't what I was going to say."
"What were you going to say?"
"I was going to say, you're just like a snowflake."
"A—snowflake?" She tries not laugh. "How very—festive."
"It is, but I think it depicts you perfectly."
"Please do explain tiny human."
"A snowflake is this amazing product of nature, each and every single one beautiful, yet undoubtedly unique. It is beautiful all on it's own, or within a group, yet never loses it's own identity. It can be graceful, all while holding the power to be devastating."
"Wow, science speak and charming all at the same time? You've really been working on your skills."
"Well, I like to think of it more as natural ability."
"My, my. Where has the modesty gone Doctor?"
"When have I ever been modest in this particular type of situation?" I smirk, hands moving to her back as I flip us over.
"Aren't you a naughty elf?"
"Oh, now I'm an elf? Not long ago I was a Scrooge."
"Yeah well, I've always been a sucker for a woman on top."
"A woman?" My brow raises, as I tilt my head away from her.
"This is a horrible time to have a foot-in-mouth situation." She chuckles nervously, and I just nod. "Any way we could rewind about fifteen seconds?"
"Are you sure you want that to be your Christmas gift, because I was planning on something much more-pleasurable."
"Were you now?" Devilish smirk making it's reappearance. "Well, I suppose there are plenty of other ways to make up for my big mouth."
"Many, many other ways." I smile, slowly maneuvering myself off of her.
"Would it be too rude if I asked to open my gift now?" She asks in that husky whisper which pushes me to the edge of insanity. Her hands on the back of my neck, moving up along with me.
"Would it be too forward if I said I was hoping you would?"
"Such a naughty," She brings her lips to mine as she starts to stand, leaving me no choice other than to follow. "Naughty," Another kiss, hands holding my own. "Elf." She gets this smirk that I know means solely one thing. All the while she begins walking backward, leading us to the bedroom.
Was this the smartest decision?
Probably not, but what the hell.
Christmas only comes once a year.