It's Good To Talk
A/N: This came into my head a few weeks ago and I've finally summoned up the courage to write it down. I hope it's enjoyed (and reviewed, *hint hint*)! Also, this is set a few weeks between Greeks Bearing Gifts and They Keep Killing Suzie (Series 1)
Ianto was quiet. Of course, that was nothing unusual. He was quite a quiet person, although none of the Torchwood team knew if this was because he was naturally like that, or because his days working at Torchwood One had changed him. But today, he was somehow quieter than usual. He wasn't making eye-contact with anyone, not even Jack, which meant something was definitely wrong. If anyone should be really quiet at that time, it should have been Tosh, after that incident with Mary. But Tosh had come back into her stride just a week later. That's when it hit Tosh; maybe Ianto wasn't fully over Lisa. Everyone healed at different paces. And most people were quiet when healing, so how can you tell when the person in question is almost always quiet anyway? Tosh really wanted to talk to Ianto, but he was a difficult person to talk to. After the Lisa incident, no-one in the team was really sure what would come out of the Welshman's mouth next.
A few hours later, the whole team apart from Tosh and Ianto had gone Weevil hunting. Tosh knew this was the best chance she was ever going to get. Ianto went over to the coffee machine and started a fresh brew. She took a deep breath, and walked straight up to him and began to make herself a cup of tea. She smiled at him. He didn't twitch, even though his coffee was being poured and there wasn't a lot else he could do.
Tosh took another deep breath. "You okay?"
Ianto grunted. It was the closest he'd come to communication all day.
Tosh continued. "If something's wrong, you know you can tell me right?"
Ianto grunted again.
Tosh was slightly annoyed, but persistent. "If it's Lisa-"
"It's not Lisa!" Tosh took a step back. Even Ianto seemed shocked. He quickly turned back to the coffee machine. A bit too quickly. He spilt his coffee all over the floor. Tosh ran off and got a mop. As she started mopping up the coffee, Ianto made her jump again "I don't need your help!" Tosh looked at him. 'Very pissed off' was written all over his face, but his eyes seemed more pleading, more desperate. They even looked close to tears. He turned away from her quickly, fumbling with the coffee and the mop. He wasn't doing very well; it went all over his hands. Tosh wasn't a doctor, but she knew that that was going to leave burn marks. She went over to the sink, grabbed a towel, stuck it under the cold tap, and gently rubbed Ianto's poor hands.
"I don't need your help." He repeated, but not as fiercely as last time, and his voice wobbled at the end. Gently, Tosh cupped Ianto's face with her hands, and forced him to face her. His eyes were watering, and she could tell it wasn't because of the coffee burns.
"What's wrong Ianto?" She said in a calming, motherly voice. "Please talk to me. It's good to talk. Ianto?"
"What did you hear?" he asked her. "When you read my mind. I know you did. You keep giving me pitying looks. What did you hear?"
Tosh sighed. "You said 'Can't imagine a time when this isn't everything. Pain so constant, like my stomach's full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt.'" The look on Ianto's face said it all; he was mentally kicking himself. Tosh knew that she had to press on "Why were you thinking that?" Ianto looked down in embarrassment, but Tosh made him look at her again. "Ianto, please."
He sighed. "It wasn'tLisa. I think about her all the time, of course I do." Tosh slowly guided him over to a chair as he spoke. "It was what happened a few weeks ago, with those cannibals, remember?" Tosh nodded, how could she forget? Ianto had practically saved her life. That's when it hit her; no-one had asked Ianto what they'd done to him. They'd found him tied up and gagged, with a few cuts on his head, but no-one had pressed it any further. They could have done anything to him in the time it had taken all of them but Jack to be captured by them. And before Jack had burst in on that tractor they'd nearly killed him. In fact, if Jack had arrived just a few seconds later, Ianto would've died.
Ianto could see she was putting this all together. "Exactly." Was all he said. Was all he needed to say.
He went to get up, but she pulled him back down again.
"What did they do." There was a pause. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but it will make you feel better. It's good to talk. Why do you think women never stop?" Ianto chuckled. It wasn't a very funny joke, but it lightened the mood.
He sighed. "They beat me with that baseball bat." His eyes watered. "They just kept hitting me. Over and over and over again. Right in the stomach. I coughed up blood, and they made me drink it." The tears were running down his cheeks now. Tosh took his handkerchief out of his breast pocket and wiped his eyes. It didn't do much good. She put his head on her shoulder and let him cry while she ran her hand through his hair reassuringly. The rest of the team came back while they were still like this. No-one said anything. Gwen smiled at Tosh. Owen rolled his eyes. Jack smiled at Ianto and gave Tosh a small thumbs-up.
A few weeks later, Tosh and Ianto were left alone in the Hub again. After Ianto finished cleaning up the mugs from the last round of coffee, he just stood by the coffee machine. Staring into space. Tosh stood next to him. She put her arms around him, and gave him a little hug. Ianto smiled at her, and went down to the archives. Tosh smiled to herself as he walked.
"Ianto." She called after him. He stopped. He didn't turn around, but Tosh could tell he was listening. "Any time you want to talk, I'm right here. Or you could call me. Even in the middle of the night. I'll always be there. It's good to talk."
Ianto turned around to face her. "Yeah. Yeah, I suppose it is." He smiled at her, and walked on.