The Letter
As soon as the light hit her bed, Hermione woke him, dressed him, and attempted to get him to eat some toast and pumpkin juice.
He wouldn't though.
He could tell something was up. She pressed the spoon against his lips until she heard the clink on his teeth. He continued to look off into the corner of the ceiling— A knobby child with glassy eyes and platinum blonde hair, unlike her own.
Like any other 9-year old wizard, he wore a striped dress shirt and neat black dress pants, but his shirt was too perfect and his pants flawlessly pressed. His face was elderly—looker as if he was being pinched; strained, though it should look as perfect as his new dress pants.
He hardly ever changed his expression: Tired; Hurt; Pinched
She left him in his chair to go make the beds. She went to his room first, straightening out the toys he had broke out from his box in the night, fixing his comforter, making sure it hung out evenly on all sides.
Tears threaten to spring from her eyes.
She pulled them back.
She moved to her room. She made the bed and checked underneath it for toys. When she started to come up she grabbed the side table for support.
Her hand brushed the envelope with the elegant seal.
She pulled in another sob, but not without a line of tears escaping through the surface of her eyes.
&
She slipped her feet into the two inch heels and flattened her black skirt.
She felt frail; Broken.
But not enough to stop her from reaching for her robe.
She went over to the table and spun around gently.
"See Daniel? We're going out."
Daniel went on looking at the ceiling but his eyes went wild and she new he understood.
She fetched his small robe from the closet—fine black material, with a hood. It had cost her a fortune, but she wanted him to look nice.
Daniel didn't like it. He always wanted to wear his old one, the old black silk one he had long ago outgrown.
When she began to walk toward him with the robe out-stretched, he started moaning and rocking and shaking his head back and forth. She struggled to stuff his arms into the sleeves.
He was small, but strong and she struggled to gain dominance; he was becoming too much for her. When she grabbed his arm to stop him his skin was red and hot. She pulled it back and hissed.
He had burned her again.
He shook free and ran over to his bedroom.
The robe was on though. It wasn't straight but it made him look more real.
Normal.
She sniffled and Daniel peeked his head from around the corner. She was still holding her burned hand.
Accidental Magic.
It had been happening more and more frequently as he grew. He had once become so hot he gave her mother Second-Degree burns.
He come over to her and picked up the burned hand. She winced but let him look.
He grunted and drooled and looked up at her.
"It's Fine, Daniels, Let's go."
She came to a stand and flicked her wand.
His suitcases came flying into the living room.
"Come on"
He came, dragging out every step. He looked at the suitcases suspiciously, but only because they were new. It didn't have any meaning to him, but he looked at her expectantly none the less.
"See, "she said "Its all yours Daniel, It's going on the train with us."
But her voice was all wrong, soiled with sobs. She was sure he would notice, and she turned to face him frantically. He was looking at the ceiling.
He hadn't noticed.
They walked down the hall away from her flat and he stopped, like everyday they went out to gape at the little blonde boy in the mirror. He looked up at her and then at the mirror again smiling an innocent happiness, as if he had never seen it before.
Like Always.
She touched his shoulder. "Come Daniel" She whispered.
They went down the stairs instead of taking the lift.
The Stairs took longer, but Daniel always wanted someone to hold his hand when he walked down the stairs and she wanted to do it.
She needed contact; he was her son after all.
Wasn't she entitled?
In the entrance hall of her apartment building, her mother stood. She was holding a plastic bag of peanut butter cookies, Daniel's favorite. There were tears in her eyes and her face was red as she bent down.
"Here Daniel." She said, quivering. Maybe she feared it was her fault. She had been the one who babysat him all these years and had only give up when he grew to strong for her as well.
The scars from the burns on her mothers hands were visible and Hermione flinched.
She wished that Daniel would just hug his grandmother, or croak and moan at her. Damn it, she just wish he'd take the cookies.
But it had been Hermione to take the cookies, for he was too excited. He had already races out the front door.
"Thanks, Mum" she started "I'm surprised you're here… I would have," she paused "I would have thought you were too angry to come."
She just looked sadly at her daughter.
"Damn it Hermione! Don't you let him control your life again, that letter means nothing." She growled. "He won't come back no matter what it said."
"Think about Daniel" she added in a whisper.
"Mum, I…"
"No, you give him up, 'Mione you'll loose the only family you have left, and that includes me." She said.
Hermione wanted to cry, to run into her mother's arms like a child.
Hell, she almost did.
Almost.
But Daniel was by himself outside and she didn't want him to run off.
"I love you, Mum."
And she left.
&
Daniel sat by the window. He must have thought he was going to work with her. He looked at the old building in muggle London that covered for the entrance to the Daily Prophet. When you past it he jabbed the window frantically and stood up.
"No Daniel, we are going somewhere else" she whispered, and took a hold of his hand.
Electricity shot through her.
Contact.
He sat back down and let his hand rest in hers for a while.
When they reached the big muggle trained station, Daniel gaped at the ceiling. He stood in the middle of the room looking at the massive glass ceiling.
He let off a cross between a growl and squeal.
People were staring.
How she wished she could hex the lot.
"Come Daniel."
She ushered him over to the gate, straightening his hood on the way.
He had never been on a train before and acted a little nervous about it. Bouncing up and down, flipping the lid on the ashtray, craning his head to see the man in front of them.
When the train began to accelerate he moaned and pulled at her sleeve.
"Yes, Daniel, We are moving, we are going on a trip!" She said with false excitement.
She unwrapped a stick of gum, wiped the drool heading for the collar of his shirt and handed it to him.
He loved gum.
She watched him closely, he sometimes swallowed it—which worried her a little, but it kept him busy.
Busy.
She wanted to keep herself busy, that's why she took off work to take Daniel. She could have apparated, but she wanted time.
Time.
She looked at the top of his head.
She could see his head moving from the way he chewed the gum.
He was so pale. Almost transparent.
Pasty.
She imagined she could see the blood traveling through his veils.
Blood.
Half-Blood.
When the trained reached a steady pace, he grew calmer, and after a while his head began to droop to the side. She watched his eyes slowly dropping—two colorless, steel grey orbs. Heavier and heavier they became. He started to flinch. He jerked in his seat trying to fight off the sleep.
He never slept well not even as a baby. Even before they notice something was wrong, they wondered about his jerky catnaps. His tiny pale hands clutched tight, and released only to tighten and spring open a moment later.
After the doctors talked to them and even the healers from St. Mungo's, Draco wouldn't have anything to do with them. He just walked in circles thinking aloud to himself. His only explanation was it was her fault. Muggle Genes. That's why he was that way. That's why he wasn't normal.
"Shouldn't have soiled the Malfoy line with a Mudblood" was all he said.
A few minutes later, he left.
She wasn't surprised, even knew how he felt, more or less, he blamed her; half way blaming himself. They had lost everything for each other. He lost his fathers inheritance, which only left him with his mothers, seeing as she had passed before the beginning of 7th year. She had lost her friends. Ron stopped speaking with her and shortly after everyone else followed. After Draco had left Harry came around to see how she and Daniels were. But he wouldn't forgive her now for what she was about to do.
She reached in her purse and fingered the letter again.
It was from Draco.
He wanted her back. He wanted them to start over. Take it slow. He wanted an Us, again.
But he didn't want Daniel.
She closed her eyes tight; she wouldn't cry.
Later on today, when she got back, she would owl him. Tell him she missed him.
They'd be good again.
Her thoughts moved to her mother.
"You give him up, you'll lose the only family you have, and that includes me."
She glanced at Daniel. His head had snapped up. He looked around him and made a gurgling sound. His gum had fallen on the front of his rode.
She picked up the gum and put in her ashtray.
"Daniel, look out the window, see the sheep?"
He wouldn't look. He began bouncing in his seat, rubbing his hands together rapidly.
"Daniel? Please…Want a Cookie?"
If only she'd brought a picture book. She had meant to grab them. She wondered if the train sold magazines. If she let him get too bored, he'd go into one of his tantrums, and she wouldn't be able to handle him. The healers at St. Mungo's had given her potions just in case, but she was always to afraid that while he was screaming he'd choke.
She frantically looked around the train car.
"See Daniel, see the… see the hat with the big feathers on it? Isn't it pretty? See that red suitcase up there? See the um…"
Someone in the back of the train car sneezed a couple times.
Daniel burst into laughter. The man in the seat ahead turned and looked at him. His mouth was wide open and his tongue was curled. He clicked it as he laughed gasping and sputtering. The way he did when he played with Harry or when he watched "Sesame Street". He liked Harry. Harry didn't mind him. Harry cared for him. He chased him around the living room and read picture books with him. They had slept together a couple of time almost turning it into a regular thing. Harry could handle Daniel when she couldn't. Harry was there for her. Harry Loved her.
Before she got the letter.
She was giving up her new happiness.
Because of the letter.
Even after the small scene wore itself out, and the person had stop sneezing, Daniel went on laughing, and la-laing, moaning, and squealing.
Hermione Sulked.
&
When the trained stopped. She and Daniel got off and headed for the nearest taxi. Where after only 16 minutes brought her to her destination.
16 minutes with Daniel.
She inhaled.
For Draco she told herself.
She grabbed Daniels hand and pulled him into the building. She walked to the desk.
"I'm here to drop off my son" she said in a voice falsely strong.
"Name Please?" the woman said not looking from her computer screen.
"Daniel Mal—Granger" she corrected. Draco had signed him in under Granger, not Malfoy.
Daniel began jumping up and down, reaching and whimpering. He wanted a cookie. She wanted to give it to him. She wanted to give him anything; anything he asked for, but he'd get it all over his face.
But it would be worse if he went into one of his rages.
She went in her bag and broke off a small piece of cookie.
"Be Neat" was all she said as she handed it to him.
The woman told then to sit and wait.
Wait.
More Time.
Daniel Flung himself into the corner of the chair and ate his cookie keeping one hand flattened across his mouth while he chewed.
Waiting.
It wasn't what she'd hoped for. He thoughts kept swimming back to her mother, to Draco…
To Daniel.
Daniel.
She looked over to him. He was done with his cookie and fiddling with his hands.
"You did good" she praised.
She brushed imaginary cookie crumbs away.
She wished he'd give her a sign. She wished he'd look at her and give her a grunt of disagreement.
Something.
The woman returned to the room.
" His room is Ready, Miss Granger"
Hermione stood and grabbed Daniel's hand and he didn't pull away.
Was that something?
&
The Halls were Blank and dark.
Daniel gripped her hand tightly.
He was getting scared now. He frantically looked from Hermione to the Nurse begging for eye contact. Hermione knew, but she feared if she looked down she would burst into tears, and beg for him to say he wanted to stay with her. So she kept walking forward.
The nurse stopped in front of a plain white door with a small slot and window on it.
She opened the door. Hermione started to walk forward, but he hung back.
Maybe he wouldn't allow it, and they would go home and Hermione would never question their bond again.
But he came, finally.
Why wouldn't he?
He can't see who she was, there was no hope.
That's what the letter said.
He would never be able to return the love she had given him all these years.
That's what the letter said.
The nurse sat Daniel down on the small child sized bed.
The tears finally broke free.
Just a sign. That's all she wanted.
Daniel looked at her, waiting.
"Mrs. Granger?"
She snapped her head to the nurse.
"Would you come with me please?"
Hermione took one last look at Daniel.
He was staring directly at her.
Waiting.
To see what she would do.
Hermione walked toward him and pulled out the bag of cookies.
"I Love you"
He just stared at her.
He didn't understand.
A sob escaped her.
"I love you" she whispered and placed a kiss on his head.
With that she followed the nurse out of the cold room.
The nurse handed her a Kleenex. She wiped her eyes and left the building apparating to her flat.
&
She sat down on her couch and let the tears fall.
God.
For Draco she reminded herself.
For Draco.
The thought back to Daniel.
Daniel.
She looked at the ceiling.
Daniel like the ceilings.
He always looked at the different ceilings of the places they went. He was excited about the ceiling at the prophet considering it was charmed, but he looked at the one in his room the most.
She would see him sitting in the middle of the floor staring at the ceiling.
She smiled. She remembered Harry would sit with him sometimes.
Her smile faded.
Harry told her he loved her.
And she told him she still loved Draco.
"I'll still try" he told her.
Try.
She loved Daniel.
A spark shot in her and she sprang from the couch.
She'd try.
&
When she apparated into the room Daniel was in the corner, rocking back and forth.
Moaning.
But this moan was different.
It sounded lost.
She looked at him for a moment before having the courage to speak.
"I'll try"
His head flew up.
He stared at her.
She felt tears coming again.
"Daniel, you hear me?"
He stopped rocking and became quite.
"Daniel, I said I'll try…I'll try, for you" she said timidly.
His eyes went wild.
She knew he understood.
She grabbed his hand.
"I'll try" she whispered.
And with a Crack they were gone.