AN: Hey guys! So this is the first fic I've written for CM. I would love to hear what ya'll think of it. Also, obviously none of the characters belong to me. Enjoy!

It was JJ who found the letter, buried underneath all the flowers the team had placed on Emily's coffin. She had managed to slip it in between the letters from her and Hotch that she had placed in the envelope she gave Emily in Paris. JJ didn't know who the letter was from or what it was about, she just thought it would be nice for Emily to have a small piece of the team to hang on to while she was gone. As Emily went through the folder she found the ones from JJ and Hotch. A familiar ache in her chest set in as she read them, like the one she felt after a particularly hard case. She would miss her team, they were her family and she loved them all dearly, but JJ had promised she would keep her in the loop as best as she could. Emily stared at the final letter warily. No one else at the BAU knew that she was still alive so she had no idea who it was from, but as soon as she opened it she recognized the small, neat handwriting that belonged to Derek Morgan.

Emily's breath hitched in her throat as she began to read. Nothing she had ever experienced could have prepared her for this. This letter, well, it wasn't so much of a letter as it was a confession. A profession of love from a man who had been hurt so many times that he had built walls around his heart. Walls so high and thick that not even his family could break through them. This flimsy, little piece of paper with water marks blurring some of the words had been the only way he had known how to grieve during the days between her death and her funeral.

Emily,

I can still remember the day of your first case with the team. I remember how flustered we all were. Terrorists always leave the team on edge. I remember, we barely had time to introduce ourselves, but as soon as you smiled my heart skipped a beat. When you translated that message, the look on Garcia's face said it all. You had a skill that even our resident genius lacked. I had never been so fascinated with someone as I had been with you starting on that day. I knew that there was so much more to you and I was determined to find out what. Then you told me about your love for Vonnegut and I knew I was a goner. I knew right then that I was in love with you. I remember thinking that it was impossible for someone as beautiful as you to be so nerdy. Yet there you were, right in front of me. Kilgore Trout had always been someone I kept to myself. It didn't fit with the badass reputation I already had going for me. But with you it was different. Talking to you made me feel safe, safer than I had felt in a long time. From that moment, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life getting to know everything about you.

I remember the day JJ turned on the news and we saw that you and Reid were in trouble. I had never felt so helpless. You were my partner, my confidant, my friend. You were the one I trusted with my life and now all I could do was pray nothing happened to you. That whole day all I could think about was you getting hurt. You would get hurt and there would be nothing I could do to stop it. Then I saw you and you were as beaten and battered as I had ever seen. It broke my heart, seeing you like that. But still you did it. You saved all those people, you saved my best friend and you saved me. I don't know what I would've done had either of you not come home. You were so brave that day. My God were you brave. I didn't know it was possible, but that day I fell in love with you even more. Standing in that chapel, all I could think about was getting back outside to you. I should've told you then that I loved you. I should've ran to you and kissed you. I should've held on to you and never let go. There are so many things I should've done, but I didn't. I wasn't the kind of man you needed in your life, but that day I decided that one day I would be.

I remember the day you went missing, when we figured out what you had done for Declan. God I remember that day like it was yesterday. That was the day I knew I could never live without you. Little by little, you had changed me and I was a better man for it. I was no longer the man who slept around, who went into a bar aiming to get as many numbers as possible like it was some kind of game. I was different. I wanted to settle down and spend the rest of my life with one person. That person was you. When I found you lying on that cement floor, it took everything in me not to cry. I told you to hang on, to stay with me, but I think that was more for me than anything. I wanted to tell you then how I had changed. How you had made me a better man. Even after your eyes closed, I never let go of your hand. I couldn't. I couldn't give up on you. I wouldn't give up on you. When JJ came and told us the news, I felt my heart break into a million pieces. I just couldn't imagine my life without you in it.

As much as I wish things were different, I know you will never read this. There were so many things I should have told you and now it's too late. We could have been forever, but I was too much of a coward to say anything. Now you will never know that I loved you. That I have always loved you. That I will spend the rest of my life loving you and no one else. That you, Emily Prentiss, were my always.

Forever Yours,

Derek

Tears clouded Emily's vision as she read the letter. How could she have been so stupid? He had loved her all this time and she had been too dense to notice. She read it again, and again, and again. She read that letter until her eyes hurt from the strain. God she felt like an idiot. They had been partners for years and not once had she said anything to him. Of course she loved him, but never in Emily's wildest dreams did she think he would love her back. As a partner or a friend maybe, but never in the same way that she loved him. So she had kept quiet. A friendship with Derek was better than nothing. Now she only felt foolish as she sat in her crappy, little apartment listening to the sounds coming from the busy street below her. They could've had a life together. Emily could've woken up every morning in his arms. Now only God knew what would happen. Emily didn't know when she would be able to go back to her team, if at all, but right then she wanted nothing more than to hop on the next flight back to DC and her old life. Instead, her future rested in the hands of Ian Doyle; every move she made from now until his capture had to be meticulous. With the letter still in her hand, Emily got to work. The faster she found him, the faster she would be home.