This is a sequel to my story God bless all our dear children. I strongly advise you to read that story before reading this one. By the way, I am Swedish and English is not my native language, therefore some faults may occur.

Chapter 1

Three weeks had passed since Harriet Oleson had given birth to her third child, a little baby girl. The baby had been born more than a month too early and the birth had been difficult for both mother and child. Harriet had been awfully close to death, but by a miracle, she had survived. Now, three weeks later Harriet was much better. She was still rather weak and fragile, but she was strong enough to leave her bed and she spent her days sitting in her comfortable chair in the parlor. The baby, which Harriet had decided to name Lillie Victoria, was doing almost as well as her mother. She had a healthy appetite and a strong set of lungs, but she had unfortunately not gained much weight and was awfully small. Doctor Baker had told Harriet that it was best for the baby if she fed her herself, and even though Harriet was not overjoyed over the idea, she did It without complaining. One would think that Harriet Oleson would be overjoyed about her new little baby, but she was not. No, if truth be told, she had not taken to the baby at all. When she fed her it felt like she was holding another woman's child to her bosom and when the baby cried, she felt no need to take her in her arms and rock her to sleep. Harriet so wanted to love her baby, but she just couldn't and she was awfully ashamed because of it. After all, she had loved both Nellie and Willie unconditionally from the first moment that had held them in her arms. She had not told her husband Nels about her feelings for she was afraid that he would despise her for not loving her own child. Whenever he was around she pretended to be as fascinated and taken by the baby as he was, but when she was alone with her daughter she felt terribly unhappy. Every night before going to bed, Harriet prayed that she would wake up the next morning and love and adore her little child, but nothing had yet happened and Harriet could not even as much as look at the baby without feeling uneasy.

This day, a sunny morning in December, Harriet sat in her chair in the parlor with the baby next to her when Nels opened the front door and stepped in. He was holding the morning post in his right hand. He handed the post to Harriet and bent down to look at his daughter who was asleep in her little cradle. He carefully touched her small fingers and smiled. He absolutely adored his baby girl. He turned to Harriet and asked:

"How are you today my dear?"

Harriet looked up.

"I would feel much better if I could leave this stupid chair and get back to work. I am quite sure that you will ruin us if I don't get back work soon. After all, it is I and not you who made the mercantile a success. Now be quiet, I am trying to read this letter."

"Who is it from", Nels asked.

"It is from my mother", answered Harriet. "Oh… Oh my… I knew it!"

"What is it?"

"Oh, mama writes that she is more than happy to come to Lillie's christening on Sunday. It will be so nice to see her again. I haven't seen her for such a long time."

"Will she be staying here", asked Nels and looked at his wife with worried eyes. He had never cared much for his mother-in-law and she had never cared much for him.

"No, she will be staying with my sister Victoria in Sleepy Eye. Oh, such nonsense! Vicky's house isn't half as big as ours. I can't imagine why mama would prefer to stay there. Tsk tsk tsk!"

"Because of the baby perhaps", said Nels relieved. "It can be rather tiring to live with an infant."

"Oh yes", nodded Harriet and yawned. "Very tiring!"

The door to the mercantile opened and Caroline Ingalls stepped in.

"Hello? Is anybody here?" she called. "Mr Oleson? Mrs Oleson?"

"We're in here Caroline", Nels replied.

Caroline stepped in to the parlor and bent down to look at the baby.

"Oh, she is absolutely adorable", said Caroline and smiled. "Such a beautiful little girl. You must be so happy mrs Oleson."

"I am", lied Harriet and her eyes were immediately filled with tears. "Very happy!"

"Why Harriet, what on earth is the matter", wondered Nels who at once had noticed his wife's teary eyes. "Are you not feeling well?"

"Oh, it's nothing" replied Harriet and shook her head. "I'm just tired."

"You should go back to bed and rest while Lillie is asleep", said Nels and patted his wife's arm. "It will do you only good."

Harriet nodded and got up. Just as she was about to walk up the stairs little Lillie woke up and started crying.

"Oh no", Harriet muttered to herself. "Not again."

"Now, there there", said Nels and took his daughter in his arms. "I'll get your mother for you."

He carefully handed the baby to Harriet.

"She is probably hungry", he said and smiled. "She has such an appetite. Just like Willie, right Harriet?"

Harriet nodded.

"Yes Nels, just like Willie."

Harriet walked up the stairs and sat down on her bed with the baby in her arms. She unbuttoned her purple blouse and the baby immediately took her breasts. Harriet looked down at her daughter and shook her head. She was ashamed to admit it, but she actually wished that she had never been born. Horrified at her own thoughts, Harriet broke out in tears. She felt so terribly unhappy!