Prologue.
The darkness settled down upon the sky, its hand gripping the sun, pulling it to its demise.
Night came, and the warmth of the sun was now long gone. Even the stars dared not come out for fear of destruction. The heaven lamented and so the tears came to earth.
I can feel something dripping down my body.
Ah.
It was raining.
Drip. Drip. Drip.
Its rhythmic sounds lulling the tree to sway to the beat; producing a gentle song of nature.
Swish. Swish.
I pull out my hand and feel the raindrops.
Droplets splattered on my finger then trailed down my palm where it, after being joined with a few more of its friend, fell down into the ground. Leaving in its course a feeling of emptiness.
It was so very cold, but the rainiwas not the reason for this feeling.
No, this chill originated from my core, running swiftly throughout my body, coursing through my blood and resonating in my soul.
Why was it so cold? I didn't like the cold. The cold hurts.
This chill had been brewing in my system for almost five years now; I did wonder when it would erupt.
For many years I have lied to myself, saying that it was not cold. It was warm. But I guess human physiology caught up to me.
Hahaha. I should've known.
I don't know for how long I had stood in the freezing rain. Why didn't I run from the rain knowing that it would cause me pain?
Wishful thinking, perhaps. Stupidity? Yes. Definitely.
The silver band sitting on my ring fingers felt heavy. I look at it in fascination. Its center held a small diamond. Neighboring on its side were teardrop-shaped diamond that blend into the white-gold body of the ring. It was a pretty little thing. After all I did stole it from its rightful owner.
I smile bitterly.
Click. Clack. Click. Clack.
I heard the sound of stilettos hitting pavement floor. Who? Then I realized it was me all along. There was no one here except me.
That's right, all along there was only me.
Where was I going? I don't know. I stared at my surrounding but could not point out a single familiar structure. My feet hurt a lot. How long have I been walking?
The frigid rain was making me numb. It was so cold. I didn't like the cold.
Sighing silently to myself, I opened my purse and pull out my phone.
Ping.
Interesting, it still works.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The sound of electronic keypad penetrated the silent night as I pressed in the number. I laughed silently. Who would have thought? I personally would never in a million year thought that I would be calling this number and telling the person over the line the things I was about to say.
Ring. Ring. Ring.
The tempo of my heart rises with each ring.
-dump.
"Hello?" a male voice answers on the third ring.
"… I don't want anything, no house, no car, no property, no money. Make it fast and you and I are even," my voice cracked a few times but I managed to finish.
A pause.
" What are you talking about?" the male voice sounds worry.
"Divorce," I murmur numbly.
Silence. One second. Ten second. One minute.
The line was silent except for the sound of breathing and the melodic sound of raindrops splattering on the cold pavement.
I was about to hang up the phone when the other side finally came out of his stupor.
" This is not funny! You don't make that kind of joke with a lawyer E!" the man growl.
I laugh humorlessly.
"This is not a joke Seth,"
The line was silent again.
"Are you sure?" Matt says pensively.
"Yes,"
"What made you do this?" his voice sounds strained, as if trying to hold back tears. That crybaby.
"What happened?"
Silence.
"Are you sure you can leave him?" he continued after a few seconds have passed.
"Matt,"
" What?"
" I'm human too. I get hurt and I get tired," I murmured robotically. I stare blankly at the sky.
The rain was pouring harder now. I can feel my clothes dragging me down. Miraculously, my phone was still alive. I guess this really was the right decision then. Eve the phone wanted to stay alive long enough for me to call Seth.
" Elena….you-"
"I'm exhausted Seth. Goodbye." I abruptly hang up the phone.
Just talking to him had taken all of the remaining strength that was left in me.
The emptiness was gnawing at my heart. I put a hand on my chest. There was no physical wound here but why does it hurt so much?
I found myself walking aimlessly.
I sighed. The pouring rain was not getting any better. I feel sticky and tired.
My feet were also hurting tremendously. With each step I take, the feeling of pain shot up my legs. I look down and take my stilettos off. Blisters littered all over the surfaces of my feet, no wonders it hurt so much.
I decided to go barefoot, but even walking on barefoot now seemed unbearable now that I was well aware of the discomfort my feet were causing me.
Seeing a yellow blur on the corner off my eyes, I sighed in relief. When the yellow blur came close, I waved out a hand and it stopped in front of me.
The yellow blur was a stereotypical looking cab, yellow, checkers pattern and all. I hastily opened the door and got in. The instant my feet are off the floor a wave of relief washed through me. I guess it was my body's way of saying 'finally!'.
"Woah! Woah! Woah! Hang on lady, you are soaking wet you-" the taxi driver started to complain and I immediately cut him off.
"I'll give you extra,"
He blinked and glanced at my appearance. I probably look like a drowned cat, but he recognized the white Chanel bag at my side in additional to the Jimmy Choos stilletos in my hand so he became silent afterward.
"So where you wanna go?"
I paused. Where CAN I go? I have nowhere else to go. Come home?
Laughable. Home? What home? It's more like a battlefield that I marched up into every day. No I can't go home.
"…just take me sight seeing,"
I can see the driver frown at me through the mirror.
"Bad night?" he said after we have travel for some distant.
"….you can say that," I smiled nonchalantly.
He nod understandingly and starts driving. The scenery passes my eyes like a blur. For a very long time I have not feel at peace like this. After an hour I got tired of sitting so I told the driver to drop me off at an intersection near my house. I guess no matter how much I didn't want to go back, my heart still silently yearns for it.
The cab slowly stopped on a road near my house.
"Lady, you sure you wanna stop here, it's dark and there isn't a lot of light here you-"
"I'm fine, thank you." I smile genuinely at him.
I gave the driver my credit card without really paying attention to the number on the meters. After he was done, I pull out a couple Benjamin Franklins and give it to him. He looked at me in confusion.
"Tip," I smiled.
"Oh no no no. No need. I can't take this. This is too much!" he exclaims. I laughed heartily. I haven't seen a man so honest in a long time. He was not acting; you can see the genuine shock display on his face.
I ignored his refute and jammed the bills of Ben into his hand.
"Pay it forward!" I yelled as I exit the cab.
I can see that he was dumbfounded for a few second but quickly changed to crying tears of happiness. I guess I made that man's night. With the things I have done in life, at least I could finally do some good.
At first the cab followed me but I waved him off. Finally, after a couple of seconds the cab became a yellow blur.
It was eerily silent. Though there weren't sound of human activities, I was not afraid. The place I lived in had strict security so no crime ever happened around here. Well, criminals would be stupid to even attempt to break into the community that I lived in.
I kept walking, barefooted mind you.
Pulling out my phone again, I went to the contact list and press on the name of my husband.
Ring. Ring. Ring. Ring.
…
What was I expecting? Only rarely do he ever picked up. Though I knew that it was on purpose, I still kept calling. But still, he didn't pick up. 'It's okay' I used to tell myself. This time however, I didn't call again but instead waited for the voice messaged.
"…please leave a message at the tone,"
Beep.
…
I don't know why but at that moment I was experiencing a tsunami of emotion. I felt like the wall was closing on me, it was getting hard to breathe.
"…Edward," my voice cracked.
"..Edward," I tried again.
"You know, I've always wondered what would happened if I didn't do it, where we would be right now. But it's okay, I can't change the pass, but I can still change the future. Congratulation Edward, after five years, you finally get the freedom you so craved for. You are finally free to do as you wished. Congrats…"
With every word, my heart was breaking all over again, but my soul was feeling a kind of freedom it had not felt in a very long time.
I abruptly hung up the phone, because I fear that if I don't I might start crying.
I have been too much of a nuisance. I complained too much, asked too many question, and cried too many times over inconsequential things. But I won't cry anymore.
I can't. I just feel so tired I can't even muster up the strength to cry.
I wondered what would happen if I didn't do that thing five years ago. Where would I be now? But then again there was no what-ifs in real life. Just what was and what was not. I absentmindedly play with my ring.
Clink.
I stared in panic as I saw it rolled down to the middle of the street.
No! No! No!
My mind screamed.
My ring! My ring!
Many mistakes, many tears, many heartache was caused because of my desired for that ring. Though I had to give it up later anyway, my heart still couldn't let go.
I went after it but it was dark to see, so I crouched down and started to feel the ground.
Aha! Got it. Thank god I didn't lose it. Thank god.
I tightly held onto the ring, as if it was my lifeline and I drowning at sea. Suddenly, a bright light enters my peripheral vision. It was zooming toward me.
Fuck.
I wanted to move but my body didn't listen to my command. It was as if I was frozen in place.
Whenever people talk about their experiences with death, they always say that everything happened in slow motion. They were lying. Everything moved with extreme precision and speed.
One moment I was crouching on the street, the I was airborne. I could feel the shock of the impact resonating throughout my body. I couldn't feel anything though, probably from the shock my body was going through.
Bam.
My body hit the ground. It laid there, arms and legs twisted in weird angles. I can feel blood dripping out my mouth and nose.
I could see the stars now. It was beautiful.
While others would be thinking when will help come, on the other hand, I just numbly lay there.
I should be thinking. "I don't want to die," But I'm not. I don't want to.
I felt at peace now. I don't have to feel the pain anymore. I don't have to feel the loneliness anymore. I don't have to feel the anguish anymore. I don't have to feel…
I'm so exhausted. I can finally rest now.
The corner of my lips turned into a full blissful smile.
Somewhere far away, I can hear the sound of sirens. The sound seemed muddle, hypnotic even. It's rhythmic call, luring me deeper into the darkness.