I dunno, it wouldn't go away. Anyway, given the rather warm response for my other Loveless fic, I decided to test the waters again, so to speak.
ersatz - artificial, synthetic, copy (usually not as good)
She regretted it, sometimes. Misaki was crazy, not stupid. She knew he cringed, avoided her.
But what was she to do? He was so different, from the way he spoke to what he ate. She knew children changed – but, so much, so quickly?
No, he simply couldn't be her Ritsuka.
Yet, every time she saw him – saw him flinch, saw him cringe, saw wildly him search for any escape – she couldn't fully erase that feeling of guilt in the pit of her stomach.
Perhaps that was why she beat him so terribly, poured out all of her anger, her guilt – her frustration, her regret, and her sorrow – into injuring him.
She saw as it came, showing how well it had done in school. There was even that girl (Yuiko) that it had the audacity to flaunt as a friend.
Demon child, hoping to win her over – but she would remain strong, fighting until the bitter end.
Why did this strength mean hurting so much?
Her baby, her darling Ritsuka – just look at what she had done to him!
There was always that nagging feeling that somehow she had caused it. Misaki was crazy, perhaps she drove the real Ritsuka away? And then (maybe, maybe) he had left her this thing, this ersatz, to replace him.
The thought toyed with her, but never took root.
Where's my Ritsuka? she would scream at it, beating it, hurting it, trying to make it leave, bringing back her beloved.
Losing Seimei – her last beloved child – had taken so great a toll on her, that her last feeling of trepidation had left.
She felt no love for this creature, this monster – it deserved no love. Loveless.
Misaki Aoyagi had no idea just how fitting that was.