Dedication: To buttercupbella, for dealing with my bad humor and the wait as I wrote this fic.

Of Communications and Love Advice

by Autumn Win-Dow

(AoGA House Cup. Words: 1390)

"Ruka! Ruka!" Anna sprinted into the classroom and called, where Ruka and Koko were the only ones present, "Piyo's somehow gone on a rampage! He set fire to one of the storage shacks in the Northern Forest!"

Ruka immediately stood up from his seat, Usagi in his arms. "I'm coming!"

Before he left, however, he shoved Usagi into the unsuspecting arms of Koko. "Take care of Usagi for me, okay?"

Koko was shell shocked as the rabbit scrambled in his arms. "But Ruka, I-"

"Thank you!" Ruka ignored him as he ran out of the classroom, following Anna's lead.

Leaving a speechless Koko alone in the room with a rabbit.

He slowly looked down at the ball of fur in his arms, and raised an eyebrow. The animal turned its head and twitched its nose, as if it was looking for someone – Ruka, was of whom Koko presumed.

As he held the rabbit rather uncomfortably – Usagi's leg was stretched out because of Koko's odd hold of him, and its ears did not cease to itch his neck – he came up with an idea.

If I can read Bear's mind… maybe I can also read Usagi's!

Determined, he carefully placed Usagi on his desk. The rabbit made itself comfortable on the flat surface, and casually sniffed his feet. Koko bent forward in his seat – his serious gaze glued on Usagi.

"Usagi," He decided to speak the rabbit's name endearingly as a start, in case it understood him, "Talk."

Silence.

"…Please talk." Koko added.

Usagi simply glanced around the room, ignorant of Koko and his wishes. He continued to stare at the rabbit, as it started to scratch itself with its leg.

He's not saying anything… Koko internally sighed as Usagi started to roll around on his desk, leaving small hairs everywhere, maybe I should approach this differently?

Without thinking, Koko clicked his fingers in front of the rabbit's eyes. Usagi flinched and scampered up, and turned its head towards Koko.

He could swear that he saw pure annoyance in the animal's small, beady eyes – and for a moment he compared its ferocity to Natsume's whenever someone talked to Mikan.

However, the rabbit continued to stay silent, as it seated itself once again on the table.

"Usagi… Usagi… Usagi… Usagi…" Koko started to repeat the rabbit's name, as he rapidly changed the register of his voice – from bass to falsetto, and even just plain growling.

After a tiresome four minutes of saying the rabbit's name, Usagi's head perked up.

'Can you shut up?'

"Usa-" Koko paused in his speech, as he glanced around the room. Seeing nobody besides him and Usagi, he turned to the rabbit with an astonished expression.

"Y-You're talking to me?"

'You don't say, Captain Obvious.'

Koko was surprised to notice that Usagi's 'voice' was much manlier and husky than he expected. He couldn't help but feel jealous of the rabbit's thought voice – he was still a fourteen year old whose voice hadn't exactly transitioned through puberty as of late.

Also, the rabbit had an Italian accent.

If he hadn't known that it was a rabbit talking to him, Koko would have thought that the voice belonged to an adult delinquent or a hot-shot movie star.

But of course, Koko was safe from both blood stained pipes and crazy fan girls, as he maintained the strangest eye contact he had ever created in his life – except for the look Jinno-sensei gave him when the said teacher was dressed in a bikie costume for the Alice Festival.

'Oh man, I think I'm having a heat stroke here. Close the curtains, will you?'

"…A rabbit can get heat stroke?" Koko questioned, dazed.

'Of course, you human. My fur is very sensitive! Ugh, maybe I'm indulging in my daily fur brush too much. Now, are you going to close the curtains, or not?!'

"I would do that, but…"

'Did I give you a damn choice?' Usagi glared at the much larger being, his nose twitching.

"…but there are no curtains in this classroom." Koko pointed out the bare windows.

The rabbit turned to notice that Koko was right, and then he suddenly rolled on his back – covering the desk with even more fur.

Oh, man. I need to clean the table after Ruka gets back, Koko sighed to himself, displeased by the thick layer of white on his table only.

'…Alright, human,' Usagi begrudgingly accepted, 'but now you have to move me to a shadier part of the classroom. Chop, chop!'

"But, Usa-"

The rabbit glared at him, and Koko decided that the rabbit was even scarier than Natsume and Jinno-sensei put together. He shrinked back, and with a sense of being downgraded, straightened his back and raised his hand in a salute.

"Yes, sir!" He sonorously yelled, before picking Usagi up in his arms.

'Jeez, don't do that- ouch! Don't pinch my leg, you little- hey, don't touch me there, you imbecile!'

"Sorry, Usagi."

'You violated me, human! My ears are the Academy's treasures, and a mere student like you shouldn't have the confidence to touch them. I'll get you, one day…'

"But doesn't Ruka stroke your ears all the time?"

'Ruka is a completely different case! How dare you compare a deity to a mere human?!'

"Should I be offended by that?" He questioned as he brought the animal to a cooler desk – just to be safe, he opted for Yuu's desk rather than the much closer Sumire's.

'Of course not. Humans should know their place in this world. Like how that retard Piyo should know that no matter how much havoc she creates, Ruka is my human.'

"You talk to Piyo?" Koko asked the rabbit incredulously.

'Oh yeah, that attention whore. She should know that she's got herself enough attention for a whole class of students to tend to her! Ha! If she were a rabbit, I would never even consider going out with her. Tsk.'

Koko had no idea who to reply to the enraged bunny. "Umm… okay?"

'Ugh, you're such a freaking buzz kill. Have you never eaten a carrot before? Because trust me, you need to indulge in the luxuries in life and get yourself a freaking girlfriend.'

The talk about girlfriends stunned Koko. "W-What?! Why?"

'You're eight years old now, human-'

"I'm fourteen-"

'-and the only way to grow up and be a man is to get yourself a fine lady. Now that you're eight-'

"Usagi, I'm actually fourteen-"

'-you need to embrace your hidden masculinity, like me. I'm a fabulous example. So… Nonoko, your name was, I recall-'

"My name's Koko-"

'-listen to me, Nonoko-'

"It's Koko-"

'-you need to go up to a lady, give her a wink – even though you're not all that attractive compared to that Jinno guy-'

"Say what-"

'-and you have to find that charm within you. It's somewhere. And then, she'll fall in love in an instant. But you have to be careful, Nonoko-"

"I said my name is Koko-"

'-women can be very elusive, demanding creatures. Especially girls who are about the same age as you, eight-'

"Fourteen-"

'Stop interrupting, human. You need to somehow make her want you as well – don't look like a lovesick bastard, because trust me, it ruins all of your chances… n-not that I've experienced it before, because girls flock to me like pigeons for a hot chip!'

After Usagi's lengthy lesson on romance, Koko was only able to say two things.

"…My name is Koko, and I'm fourteen years old-"

But of course, Lady Luck wasn't on his side that day, as he was interrupted once again – but this time, it wasn't by Usagi.

"Hi, I'm back!" Ruka walked into the classroom with a relieved expression, followed by the rest of his classmates. Usagi immediately hopped off Yuu's desk and into Ruka's arms, and snuggled into the blonde boy's chest.

Koko could only remain seated in Yuu's chair, dazed about what had just happened.

"Koko, what the hell are you zoned out for?" Sumire scoffed as she clicked her fingers in front of his eyes – causing him to flinch, startled. In the corner of his eyes, he could see Usagi staring at him.

'Heh, serves you right.'

"…I think I just got love advice from a rabbit."

A/N: Yes, hello. Behold, my pathetic excuse of a humor fic. I don't know what went through my head when I wrote this.