The disclaimer saying that I don't own any Galaxy Ranger characters has taken off somewhere. Just another insane fic that came out of my insane little brain. You know how Goose is always turning into something right? I wonder what would happen if…
Roles Reversed
"I don't understand it…" Commander Walsh moaned. "I just don't understand how things went wrong this time!"
"It does seem rather unlikely Sir," Q-Ball gulped.
"All the Series Five team had to do was escort a few senators to a conference on Andor," Walsh groaned. "Just be bodyguards on a military ship. How the hell could that go wrong?"
"For starters it helps if two rival gangs attack the ship at the same time," Shane gave him a look. "And if that same ship is carrying some kind of outlawed genetic accelerant gas that makes X-Factor look like a smoke bomb."
"That gas was not made with any approval by the Board of Leaders, Gooseman," Walsh gave him a look. "It was made with the approval of the captain of the starship you were on."
"A captain that was secretly doing business with Lazarus Slade and a traitor," Shane pointed out. "Slade may have gotten away but we did get Captain Moreau. Of course it wasn't that hard to catch him or half the gang members since they got exposed to the gas and got turned into either rocks or blobs. In one case a fish…"
"And of course the Black Hole Gang and members of Jackie Subtract's mob had to try and steal the accelerant," Walsh rolled his eyes. "And it was thanks to them fighting each other that the accelerant was unleashed!"
"On the plus side Senator Wheiner never looked better," Shane snorted. "Turned into a big yellow chicken."
"Well not completely chicken," Q-Ball corrected him. "More like a chicken man…"
"In other words we have several senators in our medical bay that have turned into mutants," Walsh groaned. "And all of them threatening to cut our funding!"
"Them? What about us?" Zach shouted. He had been completely transformed into a half fox, half machine man. His face had the snout of a fox as well as the ears and tail. His bionic side of his body had changed into a bionic metal with a golden metallic shine.
"I look like some weird animal video game character," Zach grumbled.
Niko had turned into a humanoid Irish Setter of sorts with long ears, a long snout and a tail protruding from her uniform. "Don't expect any sympathy from me Captain! However it could be worse. We both could have ended up like Doc."
"Oh sure! Laugh at my pain!" Doc snapped. He had turned blue with a giant head and had eight tentacles instead of arms and legs. He looked like a giant octopus.
"Ironically the only one not affected by the gas was Goose," Q-Ball pointed to Shane who was obviously in his normal human form. "His bio defenses protected him."
"This is a disaster…" Walsh groaned.
"I think it's kind of funny," Shane snickered. "For once I'm not the one turned into something weird. It's kind of nice being normal for a change."
"If you're normal, I'm the Statue of Liberty!" Doc snapped.
"Is that a crack at me?" Zach snapped.
"No, calling you Starfox would be a crack at you!" Doc snapped. "And to make a crack at Niko I'd call her a…"
"Say it and you'll get your face bitten off Squid Boy!" Niko snarled.
"Why don't the two of you go play fetch?" Zach snapped.
"Apparently the gas also enhances slight aggressive tendencies in its victims," Q-Ball noticed.
"Really?" Walsh snapped. "I didn't notice!"
The door to the lab broke open. A six foot tall Zozo with huge muscles strutted in. "Sorry! Don't know my own strength!" Zozo couldn't resist posing. "Yeah baby!"
"Q-Ball please tell me you have an antidote for this!" Commander Walsh winced.
"Not yet," Q-Ball said. "Fortunately the mutations can be reversed. We should have an antidote cooked up within a few hours."
"That's a relief," Walsh let out a breath.
"Or a few days," Q-Ball added.
"WHAT?" Doc, Zach and Niko yelled.
"Take your time," Zozo kept posing. "I love this!"
"Well I don't!" Doc snapped. "Q-Ball you have to do something! I can't go around looking like some kind of freaky alien thing!"
"Oh really?" Goose gave him a look. "You poor thing! How horrible for you!"
"It's a zoo in there," Buzzwang staggered into the room. "I had to stop a few of the senators from eating Senator Wheiner!"
"And you didn't let them?" Shane joked. "Oh wait they would have gotten food poisoning if they did!"
"Before that I had to restrain Senator Wheiner from pecking another senator to death because he wanted to mate with his daughter," Buzzwang added. "And she wasn't exactly resisting."
"You do have this on tape right?" Shane raised an eyebrow.
"Oh yes, per your specifications the entire medical wing where the senators are being held is under constant video survelance," Buzzwang nodded. "I've already made a few copies."
"Good," Shane grinned. "Something tells me those senators will be more than willing to forget this little incident in exchange for a slight cover up."
"Speaking of which we need to get more clothes for Eve Wheiner," Buzzwang sighed. "She keeps taking them off. Of course she's covered in feathers but still…"
"BUCKAWWWWWW! BUCKAWWWW!" A chicken like scream could be heard. "GET AWAY FROM ME YOU ANDORIAN NUTCASE!"
"It sounds like Waldo is trying to eat Senator Wheiner again," Buzzwang sighed.
"I'll give you a hand, Buzz my boy," Zozo strutted out the door with a strange sense of confidence. "And then I'll bench press some cars to impress the babes! Oh yeah!"
"I think we're going to need more digital recording equipment," Buzzwang sighed as he left the room. "Oh dear there are feathers all over the hallway!"
"Q-Ball get that antidote finished by the end of the day or so help me I will send you to Pluto for the next seventeen years!" Walsh snapped.
"I think I'll go check some computer algorithms…" Q-Ball gulped as he ran to the nearest computer he could find.
"Zach get your tail out of my face!" Doc sneezed. "It's affecting my allergies!"
"Yeah well you're getting slime all over the floor!" Zach snapped back. "I nearly slipped and killed myself!"
"You really want to fight a man with eight fists?" Doc got into a fighting stance. "Or whatever else these things are?"
"You're on Squiddly Diddly!" Zach snapped.
"Will you two knock it off?" Niko barked. "You're bickering is giving me a headache!"
"Told you she'd start acting like a…" Doc began.
"LET ME AT THEM!" Niko shouted. Shane had to restrain her physically from attacking them. "I'LL RIP YOU TO PIECES!"
"Down girl," Shane held onto her.
"Don't you start, Mister!" Niko snarled at him.
"Hey!" Shane backed off holding up his hands. "I'm on your side. I just don't want you to get too carried away."
Niko let out a frustrated growl and looked at her fuzzy paws. "I feel so alien in this body. I hate it."
"I've seen worse," Shane raised an eyebrow. "In fact I've been worse. Remember?"
"I'm sorry," Niko shook her head. "I'm not handling this very well am I?"
"To be fair it is a bit of a shock the first time," Shane told her as he removed one of his gloves. "Let me help. Give me a little bite."
"What?" Niko's sea green eyes widened in shock.
"It'll be okay, go ahead," Shane offered it.
Niko hesitated for a moment. Then on impulse she jumped up on him and lightly nipped him on the neck. Shane blinked but then touched his badge. He changed his shape so that he had wolf ears, a wolf snout and a long blond wolf tail.
"Like what you see?" Shane growled in a seductive manner.
"Wow," Niko blinked. Shane made a wolf smile at her. "Uh this is going to sound strange but…Do you wanna go chase some squirrels for a bit?"
"I thought you'd never ask," Shane took her paw in his and they left the room, tails wagging.
"What the?" Walsh did a double take. "Wait a minute! Gooseman! Niko! Don't make me put a leash on you two!"
"Doc did you just shoot ink on my computer?" Q-Ball's voice was very high. "HOW DID YOU DO THAT?"
"You don't want to know. Oh I really don't feel well," Doc moaned.
"That's it! I can't take any more!" Walsh stormed out. "If anyone needs me I will be at the nearest bar turning myself into whatever alcoholic beverage I can find."