Notes:

I have no beta
This is cracky. Happens after Thor 2 and to be real honest I've taken a lot of liberties with story line.
There will be some seriousness and a hint of non-con but it won't be explicit.
Oh yeah and i will have some dom/sub tones only because you know, we have to control chaos. Again there will be nothing too explicit and if anything changes there will be warnings.
This chapter mentions rape but there is no detail of it and it really isn't rape. Just mentioned, that's all.

It started with a virus. All of SHIELD's computers went black before a green screen came on and a well-drawn Loki came walking onto the screen with his helmet and staff and slowly turned. Everyone held their breath, waiting for something to happen. Loki was capable of anything and bombing shield or wiping hard drives wasn't beneath him.

Suddenly, in bright yellow lights, the word "LOKI'D" appeared and the computer figure started dancing to Rhianna's S&M song. The same part over and over again.

I MAY BE BAD BUT I'M PERFECTLY GOOD AT IT.

It got a chuckle from a few people but that turned to full on laughter as a computer drawn Iron Man came on the scene shaking his butt. Computerized Thor came on the scene waltzing with computerized Hulk and computerized Barton was swinging on ropes as computerized Natasha came gyrating on the screen. It was a ridiculous little gif that had even Fury laughing.

Once their computers came back online they did a search. No files were taken or opened which meant Loki just wanted attention.

Then about a week later, Loki was caught raising all hell at a Sprint store when they charged him roaming charges for going off Earth. Iron Man was the first at the scene ready to apprehend Loki until he saw the bill. The charges were kind of outrageous.

He didn't agree with destroying their satellites though and so he, Thor and Steve had to apprehend him, cuff him and put him in the Helicarrier Natasha flew in.

Once calmed, Loki went willingly and even started conversing with his brother. "Are you still bedding that scientist woman?" He asked.

"I am brother. I would invite you over but I fear you will be incarcerated for your antics."

"But it isn't my fault Thor! Roaming fees are outrageous in this realm. And the guy had such a bad attitude."

"Brother, you must learn to control your temper."

"I'm a villain, I don't need self-control. I need chaos and mayhem."

"You need a Valium." Natasha said from the cock pit. "You have too nervous much energy."

Loki turned to her. "Arachnid! How do you tolerate roaming fees?"

"SHIELD pays my phone bill." She answered casually.

"That is so unfair. We villains need a corporation like SHIELD. I shall bring it up at the next villain meeting."

"You have meetings?" Tony asked. "How does that work?"

"I don't know. I'm not generally welcomed at those. See, I am neither a hero nor villain really. I am not prejudiced. I annoy people regardless of their moral code."

Natasha thought that sounded lonely.

They were unsure what to do with Loki really. He had been through the New York prison system as well as SHIELD's. There was no prison that would hold him for long and it seemed even while not trying to be evil, he over reacted to everyday things so they did the only thing they could do.

Fury tagged him.

Tony and a dwarf worked together to make a bracer with a tracker that could gauge Loki's output of magic and track him. Turns out Dwarves used Sprint too.

Loki was not a happy camper.

This tracker only allowed him within 8 floors of the building and 8 blocks in any direction of the building. Oh how Loki tested those boundaries. They didn't really tell Loki what would happen if he crossed the radius and even if they did he would have tried anyway.

Turned out it capped his magic. It didn't drain him completely but it certainly took away his teleportation. The further from the radius he went, the less potent his powers. And one point he reached the Brooklyn Bridge and realized that he couldn't keep enough magic to maintain his human like look.

So he figured fine, all he had to do was blow up SHIELD and then everything would be alright. As soon as Loki attempted, he felt the bracer react to the dark magic causing Iron Man to be alerted.

So at least for the moment, Loki was actually trapped within the confines of Manhattan.

Fury figured out the more engaged Loki was the less crazy he became, so they started getting him to do things for Shield. He was given a position called a V.I (Villain Informant) and they'd give him spending cash for helping out with missions.

He started sparring with the Avengers taking delight in out witting them and frustrating them. He seemed to most delight in giving Natasha the worst of it.

Tony asked him why one day and he explained that it was because in battle, she would be attacked the most as what people thought was the weakest of the group. "She has to be the strongest. She'll stick out as the only female."

There was truth to that, Tony had to admit.

Then one day, she and Loki were sparring hard. He wasn't being particularly violent just elusive and frustrating. Eventually she became enraged, pulled a gun out her sock and shot him in the face.

Everyone was stunned, especially Loki who looked a mixed out outrage and shock. "You shot me." He stated holding his eye.

She immediately dropped the gun and went to help him. "Loki, I'm so sorry."

He pushed her off hand off his face. "This is why I don't like to spar with you. You always go too far."

It's something when a god-like creature tells you that you go too far. "Loki, I didn't mean…"

"There's no gun allowed in sparring Arachnid." He was still holding his eye which seemed to be taking a little longer than usual to heal. More than likely it was because SHIELD had found a way to stun magical beings. "You need a time out." Loki headed for the door but Thor called to him.

"Brother, it's the same eye father lost!" Thor laughed. "We can ask Fury to loan you a patch."

Loki starred one eyed at his brother and slowly the hole in his face started closing. "Die."

Then about four weeks later Natasha and Loki were sitting in a board room waiting for a SHIELD meeting. Loki was rattling on about some magical creation he was trying to make. Apparently a wolf, snake and living dead girl weren't enough for him.

Natasha had a theory that Loki created these beings to keep him company. From what he could tell he had no friends. He had a cell phone but never actually called anyone who wasn't an Avenger.

In any case, it wasn't working and he was getting frustrated.

"Didn't you say there needs to be balance in magic? Maybe you are too masculine. Perhaps you need something feminine."

Loki snorted. "Not likely I'll find a magical female here. I should find a SHIELD maiden to impregnate and plan to take over SHIELD with my humanoid magical creature."

It was a slow dawning. Natasha saw the moment Loki realized that it could work. His head turned slowly, green eyes bright. "Arachnid give me your womb."

She couldn't help but chuckle. "No."

"We don't have to have sex. I can magically insert my creation into and you could birth it."

As if that made things any better. "No Loki."

"GIVE ME YOUR WOMB!" Like shouting was going to make her do it.

It took exactly one minute for Loki to jump up but Natasha knew it was coming and jumped up before he could grab her. "Loki you are crazy!"

"What does that have to do with it? I need your womb."

It was so ludicrous. "Go away."

With one long step he started for her and she took off running throwing chairs at him and crawling under tables. He caught her by the waist eventually and pinned her to the table. "Give me your womb." He was saying causing her to laugh hysterically. She wasn't really worried about Loki impregnating her though. If he wanted to, he probably didn't need her consent.

She was kicking at him as he got her slim wrists in cool hands. She could feel all his muscles straining on top of her and hear his laughter through his chest. He smelled like a peppermint patty. It reminded her that she was hungry and if he kept writhing on top of her she was going to get hungry for something else.

They struggled for a moment before they heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. They both looked up to see Banner, Steve and Tony looking at them.

What a sight they made. Natasha, pinned down by Loki's body, legs wrapped around his slender hips. "It's not what it looks like." She started still smiling.

"Yeah." Loki agreed. "I'm just trying to put my baby in her womb."

Natasha laughed uncontrollably at that as Tony said, "That is actually exactly what it looks like."

Loki looked down at Natasha who nodded her agreement. Slowly he lifted off her and took a seat. Natasha slid off the table still smiling and took a seat next to him.

Tony sat across from Loki as Steve asked her, "Are you alright? We thought you were in trouble at first but then you were laughing."

"I'm fine. It was just a joke." She told them. "He needs a vessel for his latest creation."

That caught Bruce's attention. He liked Loki's creations. Truth be told, he liked Loki. "Creation? You are working on something new?"

Loki removed his hands from his eyes. "Yeah. Arachnid is being less than helpful."

"Maybe you should try the old fashion way." Tony teased.

"I don't have sex."

"With mortals?" Tony pressed. "In general?"

"In general."

All four present Avengers looked at him as if he was crazy. Who doesn't have sex?

"Magic is a constantly moving thing." Loki explained. "I have to be very careful who I tie my emotions with. I would hate to end up like mother."

"Mother?" Thor entered the room. "How will you end up like mother?"

"Magically tied to a narcissist." Loki replied.

Thor felt propelled to defend. "Father is not a narcissist."

"How could he not be? Look at us. You're pompous and arrogant. And I'm perfect."

"Ha!" Natasha laughed. "You're hilarious."

000

"Agent Romanoff. A word please?"

Natasha followed Fury into the office. "What do you need?"

"I need you to sleep with Loki." Fury had always been a direct man but that was a little too blunt even for her.

Her eyes bugged out of her head. "What?!"

"A little birdy told me his magic could be controlled by emotionally linking him."

Curses to Hawkeye. "You want me to…"

"I'm not asking you to fall in love, I'm asking you to make him fall in love." It was like that made a difference. It was a cruel thing to do even to a villain.

"And once he realizes this is a ruse? What will we do then?"

"It will be too late. He'll be linked, we don't need you to be linked to him. Look we both know it will only take Loki a matter of time before he can find a way of that bracer."

"Yes but I think we can all agree that Loki is no longer a real threat."

"I think that's where you're wrong. Loki doesn't even know if he's a threat. We had our criminal psychologist take a look. He's unstable at best. He's fine today, tomorrow, someone makes him the wrong coffee and he blows up Starbucks. But if he is linked and SHIELD has control of his powers…"

"He'd be an unwilling weapon." And there it was. SHIELD, with Loki's power will be a force to be reckoned with.

"To evil. Not to the world."

Here they went with that greater good crap.

"Natasha, we both know that sometimes we have to tip toe the line. I am not saying this is the best thing we can do, I'm saying it's the only way to get him controlled."

She nodded her agreement and was dismissed.

How was she going to do this? Seducing a man that probably hadn't ever wanting to link himself before was going to be a challenge.

So was the reaction she was going to get once he found out the truth.

She was in such thought the she hadn't realized Loki had joined her in the walk. "Arachnid, I wanted to apologize."

"For what?" That was a first.

He stopped her with a hand on her upper arm. "Well… um… I… When Barton was my minion he told me… there was a reason why I threatened you with an intimate murder and it occurred to me that in trying to steal your womb, it might have…"

"Oh, no." She stopped him before he could finish that thought. "I didn't really think you were going to take my womb."

"Wonderful!" He did look relieved. "Then all is well?"

"Yeah." It had to be. She had to start seducing him tomorrow.

"Wonderful!" He repeated. Followed by, " So about your womb…"

"No Loki." She didn't smile but her eyes said amusement.

"Gah! I apologized for nothing."

Natasha laughed as she watched him turn. Setting sights on Agent Hill he jogged over. "Agent. How do you feel about your womb?"

Natasha watched the look of pure confusion and the dazzling smile Loki gave her. He really didn't seem to want to be evil or even like he was trying to be and still he was a threat, a danger in the public no matter what planet he was on. And she was going to have to lie to him repeatedly and make him think she felt something for him that she didn't.

She would have to tell the rest of the team. How was she going explain to his brother?

Agent Hill rebuffed him and he muttered something about placing an ad in The New York Times before teleporting himself to where ever it was he went to when he didn't want to deal with SHIELD.

She was going to do this. She was going to link Loki to herself while keeping herself distant from him. She was going to intentionally hurt him. That was going to be one more horrible thing she'd done.