Dead Heart: Series Three
What Was Once Lost
Chapter 1
Sometimes you don't get to choose who you grow closest to. Sometimes it's chosen for you under the worst possible circumstances.
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Alexandria
Today was no different than all the others since they found Alexandria. Their people tried to fit in yet most of them struggled to blend in with the relaxed lifestyle of the people who lived here. Daryl shrugged on his vest and fastened the last few buttons on his thread bare shirt. It never occurred to him to seek newer clothing, these were clean and that was all that mattered. He thundered down the steps and headed straight to the kitchen. Michonne was sipping a cup of coffee. He nodded a greeting while filling a cup. Black coffee wasn't his thing. He cringed at the first sip. He nodded once more to Michonne then headed to the porch.
Few people were up this early so he was surprised to see Beth sitting on the steps. She was wearing a brown knit sweater with a heavy jean work coat on top of it. Daryl recognized it as something he had seen Spencer wearing. She had on gloves with the finger tips removed and she was also wearing her ever present cowboy boots. She sat with her toes pointing inward as if she was trying to snuggle in tighter to a warm cup of tea. Steam rose from the cup and Beth seemed to sniff it before taking a sip. He scoffed when he came out through the screen door. "That jacket's too big."
Beth smiled at him. "It's warm. Spencer gave it to me. He said it was his brother's"
Daryl ignored the mention of Spencer. He didn't like him and he sure as hell didn't like Beth hanging around him. "Ya ain't got enough sense to go inside when yer cold? Why ya out here?"
"I'm not cold. And, why are you out here?"
Daryl took a seat on the railing in the corner of the porch. He faced in her direction. They sat in silence and watched as the first rays of light came up on the horizon. Beth seemed to be remembering something that made her smile. She looked down at her cup for a moment then he saw her wipe a tear. Daryl didn't know what to say, but she broke the silence for him.
"Every morning I would get up and have a cup of tea with Daddy. He had already been out to the cows and would bring fresh milk." She smiled again and turned her face back up to the sky. "If we had a cow…this tea would taste so much better."
Daryl huffed out a small gruff laugh. "Steaks would taste better."
"She looked at him with a half-smile. "Stop it." She giggled. "I'm being serious."
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The sky was turning a watery grey with a hint of pink. Soon it looked like it was on fire and gold began to light up the morning. Beth let out a small sigh. "That's beautiful." Daryl nodded but she didn't look in his direction. Instead she kept talking. "I used to think of one day when my husband would be there with Daddy and me. He would take over the farm after Daddy showed him the ropes and we would have children..." Her voice trailed off and she couldn't finish.
They sat for a little while longer and watched the shadows disappear from the streets of Alexandria. Daryl saw lights coming on in the houses and he knew soon this moment would be over.
Beth found her voice again. "Did you believe in love, Daryl Dixon?" Beth shifted her body to face him, tucking one leg up under her. She tilted her head up to feel the warmth of the sun.
His voice was barely above a whispered growl, "Why do you call me that?"
"It's your name, isn't it? Besides don't change the subject. Answer the question." She smiled her usual hopeful smile.
Normally that smile would make him smile too. Today it didn't. He was tired and unsure of his role here with these people. He didn't trust this to always be a safe place. Safety was only temporary. He expected the other shoe to drop any second. And now Beth was asking him about love. What did it mean? Had she fallen for someone here? Or could she be falling for him? "Don't be ridiculous." He scolded himself silently. She can't even call you by your first name.
She was waiting for an answer and all he wanted to do was laugh bitterly. Eventually he mumbled, "Pfffttt. Do you? Do you believe in it, now?"
Beth pursed her lips and he noticed little dimples forming around her mouth. He chewed his thumb nail as he watched her.
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She looked out at the street. It was mostly deserted except for Rosita and Abe on the wall and Tobin at the guard tower. Occasionally a laugh could be heard from Rosita and a soft rumbled chuckle from Abe. Beth tried to imagine what they were talking about, probably something personal and inappropriate. Beth gave Daryl a sideways glance. "Answering with a question isn't an answer."
When Beth made that expression with her mouth she wasn't frowning. She was chewing on the inside of her cheek. She had a habit of doing that when she was drifting off into her own thoughts. She also kept looking at him with those damn doe eyes of hers. That hopeful view she had when she was talking about the way the world could be or what it should be, bugged him beyond words. Yet he couldn't keep from listening to everything she said and watching her every move.
When Daryl didn't answer, she smiled softly and added, "I didn't mean now. I meant before." She looked at her hands. Although she was clean from the shower, her fingernails still looked dirty around the cuticles. Her nails were rough and ragged and her palms were calloused. She remembered how her daddy had laughed the first time she put on pink nail polish. He told her it would be chipped in an hour. And sure enough, soon into her chores she split her pinkie nail down to the quick. But that didn't stop her from wanting pretty things in her life like doing her nails, or wearing braids in her hair.
He kept his chin low and watched her as if he was looking at her above a pair of reading glasses.
She told him. "I used to. I used to believe in happily ever after. I don't now, but I still believe in love and you should too. You have to." The smile grew wider and she laughed a little as she added, "Mr. Dixon."
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He didn't want to look at her anymore and risk her seeing how much he liked her smile and how much he wanted to return that smile. He spoke out over the banister as if he was talking to someone in the street. "I didn't believe in nuttin, except…Merle."
Irritation settled on him as he remembered Stevie and how he loved her. He thought about how he was confusing his feeling for Beth. He couldn't risk the loss. Not again. He stood up and paced. Angrily he pointed at her. "This question and answer game you like to play…" he wanted to say it was bullshit. Instead Daryl rubbed both hands over his face and thought better of yelling at her. Quietly he added, "It ain't no fun without booze."
xxx
Five months before Alexandria
The truck was barreling down the interstate at a rate of speed that couldn't be good for their gas mileage. Behind the wheel was Ron Wilson known by most people as Ronny. At one time Ronny was seventy pounds heavy. The apocalypse was one hell of a diet plan because now he was a trim five foot three man in his mid-forties. He sported a jet-black beard and wore his hair combed like Elvis. Even his clothes, a light blue button down shirt and jeans cuffed at the ankles, reminded everyone of an Elvis impersonator on vacation.
In the enclosed back of the truck, Stevie felt the impact of something being hit near the front bumper and she could tell they had run over whatever they hit. Before she could assume it was a walker Ronny was sliding open the window between the cab and bed. "Tally that one Henry. That makes three tonight. You should have seen it. Woo-wee… juicy!" He laughed.
Stevie groaned as she stretched her aching muscles. Ronny mistook it as a reaction to his description of the walker. "Oh, sorry ma'am I didn't realize you were awake."
Henry barked orders at Ronny while closing the window. "Keep your eyes on the road! I swear you wake these kids up I'm going to wring your neck!"
Stevie sat up. The bed of the truck was covered with a cap which was higher at the tailgate. Ronny had laid a full-sized mattress in the bed and it took up eighty percent of the space. Henry was squeezed in between it and the side panel with his back against the wall that separated the cab and truck bed. He had his leg bent and when Stevie sat up he straightened them with a groan.
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Her back hurt from sleeping against a tailgate. She would bet that the truck's logo was imprinted on her spine. "How long have I been asleep?" She asked with a yawn.
Henry blew air out between his teeth making a low soft whistle. "Under thirty."
Before she could ask, Henry passed the flashlight briefly over the two little bodies sleeping side by side on the mattress. She smiled at them. "Sometimes I think those two can sleep through a nuclear blast." Stevie moved closer to the smallest little girl. She pushed Davy's hair back from her sweaty face. She was wearing a flower print dress, at one time had been yellow. Now though, the color resembled tea stained cloth. The hem of it was ragged and the lace was missing on one of the scalloped collars. Davy looked like an old porcelain doll which had been played with hard and forgotten in a dirt cellar. But to Stevie she was beautiful. The other little girl, a nine-year-old, with chestnut hair, was Henry's.
Stevie thought of how much time had passed. Had it really been two years? She didn't want to think about that or what it meant. To forget about it she moved her thoughts to another sore subject. "How long until we get back? We've never had to travel this far before."
Henry shifted a rifle onto his lap. He held up his hand indicating five minutes. "We just passed the water tower." He ignored her other comment.
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This part of the truck had low wattage lights under the windows. They glowed yellow like the bulbs on a Christmas tree. Each window had green and cream checkered burlap curtains which were tied back. They were driving away from the sunset. The last of the sun's rays filtered through the back window and lit up Henry in warm shades of gold. He appeared ageless except for a hint of grey in his beard. His tall slender build was attractive with his best feature being his eyes. Some days they looked like an aquamarine pool of water, now they were closer to the color of warm honey. His hair was brown and full of shaggy curls which fell loosely onto his forehead. When the light was right she could see a reddish tint to his hair. There were days like today when she longed to run her fingers through those soft waves. Davy rolled over and let out a soft sigh, distracting Stevie from any thought of giving into the temptation. She couldn't do it anyway even if she thought she might want to. Her heart died long ago and she was just living for her daughter. Living so Davy wasn't without both her parents.
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Thinking about the past caused a tear to trickle down Stevie's face. She let it fall. Her frustration with life was once again directed at Henry. "You could have sat up front you know. You didn't need to sit back here with Maddie. She's fine with me. Why don't you trust me with her?"
Henry stayed quiet for a moment. When he answered, there was annoyance in his voice. "I trust you with Maddie. I never said I didn't! I'm sorry if my being a good father bothers you!"
She let the silence stretch on. The same arguments stood between them always. Henry wanted more than what she could give. And she wanted to move the group to an area that had more resources. She didn't like to admit that the move would give her a chance to continue to search for Daryl. All these supply runs, she risked her life and her daughter's life for a man that might not exist anymore.