Rated for sexual encounters, not graphic but... also for swearing. My ninjas have very dirty mouths, I've discovered. This story just popped into my mind for no good reason. Let me know what you think!
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Shikaku yawned and scratched his nose. Genma, giving him a wicked grin, flipped his hand at him, sending a fine spray of water droplets arching through the air.
"Tired, Shikaku?" Genma asked, raising his eyebrow. "Someone keep you up late last night?"
There was general laughter. Chouza, shifting his bulky frame, sighed deeply in content. "You should talk, you man-whore. I heard you and Kotetsu and Izumo were out pretty late last night."
Genma gave him an unrepentant grin. "Well, since I'm much younger and unmarried, I have to have all the fun for everyone, you know."
"Bah." Ibiki said it quietly. "You should never marry, Genma. Your partner would kill you in a week."
More laughter. Genma flicked his senbon in his mouth and then pouted at Ibiki, his eyes sparkling naughtily. "Ahhh. I'm crushed, Ibi-chan. And here I was going to ask you if you were interested…"
Ibiki opened one eye and glared at Genma. "Get off me, puppy. You know I don't go in for that."
Raidou snickered, and then ducked his head into the water to avoid Ibiki's death-glare.
Ebisu let out a long-suffering sigh and pushed the sunglasses he wore further up his nose. It never ceased to amuse everyone how he kept those on his face, no matter what. "You are all so vulgar." He said it without heat or condemnation; long association with the others had accustomed him to their vulgarities.
Asuma chuckled and reached out to poke Ebisu in the arm. "Stuck up prick." He said fondly. Ebisu flicked his fingers at him, hitting him in the face with the water.
"Stop, children." Shikaku said firmly. "Don't turn this into a splash-fight. Again. The manager said that jounin or not, he'd kick us all out of here if it happened again."
Aoba surfaced, shaking the water out of his hair. "Hmm. I'm getting hungry."
"You're always hungry." Genma said, rolling his eyes.
"I'm not." Aoba protested. Ebisu reached out and touched his forehead. Aoba's eyes nearly crossed as he tried to stare at the finger.
Everyone laughed. Inoichi stretched, yawning.
"What did you do that for?" Aoba asked petulantly. Ebisu gave him a smug look and leaned back.
"Because it was funny." Genma said, winking at Shikaku. "Relax, kid."
Aoba flushed and leaned back, shaking his head. "Don't know why I hang out with you assholes." He muttered.
Genma laughed. Then he leaned over and poked the only person who'd been silent the entire time. "Yo! Kakashi! Are you asleep, man?"
Kakashi opened one blue eye and glared lazily at him. "What do you want, Genma?"
Genma chuckled. "Just seeing if you were alive, or if we were going to have to ask Ibiki to give you mouth-to-mouth."
Everyone laughed except Ibiki, who only sighed, and Kakashi, who rolled his eye before closing it tightly again.
They heard the door open and all eyes turned. They were jounins; they instinctively needed to know who else was in the room.
The man who'd entered stopped, a little surprised to see so many people in the bath house. Giving them all a slightly nervous smile, he bowed before pattering by them, heading for the steam room.
All eyes followed him.
After a moment, Inoichi said, very quietly, "damn."
More silence.
"Who…is that?" Asuma asked.
"That, my friends, is Umino Iruka. Chuunin teacher at the academy, mission office clerk, and assistant to the Hokage. Also known as the tanned sex-god." Genma smirked. He loved it when people got their first dose of Umino fever.
Even Ibiki was looking a little hot.
"Tanned sex-god?" Kakashi opened his eye and sat up. "Who are we talking about?"
"You missed him." Chouza said with a grin. "He went into the steam room."
"The most eligible bachelor in Kohona." Aoba said with a longing sigh. "He's chased all over the village by just about everyone, whether or not they should be chasing him. Women and men, both."
Raidou chuckled heartlessly. He'd been dosed with Umino-fever before; he'd started, very slowly, to build up a resistance. "In addition to being the single most lovely thing I've ever seen, he's also kind, incredibly intelligent, blushes like a school-girl, great with kids, and surprisingly talented for a chuunin who doesn't do missions that often."
Shikaku cleared his throat. "He doesn't do missions?"
"No." Genma sighed. "He's in several sensitive positions-school teacher, records clerk, Hokage's assistant…not only would it be hard managing his affairs while he was out of the village, he…"
"He knows too much to chance being captured and interrogated." Shikaku finished, understanding. "Ah."
Ibiki nodded. "He's not only had the normal TI courses, but he's gotten all the advanced
'how to kill yourself in any situation' courses, as well as all the 'how to not be broken' courses as well. He's probably as knowledgeable about TI methods as I am. Just in case."
There was a long silence. Chouza raised his eyebrow. "Why isn't he working for you?"
"Because he loves being a teacher. That's what he's good at. He's refused several promotion offers over the years. He could be a jounin if he wanted to, but…" Genma thoughtfully rolled his senbon over his lips. "But he doesn't want to be."
"So?" Kakashi drawled. "Why hasn't anyone managed to snag this obviously too-perfect-for-words chuunin yet?"
Ibiki sighed. Genma looked, surprisingly, suddenly cold.
"Because his childhood crush and first lover was Mizuki." Genma said after a moment. "And after what Mizuki did, Iruka doesn't feel safe taking another chance like that."
"Oh. Shit, that's…" Aoba said quietly. Shikaku sighed deeply.
Asuma shook his head. "Not good."
"How do you know all of this personal stuff?" Ebisu said slowly.
Genma grinned. "Cause he's my friend."
"If he's your friend, shouldn't you be not spilling his most closely-held secrets to a bunch of perverted, over-sexed jounins in the bathing room?" Kakashi asked quietly. They all caught the edge in his words. Asuma glanced at Shikaku, raising his eyebrow thoughtfully.
"Nope." Genma said with grin. "Cause they're not his most closely-held secrets. If you asked him point blank, he'd be happy to discuss it with you. He's not ashamed of his feelings for Mizuki, or his decision to remain apart from emotional connections because of them. He's probably the most stable, self-aware person I've ever met."
"Ah." Kakashi looked non-pulsed.
"Still." Chouza said after a moment. "I'm thinking it's not really healthy for him to keep himself so apart. Even if he doesn't want an emotional connection with another man…isn't he the last of his clan? Shouldn't he be thinking about continuing the line?"
"Dunno. I've never discussed that with him." Genma lied. He had, actually, but…
A friend didn't disclose another friend's most closely-guarded secrets.
"I'm hungry!" Aoba announced. It broke the thoughtful mood that had fallen over the group of jounins.
Chouza grinned, patting his huge stomach. "You know, I could use a bite…"
"You're both disgusting." Ebisu sniffed.