The Good Fight

by genies

Against Nargles

This was written for Word Prompt Express at Hogwarts (prompt: use these 1000 prompts in one story).

If the writing seems god-awful, it's because it is.

WC: 6226

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Harry was having a very odd dream.

Draco Malfoy, the soddy git, was trying to get access to an accident site that was still active with nargles. He was trying to adjust his goggles to an "adult" setting to advance him forward in the level, but Harry had an advantage.

Harry understood that this was a dream and that in his dream he was playing a game.

He understood that this was a serious affair that could, in an afternoon, affect the entire age. If the enemy, the nargles, agreed to allow the airport to be open for all. This would mean that an alternative mode of transport would rise to prominence, which Harry apparently didn't want to happen.

So he had teamed up with Draco Malfoy to fight the nargles.

It seemed like ages ago when he had first learned about the animals and amount of destruction they could cause.

He had learned this from attending an annual meeting where an analyst gave his very much anticipated speech.

The analyst coughed twice and began to speak. "Anxiety aside, I'm glad to be here other than anywhere else. It's been too long since we've been apart! I understand the appeal of the arrival of new technology like the googles. They appear to be harmless, like the Muggle gadgets made by the company Apple. However, these gadgets are not appropriate for the Wizarding world and many respectable wizards like myself do not approve of this. As an assistant to the Ministry, I assist with regulation of the assumption that anything coming from the Muggle world is harmless. I'll have you know that they attach bombs to planes and attack each other, and not even an auror can undo that mistake. Millions of babies are born each decade, and yet, the Muggles know not to scale back their reproduction."

The analyst wiped his face. "Anyway, I'm getting a little off task. The background of the slide show is a bit garish, isn't it?" He reached into his bag and pulled out some baked goods, a ball, and a banana. "I got all of these from a Muggle barn. This is a base, and this is a baseball. They use these to play sports."

He flung the baseball in the crowd. "And this is what harm it can do!"

The baseball hit a spectator in the face. "Basic physics!" he shouted at the horrific scene. "This is what basics physics can do! Who knows what else I will pull out of my basket? But, now, I've got to take a bath in the bathroom. It's a pity I couldn't make it to the beach on this beautiful day. The bears are beginning to become outrageous. And, by the way, do beware of nargles." The analyst clacked his bill twice and left.

So, that was how Harry learned that simply being a Wizard meant he was at risk of being attacked by both Muggles and nargles. When he finished hearing this, he stood up from his bench and tightened his belt in anticipation. Only the best who go above and beyond could rise to the occasion.

He bent to get on his bicycle and was off, thinking about his birthday, and black Friday.

He must have been blind, for a gust of wind blew him into the blue of the sky! And suddenly, he wasn't on the earth anymore. He was a bone on a monopoly board game, then was almost caught between some books on a bookshelf. And just when this dream couldn't get less boring, a baby was born right next to him!

"Boss level!" Draco Malfoy called from behind him. Both he and Malfoy were working their bottoms off to get this genie out of his bottle, but the bottle lay at the bottom of a box that was dangling off a branch. To get that bottle, you had to touch the breast of a bread slice (whatever that means) and bring a piece of cake over the branch.

And either Draco nor Harry were brave enough to bridge that gap.

"This world is too broad, brother!" said Harry. "We'll never defeat the nargles!"

Just when they both had lost hope, Galinda, the Good Witch came down from the sky in a bubble. "Let's build a building together!" she said. "I'll call the bunnies and burn down this nargle business. We frankly cannot just leave buttons in the cabinet and expect the cable guys to call and calculate how much we owe them!"

Harry looked at Draco. "Is she making any sense to you?"

Draco seemed surprisingly calm. "No… I think she's just campaigning for our votes for Nicest Witch in the Land with a capital N."

"I thought that was Snow White's job?"

"No, the Evil Stepmother wanted to be the fairest in the land."

Galinda stomped her foot. "I'm a good candidate! And I'll cancel my offer if you don't respond now!"

Now, Harry was totally unsure what was happening. Was he in Kansas? In Britain? In the land of Oz?

Galinda huffed. "I guess I'll just give you my card. Good luck finding another magic carpet to ride, though!" She winked. "I make a career of my carpet. I don't charge much, but I guarantee this cookie isn't cheap."

Then, she poofed in a puff of smoke.

"Do you happen to carry cash?" asked Draco. "I think I might want to call her back and ask her if she's certain she's up for a challenge. My challenge. Some cheek she has."

"What the fuck, Malfoy?"

"I'd agree," said an unfamiliar voice. Harry turned to face a Chesire cat. The cat threw him a smile, which Harry caught. "I think what's causing your blond friend to act like he chain smokes on the weekends is that he's been sitting in his chair too long. I'll give him a chance. But first, I'm going to take you to Wonderland."

The scene entirely shifted to that of a childhood nightmare. Chemicals from broken chemistry sets, checks on assignments, chickens squawking, chocolate chips, the choo choo of a train… it was all too much for his senses.

The Chesire cat smiled again. "You have to choose and claim which church of churp to chop down."

"What the hell?"

"Basically, you have to burn down a church."

"Why?!"

"Because the nargles are in the churches."

"And what backs this claim up?"

"I'll have you know that I spent five years in the classroom and learned about nargles in a class. It's clear that I'm more than a clerk… a quick click into the Wonderland database would tell you that."

The three of them traveled through a closet full of clothes like they were passing into Narnia. However, they emerged into an area with a hot climate, and not a cloud to be found in the sky.

"I never signed up for this club," Harry said. "I didn't have a clue that this heat would be what would be happening." He was not very comfortable.

"Comfort is not a matter of concern. Oh, look! Here comes our coach now, the one I hired to take us to the coast."

"What are we going there for?"

The cheshire cat grinned like a jack-o-lantern. "Everybody knows that the committee of nargles (the complex one that deals with complicated complaints and submits comprehensive conclusions, you know?) is having a combined convention to address a recent computer-submitted commission. They simply don't know how to work technology."

"Why would anybody complain to the nargles? All we do is complain about them." Harry asked.

"Oh, Harry, concentrate please. The nargles operate on one condition (this, we have confirmed). If there is any conflict or confusion from other magical creatures that considers nargles, the nargles are required to connect, contact, consult, and correct them."

"That sounds like a consistently difficult job," said Harry.

The cat nodded. "The job consists of constant construction of new rules and new content to convince the other magical creatures (who are cooler, I dare to say) that the cost of keeping nargles around isn't crazy."

Draco looked at Harry quizzically before speaking. "So, I'm assuming that you count as a magical creature, cat?"

"Chesire cat, please. Yes, I go there to counter the nargles' silly ideas, and believe me there are more than a couple. But sometimes, I just let the court run its course and then run for cover whenever they try to do some creative cross-cultural thing." The cat suddenly stopped spinning in the air. "Oh dear, I have a cramp. Luckily, our coach is here."

Harry was curious. He turned his head around the bend and nearly had it cut off by a swiftly moving craft emerging out of the current of the river and coming his way He stepped back. A cream-colored spaceship in the shape of a cup stopped with a high-pitched cry. It could take some getting used to this culture before Harry was prepared for this. The cycle of the engines stopped and an inspector engineer in a doctor suit walked out of the craft. He took out a clipboard and began his daily examination of the fuel, estimated its efficiency, and inspected ability to function. "Loading," he said.

"Is this dangerous?" asked Harry.

"Give me some credit," said the cat. "I'm halfway decent. You will not die on this trip. Unless it's an emergency."

"And if I do end up dead?" Draco said, flinging his hand towards the sky.

"Stop doubting me!" the chesire cat said before getting on the ship and doing a little dance. "Now, I demand that you stop delaying our departure. If we don't leave soon, I'm going to lose my discounted ride, and goodness knows I need it in this economy."

"You sound like my dad," Draco muttered. He was in deep in this world. It was no use. Defeat displayed on his face. Clearly, his father would travel with him even to alternate universes.

"What is the distance to this convention?" asked Harry.

"It's on and island in the district all the way to the east," said the cat. "About 5 million degrees longitude. The time it takes to get there depends on how many doughnuts our friends, or the demons driving this craft, had before this. I also think whether this craft has been filled with gas in their special garage or not helps. I've determined that I will think of the ride as a date between you and me."

Harry looked at Draco and shrugged. "Might as well not disagree with him." The two of them got onto the hogwarts-express-ish (but not really) spacecraft.

When they were fully seated inside the craft and past the gate, the decorations and special features had quite the impressive impression on Harry. The effect was that he felt as if he were in another dimension. Diamonds studded the walls in detailed patterns and edges, lined with layers gold, and feathers were scattered all on the floor. In the corner was a huge egg the size of his face. On the dresser laid a dish on which stood a hexagon-shaped picture frame, in which there were two pictures, one of a hippogriff and the other of hogwarts. Harry sighed as he thought of home with hope.

"Did you deposit a deal with the devil, cat, to get this?" said Draco.

"Oh, no," said the cat. "I once tried to make a direct deal with the cat, but he wanted me to give up sandwiches and shakes and go on a diet of salad, which I do not have the discipline to do. It's like he expected me to eat dirt, and I am not digging for your dead guinea pigs in your backyards. Either that, or he wanted me to eat an evenly distributed diet. Anyhow, I love to eat, and that divided the two of us."

The car started with a jerk. As Harry lurched forward, a man in a farmer's dress approached him. "Can you provide your documents? It's for the public's safety." asked the man.

Harry looked at Draco. What? Draco shrugged.

The chesire cat quickly and effectively jumped in with ease. "Don't worry yourself a dot, dear. They're with me. They don't have to prove their status as a magical creature. Don't you see the resemblance they bear to horses? No need to put them in the dungeon."

The man nodded and left the room. "You will be fined a fee to the federal government for their not carrying files, though. I must be able to identify them at all times, and the jury would not be kind if the Aurors caught you. We are going downtown, now."

Harry sat down on the couch. "I truly empathize with the nargles and their establishment. They're an example of how exciting an exchange between the world of magical creatures and humans could be. We should explore the being's extension of the magical world to its fullest extent."

The chesire cat was not so emotional. "Empathy is bogus. All I emphasize is that life is a ladder, or an elevator, if you will, and you have to employ and exercise skills to expand your experience to go up that elevator until you are an expert and can explain anything that happens in the magical world. Then you don't need an exchange, because you have explored everything."

Draco cut in. "You sure express yourself clearly for a cat."

"What can I say," the cat said. "I was born with an extra gene that enables me to be a great employee for myself."

The car began to go as fast as the equivalent speed of a snail. "I encourage you to sit back," said the captain. "We're going to gain speed to equal the pace of a horse sometime soon."

"Want to escape?" Draco mouthed to Harry.

"I caught that!" the cat said, baring his fangs. "Stay with me this evening! I'm famous far and wide for my fun and funny games."

Harry looked out the window, feeling his focus slip as this foreign, friendly cat basically forced his gift of friendship upon him. When would Harry be free again? Of course, this was all the nargles' fault. If the nargles hadn't been causing harm, then he wouldn't have to hurry to stop them. Outside, he saw some figures working on a fruit farm, but it looked oddly like a scene from a formal film. In a final fire, the former farm, now ashes, went up in flames, consumed forever by that red flower. It was a scene he would never forget. Harry was taken aback, but they moved on to the next area. Harry kept a firm grasp on his seat, wondering how he could fix this problem. The thoughts wouldn't flow, so he folded his hands in his lap and let his eyes follow the landscape of golf ranges, green grass, grocery stores, and igloos. What good fortune that he was getting a free ride to the front lines of the nargle territory. An hour must have passed before anyone spoke.

"Want any fudge?" asked the cat. "Snacks generated by this transport group for their guests are in general very good."

Harry shook his head.

The cat continued. "Got a girl back home? I wonder if girlfriends are a global phenomenon." He shrugged, popped a glove on his hand, and grabbed a fudge cube from the plate. He put it in his mouth and sighed. "Mm, better than what my grandmother would make. I'd guard this fudge with my life." He licked his lips. "Anyway, I know you're looking for some guidance on how to deal with the nargles attacking the wizarding home, and I'm your handy guide. I have a habit of being a happy go lucky, heart on your hat, kind of helper. You can trust me. In fact, it'd be the highlight of my week."

"I'm not some sort of highlighter," Draco sneered.

"Oh, no, I didn't mean to say that," said the cat said in horror, popping an ice cube in his mouth. "Don't make the historians remember me incorrectly. On my hospital bed, I'll remember how you've wronged me. Anyway, I'd be interested to host and house you, Harry. And I suppose, your friend."

Harry nodded. "Thank you for your willingness to join in and get involved."

The cat sidled up to Harry, getting chummy. "So what is the ideal scenario? What's your mission? Are you doing something illegal? Important? Something to increase the independence that nargles have from society. Have you found the secret to the inevitable death of each individual and seek to inform us informally at the convention? Are you harboring a secret? I insist, you must tell me what you intend to do. It's been awhile since I've meddled in internal or international affairs."

"We're on a need to know basis," Draco said, not in the mood to make jokes.

The cat shrugged and chugged another large juice box. Juju music came on in the compartment, and Harry sighed. They wouldn't have to talk anymore. He looked out the window again and saw a kite flying through the jungle. He wasn't even surprised. "Whatever you want, junior. I won't pass judgement," the cat said. "As long as you don't kill me, we're good. I am the king of the cats you know, so you might want to watch out. They love me as their leadership; they kiss the ground I walk on, and will get the last laugh."

"No need to threaten us," said Harry, resting his hands on his knees threateningly. "Last time someone did that, they ended up in trouble."

"Well, I'm league with the nargles, and you're not, so you need me. Talk to my lawyer if you're concerned." The cat folded his legs and lifted them high in the air. "So you can work with me or ditch me, the latter of which would be a mistake."

Draco and Harry sat opposite each other and shared a look of quiet agreement. There was only one option that was favorable.

"Now that we've got that lesson out of the way," the Chesire cat said. "I feel much better. It's as if a light has been cast into your limited perspective. Now, all you have to do, Harry, is get that male, blond weak link out of your life."

The engineer at the front of the spaceship pressed a leveler and went on the live intercom. "We are all still living today, which is good. Our load is much too heavy, probably due to the diamonds. As a result, we will be dumping all the snacks. Please take the ones that you need. I'm sure the local children are going to have a ball today, as the snacks are not locked up in their parents' lockers anymore, but on the ground!"

"Is there anything logical about this dream?" Harry wondered aloud. Next, he'd be seeing a dog walking a log, or his tie coming loose and screaming loud insults at his lower belt.

The machine of the craft had a pile of mail in the corner that managed to leak into the main hall. The manufacturer in charge of manufacturing this model of the mobile car probably wasn't monitoring what happened in it.

"Ever been shopping at the mall?" Draco asked.

"What's that got to do with anything?" said Harry.

"We're about to go shopping for maps in this mess of post." Then he dove into the pile. "March your ass over here!"

"I don't think there's a very big market for maps in there," said the cat. "It's March, the prime time to get married. By the way, are you two planning on marrying? You seem like pair of close mates, like you could start necking at any minute."

"The day Draco marches down the aisle to meet me will be the day this world ends," Harry said.

"Oh, so at maximum, in maybe… three days?" the cat said. "Eat up, pals. This may be the last meal you get before going on your adventure. You're probably going to get injured and need medical attention, and then the nurse will only allow you to eat medium capsules of nutrition… you couldn't even mention a menu around them without their metal skulls going into hyperdrive. It's like they're my nannies from another life. No food!" He slid to the middle of the couch. "And, at minimum, two minutes."

"Wait, this world might end in two minutes?" Harry cried. "That's a minor issue that you shouldn't have missed telling us."

"Do you think I'm some kind of monster?" the cat said. "The world obviously isn't going to end in two minutes. The universe gods need everybody, or most everybody, to pay back their mortgages before they end this universe and effectively murder everyone in it. It's like we're out of a movie."

"Or out of a dream," Draco said.

The cat stopped eating with a stop. "Wait, what's your name? My narrow mind is not used to non-native people coming here. Nearby is a name directory, but I don't want to stretch my neck to take out the file. That would definitely be a net of negative experiences. Nobody would be able to help me, since we're not connected to the WiFi network, and I can't call emergency personnel. I would probably die in the night, without noise, swiftly… with normality. As normal as a death can be. And, oh, have you noticed that we're going north into the northern region of the district even though we should go east? That's quite a novel idea… going one direction when we should go another."

"You sure talk a lot," Draco said dryly. "I can't even count the number of words you've said."

"Did the possibility ever occur to you that I was cursed to talk so much?" said the cat. "I'll tell you the story. I was entering an office to meet with an officer or an official of the government, can't remember. Okay, well, it was kind of oops moment, because as soon as I stepped in the door, the man ordered me to sit and purr, which is out of the ordinary and not quite original. He flipped a page of paper and turned on the pager. He spoke into it and said this, 'the paps are waiting outside with paint. They're very upset about the lack of parking and want to participate in this particular rite of passage. They're here to throw paint at the cat.'" The cat paused. "Now, I couldn't just stay there and take though, so I went through a secret passage that was carved by my partner in crime and escaped."

Draco sighed and pat the cat. "Sounds traumatizing. Could you not be a good passenger and give us some peace?"

"Oh, no. We must talk about political things now. The peak of the mountain is coming up, so we're going to suddenly go up very very fast, but not a peep out of you. There's no penalty in this country for causing passengers discomfort. In fact, it's my personal opinion that things are perfect this way."

"Good god," said Draco. "By the time you're done talking we'll be in a period fo time centuries from now."

"Oh, the physical properties of this world aren't the same as they are in your world." Then he shut up for the rest of the

By the time the three of them got to the island on which the nargle convention was held, Harry was thoroughly confused. His confusion was only heightened when he stepped off the ship.

Someone was picking at the strings of the piano instead of playing the keys. In the distance, a powerful and pretty wizard was pouring printer ink onto the belly of a pregnant woman. A pickle pie was being heartily consumed by a poppy flower. This was an odd place indeed. When did plants eat other plants? And when was pouring ink used to print things a common practice?

As if hearing Harry's thoughts, the cat entered. "Oh, plenty of plants eat other plants. It's been the subject of many popular poems."

Harry wondered what the point of listening to others' thoughts was. On one hand, it would offer free porn whenever someone was fantasizing about devious sex. On the other hand, he was positive that it was possible to listen to much and eventually go mad. There was always potential to go mad with this power.

"I'd prefer if you didn't listen to my thoughts," said Harry. "Your presence unnerves me."

"There's no time like the present to prevent teenage pregnancy!" said a preacher on the corner. "There is always a price to being too full of pride to see your priest if you are pregnant. I can spell the baby out of you using my private process. It's my primary job and a good principle!"

"This place definitely produces weird people who do weird professions," said Harry. "Is this man profiled as dangerous?"

The cat shrugged. "The nargles profit from the weird people being here. It's all part of the program."

"Progress will be prompt!" a politician promised on the corner. "Here's proof!" He waved a proposal in the air. "I proposed that we have protection for all magical creatures. I'm proud of this achievement and think that if you purchase my book you will encounter not so much purple prose but find a purpose in life!" He pushed his book towards someone.

The person gave the man a quarter and tucked the quilt between his quilt.

"I think I quit," Harry said. "This quest is too much."

"Come on, racer," said the cat. "Life is a race, and you can't let some random radio static get you down. At this rate, your ratio of give up to follow through is going to suck!"

"Hey!" Harry did not react very well to this, and his wound felt raw. "I'm not ready to hear that."

"It's obvious you've never read a book in your life if you refuse to listen to my reason…"

Once the three of them had recovered from the strange views, they started to walk down the sidewalk. Harry didn't expect to receive any recognition for the fact that he looked different than the rest of the people there… for the record, it wasn't as if he had a guide that recommended that he wear clothing that wasn't exactly regular to take this trip.

As they walked, the cat kept talking about the things that Harry and Draco would need to encounter.

"Okay," the cat murmured, "That guy over there's job is to recover references that relate to the relations the nargles have with the rest of magical creatures. Now, that guy's job is to release reports to the reporters. He's the representative of the president and keeps up his reputation. Now, that woman over there researches the reserves of printer ink and its effects on the residents. Surprisingly, they've grown to be able to resist side-effects."

Harry blocked out his voice as he continued to walk. He remained quiet, watching carpenter octupi repair the roof and a cuttlefish request to reserve a table for two. He resolved to retire from going on adventures after this one and go to a resort in Hawaii and never return. Of course, if he ever revealed this to his rich friend, Draco, he would pay for all of it, but Harry wasn't about to do that. He needed to get rid of this cat as soon as possible.

Luckily for him, they rolled up at the front of the tall capitol building. "Look at that ring of clouds above the building," the Chesire cat said. "That doesn't forebode well. It looks like a round rope."

Harry rubbed his neck as he looked up. He was saddened by the sad view of the sail-like clouds above those that looked like a long anal bead. He flushed scarlet at this thought.

The chesire cat saddled Harry's neck. "Saving yourself for marriage? You're quite the innocent kid."

"What the hell?" Harry said for another time that day. "Okay, I'm going in the building."

The three of them (regrettably) went into the structure together. When they walked in, what they saw was even stranger.

There was a sale of jars of sand on the side, with a sign that said, "Saving you money every day! Bringing the beach to you." On the left, there was a schedule for school displayed on the screen. Ahead was a screener to check for guns. Another person was selling signs that said things like, "you are secure in yourself," and "there are only seven days," and "the seasons are changing."

"So, what's our script?" asked Draco. "What are we going to do?"

"Not sure," said Harry. Harry selected one of the signs to send to Ron. Maybe it would help him with making sense of self more sensitive.

A severe crab banged a rock against the wall and screamed. "You shall be sentenced to separate detainment, forty hours of community service, and eternal shame! May you never see the shine of the sun!"

Harry approached a room in the back, and the strength of the smell of seafood and nargles wafted over him. He was in shock. This was quite the shocker. He covered his nose with his shirt and pressed his nose to his shoulder. Eck, he should have taken a shower, because his skin didn't smell that great either.

A nargle at the head of the table weakly tapped on the microphone. A shiver shot through Harry. He was going to be sick. There were so many nargles around that he was swimming in them, and that was affecting his brain a bit. He hoped he wouldn't turn into a vegetable. Draco gave a subtle hand signal, and Harry and he went to a simple chair and sank low, hoping that not a single guard had seen them.

The head nargle began to speak. "Welcome to our annual convention about nargles and their relations with magical creatures. I hope that none of you will shoot me like you did our last nargle leader."

The shutters of the windows banged back and forth in agreement, and Harry took it as a sign that the building was watching him. But then again, shutters were not of any significance. They were similar to trees...useless unless set afire.

"Now, we shall start our slow and simple progression down the line of delegates," said the nargle. "Present your case."

A creature wearing two socks covered with soil walked up to the plate. "A nargle sold my son a book of songs, but inside was a wild sook whose source I cannot know. I could not spare the crab's life. I demand that you send a specialist to specify this crab's name and spell her back to life. This is all the fault of the nargles and their spite for my people. My son spent his hard earned money."

"Thank you," said the nargle. "We will look into it. Sorry for your troubles."

Then, a sponge came up to the spot and spread its tentacles. A translator came over and touched its surface. It translated, "The sponge says that a stable of nargles overtook his home last spring. The sponge staff couldn't move fast enough or stand to fight back."

"We hold ourselves to a five star standard," the lead nargles appeased. "I will start to look into this case and hope that your colony is not too frightened. However, the status of the case will stay closed, because you are sponges."

The sponge was carried back to his seat.

A flamingo the size of an ostrich stepped up to the front. "A nargle should never steal a bird's egg," she squawked with some strain. "It should never stick its hand into someone else's home and steal stickers, beef stomach, stop signs, store coupons, storm forecasts, or other strange things. I can only assume that since I did not misplace them that the nargles took them."

"You must be under deep stress," said the nargle leader.

The flamingo nodded and went back to her seat.

A strip of spiders walked up the strip. A strong wave of fear washed over all of the magical creatures as they struggled to keep calm. "We have studied this stupid stuff for some while," said the spiders. "You, nargles, are not substantial magical creatures. You succeed in annoying us and successfully make us want to kill you. As such, we must suggest that you all die."

A sudden bag of sugar dropped on their hands, and they screeched, taking back their suggestion and shouting their unwavering support for the nargles and their supporters. The spiders were surrounded by nargle guards as they walked back to their seats. Now, the spiders were all suspects of targeting the nargle leader, and were under careful suspection.

A man in a swim suit rolled up to the table in his tank with sympathy. "I am a swimmer, obviously. Not a magical creature am I, but I want to switch to become one. How do I tackle this issue?"

"Well, I don't think you can. It's no tall tale that creatures are abhorred by human society, so I don't know why you wouldn't want to become one of us. Perhaps because we don't have taxes and teach our children manners, but life is temporary, and children tend to be terrible anyway. Thank you for trying to understand."

A tear slid from the man's cheek. "I just wanted to be a forward thinker."

"Buy a plot of land in West Virginia, United States and till it. You'll be very forward there. Just a tiny tip."

The man nodded and left as a creature the size of a toddler walked up. "I am a threshal," it said. "Tomorrow, all the threshals across the land will emit a tone too high for nargles to hear. It is a tool in our mating call, but it is a new tool, since we have never done it before. We are wondering if it will be damaging to you."

The nargle up top said, "No, it is unlikely it will hurt or upset us. Thank you for your worry."

The threshal nodded and went back to his seat. Then, a Mer was rolled up to the front of the room in her tank of water. "Oh, I'm just a tourist here on a tour. I was wondering if you could trade some information? Like, I ask you a question about traffic, and you ask me about how I travel on trains, or something! I'll go first! How do you guys get so small? Do you have personal trainers?"

"I'm afraid no trainers are necessary to get us this small. We are simply born this way. Have fun on your vacation."

"Oh, that's no problem at all! Thanks for your time." The mermaid rolled off.

The slide of the nargle's powerpoint, in transition, froze. "Er," the leader said awkwardly. "Well, I'll just call Umbridge up next."

The little lady waddled up to the front and cleared her throat. "I was brought here on a truck, which is not the type of transportation I am used to. Upstairs in Voldemort's lair I would have been treated with more value."

"I appreciate the variation of insults you just cast at me, but I do not think I can make your visit any less pleasant by saying that your annoying qualities are vast and I hope you turn into a visual arts project at the butcher's. Thank you very much."

Umbridge turned white as winter snow and left the table. What a visual!

Now, another creature walked up to the table. It was tall and looked like it weighed five hundred pounds and like its wings weighed another five hundred. "I want the nargles to wake up," it said. "I warn you of a war that will waste your land like bad weather. A web of lies is descending upon you and will consume you within the next week. We have been sending you weekly messages about this from the Western end of the continent, but you will not pull your own weight, wheras the rest of the magical creatures are. The whole earth is willing to win against the aliens who will attack us soon, but you are here drinking your wine. I wish nargles were wise and would witness what a wonderful world we have and how if you would come help us, we could have won the first time."

Harry frowned. So, an alien attack was coming for the magical creatures? Perhaps the Ministry of Magic was aware of this too, but weren't worried. Well, if this creature spoke the truth, the nargles would be eliminated in no time and he wouldn't have to do any work to do it. He got up from his wooden chair and scuffled across the woody floor.

He pulled out yellow parchment that he had stuffed in his pants yesterday. He was young and in the zone, but he would not forget to write to his friends of his findings.

Then… he woke up, and the illusion shattered.