One fine day...
Vaan, Ashe, Balthier, Fran, Penelo, Basch, and Vossler are at Mt. Bur-Omisace, awaiting the election ceremony for the new Grand Kiltias. The gang is having a conversation on the way to the shrine... I wonder what they're talking about! (I sure do hope it's not about Al-Cid.)
Vaan: "Man, I'm soooooo hungry! Ugh, Stomach, STOP GROWLING!"
Penelo: "And who's the genius that came up with the idea to start the new and improved Chocobo Diet, huh?"
Vaan: "Well, it's not my fault that the sky pirates have to eat this stuff, no matter if it tastes like Blood Gigas! Eww, I think I just puked in my mouth a little bit. That's gross."
Balthier: "What's wrong? You don't like Fran's cooking?"
Then suddenly, the gang sees a trap in the middle of a LARGE walkway.
Vossler and Ashe: "I MAJORLY suggest we go around it! We elect Vaan to try HIS idea first!"
Vaan, being the 'smart one', suggested they all use Float magicks. The entire party decide to elect Vaan as the first person to use it. All of a sudden, Vaan uses the magicks and runs over the trap, yelling this next phrase: "Mwahahahaha! You stupid trap! You can't outsmart Vaan, the Sky Pirate!"
Vaan: "Wait just a Galbana Lily-picking minute! Why am I still Floating up? This is getting a little high- SOMEONE GET ME DOWN THIS FRICKIN' INSTANT!"
Balthier: "Whatever you say, but just remember, you ASKED for it..." (Glances at Fran) "For one who's looking to be a Sky Pirate, or something of the like, he's wanting to have his funeral a bit TOO early."
Fran: "The boy, he has brains, just lacks common sense." (Nods at Balthier)
*Balthier casts Dispel magicks on Vaan*
Vaan realizes what is about to happen a bit TOO late and is falling OVER 9000 Chocobo steps per hour to his very pointy grave, as the ground is covered with sharp, pointy, sharp, painful, sharp, menacing, sharp rocks on the ground. (Oh yeah... and sharp! Did we mention sharp?) And pointy.
Vaan: " uh oh. aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!" (Echoes into the distance...) (Glares at watch.) (Takes a catnap.) (Has a glass of Bacchus's Wine.) (Does a BARREL ROLL, which doesn't do ANYTHING to help this situation.) (Prepares to FALCON PUNCH the rocks as he falls, but isn't Capitan Falcon, so this option takes a ride on the FAIL WHALE. XD)
*SPLAT!*
The entire party gazes down the edge of the mountain, staring at Vaan's final destination.
Basch: "Uhm, Balthier?"
Balthier: "Yeah?"
Basch: "Could you have waited to use Dispel until he was NOT ominously hanging over the edge of the mountain?"
Balthier: "Well, he did ask for it, and as they say, 'be careful what you wish for' or maybe 'beggars can't be choosers', or something of the like."
(Balthier looks over the edge)
Balthier: "Blast, he landed on the Strahl! Well, I hope Nono can clean that up..."
Balthier is thinking out loud at this point.
Balthier: "Poor Vaan. I daresay his cuffs aren't the only thing he soiled."
The party stares at Balthier with vacant expressions, while Vossler laughs at Balthier's slightly crude play on words. Balthier looks back at the party.
Balthier: "Well, uh, hadn't we best be going to the ceremony? We're gonna be late if we don't make haste!"
FIN.
Extra stuff! :)
While Penelo is sobbing over the edge after Vaan's fall:
Penelo: "Why couldn't have been me! WHY!!!"
Balthier: *facepalms* "What is it with kids and their death wishes today? Seems like she thinks life's not worth living..."
Balthier sneaks behind Penelo, and gets ready to 'do what she wished for'.
Balthier: "Here she comes, Vaan!"
Balthier boots Penelo off the edge, and quickly rejoins the remaining members of the party.
Ashe: "Where did Penelo go?"
Balthier: "Uhm, she went on a little trip. Don't worry, we're meeting her back at the Strahl."
(REAL FIN.)
Final Fantasy XII (c) Square-Enix
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