Chapter 1

Therapy

It was time for Debra's next therapy session and she was running late at a crime scene. She checked her watch again; for the fifth time in the past minute or so.

"You got somewhere to be?" Angel Batista (one of Deb's team) asked.

"Sort of, but it can wait. Well it'll have to if my fucking brother doesn't get his ass here soon." Just as she finished her sentence Dexter appeared behind her.

"Do you mean this fucking brother?" Dexter asked jokingly and Deb sighed in relief.

"Finally, right I really have to go. Can you take care of things here?" Deb asked Angel and Dexter who both nodded, permitting her leave.

"Good, see you guys back at the office. I want a full blood report Dex!" Dexter saluted her and rolled his eyes to Angel as she jogged to her car. Deb had been attending weekly sessions after her new job level as Lieutenant had gotten a bit too much for her. It started weekly until in one of the sessions Deb mentioned that she fell in love with the 'Ice Truck Killer' who was secretly her adoptive brother's brother. At this point her therapist told her that they should see each other a lot more. Deb wasn't really comfortable with the situation, she had a firm belief that only insane people needed therapy and this was certifying that she was crazy. Of course she wasn't, but Deb still didn't like it. As much as she hated it though she couldn't deny that from when she sat in that chair opposite her therapist to when she left, she could feel a weight lifted from her shoulders. She sat in her usual chair and wriggled a little as her therapist (Dr. Sarah Wentworth) wrote something on her note pad.

"What is it?"

"Nothing." Deb replied quickly.

"Are you sure?" Dr. Wentworth asked, lifting her head up this time and giving Deb a look. The look that told Deb she wasn't fooling anyone.

"It's stupid, it's nothing." Deb tried but Dr. Wentworth's look didn't falter.

"I...I had this dream, that's all..." Dr. Wentworth nodded, letting Deb carry on.

"It wasn't a bad dream, it was a good dream. A very good dream..." When Deb stopped there Dr. Wentworth laughed.

"Oh, okay. I'm understanding now. It was...erotic?" Deb laughed nervously and nodded.

"Well what's the problem? You've never experienced one of those dreams before?" She asked Deb as she made notes on her pad.

"It's not what the dream was about it's who was in it."

"You mean who you were with." Dr. Wentworth corrected and Deb nodded.

"Who was it?" Deb didn't answer at first, deciding whether or not to tell the truth. But eventually decided the truth was best.

"Her name was Jess. Well, I suppose it still is. I haven't seen her since high school. I haven't even thought about her; never spoke to her much when I was there. I just don't understand why out of everyone it'd be her. I don't even remember her second name. And she's a girl." There was a long look between these two before Dr. Wentworth answered Deb.

"I think that the most important thing you told me there was the way you mentioned her gender last, like it is the most irrelevant when I think it's bothering you more than you're telling me." Deb sighed.

"Of course it fucking bothers me. I had that phase in college, got drunk and made out with my roommate. I've been there, done that. It's just confusing why it's there now." Nodding Dr. Wentworth went to speak but stopped herself, trying to put it in a way that Deb would understand.

"Deb, do you not think anything about your college roommate? Didn't you enjoy it?" Deb laughed without humour.

"I was shitfaced; I couldn't even remember it the next day."

"But you remember now." Dr. Wentworth challenged and Deb slanted her eyes at her.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I didn't mean to offend Deb, I'm just pointing out that after everything you've been through you suddenly think about this girl. Did you never think that you could possibly be a lesbian?" Deb laughed and this time it was from humour.

"I'm sorry but that's just shit fuck crazy. Did you not hear my history with men?" Dr. Wentworth nodded.

"I did, I heard how they were all bad choices. They all broke your heart or you could not commit to them. Like Detective Quinn." Deb had been looking away but she looked at her therapist in shock. Shock because Dr. Wentworth was right.

"That doesn't mean I'm gay."

"No it doesn't, but that could be one of the possibilities. I suggest you explore the option before you completely discard it." Deb took a few seconds before she could think of something to say; something that contained the correct amount of cursing for the situation.

"Hold the fuck up, so you're telling me to hop and fucking skip it to the nearest dyke bar and get fucked in both ears by some butch lesbians just so I'm clear that I'm not a motherfucking lesbian?" After the severe amount of cursing Deb fit into that sentence Dr. Wentworth didn't see that there was much point in saying anything so she just nodded.

"Shit balls you're serious."

"I'm not asking you to do anything of what you've just said – from what made sense to me anyway – and I'm sorry if you don't agree. You can by all means just think it could be something else. But honestly, I have thought that the root to some of your other problems could've been related to you denying certain sexuality." Putting her head in her hands Deb tried to ignore how much sense it had.

"By all means, tell me if I'm not making any sense to you but you pay me to tell you what I think Debra, and this is it. I think your ever so slightly promiscuous ways are because of your denial. I think if you look into it then it may surprise you." Dr. Wentworth stood up and walked over to her desk.

"What are you doing? We're done?" Deb asked, confused.

"Yes, Debra, we are done for today. Here." She handed Deb a card for a night club in the city. It said it was strictly for women and Deb pocketed it quietly.

"Fine, I'll look into it." Deb muttered as she got up and headed for the door. With her door on the handle she stopped and turned to Dr. Wentworth.

"When did you first think?" with her head buried in paper work Dr. Wentworth had forgotten Deb was still then and looked up, a tiny part confused.

"Think what?"

"Think that I was playing softball with the entire shitload of Miami's rug munches." Deb laughed at her own analogy but Dr. Wentworth just stared back at her blankly.

"Think that I was a lesbian." She concluded with an eye roll.

"Oh, right, early on. From your first relationship related problem we talked about." With that Deb left, still unconvinced that she was spending $120 an hour on something worthwhile.

When Deb arrived back at the office she got out of the elevator to find the place practically empty. Batista was working on his computer and she could've sworn she saw Dexter moving around behind the shutters of his lab but it could've been Vince Masuka, the other lab guy.

"Hey Batista, where is everyone?" He looked up and smiled at her politely.

"I don't know, it was empty when Dex and I got back." She nodded and he handed her a report from his desk, she took it and started flicking through it briefly.

"Is this our Jane Doe from today?" Deb asked as she read through it quickly.

"Yup, looks like a robbery gone wrong, Dex said he'd give you the blood report when he got back." Her head shot up.

"Where the fuck did that shit go?" Angel shrugged and turned back to his computer.

"He said something about lunch break." Deb sighed and headed for Dexter's office. There was no one there. Not even Vince.

"What about Vince? Quinn?" Angel shrugged as she returned to his desk. Her phone rang and she plucked it from her pocket, the card her therapist had given her falling out onto his desk.

"Here Deb you dropped...this..." Angel read it and raised an eyebrow at her.

"Lieutenant Morgan." She answered as she pulled it from his hand.

"Hey Deb, it's me, Dex."

"Finally! Where in fucktopia are you?" Angel smirked and Deb ignored him.

"I'm at home, Harrison is sick." Deb rolled her eyes, leaning on Angel's desk.

"Oh Jesus to fuck that's unlucky, give him a kiss from me and if you hear from Vince tell him I'm going to kick his nuts down his fucking throat if he isn't here soon!" Dex went to answer but hesitated, his son in his arms.

"I won't repeat that in front of Harrison but I'll give him the message." Deb hung up without a goodbye.

"Right, Dexter has an excuse. What about those two?" Deb asked helplessly but Angel was still thinking about that card.

"Deb, do you want to talk?" She just looked at him.

"About anything, I'm here. I won't judge." After a second she realized he was on about the card for the lesbian bar she had dropped and she sighed.

"No I don't want to fucking talk I want to know where the rest of my lazy bunch of fucking bullshit, useless team is!" She stormed into her office and left Angel sorry that he said anything. She sat at her desk silently for a few seconds before she opened the report and started to read it properly. Just as she was getting her head into the case and starting to finally get some work done there was a knock at her office door that interrupted her.

"What?" She barked.

"I'm sorry to disturb you." It was Dr. Wentworth.

"You dropped this at my office." She was holding Deb's wallet out. Now Deb felt like an asshole for snapping at her. Getting out of her office chair she smiled politely and took the wallet.

"That was all I had for you so, I'll leave you to it." As Dr. Wentworth went to Leave Deb stopped her.

"I'm sorry I know you're probably busy but could I ask you something?" Dr. Wentworth nodded. Deb motioned for her to sit on the small sofa in her office as she closed the door behind her and leant against her desk.

"I can't help but think about the lesbian thing, what about the guys I was with?"

"Well, maybe you knew deep down all along that you did not really belong with them and therefore chose men you couldn't be functional with or you found reasons to break it off." Deb nodded but Dr. Wentworth could see she was still struggling with the idea.

"For example, Lundy, you loved him but he went travelling therefore your relationship could not work. Quinn, you couldn't commit because you knew you couldn't be happy. Sean, he was married." Dr. Wentworth did not carry on because eventually she would get to Rudy, Dexter's biological brother, the ice truck killer. Deb seemed to understand so far any way.

"Okay, I'm clearer. A little." Deb muttered as she pulled the card out of her pocket and turned it in her fingers.

"You don't have to go there, it was just a suggestion." Dr. Wentworth told her, Deb pulled her head up and moved away from the desk. She didn't realize that her therapist had stood up and they were inches apart.

"I um..." Deb began but she couldn't finish her sentence. Dr. Wentworth smiled and put her hand on the back of Deb's neck, pulling her into a kiss. Deb had lied, she hadn't been any clearer but she had been getting a head ache. Now though, she was clear. Clear on everything she had ever been uncertain of. She put her hands on Dr. Wentworth's lower back and pulled her closer, they fell against her desk but they didn't stop. They carried on kissing until Deb's office door swung open. Jumping away from each other breathlessly they both looked to see Quinn standing in the doorway.

"Shit." Dr. Wentworth said quietly, and Deb looked at her in surprise.

"You said it." Quinn went to speak but left again, closing the door behind him. Dr. Wentworth and Deb looked at each other before deciding that they couldn't kiss again.