I wrote this because I was upset. I fell head over heels in love with Hunger Games as soon as I started reading, and Catching Fire was thrilling too. But when I read Mockingjay all I kept thinking was "Why is this happening?" "Why is Katniss not with Gale?" "Why is Suzanne Collins killing off the most innocent character in the world?"

Anywho, I was a mess. And so I wrote this angsty drabble, to share my hot mess of emotions with the world.

...

I used to think the world had started to crumble around me when I held out those small, red berries.

At least, that's what Snow wanted me to believe.

But now, as I lie here, tangled up in the sheets of my bed long after the rebellion has ended, I realize that wasn't the start. Oh no.

It started long before that.

When I had never given much thought to the Games. When I knew life would always be hard, but I had assumed the worst tragedy, my father's death, was behind us.

I never knew someone could be so wrong.

No, my fate was decided one afternoon with only two words. Two words spoken in Effie Trinket's ridiculous Capitol accent.

"Primrose Everdeen."

That was truly when I felt something shift. I just had no idea the shift would cause a quake in the earth that would cause the death of countless people, many of whom I had never, and would never, meet.

Obviously there was no doubt, no question in my mind when it came to taking my sister's place.

But I hadn't been signing up to be the face of a rebellion I, until much later, knew nothing about.

Now though, as I watch the fire of the bombs swallow her up forever, I know.

There was never a sure way to keep her safe. Not in this world. Not with her sister being the Mockingjay, the girl who was on fire.

It was just a matter of time before she would be consumed in the flames that had already suffocated so many already.

I suppose I can be thankful she had had a chance to grow. To find herself and something she loved to do; healing. That I could bring her back that blasted cat. That I could be there to see her grow up, if only for a little while.

I merely wanted to save her.

Some higher power had it out for her ever since she was picked as a tribute, I'm sure of it. I only bought her a little time.

From the day she was born, when my father was killed, when my mother fell into that dark abyss, the day of the reaping, all through the first games, the second, the rebellion... I had just wanted to save her.

And I had failed.

...

I admire Katniss for trying so hard for so long to keep Prim safe. It breaks my heart that she didn't.