A/N: My first parody, happy day. Don't own anything except Judith and the Parody Redwall theory. Canon characters property of BJ, DAB property of….. Arven, I think. Not BJ.

~~~[::]~~~

"WAKE UP!!!!!" screamed the author, yelling from a physical state of nothingness which she wasn't sure existed. The object of her efforts turned over in her sleep, leaving spikes embedded in the mattress.

"Oh, come ON!" groaned the said author, who will henceforth be referred to as…… actually, let's keep, 'the author' anyway. "NOBEAST sleeps this hard."

"Well, I do!" The author figuratively jumped, but Judith the high-strung hedgehog was already asleep again. The author solidified herself, lifting one of the hedgehog's arms experimentally. It flopped down by Judith's side. Not wanting to bother with anything else, the author conjured up a bucket of freezing water and dumped on her alter-ego.

"SPLLIFFYTTYT!" Judith sat bolt upright, spluttering. "Alright, alright, I'm awake, I'm bloomin' awake! Why je do that for?"

Smirking, the author shoved a stack of papers into her arms, ignorant of the spikes on each one of the said limbs. "This."

The hedgehog turned pinker than her embarrassingly-formerly-red-accidentally-bleached-lace-and-ruffles-nightgown. "Y-y-y-y-you were serious????!!!"

The author dissipated into nothingness again, calling after her, "You signed, Judith, you signed!!!!" in a way that was supposed to be menacing, but sounded ridiculous in actuality. Judith groaned.

"Stupid bet, stupid contract, stupid ballet/play/ performing arts in general obsessed human self……."

Mumbling the entire time, the hedgehog-maid ripped off her nightgown, tossing it in the MEND PLEASE box, and put on a dark tunic, a simple brown. She might need to disappear into Mossflower later. For fear of her life or sanity.

~~~[::]~~~

Abbot Mordalfus, commonly known as Alf, was strolling along the Redwall Abbey lawn, having an animated discussion with Abbot Saxtus about the pros and cons of having the Joseph bell reformed into two separated bells instead of one again.

"I tell you, Alf, it would have been best to just have it made into one single bell."

"Keep in mind that during that storyline we didn't have Joseph, and between Cluny and Matthias, it was cracked in two."

"Y' could have!"

"Couldn't!"

"Could've!"

"Not!"

"Have!"

"Not!"

"Have!"

The two mice simultaneously rolled back their habit sleeves, making fists with their paws, just as Ambrose Spike was passing by………….

"OWW! OH, ME PAW!"

Ambrose looked miffed. "Well, ye could have waited for me to pass afore you charged each other, now couldn't you?"

The Abbots ignored the hedgehog, dashing head-long to the pond, waving their burning paws in the air.

Mellus and Constance watched in amusement. "Aw, how cute. Two Abbots fighting over the bells like Dibbuns."

"Not really," corrected Mellus. "Dibbuns are a bit more like that." The badger pointed toward a certain window, where DAB was in the midst of another organized pillow fight.

"I see."

DONG! DONG! DONG!

The three bells in the considerably enlarged bell tower rang out their loud, brazen tones, calling everybeast in the Abbey to lunch. Which was a considerable amount, since-

"HAH! Beat you again, Cluny!"

"WHAATT?? Yore gonna pay, Sixclaw! EAT RYE!"

Well, I think that should explain it.

~~~[::]~~~

Judith listened from her perch half way to the battlements. Stupid Parody Redwall. Stupid idea of have all canon go live in one place after their books are done. Stupid author having it like that……Struggling up the wall, she finally pulled herself into the Abbey grounds. As she ran down the stairs to the lawn, the nearest wicker gate caught her eye- or, more importantly, the fact it was open.

"Aw, dreck."

Mentally slapping herself for not using that way in the first place, Judith pulled out one of those sheets of paper the author had given her earlier. Tacking it up on the wall, she dashed away, putting up another as she passed the next wall. And the next. And next. And the trees in the orchard. And so on.

~~~[::]~~~

"VEIL!!!"

The ferret slunk over to his father, muttering, "Poison one beast, and you're blamed for every stinking little thing that goes wrong…"

Swartt pointed at the wall. "What is THAT supposed t' be, eh? Another little trick of yours?"

Veil looked at the sign plastered on the red stone, reading each line:

THE NUTCRACKER

The classic tale of love and fantasy

CASTING FOR THIS WINTER'S PRODUCTION BEGINS TOMORROW AT 2:00!

ALL ROLES ARE AVAILIBLE!

OC'S AS WELL AS CANON CHARACTERS ARE WELCOME!

No prior dancing, singing, or acting skills required!

Auditions are to be held in Mossflower Industry Complex Sector 5, Room 123612

Veil looked at the older Sixclaw again, with a look of disbelief. "You really think I would be behind something like this?"

Swartt muttered something about not knowing for sure, and speedily exited.

All around the Abbey, beasts from all different timelines and books were viewing the selfsame message. Reactions were varied far and wide.

"This looks like fun…."

"Aw, c'mon, Nutcracker is for sissy babies…"

"Well, I have all of those skills…"

"WHERE IS MY TUTU!??!"

"Chickenhound, what have I told you about wearing that thing?"

"I DON'T CARE! AND MY NAME IS SLAGAR, MOM!!!!"

Mattimeo gave Slagar a look. "You have a tutu?"

"YEAH, AND I'M PROUD OF IT!"

Matti blinked. "Okay…. Hey, Mum, is it too late to move to a different part of Mossflower? These images are scarring my mind."

"Yes, dearie," said Cornflower not paying attention in the least, even when her son was jumping up and down on her footpaw. "Tomorrrow at 2, eh…."

~~~[::]~~~

A/N: Finally done! This will be the hardest one to write out of all the chapters. I know it. Oh, in case you didn't notice and/or I made it too vague, OC's are welcome. Send me your character in a PM or a Review and I'll see what I can do. If you could include the following information:

Name

Personality

ONE OR BOTH OF THE FOLLOWING TWO:

What part you would like them to have (and second choice)

What job you would like them to have (and second choice)

Any prior experience for either job/part (e.g. acting experience, took woodshop in high school, etc.)

That would be very helpful.

The review button is right there, FYI. *coughcough*

Until the next chapter!