The Reason
A 'Twilight' FanFiction
Shot 1 of 1
I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. Leaving her like that, it almost killed me. Although I can't die, my heart ached inside. I felt it breaking, almost into as many pieces as I knew hers was. I'd watched that night, from the top of my house. I watched as the wolf carried her back to her home, broken into a thousand pieces.
I could hear Rosalie's thoughts, she was glad that Bella was gone. Although, I knew it wasn't for hatred. It was for jealousy. Jasper was hurting, and Alice was trying to comfort him. They left yesterday morning, headed towards Tanya's in Alaska. She always seemed to help with problems like this.
Here I was, as per usual I was driving far too fast for the speeding laws but, I ignored them. I had a scent to follow. I had been anticipating Victoria's return but, I was going to beat her to it. I was far across the American border, and my family was in Los Angeles, building a new life.
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is you
5 months later:
She got away from me. I was now back up north, in Ontario. But, she still got away. I'd heard reports from my old home. She was falling in love with a boy. A boy that was destined to be a werewolf, which is why I had so many problems trying to find Victoria. Rosalie has told me to let her go but, I can't. It impossible.
And, I also know what my family is telling me. I shouldn't have let her go. If I cold dream of her I would. I changed who I was when we met. But, I also know that if I go back there are two options. One, she will forgive me and pretend none of this ever happened or two, she doesn't forgive me, and I spend what's rest of what I call a miserable existence making it up to her.
But, those thoughts were in the back of my mind. A mind that was always flowing with the thoughts of others and none of my own most of the time. I was behind my wheel, driving through Washington State, and about to pass the exit towards Forks. My heart and my mind were battling one another. More than anything I wanted to go to her, and tell her how stupid I was for leaving but, on the other hand I just wanted her to continue this newfound romance she'd created for herself.
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
1 month later:
My mind was flooded with her scent. Victoria was in Argentina. I'd managed to follow her here yet again. Something kept dragging her here. But, I wasn't sure of what it was. I was following scent, not her thoughts. I could never get close enough. Not until last night. She changed her course, and she headed towards Forks, after Bella. She was to quick to dead end her scent and escape.
I was running as fast as I could. I'd called Rosalie from a pay phone, and I thought she was playing a joke on me. Bella jumped. She jumped off of a cliff and now she's gone. My one reason for living, if that's what you call it. Hurting her like I did but, now that she's gone the guilt was eating me alive. There was only one thing I could do, and I knew it would hurt everyone I'd claimed to love.
I'd called her house, and a male answered the phone, telling my that Charlie was at the funeral. I'd called Rosalie a thousand times since Alice wasn't answering her phone. She knew I didn't want her to interfere with Bella's life but, now she was going against my wishes and Carlisle's and took off before anyone could give a second thought.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
Now, I was on a plane hiding in plain sight from the sunlight. I was on my way from the hell that I had caused. I was going to Volterra. I was going to ask the Volturi to kill me and end my misery. I'd once told Bella that I couldn't live without her, if you call my undead unbeating heart living.
I knew from the beginning that Aro, Caius, or Marcus wouldn't kill me simply because of my father. So, I did what I knew would get me killed. I was going to reveal myself during the celebration, at the stroke of noon. There was no point for me to even to go them and plead my case but, I was going to anyways. Just to prove my point.
I knew Alice was watching me. I'd left my phone and any other form of communication in Argentina. I knew Alice would fine me but, I also knew that she wouldn't stop me. I wasn't going to have an existence that didn't involve Bella. I was stupid for what I did, and I would regret it if I lived for another hundred year, or even a thousand years.
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know...
Pleading my case did no good, and I knew this. So here I am, in the alleyway in Volterra. I could see the sunlight through the crack between the two buildings. I was walking towards it now and, I was reliving my regrets and the newly found happiness I'd had when I was with Bella.
I've regretted so many things in my life. Too many to even name but, the biggest is leaving Forks. I knew it was a drastic measure to take but, I also knew for the safety of the other human's and Jasper himself it was for the best. And it was he who tried to convince me not to leave. He'd almost had me convinced to stay but, I couldn't do it.
I'd hurt Bella to much already. First there was the Phoenix incident with James. She ended up in the hospital. Her father never trusted me again and I didn't blame him. Then there was, the paper-cut incident and I just couldn't. Now she was dead and it was my fault. I thought she could live without me, and live a fill and happy life but, I was wrong. I was far too wrong.
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
I was coming closer towards the ending of the alley. The buttons on my shirt were slowly coming undone one by one. I could feel the sunlight all around me. I slid the shirt off my shoulders just as the clock struck twelve. I stepped out into the sunlight, and I heard my name coming from a faint direction but, I ignored it. Any minute now I expected their followers to come and take me to them, and hand me my death sentence or even kill me where I stood.
Then I felt something hit me. I thought I was dead because I heard her angelic voice in my ear. I was seeing her, and she hit me like a bolt of lightening. I felt her body heat, I smelt her scent. Then her kiss. A sensation that swept like wildfire through my system. I could have sworn I was dead but, she told me I was wrong. Then I thought I was dreaming, but I was still wrong.
We weren't in the sunlight anymore but, I still felt the heat. It was a heat that I hadn't felt in months. But, the danger was still there. The Volturi's followers were on their way, we didn't have much time. I hear their thoughts and, they aren't pleasant. I see them at the end of the alley. I don't get a chance to explain much to Bella. At least not now. All I can hope for is the best. It means that Alice brought her here for a reason, and I hope the reason is one that give us all a future.