Hush
When she considers everything that transpired during the afternoon, she finds that instead of being angry (angry at the drunk driver, at the situation itself) she is only happy. She is happy because she is alive and she can hold her son in her arms, see her other children, see her husband again. That is what is most important to her. She can live to see another day.
Kathy sighs and rests back against the pillows.
The nurses have taken the baby back to the nursery for little while and she misses him fiercely. She wants to keep him close to her. She knows that this will be the child to cling to her. This will be the child that she is closest with, she just knows it. She can feel deep in her soul that this child is special, not just because of what they both went through, but because the fact that she got pregnant at her age was something to behold in and of itself.
She puts her hands on her now empty womb. She had savored being pregnant again. She relished the attention Elliot gave her, the way he looked at her, how he lusted after her again. They were finally taking the right steps to get their marriage back on track. Their son is further proof that they will always love each other, no matter what happens.
She hears a soft knocking at the door and she looks up and sees Olivia walk into the room.
Olivia grins rather timidly. "Can I come in?"
"Sure," Kathy says.
Olivia comes into the room and she sits in the chair at Kathy's bedside.
"Where'd Elliot go?" Kathy asks.
"He went to go get the kids," Olivia says.
Kathy nods. "Dickie's going to be so excited to have a little brother."
"Yeah," Olivia smiles. "The baby's adorable."
"Thanks," Kathy says. "He's so handsome, like his father."
Olivia nods.
It wasn't long ago that she was terrified for Kathy's life. She had done things under pressure that she didn't think that she was capable of. She had to do them because it is Kathy. Kathy's life was on the line. Her partner's wife was stuck in a car and about to give birth. There had been no time to second guess she had to help Kathy. She stuck by Kathy like she would have stuck by Elliot.
"Thank you," Kathy says, breaking into Olivia's thoughts.
"For what?" Olivia asks.
Kathy swallows and gives her a half smile. "For staying with me."
"It was nothing," Olivia says.
"Are you always that calm when things happen?" Kathy asks.
Olivia tilts her head to the side and sighs. "Truthfully, on the outside I'm calm, but in my head, my thoughts are racing and I'm actually freaking out."
"Well either way, I appreciate all that you did for me," Kathy says. "If you hadn't been there…"
"Don't think about that," Olivia says softly.
There is a knock at the door and a nurse comes in with a bassinet containing Kathy's infant son.
The nurse picks him up and places him in Kathy's arms.
"Hi there," Kathy coos to the baby. "Hi my darling."
The nurse walks out of the room.
Olivia smiles when she sees Kathy with the baby. She feels differently about this baby. She feels attached to him because she watched his birth up close. In all her years as a police officer, she has never been in a live birth situation. She thinks that even if it had not been Kathy, the experience would have been the same. She still would have felt amazed and had a sense of wonder at birth. It humbled her more than she expected it would.
"You want to hold him again?" Kathy asks.
Olivia smiles and nods. "Yeah."
She gets up and Kathy gently transfers the baby into Olivia's arms.
The weight of the baby felt good in her arms and Olivia sat down in the chair, gently rocking him.
"Well hello Elliot Jr.," she coos. "And I mean that in the nicest way possible."
The baby yawns and his eyelids flutter sleepily. She puts a pinky to his palm and he grabs it with a strong grip. She smiles down at him as she holds him. She looks at his face and finds that he is handsome. Like Elliot. He has his cerulean blue eyes that Olivia thinks are beautiful. This child is precious, she thinks to herself.
"He's little," Olivia comments.
"He weighed in at six pounds three ounces," Kathy says.
Olivia nods.
Kathy notices how natural Olivia looks with the baby in her arms and she sighs as she looks at Olivia.
"How come you never had kids, Liv?" Kathy asks.
The question takes Olivia off guard and she looks up at Kathy.
"What?" She asks.
"How come you never had kids?" Kathy repeats.
The second time around, Olivia is more prepared as she shrugs. "I don't know."
"Elliot told me about your past when you first got partnered," Kathy says quietly. "Is that the reason why you've never settled down with anyone?"
"Yeah," Olivia says. "I mean, I would love to have a baby someday but…those days are slowly dwindling."
"Not really," Kathy says. "Look at me. I'm forty one and I had a baby. You're my age…lots of women are having babies in their forties."
"I would like to have a family," Olivia divulges. She's never had this conversation with Kathy before and she can hardly believe that she is being this honest with her. She has never been this honest about the subject, not even with Elliot because he just assumed that she didn't want to talk about it. She really doesn't want to talk about it, but a part of her feels like she owes Kathy her honesty. "It's something I think about a lot."
"You would be a great mother," Kathy says with a smile. "You handle kids everyday. Imagine how you'd be with your own kids."
Olivia sighs. "Maybe someday…I just don't have time and the men I date…"
Kathy rests against the pillows.
"Not exactly Prince Charmings," she says. "I'm sure there's someone out there for you. That is if you really want it."
Olivia shrugs. "I'm more along the lines of if it happens it happens."
She gets up and places Elliot Jr. into Kathy's arms again.
If Olivia never gets married or has a family, that will be okay with her because she will have the memory of holding the Stablers' infant son in her arms. She will remember the way he felt in her arms, the way he gurgled and yawned, the way he gripped her pinky. She can live with that and live with the memory of possibly the strongest hug she's ever received from Elliot. The memory of his embrace during this time is enough.
Kathy doesn't yet understand that she is happy. She is completely, perfectly happy.
Olivia sits back down and she sighs and grins at Kathy holding her son.
Kathy is glad that Olivia decided to stay with her once again. She now sees Olivia differently than she did before. She sees the soft, motherly side that came out when the accident happened. She sees the loyal side of a woman she has only known through Elliot's small utterances about her. She trusts Olivia almost as much as Elliot trusts her now.
She looks down at her son and she smoothes over his hair and kisses his cheek.
For the first time almost nine years, Kathy is grateful for Olivia's presence in her life, in Elliot's life.
She looks at Olivia.
"Thank you."
Olivia nods and smiles.
All thoughts of the events of the day cease to replay in their memories and a hush settles over the room as the baby falls asleep.