The Opposite of Love is not Hate but Indifference
[Author's note: This is my first attempt at an Alexander fan fiction. This could be a one-shot or continue to a longer story. I really don't know if I have enough of a personal voice for writing in this fandom. I discovered the world of Alexander through other fan fictions before ever reading about it or watching the Oliver Stone movie. My personal opinion might be too formed by other writers on this board. Either way, this is my little contribution to this fandom.]
Warning: none
Hephaestion's POV
There are all kinds of love: platonic love, brotherly love, passionate love, familial love, serene love. Then there's the lesser known form of love, the opposite side of the coin, hate.
At one point or another, I had felt all those emotions toward Alexander: my King, my lover, my friend, and at times my enemy. I can feel all those different emotions toward him, but never indifference. Sometimes for my sanity I crave for that elusive calm, to be divorced from my emotions and the corresponding pain.
I couldn't blame him though; it was my own fault for having made him my entire world from an early age. It was my own decision to fall hopelessly in love with my best friend. My decision to leave the only home I've ever known behind to follow my sun blindly and faithfully. My own fault for offering my heart, my body, my everything before he would ever ask for it. I had freely given my entire being away to him and never asked for anything in return.
It was human nature to take for granted what was freely given to you. Since I had never demanded anything from him, it was easy for him to take me for granted, to discard me like a forgotten toy to one day rediscover and played with once again. That has always been the dynamics between us. One day I would be all that Alexander had eyes and passion for, and then just as mercurial as the weather, it would all change with me forgotten, waiting in the wings to be rediscovered once more.
Everything was changing now. I don't know what had caused the change, but I noticed that inner turmoil boiling beneath the surface for days, weeks, months, and truthfully for years now. At some point it no longer fulfilled my need just to be noticed by my King, my Alexander.
That was the catalyst. My subconscious had been trying to draw my attention to it for eternity, until the day I finally discovered the truth. He was no longer MY Alexander. And now I wonder, had he ever been mine to begin with or had I been fooling myself this whole time.
With that truth blaring unpleasantly through my head, stabbing deeply into my heart with every reminder, every neglect, every perceived slight, I feel that love I held unreservedly toward him drain away. I hope when I lance the pain and drain the wound, it would not be hate that remained in me, but rather indifference. But I knew deep in my defeated heart, I could never feel indifference to my own personal sun.