Characters don't belong to me....
I'm not a native speaker and haven't got a beta reader yet, so I'm very sorry about grammer mistakes and stuff!!! Please review :-) :-)
And if you want to beta-read my next chapters I would be very glad!
Now have fun reading....
Part 1 the prick of a needle
Its amazing how much your life can change by just a tiny prick of a needle. It doesn't even take more than a millisecond but still it has effects on hours, days... years.
This prick can mean everything and anything. Maybe it means that the second the needle touches your skin, pure life floods out of you and later into someone else. A life is saved. In some parts of the world it means poison pours into you, instilled by some prison warden, who hides his face behind a wall. A life is taken.
For me the prick of the needle meant that I was saved and killed at the same time. I don't even know how that is possible but this is exactly what happened.
I was saved from forever being the untouchable Rogue, the girl with the deadly skin that would have never been able to have love, family.. life.
This girl, Rogue... would probably say that she was killed. And she is right. Yes, I hated her most of the times but I also liked her. She was tough, strong.. she needed to be. She never gave up even if she had every right to do so. She was not the nice, loveable southern girl I am now but she was wild, rough and self-confident up to a certain point. I miss her little... she made me feel save, because she had already gone through so much shit that I was quite certain that there was nothing that could shock her. I guess now I feel a little insecure without her. Yeah, yeah I know that this makes no sense because I should feel secure, confident and loveable now but my skin did not only shield the world from me but also me from the world.
But I am rambling about stuff that doesn't matter any more. So I did take the cure and there is nothing I can do about it. Not that I want to.
Life is getting better by the second I feel. I enjoy the feeling of the warm sun on my naked arms and legs now it gets warmer, summer approaching. I like the feeling of going out shopping only having to be concerned about what suits me best, not about what covers me up in the safest way.
I really love touching my boyfriends cheek and my lips brushing his every so slightly.
Some of my friends didn't take me getting the cure so well. I guess that's because a lot of them have learned through the years and with the help of the professor (may he rest in peace) that their mutation is a "gift" they can be proud of. But considering my case more thoroughly, they have come to the conclusion that being proud of poisonous skin is not nearly as easy, as being proud of being able to walk through walls or beam yourself somewhere else whenever you want to.
Storm was a little mad at me at first, I think. Being Storm she did her very best not to show and still was very polite. But with Charles, Jean and Scott dead, there were not much teachers left and she was very grateful when I offered to teach some classes of art and history.
As for Logan. Well... since I've taken the cure we haven't talked a lot. I don't know if that's connected somehow or if he has simply lost interest in my person. I mean.. as he teaches self-defence for all new X-men members, including me, we encounter a lot. He's usual gruff Logan but I miss him being nice to me. Earlier he was... to anyone but me. Yes, I miss that. It doesn't feel like we're friends any more. As if he regards me simply as one of these noisy, irritating students he has to look after because he kinda feels he owns it to the professor. I wait for him to get on his bike and leave the mansion forever, every second. What more holds him here than some stupid compunctions and false sense of duty? Not me.... not any more
I kind of feel bad for complaining so much. Life is good.. life is great. I'm healthy, I'm touchable. I have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me very much, I'm a member of the great X-men.. I have a home and a family. I could be that happy, careless and lovely southern girl again. How come I'm not?
It was one of these warm sunny evenings, that I loved the most when I was younger. The sky was painted in a red, golden colour and the trees rustling quietly from the soft summer breeze. There was a festival in town and Storm took most of the students with her, allowing them one last evening of ease before the big learning for the exams would start. I had offered to stay home to watch those that didn't want to tag along, secretly being one of them. I still felt uneasy about crowds and I preferred having the mansion all to myself for one night. Well.. almost.
When Storm asked Logan if he wanted to come, he just snorted and raised one eyebrow. As if that was an proper answer, she just smiled and nodded. So here I was in the kitchen, cramming a spoon into a bowl of ice-cream, when I heard his footsteps approaching. He must have smelt me or sensed my presence as I could hear him stop and hesitate for a moment before entering. I looked up and smirked at him, quickly turning my gaze back to my ice-cream. I didn't want him to see how my eyes darkened with disappointment every time I saw him. I didn't want him to see that I missed him.
"Hey", I simply stated and shoved a spoonful into my mouth, letting the soft vanilla melt on my tongue, numbing it with its coldness.
He just growled in response. I was used to that.
"How are you doing", he all of sudden asked. To that I was not used to .. not at all.
My head snapped up and I looked at him astounded. It was the first time in months he asked me that or anything not concerning the mansion or the x-men for that matter. I must have been starring at him for quite a long time without answering and I could see him getting irritated.
"What.. you are mute now"?
I shook my head quickly and pulled myself together.
"I'm fine.. thanks", I said and after a pause. "And you"?
He sat down on a stool beside me and knitted his eyebrow as in really thinking about it.
"As always", he replied gruffly and stood up again to help himself with a beer. He took one bottle, hesitated a moment ans then took out another and hold it to me.
"Want one"?
I simply nodded and took it out of his hand. When I did my skin slightly brushed this and this made us both jump. It was a weird feeling, his skin on mine without sucking the life out of him. I have never realised how soft his hand felt despite all the hair.
I really didn't know what to make of this. Was he going to take off again and felt the urge to explain or excuse himself somehow.. and I just happened to be the one being there? Or did he really try to talk to me.. reconnect somehow?
"So... ", he started, I sensed him feeling uncomfortable now. "How is it going with that skin thing of yours"?
I raised one eyebrow and looked at him not entirely sure what to answer. I have always sensed that he
didn't agree to me taking the cure but at the same time he had always seemed to somehow understand that I had needed to.
"It's...", I stopped, unsure of what to say. I had wanted to say its great and good and wonderful and stuff. But I couldn't For some reason I couldn't get it out.
"It's weird", I answered instead.
"You regret it"?
Why this questions? What did he intend? Why asking me things that threw me completely off the tracks? And why was that so? Why did he ask me such things so randomly like it was the most normal thing in the world to ask.
He must have sensed me being completely confused about this conversation. He sighed slightly and leaned back in his stool to study my face.
"Sorry..Look I now I haven't been around a lot lately. I mean I have.. but not as.. you know.. kinda your friend..ya know? Just tried to refresh this..", he widely gestured with his hands between us. "This friendship a little, alright"? He said defensively.
I quickly nodded, not wanting to turn him away again. Yes, it took me off guards but all the same that was what I had waited for for months.
"Yeah.. it was my fault as well", I began. "I have been pretty occupied with.. well being normal".
"So.. that's the answer", he replied and again lost me at tat point.
"Answer t what"? I asked and frowned. He didn't make any sense tonight.
"To my question.. if you regret it. I guess that's a no", he stated matter of factly.
I took a deep breath, wanting to nod. Oh yeah.. I so wanted to nod that it almost hurt. I wanted to nod because it would mean that everything was good and great and that I was happy.
Maybe I was not. He looked into my eyes and I know he saw my inner struggle. Hell, he knew me probably better than anyone else. And he knew. And when looking straight back into his eyes I saw that he realised. I began to panic slightly not really knowing why. He realised something I didn't want to.
"It's okay kid", he mumbled, clearly unsure of what to say.
But how was it okay? I had what I had always wanted since my mutation showed up. My dream had come true. How on earth could I not be happy.
Maybe I'm like being miserable all the time, I thought.
He chuckled. "I don't think so".
Had I said that aloud? Oh my god.. what was wrong with me? Just a few minutes ago everything had been perfectly okay, at least on the surface and now there comes this gruffly, hairy man that hasn't talked to me since months and dear god, is not the king of profound conversations and pulls me into this mess that I don't want to be in.
"Drink your beer", he ordered as if it was answer to it all. As if it was the medicine that would make me be okay again.
I did as he told in silence. I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know where to start. But it seemed okay. He wasn't waiting for me to say anything... yes that was Logan. He never expected me to react like a normal human being would do. Sometimes I hated that he knew so much about me.
When we had finished our drinks, he stood up and looked at me again.
"Would you like to get out of here some time"?
I must have stared at him in confusion again.
"I mean.. we could take a ride on Sco..my bike and get into town. Get something proper to drink.. maybe … talk"? He explained further and I felt him being very unsure about himself right now.
"That would be great", I managed to say and he turned around and left without saying anything else. I was left behind feeling utterly lost somehow. What had happened tonight?
I put the empty bottle back into the closet where the students would find it and made my way to my room. Outside I heard happy chattering and laughing. They were back.
Just a few seconds later I faced my boyfriend Bobby who smiled widely as he saw me. He kissed my nose tip.
"How was your evening honey? Did you enjoy yourself"?
I out on a huge faked grin and nodded while he lead me into our room. The faked grin wouldn't leave my face all night even while I, the once untouchable girl, was touched and made love to by someone who loved me so very much the way I was. Or the way he thought I was. The way I had thought I was.. until tonight.
The prick of a needle. A life saved. A life taken away.