Hail to the King, Baby!
Chapter 1:
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Written by: The First-Born
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Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Naruto failed the academy twice before so he is 2 years older than the others, making him 14 when he failed for the third time.
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WARNING!
This story may include, but is not restricted to; Violence… Sexual Themes… Drug use… Cursing… Bashing… Womanizing… and etc.
This story is a crossover with Naruto and Duke Nukem, one of the first of it's kind.
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Hiruzen sighed while looking up at the ceiling in his office and holding his pipe. Things around the village had been peaceful and quite… too much so for too long. Four long years had slowly passed since Naruto left the village, seeming to take the joy and very sunlight with him when he walked through the gates.
He had tried to stop the boy, asking questions like 'What about your friends?' or 'How can you become the Hokage if you leave?'. But the blond was unmoved, replying with, 'What friends?' and 'Like I'd ever be chosen to be the Hokage'. He tried everything short of lying and force to get the boy to stay, but seeing as the boy was a civilian, he could hardly do anything about it seeing as he had once again failed the exams to become a Genin.
It wasn't until a few weeks later did he find out that Naruto's test scores had been changed and that he had been sabotaged at every stop by the assistant teacher Mizuki, who was later caught trying to steal the Forbidden Scroll of Seals. He admitted to sabotaging the blond and changing his grades in hopes of tricking him into stealing it after a few long seasons with Ibiki and Anko.
After looking over each test of the blonds he found that not only was Naruto's scores inconsistent, the boy had got them all correct, even the bonus questions that were usually Chunin level.
He had sent out a tracking team to try and track down the blond in hopes of telling him the news, but when the ninjas returned a failure, he turned to Jiraiya and his network for help. Only, Naruto was nowhere to be found.
To make matters worse, Danzo has been pushing to have the boy returned and conditioned to be a weapon and had his agents going over everything with a fine-tooth comb. He even found the file he had hidden under loads of unrelated papers, the one which detailed Naruto's parentage.
Lucky for him, but not for Danzo, the cripple had believed that the council would agree with him, to have the son of Minato Namikaze and Kushina Uzumaki brought make and make a loyal pawn. But it backfired, instead of wanting the jailer of the Kyuubi made a mindless puppet, they all wanted him to return and restart both the Uzumaki and Namikaze clans. Danzo was pissed that no one listened to him about it anymore but a firm, figurative bitch slap from the Hokage made him shut it.
It had all happened a month ago and he had been happy to send out tracking teams in hopes of finding the boy. Hopefully, he hadn't changed too much and would be thrilled to return.
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In Kirigakure, the Village Hidden in the Mist, a small battle was going on against the loyalist ninja's and the rebels. They fought with the fury of an army twice it's size and neither seemed to be gaining the edge.
Suddenly, someone was thrown through the groups, knocking down everyone that stood in the way until he crashed through the wall of a bar.
The fighting stopped as a short figure appeared holding a staff with a hook on each end, making the loyalists cheer while the rebels got nervous.
"It's Yagura!" one of the rebels yelled. "The Mizukage!"
"I'ma feel that in the morning," someone else groaned, making everyone look to the large hole in the wall a few yards away.
Climbing out of the hole was a tall, muscled, blond man wearing a pair of dark black sunglasses over his face. He had on heavy black boots, a pair of blue jeans, a red muscle shirt that showed off all his toned muscles, black fingerless gloves, and a bandolier holding a few small pouches.
He adjusted his sunglasses with one hand and held a large bottle of Sake in the other, obviously one that he found in the bar. "Is that all you got… pussy?" he taunted the Mizukage, "You fight like a bitch,"
Yagura's pink eyes narrowed on the blond before he shot forward with his staff, swinging it to pierce him through his side with one of the hooks only to have it caught under the man's arm which held the sake. Unable to pull back or release the staff in time, Yagura soon felt some of his teeth shatter as the blond threw a punch that sent his body rag dolling and bouncing back out onto the street.
Slamming into a pile of rubble from previous battles, Yagura rolled to his front and coughed, gagging as he spat out his molars and a bunch of blood. That punch was inhuman, almost as if he'd been hit with a hammer. Luckily for him, he had managed to roll with it as not to have his jaw get shattered.
The blond chuckled and popped the cork off the bottle before downing it all in one go and throwing the bottle down as the short kage stood up, blood dripping down his chin. Looking at the staff, he checked it over and smirked before snapping it over his knee and throwing the pieces aside.
Yagura and the blond blurred forward, fighting with their fists until the shorter of the pair pulled a blade and stabbed the blond in the forearm. With a yell of pain, the blond grabbed Yagura's wrist and forced it out of his arm, "You mother fucking… BITCH!" he growled out before twisting the limb until a sickening crunch came from the Mizukage's arm.
Yagura screamed in pain before the blond grabbed his bottom jaw with his injured limb.
Releasing the broken arm, the blond then grabbed the shorter guy's upper jaw with his other hand, not bothered by the blood and spit from the missing teeth before he pulled them apart with seemingly superhuman strength until the bone was dislocated with a loud pop. But he didn't stop there, he kept pulling and pulling until the skin and muscle ripped, separating his opponent's entire lower jaw in a spray of blood.
Dropping the writhing Mizukage to the ground, the blond then raised his boot and stomped on his head, crushing the green haired teen's skull and killing him.
Both the rebels and the loyalists were confused as to what they were suppose to do, the Mizukage was dead and his killer wasn't known to any one. The bloodline wars were now over and no one knew what to do except stare at the muscled blond as he pulled out a cigar and lit it with a large grin.
Blowing out a ring of smoke, the blond chuckled, "Naruto wins… Fatality,"
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With Yagura dead, Kirigakure's rebel leader Mei Terumi, a beautiful buxom redhead with green eyes and a cheerful personality was soon chosen to become the next Mizukage. As her second order of business, right after making sure everyone knew that she was the boss, she went about finding the man responsible for the brutal slaying of Yagura to offer him a spot as one of her most valued ninja. Especially after recognizing him as the Burisuben-no-Joshi, an A-ranked ronin ninja wanted by many noblemen for sleeping with their wives or daughters.
The Burisuben-no-Joshi or, the Bane of Women, was a powerful Shinobi and notorious womanizer surpassing even the writer of Icha-Icha. It was said that once you had him, you'd never find another like him and would forever be comparing others to him and wishing for more.
Walking up the hall to the newly cleaned Mizukage tower, a Chunin unlucky enough to have to deliver paperwork stopped and asked if the new Mizukage was in, only to get a shrug from the tired guard.
Sighing, the Chunin trudged up the stairway and knocked on the door…
No answer.
He knocked again but still nothing.
Balancing the stack of paperwork in one hand, he carefully turned the doorknob and nudged the door open. The Chunin then took hold of the papers and walked in, planning to leave the papers on her desk before leaving.
He never noticed the three foot long and one foot thick empty scroll as it flew towards him, branding him in the face and sending his body back into the hall.
"Mother fucker," Naruto growled while holding his middle finger up at the slowly closing door, his other hand holding the tight sexy ass of the brand new Mizukage as they broke in her desk.
"Oh!" Mei gasped out as his length bottomed out in her, "Ignore them… ah… pound me more… OH Kami!"
He grunted as he focused completely on her, "Who's your daddy now?"
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It seemed like years had passed before he finally got news from his tracking teams, Sarutobi had been starting to worry about them but when he finally received the message from one of the messenger ninjas, he hadn't found the news as enjoyable as he had thought.
His trackers couldn't find hide nor hair of the blond Uzumaki. Even his student Jiraiya was having a hard time finding anything relating to the missing 18 year old young man. From what he had been hearing, Jiraiya was even working so hard the he hadn't even visited a brothel or peeked into a hot spring for close to three weeks. All he did know was that a small blond wearing orange had been seen traveling away from Fire Country... just weeks after Naruto left.
It seemed like Naruto had just vanished once he stepped foot out of Fire Country.
Jiraiya's information network of spies and informants were also hard at work looking for Naruto Uzumaki but considering that the only picture they had was well over four years old and that people change over time he felt foolish to have gotten his hopes up.
Little did he or Jiraiya know, had the man relapsed into his normal perversion while in Tea country, he would've ran right into the blond in question. Although, he did hear that the Civil war in the Hidden Mist Village was over...
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"Oh Ruto-sama!" A busty young blond haired woman cooed as she rubbed against the blond's muscled arm while sitting in her place of work, a well known and surprisingly clean strip-club. "Your so manly!"
Smirking, Naruto leaned back into the seat with the girl as another danced seductively on his table. "Don't you know it baby,"
The tablecloth in front of him started moving and the sound of coughing and gagging reached their ears over the loud stripper music. Another blond, the other woman's twin, crawled out with a devious grin while wiping her mouth, her face red from choking moments before.
"Oh that tasted so good!"
Naruto grinned under his sunglasses and pulled her up to his side, "How about we go somewhere more private pussycat ?"
"Hey!" her twin whined while softly slapping his arm, "No fair! I want to go!"
"Baby, there's more than enough of me to go around,"
Outside, Jiraiya walked by while biting his lip and repeating to himself over and over that he couldn't go in. He felt like a drug addict who saw his dealer waiting at a street corner but couldn't go over.
To be continued...
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