A Beautiful Lie

This is a Oneshot I wrote while listening to the song A Beautiful Lie which has been written by 30 Seconds to Mars.

Introduction:

After the Battle of Hogwarts, everyone has to repeat. Luna and Neville too. The following year Neville is recruited for the job of the Herbology professor, due to lack in the staff, while Luna still has to do her last year in Hogwarts.
How will their relationship change?
From Luna's PoV
It's not a very good introduction, but read the story, please.

Credits and disclaimer:

Everything belongs to J., except the idea. I don't make any money out of this text.
Special thanks go to the wonderful band 30 Seconds to Mars, I had the honour of being able to watch them perform live lately.

Author's note:

I hope you will enjoy it. I love this pairing most of all Harry Potter pairings. I am thinking about writing it in Neville's point of view as well... I am not sure.
Please note that I am not from England, I'm from Austria, thus German and not English is my first language. I already say sorry for all the occuring mistakes in grammar, spelling, writing stye, ..., as it is not very easy to write in another language.
Oh, and - I love reviews...

Lie awake in bed at night,
And think about your life.
Do you want to be different?

She was lying in her bed, staring at the ceiling. She didn't know how long she had been lying there, just staring at the ceiling. To be completely frank, she didn't really mind. It was a long time, she could be sure of that. But although she was tired, she was restless in a funny way.

When she was sure that she wasn't going to be falling asleep, she decided she could just get up and do some homework. She wasn't going to get any rest, anyway. Slowly she got out of bed and went to the Studying Room. As always, she asked herself how it came that she never noticed the seventh year students had a Studying Room all for themselves, entering it. She had been quite surprised to find it, when she came to Hogwarts to start her last year on this school. The place, where she felt awkwardly at home. The place, where she had spent both the happiest and the unhappiest moments of her life. The place, where she was known as odd and crazy…
The place, where she had fallen in love for the first time!

Wiping the thoughts away she positioned herself at her own desk and took some books out of a drawer. 'I'll start with the Herbology essay. Professor Longbottom wanted it for the day after tomorrow, but I won't have any time to write it tomorrow, probably...'
She started writing, but only a few minutes later she found, that she had only written one sentence and drifted away in her thoughts again. 'I was always known as the odd one, wasn't I? Everybody seems to assume automatically that I am just that random girl.' She didn't want to be just that random girl. She didn't want to be the odd one, the different one. She wanted to be accepted.

Only few people accepted her. There was her dad, of course, but firstly he had to accept her, she was his daughter; and secondly he was just as crazy as she was. 'No, crazier even' she thought, angry all of a sudden.
Then there were Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley, who were just some of the nicest and most loyal people a girl like her could have the luck to meet. She liked both of them a lot, really, and as they were friends it was strange to have Harry as her Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher now. She sometimes died inside laughing, because she had to call him Mister Potter now and say Sir and act formal around him when he held his classes.
Hermione Granger was also a great friend of hers, although she didn't trust her as she did with Harry or Ginny; Hermione was too narrow-minded in her opinion, and she had seen her more than once laughing at her stupid ideas.
Ron Weasley, on the other hand, was not at all narrow-minded, and she liked him very much as well, but when he was in a bad mood – and this happened occasionally – he would be really mean to everyone, including, and he would call her Loony then, at least when Ginny was not around.

Try to let go off the truth,
The battles of your youth.
Cause this is just a game!

And then, there was someone else. Neville Longbottom. Her Herbology professor. It was in no way as easy as with Harry to treat him as her teacher. She was in love with him. And it wasn't just a little crush that a teenage girl had on her handsome, young professor. It was real love. When she had fallen for him, they had been trying to keep up their rebellion against Voldemort. They had been in the same resistance group. They had comforted each other when they got punished. They had shared their fears and their hopes. Ginny had been involved as well, of course. But often she was busy worrying about Harry – not that her and him hadn't been worrying about the golden boy, but the relationship between Ginny and Harry was just something special – and so they were stuck with each other. Not that they minded, though. He and her had always gotten along well and had been something like friends since the start of Dumbledore's Army. Spending so much time together, however, made them really close friends. Soon they were inseparable and could be called the very best friends. But it had been even before that time that she fell for him. It had been in the night Albus Dumbledore was murdered. They had been fighting together against the Deatheaters, although of course they knew they didn't stand a chance. She had looked around, hoping to see something that would give her strength. Her eyes met his and for several moments they locked, before she was looking away, blushing furiously. It had worked. It had given her strength, and with new courage and hope she threw herself into the battle, fighting harder than ever before.

Since then, he wouldn't leave her thoughts. It was as if he was imprinted in her head. It took her until Dumbledore's funeral to figure out what this meant. It was a strange sensation for her to know that she was in love. She had never been in love before. She felt even more strange than usual. Nevertheless, she grew used to that feeling. And in the next year, when she and he became really close friends due to the comforting and hoping, she even grew to like the feeling.

It's a beautiful lie.
It's the perfect denial.
Such a beautiful lie to believe in,
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me…

She never told him. But always throughout that year and especially after the Great Battle of Hogwarts and in the following year, when he was repeating his seventh and she her sixth year, she always had the sentiment that he liked her back. She really liked that feeling. He, however, had never made any sort of a move; if he had, she had missed it because she clearly couldn't remember anything of that kind. This could, if she was thinking it over, also be because she often was over the moon with her thoughts and paid attention to mostly awkward things, only seldom she set her mind on, how others would call it, normal things. Somehow she had the feeling that she wouldn't have missed it, if he had made a move. Of course she never really expected him to like her back. Still, in a way she had always counted on him expressing his love for her at some point or another. She had been sure that he was in love with her. Not because of any moves he made, and not because she was so self-confident, but because of how he acted around her. So caring, so kind, so gentle. She smiled. And now, in her seventh year, when he had been recruited as professor for Herbology, due to the lack of teaching staff, suddenly in their before easygoing relationship there was insecurity, distance. He acted strangely around her. Not only were the kindness, the gentleness gone, which made her think he loved her to begin with, he never really acted like a friend, not to speak of her very best friend anymore. Of course she felt a bit odd in having him as her teacher as well, but it was him who brought the distance and the coolness. To face facts he had successfully managed to destroy any relationship that might have been existing between the two of them. They were nothing closer than a Herbology professor and a normal (female) student. With the exception, of course, that she was absolutely and madly in love with him.

She was sure now that he never had loved her. Why should he? She had always known that she had a strong imagination. Oh yes, she had a strong believe in almost everything. It took a lot to let her see that her believe, whatever, was wrong. Normally it would be impossible to tell her that something could never work or exist. She probably had just imagined her and him being together that she had started believing it. That was something likely for her to do. She started doubting their friendship too, which was alarming. She usually never doubted anything. No matter what. It had taken much for her to come down from her cloud 22.34 to earth for a short while, just to be realistic and face facts. He probably just faked friendship, because he needed someone to be with, in those dark times, and because he pitied her. She hated it when she was pitied! And even more she hated the realization of the fact that their whole friendship had been a lie. She hated cheating. That's why she never did it. That's also why she never lied. She hated cheaters. That's why she mistrusted most people and seldom let anyone gain an insight to her life and her true personality. That's why she didn't have many friends. She hated being cheated at. But she still didn't hate him. She just couldn't. If she could, she would have loved to.

She sighed and looked up. This wasn't going to get her anywhere with her Herbology essay. She looked at the parchment. She had hardly written three sentences. Suddenly she felt that she was really tired. 'Well, it's about time that I am. It is almost four o'clock in the morning!'
Deciding that she needed her sleep and that she wasn't going to get anywhere with her essay now, anyway, she packed up her things and went to bed. This time she didn't have any problems in falling asleep.

It's time to forget about the past,
To wash away what happened last.
Hide behind an empty face;
Don't ask too much, just say.
Cause this is just a game!

"Ms. Lovegood, I was asking for two parchments of essay. Now you just feel like handing this in, those three lines or what it is and pretend that it is enough?"

She flinched when he was calling her Ms. Lovegood. But if he wanted to, they were going to have it his way…

"I am really sorry, Professor Longbottom, Sir, I just didn't have the time to do it properly, there were a lot of things going on, and…"

Her voice trailed off, and she got a bit dreamy. She knew that this lost look of hers was appearing on her face now; it always was, when she was thinking. She had known that she wouldn't have the time to write the essay, and unfortunately she had been wrong. Of course she had wanted to do it, but there just hadn't been any time. Before going to bed she had wondered if she should stay awake for just a little while longer to be able to write this essay, but she had been so damned tired… She hid her yawn and tried to smile at him.

He seemed to be slightly puzzled, hearing her calling him Professor Longbottom, Sir, but he recovered from the surprise very soon. He bowed down to her, came dangerously near to her face and almost hissed:

"Just because we fought together in a battle you cannot just allow yourself everything during my classes and get away with it. You are just a student like any other to me. Don't think you will get away with it! If this happens again, I will be forced to take points from your house and give you detention. This is also what will happen if you don't hand in the essay in double-length until the next Herbology lesson!"

He looked at her angrily, but there was yet another emotion in his eyes, which she couldn't interpret. She knew what that meant, and she knew that his advice was not stupid: She should finally stop being naive enough to think their pretended friendship actually meant something. She should just come down to earth and accept that everything she had believed in for the last four years had just been a game to him, a game he had liked to play because he had nobody else, nobody more interesting. She really should just leave the past behind her, wake up from the beautiful dream she had dreamed for four long years, see the truth, forget everything and move on. But she didn't want to. It would hurt extremely to accept it. It hurt her even now; although she didn't let herself accept that the only real friendship she had ever had had been a lie and a lie only. That the man she was in love with felt nothing for her, except a little bit of pity perhaps, and even the pity seemed to be gone now. She wouldn't let him hurt her by letting her heart discover the truth.
She felt a sting in her heart. Pain. But he was the last person in front of whom she would ever show this pain. She looked at him with a faraway face, which was typical for her and didn't give away anything. For the first time in her life she really put on a mask and said in a dreamy voice:

"Oh, I wouldn't expect more." A little smile. Forced, of course. He didn't seem to notice, anyway. "But I fear you have been attacked by a 'Toodeling Toogy Woozy Willooker'."

He smiled coolly.
"Could you please go back to your seat?"

She made her way to her seat in the back. Ginny was not here yet. She had the seat next to her. This year, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor had Herbology class together. She and Ginny were delighted by this, because it was the only class they had together this year. While thinking this she detected a group of Gryffindor girls entering. Amongst them was Ginny. She winked to her, but Ginny didn't take any notice. Instead she was going to the professor's desk to talk to him. Luna overheard their conversation.

"I'm sorry, Nev, I just really couldn't do the essay, Quidditch practice, you know? I'll hand it in next lesson!"

She could see him grinning at Ginny.
"No problem, Gin. Well, hopefully you'll win the game, against Ravenclaw, isn't it? Not that there is any doubt the Gryffindor team will win, even without Harry you are superb! Lions rule! Although of course I as a teacher am certainly not taking sides."

She could hear Ginny laugh. She still laughed when she sat down next to her. Ginny found it amusing.

Well, she herself definitely didn't.

It's a beautiful lie.
It's the perfect denial.
Such a beautiful lie to believe in,
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me!

Neville was chatting to some other students about this and that. He was a very well loved teacher, generally. He behaved friendly with the students. He was understanding and caring. Everyone knew that if there was a problem one could always come to Professor Longbottom, he wouldn't tell anyone and he would understand, he would give good advice. He also understood if someone didn't have time to do their homework, although obviously she was an exception. He was strict, he was a good teacher and wanted his students to work hard, but he had sense of humour. Plus of course he was a little celebrity. Having killed Nagini, Voldemort's snake, he had got real attention for the first time in his life. But since Harry had revealed the meaning of this snake's death to the world in a press conference he had become absolutely famous, almost as much as Harry, Ron or Hermione. So the student's adored him. He was everything a teacher should be, he was even young. And she was sure that she wasn't the only female student who was in love with him.
As if he had felt that she had been staring at him he turned around and threw her a look. She couldn't read it completely, but it showed her clearly the dislike he held for her. Having him looking at her in this way was like being stabbed from behind.

She shouldn't care. She shouldn't. She was supposed to leave the past behind. She was supposed to…
In this moment she was sure. Their friendship had never been anything else than a game to him. She normally shielded herself well. It wasn't easy to upset her with anything said or done. In those seven years of being the odd and crazy one she had learned to never be hurt by anything.
Of course now he had to come and tear down wall that had been built up over years. The hurt that came with the realization, that everything they had had together had been nothing but lies, pity and betrayal, hit her with full power. After seven years of never being hurt she felt it stronger than anything else in her life before. Never before had she had feelings that were this strong and this deep, not even her love to him. After all, she still couldn't hate him.
She had never been that hurt before. She had never been that desperate before. She never cried in public, yet she had never been as close to crying as in this very second.
Ginny looked at her and suddenly she realized that she couldn't show her feelings. She put on a mask, her usual dreamy face. The usual face she made when she was completely over the moon with her thoughts, thinking herself in a different, better world and getting lost there.

"Oh Luna." Ginny laughed, looking at her face. "Where are you with your thoughts again?" She giggled again, which was a sign for Ginny not really asking for an answer.
She forced a laugh out of her mouth. "Sorry. I was just thinking about what would happen if you paired up a Toodeling Toogy Woozy Willooker with a…"

She never had the chance to finish her sentence, because in that very instant the class began. Inwardly she felt grateful for that, she didn't know if Ginny really believed her and she didn't want to tell her friend what she really had thought. Of course he didn't do it to do her a favour, yet she had to be thankful for this. Luckily for her Ginny had forgotten about it when the lesson was over and didn't ask again.

And she herself? She tried to forget. She tried to banish her discovery from her head, but she failed miserably. And she still couldn't accept it.

Everyone's looking at me,
I'm running around in circles, baby!
A quiet desperation's building higher
I've got to remember this is just a game!

This night she didn't find any sleep. It didn't surprise her. Who would sleep well after having made such a discovery? She thought about writing the essay for Professor Longbottom, but this would only cause her to think about him more than necessary. There was the option of reading something in bed, but she could have woken her roommates and she didn't feel much like reading anything, anyway. Sighing she stood up. She was going to take a little walk around Hogwarts. In this room she felt like in a cage. Walking around Hogwarts she was going to have all the freedom she needed to think and to get her thoughts straight. She needed that now.
Very quietly she left the dormitory. She didn't want anyone else to notice she went for a walk. There would only be stupid talk about her having a boyfriend.
When she got out of the Ravenclaw Common Room she breathed in the fresh air of the castle and sighed relieved. Freedom, for just a few little moments. It was the first time that she had felt uncomfortable in her Common Room or in her dormitory and she had not the slightest idea why, but being here, walking the floors of the silent, sleeping castle she felt excited and reborn. Somehow she had the feeling of seeing the castle for the first time for real. It was, nevertheless, not the first time that she saw the castle in the night. But tonight was somehow special.

Excitedly, careless even, she walked up and down her favourite place's floors.
I will talk to him, she decided and thinking of him didn't hurt at the moment. She knew the pain would return, but for then she was in a strange way happy. She laughed out loud, although she didn't know why.
In the next moment she held her breath. She had heard footsteps. And they were coming in her direction. She froze in shock when she recognized a tall shape. It was a teacher for sure. She suddenly couldn't run or hide. She just stood there, shocked, and waited.
And then…

"Luna?" This voice was familiar. Too familiar. The pain returned immediately.
"Professor Longbottom." She tried to sound cool and untouched but inwardly she was cursing fate. From all the teachers it was of course him who had to catch her in this situation, sneaking around the castle long, long after bedtime.
He gave her a look. And she couldn't hide beneath a mask anymore. She felt her mask breaking and she knew without having to watch that he could slowly see all the hurt, all the pain unfold on her face. She turned her head, so that he couldn't see the tears that now were running down her cheeks. There was no way she would allow him to see how much he had really hurt her. Although the friendship had only been pretended he still was sure to know that she never cried, so he would what it meant that she was just crying. The only problem was that he could hear her sobs. She tried to hide them away, but it didn't work. Of course not. Lately, nothing worked out in her life!

Unexpectedly and all of a sudden two arms were wrapped around her body and he pulled her close to him.
"Luna" His voice was trembling. "Is this my fault?" he asked. "Are you crying because of me?" She almost believed that there was pain in his voice, but then she reminded herself of that day's realization. She also reminded herself, however, of her decision. She would talk to him. This wasn't how she had imagined this scene, it wasn't the right place, definitely not the right time and she was absolutely not in the condition to speak to him, with the tears streaming down her face, but if she didn't take this opportunity now she would perhaps never do it. With a deep sigh she looked at him with her eyes red from crying.

"Why do you behave like this towards me?" she asked quietly.
She could see that he wanted to response, but she went on without taking notice. She wanted to let it all out. Suddenly her throat felt very dry.
"It was all just pretending, all those years of being best friends, wasn't it? You were always just faking friendship. It really was just pity, you never cared really. You didn't have anyone else then, so you were hanging around with me, but now, since there are so many people who are more interesting than me I am suddenly all forgotten, right?"
She didn't scream at him, she was speaking quietly, but the pain in her voice was to be heard.

He didn't say anything at first. Then he pressed her even closer to him. He didn't know how hard it was for her to be so near him, but she had neither the strength nor the will to break free from his embrace.

I better not forget that he just used and pitied me, she told herself strictly, but she couldn't think straight anymore. He was just too close and she was desperate. If this goes on I'll find myself getting up my hopes again. I mustn't forget that this means nothing to him.

So beautiful, beautiful.
It's a beautiful lie.
It's a beautiful lie.
It's a beautiful lie.

For a long time it stayed silent. Then, all of a sudden, he raised his voice. This time she was sure she didn't imagine the pain in his voice, although she had no idea why there was any pain for him.

"This is what you thought?" he asked. "You must – you must hate me now!"
She didn't answer. What was she supposed to tell him? The truth? Sounding something like that: No, of course not, didn't I ever tell you that I was absolutely and irrevocably in love with you?
She raised her head and looked into his face. His most beautiful face. No, the pain in his voice hadn't been imagination. It was to be seen all over his face.

"You do, don't you?" He was almost begging her to answer, and she couldn't bare the pain shown on his face.
"No.", she murmured. "No, I don't." Of course she didn't. She was in love with him. She just couldn't hate him. She would have if it had been possible for her.

"You don't?" he asked. His voice gave away that he couldn't believe it. Surprise but also relieve were to be heard.
"You don't? But you would have every reason to." Still he held her in his arms. She just couldn't bare it anymore to be so close. She struggled free and he let her go.
"You have every reason to hate me. Although the whole thing with the pretended friendship of course isn't true you have…"

This time it was her who couldn't believe what she was hearing. Could he be trusted?
"You didn't just fake friendship?"

He laughed an exited and relieved laugh.
"Of course not. You always meant so much to me. I never faked anything. You were my Luna and I was your Neville – hopefully. I didn't fake friendship. But you still have enough reasons to hate me. I behaved inexcusable towards you since I started being Professor here. I-I owe you an apology, Luna. I swear it doesn't have anything to do with you; it is my fault and my fault alone. I have to apologize. I couldn't handle that… no matter. I am really, really sorry!"

She still couldn't believe what she had just heard.
"You never only befriended me because you pitied me? You…"
Then she decided she would just believe him. She felt like bursting from luck.
"Thanks Neville, you have no idea how much this means to me. It was bothering me since weeks, it just hurt so much!"
She hugged him, and she was so happy. His hug was so gentle, so caring, it was the hug she was used to.

When they let go of each other she sighed. There was one thing that she had to clear now before she could go to her dormitory and sleep peaceful.

"But why, Neville?" Her voice was still quiet, but she was sure that he had heard her.
He didn't meet her eyes while he was mumbling something she couldn't understand.
"I'm sorry, but could you repeat that? I didn't understand anything."

He sighed. Then he looked on the floor and said, very quietly and very fast, as if it was easier if he had done it quickly: "Because I'm in love with you and teachers shouldn't approach their students. I feared that you might not return the feeling, and I feared that I couldn't hold myself back, no matter what and I…"

She couldn't believe it. Ten minutes ago she had thought that he never even liked her in the first place and now he told her that he had been behaving the way he had just because he was in love with her. She couldn't believe her luck.
He never got to say whatever he wanted to say next. Luna wasn't able to think clearly anymore. She made one step in his direction and kissed him directly on the mouth. She could tell that he was caught off-guard, but very soon he discovered from the shock and kissed her back.
She didn't know how long they were standing there, just kissing each other. It seemed like an eternity, and yet it felt like only a few seconds before he pushed her away.

"Merlin! What have I done, snogging my student! Luna, I'm so sorry. You didn't have to do that, I…"
She sighed and then she laughed excitedly.
"Oh, Neville. I've started it. I know that I don't have to, thank you very much. But what if I want to?"

His face was giving away that he didn't understand what she was talking about.

"Neville, why do you think I was so hurt? Why do you think didn't I hate you when I thought that you had just been using me, all those years?"

He still didn't get it. Perhaps he didn't allow himself to get his hopes up. Just to beware of disappointment. She would have done that. But now she wanted to chase the pained look off his face. She wanted him to see just how much she was in love with him.

"Neville. I love you." she said, staring at him.
"You l-love me?" He still didn't fully believe it.
"Since the night of Dumbledore's death." she whispered. Then she felt his lips on hers. She knew he had just decided to believe her. After this thought she didn't think anything else. She just let herself into that kiss. Happiness overcame her, she felt so alive and so free.
When they finally broke apart Neville whispered hoarsely: "I love you too. Since Dumbledore's Army in the year Umbridge was at Hogwarts."

They went on kissing. Most actually she never returned it her dormitory that night. She didn't sleep much, either. There were more important things to be done.

It's a beautiful lie.
It's the perfect denial.
Such a beautiful lie to believe in,
So beautiful, beautiful it makes me!

Even half a year later, when she finally had finished school, she couldn't quite believe that it was actually true – Neville Longbottom really loved her. But even if it had been a lie, she wouldn't care. If it was, it was a beautiful lie. A wonderfully perfect lie. But for some reason she couldn't explain she was sure that he really loved her. It was incredible, but it was true. He had proved it to her so often in so many different situations. In class they had behaved normal, but their relationship was no secret. They found that most people – except some girls who wanted Neville for themselves – were happy for them. Many had expected the two of them to get together sooner or later. Even the headmistress, Professor McGonagall, approved of the happy couple. That was, of course, only if their behaviour in Herbology classes wasn't different from any other teacher-student behaviour. She didn't know how they did it but they managed to act normal around one another during his lessons. They were happy enough that they didn't have to hide their relationship. In fact they were so happy that everyone who was around the happy couple just had to be happy as well. It was impossible not to be.

But this day was going to be the happiest of all days. She was standing in a meadow full of flowers, wearing a beautiful yellow dress – because yellow is the colour of the sun and on weddings you are of course supposed to wear the colours of the sun – and next to her stood Neville, wearing a white suit and a yellow robe. In front of them stood an old man in a white suite. Behind Neville were Harry and Seamus and behind Luna were Ginny and Dean. They all wore white suits except Ginny of course, who wore a white dress. Luna closed her eyes to hear the old man's words.

"Will you, Neville Frank Longbottom, honour Luna Soledad Lovegood through good and bad days until death shall part you, so answer with I will!"

She could hear his voice, energetic and sure. "I will" he said joyful.

The old man – she had forgotten his name, turned towards her. She thought of Neville and everything they would be going through in the future.

"Will you, Luna Soledad Lovegood…" the man began, but Luna just didn't want to wait until he had finally finished his sentence. She knew that Neville would forgive her; he would even count on her doing something like that probably, as he knew her very well, and she was suddenly very impatient.

"…honour…"

"Of course I will!" she claimed, interrupting the old man. He looked very puzzled. Probably such an incident had never happened to him before. Neville was grinning, Harry, Ginny, Dean and Seamus were laughing silently. All the guests at the wedding were laughing, to face facts.

"Uhmm… well, if that is settled I declare you for husband and wife. You now may kiss the bride!" the old man told a still grinning Neville.

Luna looked into her husband's eyes and leaned forward to kiss him under the guests' cheers.

Alright, thanks for reading, everyone. I would really appreciate reviews, critics, suggestions...
I hope you enjoyed it.
Brightleaf