A/N: This story is my first songfic and came out of a minor obsession with Matchbox Twenty's Bed of Lies.
Kevin Lynch has been written so many ways, mostly bad, but listening to this song, my mind wondered, "What if he's just a good guy, caught in a tough situation?" This is where it went.
Note: Minor spoilers for 'Exit Wounds'.
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Criminal Minds or Matchbox Twenty. I'm just playing a little :)
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning
I am
A little after one in the morning, Kevin Lynch was once again lying awake in his girlfriend's bed. Penelope lay curled on her side, facing him, her cheek pillowed on one soft hand. She slept calmly, unaware of the turmoil consuming the man next to her. Kevin sighed deeply then abruptly sat up, rubbing has hands through his already messy hair. Penelope stirred but didn't awaken. He propped his chin on one hand and looked down at her sleeping face and his gaze, while tender, was anxious.
It had been just over four weeks since Pen had returned from Alaska where she had witnessed a murder while on site with the BAU team. The relationship had been fine before that trip, or so Kevin had thought. Ever since he had learnt she had shared a room (though not a bed) with Derek Morgan, Kevin had been deeply troubled. Though he knew Penelope would never cheat – her innate sense of goodness would rebel against the very thought – he also knew something had happened between her and Derek.
Another restless shift from Kevin brought Penelope awake to find him staring down at her.
"Kev, honey what's the matter?" Her voice was husky from sleep, but still sweet and gentle. She stretched a little, but didn't really want to move from her comfortable position.
"Penny, we need to talk." His tone of voice brought her fully and sharply awake. He'd left her no choice now, so she sat up slowly, pushing wild red curls away from her face. Her eyes met his and she knew whatever this was, it was not going to be good.
Kevin stared at her, taking in the tumbled curls, the sleep-softened eyes and the sweet curve of shoulder nearest to him. Though he felt she'd never looked prettier than at that moment, he knew he still had to do it.
"What's on your mind?" she asked, in a deceptively calm tone, quite different from how she actually felt. She tugged the covers up around her pajama-clad body, as though instinctively trying to find some sort of shield from his coming words.
I don't think that I could take another empty moment
I don't think that I could fake another hollow smile
Well, it's not enough just to be lonely
I don't think that I could take another talk about it
"I can't go on like this anymore Penny." He looked away, knowing his next words were going to hurt her badly. "I've been walking on eggshells this past month, and I just can't do it anymore."
Though he was sitting right next to her, Kevin's words seemed to come to her from a million miles away.
"Kevin, what do you mean?" Pen was trying her hardest to be understanding, but a fear was rising in her chest, and it refused all attempts to be tamped down. She shifted on the bed trying to see his face, but he kept it resolutely turned away.
"Ever since you returned from that case in Alaska, things haven't been the same between us. Oh, we still go to all the usual places, and do the usual things, but there's just no meaning in them anymore. It's like you're there with me physically, but a big part of you is somewhere else."
He'd rushed the words out and now he turned to look at her again, his expression earnest and intense, a shock of unruly hair falling into his face. She looked completely blindsided. She opened her mouth to speak, but he spoke quickly to forestall her words.
"I can't paint a smile on my face anymore and pretend it's okay when I watch you with Morgan. You know how I feel about you and him, but we still seem to keep having that conversation over and over again!"
Now she spoke, "Kevin we have that conversation over and over because you can't seem to believe what I'm telling you. There's nothing romantic between Derek and me, we're just best friends!"
Though her voice rose slightly on the last two words, her tone seemed almost resigned. Kevin was jealous of Morgan, she knew that already.
Just like me you've got needs
And they're only a whisper away
And we softly surrender
To these lives that we've tendered away
"Penny, I know you tell yourself that as well as say it to me …" he was hesitant to continue. Shifting position on the bed, he glanced at her.
"Just spit it out Kevin!" Penelope snapped, leaning forward. She was getting upset now. It really was too damn early in the morning to be rehashing this unceasing argument about her relationship with Derek Morgan.
"He wants to be with you Penelope!"