Bellatrix Drabble. Yes, another one... :) x
It's not love
She remembered the first time she saw him,
back when she was a lowly first year
and he was a high and mighty second year,
tall and handsome and intimidating.
But she was (is) a Black,
and she was neither lowly nor intimidated.
So she flounced up to the Slytherin table
(Slytherin, of course, always Slytherin,)
and pretended she hadn't noticed the heir to the Lestrange fortune.
But, of course, she had.
She remembered the first time he talked to her
(she was first year, he was second),
when they were at her family's Christmas ball.
He asked her to dance.
She accepted.
Later, when Andy asked her whether she had blushed,
she said no.
She was telling the truth because,
to a Black,
outward emotion should not be shown.
She had smiled, though.
She remembered the first time he had kissed her.
It was during the summer (third year, fourth year),
they had summer houses near to each other.
They were all on the beach,
herself, Andy, Cissy, Sirius, Regulus,
him and his brother Rabastan.
She remembered the way his eyes glinted
when she asked him to go for a swim,
the triumph when he told her,
between kisses,
that she was a true Black.
She remembered when he proposed to her,
the way that the feeling had bubbled inside of her,
triumph –
she had succeeded in catching him,
when so many other girls had failed –
but also something else.
But it wasn't love, she told herself.
It wasn't love,
when she was locked in Azkaban,
and she twisted herself up in longing for him,
his touch.
It wasn't love,
when he was the first person she ran to
when they were freed.
It wasn't love.
But then,
when they were fighting
and they were so sure that they would win,
when she killed Nymphadora Tonks
(she looked so much like Andy)
and when she was taunting Molly Weasley,
a small part of her was scanning for him,
looking for him.
And when she caught sight of him,
she laughed, loud and reckless.
And she saw the widening of his eyes,
the horror in his face,
the way his lips opened to call her name,
and she thought,
it's not love,
it's not love,
it's not...