For now,
I'll forget to fight,
forget how,
because I've never felt so full,
so loved
I'll watch you,
watch that hair that falls
like a feminine curtain
or some age old tradition
that makes you lie
for far different ones than I do
I'll sit back and watch you drape me in your arms
and wonder if for now,
you really are Nagihiko
and not Nadeshiko,
do you really know a difference?
you never seem to care to separate them anymore,
you are both the woman,
your family carved out,
and the man that you found yourself to be,
so which is holding me now?
Did I let a man charm me
or did a fall for a woman
that just doesn't always look the part?
I hold back my tongue,
because I know that it won't get me far
in this situation
How can I just forget
that you are a liar too
and that you are both in the oddest of ways?
I want to lock it out,
see a man in you,
forget about your lies,
but I can't,
not when I see everything in you
all at once
from your long hair that practically buries me in it
to your softer features
to how pleasantly tall you are
I take it all in,
and I hate it,
I hate feeling this way,
feeling like I'll be both your husband
and your wife
even though I know that I'm just a girl
and will eventually be a woman,
I'm not like you
in that way,
and yet I love how lost in it
I am
and hate the way you pull me in,
make me feel loved
and confused,
dazed
and lost in you
I hate it
yet I lean into the slightest of pressure on my hips
as my mind
tries to figure out if you learned this as Nadeshiko
or as Nagihiko
as you hold me close
if I feel this for you
for longer than a few stolen moments
as we grow up together
then we must have a daughter
to avoid the confusion of what this does to me
to someone else,
I hope that you understand
as my eyes flicker down to your lips
that I'm not here
just for a kiss,
I'm here,
because of what you do to me,
what you force out of me
without trying to
I hate that I'm falling in love
with both sides of you,
the one that is a woman
and her best friend
and the one that is a man
that understands deeper
than a man should
of what races beneath the surface
May be you'll choose one
or the other
though I know that you won't
as I lean into the kiss
and hope that I don't lose myself in this
the way that I lost myself to my parents
and that attempted kidnapping.